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I know the fandom mostly agrees that Jason is that one always unemployed sibling in the family, but let me offer you a slightly enhanced concept - unemployed sibling Jason, who is the busiest sibling in the family.

No one can get hold of him. Like, ever. And it is not like he is lying, he is genuinely always has something else to do! Something random and unexpected, and, honestly, all his family can think is: what the hell?

Bruce, frowning: Remind me again, why the dinner in the circle of the family today doesn't suit your... schedule?

Jason, shrugging: I have a book club evening in the nursing home. We are discussing Margaret Atwood's Penelopiad tonight. Can't miss it. Also, Jennet-

Alfred, confused: Who is Jennet?

Jason: One of the old ladies in the nursing home, duh... Anyway, yeah, Jennet is having a birthday. She would be hella mad if her favourite grandson missed it, you know?

Bruce: ...Jason, you are not her-

Jason: (leaves)

Dick: Hey, wanna join me for tomorrow morning's training?

Jason, sighs: Sounds nice, but I have classes tomorrow.

Dick, confused: Classes? Since when you are enrolled in college?

Jason: Oh, no. I am a substitute teacher in one of the school's around.

Dick: WHAT-

Damian, calling Jason in the middle of the day: Can you pick me up from school? Others are busy, there is an emergency in the town.

Jason: Damn, sorry, kid, but I am not in the country right now. By the way, do you want to talk with your mother?

Damian: ...What that supposed to mean? Where are you?

Jason: I was planning to visit All-Caste, but first decided to meet up with Talia. I am kinda in Egypt right now, anyway.

Damian: ...

Tim, already used to Jason's constant busy status, sighing: I bet you won't agree if I call you on the lunch tomorrow?

Jason: Uh, no. I have plans. But if you tag along with me, we can get lunch together later.

Tim, surprised: ...Okay. What do you have tomorrow? Knitting club? A shift in library?

Jason: Nah, graduation ceremony.

Tim: Right, you are a substitute teacher.

Jason: No, no. My graduation ceremony. I am getting my PHD in literature.

Tim: SINCE FUCKING WHEN-

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Jason refusing to admit that Bruce and him are alike, while Bruce being oblivious to their raging similarity is the funniest case scenario ever.

Tim, waking up after a nap, and seeing a familiar big figure standing with his back to him: Hey, Jason.

Bruce, turning around, confused: Jason left an hour ago.

Tim: ...Sorry, you look like twins

Bruce, sighing: I wish. But we are not, really.

Tim: ??????

Some goon, shivering from fear: B-Batman, please, spare me!

Red Hood, leaving the shadow, even madder than before: Do I look like fucking Batman to you, man?

Goon: I-I mean, when you are standing in the darkness with your arms on your chest, and say "Now, talk"—

Red Hood, irritated: One word, and I am putting a bullet in your empty head.

Goon: Yesss, sir.

Damian, staring as everyone in the house first put cereal in the bowl, and then add milk, while Jason and Bruce demonstratively (and obliviously) do it in the opposite order in the perfect synchronisation: Why do they—

Alfred, shaking his head: Please, don't point it out, Master Damian. Either way, they will start arguing, and Master Jason will instantly teach himself to do it in the opposite way.

Damian, rolling his eyes: Whatever.

Dick: So, do you all know that Bruce and Jason refuse to admit that they are alike?

Everyone: (nod)

Dick, smirking: I fucked up Bruce's files and Jason's guns in the span of a minute...

Everyone: Why would you do that—

Bruce and Jason, from the opposite sides of manor, in the same furious voice: RICHARD JOHN GRAYSON

Dick: ...Just to demonstrate to you THIS. Now, if you don't mind, I'll go get back to Blüdhaven.

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"To Protect You" ("Shouldn't You Be at a Hospital?")

https://archiveofourown.org/works/62529991 by Polska_1999 At Midtown High, lockdown and shelter-in-place procedures went into effect. When news of an incoming nuclear attack broke, everyone futilely hid beneath their desks like they were taught during earthquake drills. When they weren't vaporized, Mr Harrison broke lockdown procedures to turn on a TV. Peter is not surprised to find there's no one there to pick him up after school that day. Except, someone is there. Words: 1193, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Iron Man (Movies) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: Gen Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Ned Leeds, Aunt May Parker (Marvel) (mentioned) Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark Additional Tags: Tony Stark Has a Heart, Tony Stark Has PTSD, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Protective Tony Stark, Battle of New York (Marvel), Tony Stark Needs a Hug read it on AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/62529991

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Give me Bruce and Jason, who are not on the war path anymore, but they are still awkward and absolutely clueless on how to make things up, so they pretend that they need something from each other in order to spend some time together. Even if these things are absolutely simple, and both of them could handle it themselves, if they wanted to.

Bruce, calling Jason in the random Friday night: So, Alfred left for a week. And I promised kids to do a homemade cake for them. And you know how useless I am in the kitchen. So.

Jason, who knows that Bruce is, in fact, not useless in the kitchen, but low-key misses cooking with him, because the last time they did it, it was Alfred's birthday before his death, and they did the cake together: Theoretically, I agree.

Bruce, sighing in relief: Theoretically, I will need you in Manor tomorrow in the morning. And I theoretically will pay for that.

Jason: Theoretically, see you tomorrow.

Bruce: Theoretically, thank you.

Jason, dealing Bruce in the middle of the night: Old man. Bail me out of the prison. I am in CGDP's building.

Bruce, knowing well that Jason wouldn't be caught in the first place, if he didn't want all of this to happen, and even if he did, he would easily escape without him, getting involved, but also knowing that today is anniversary of the day Bruce adopted Jason, and it is his way to spend time together: ...Okay. May I ask what did you do?

Jason: ...Stole Gordon's tires.

Bruce, stifling his laughter: I see. I will be here in a few minutes.

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Jason: You little son of a bitch!

Damian: What'd you say about my mother?

Jason: No no, I meant Bruce.

Damian: Okay, proceed.

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Crack au about Jason being back from the dead + Tim being adopted before

Jason, back from the dead: don’t be alarmed I am not a ghost

Tim, on an hour of sleep: that is exactly what a ghost would say

Jason, raising on eye brow: okay fair but would a ghost do this *punches Tim in the shoulder hard*

Tim, holding his shoulder, in anger: YOURS WOULD!

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to reintroduce Jason to the world Bruce decides to just mysteriously announce that he’s adopted a new son and will introduce him at the next Wayne gala. all of Gotham is buzzing about the new child Bruce is gonna appear with. Jason cries from laughing.

Gothamite: what the. what

Bruce, grinning ear to ear, hand on Jason’s shoulder: this is my new son!

Gothamite: he’s not new.

Dick: well, repurposed.

Bruce: i don’t know what you’re all talking about! son, introduce yourself!

Gothamite: he’s not- you already- i thought this one was dead?!?

Jason, completely straight faced: hello, my name is Todd, Todd Jason.

Gothamite:

Tim, tiredly to Damian: and this is why we don’t let B and Jay make important decisions after they’ve shared 3 bottles of wine.

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Kon: Fuck the cops.

Wally: Done.

Kon: What.

Wally: What.

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Jason as a theatre kid means so much to me, so I am here to share a slightly related concept with you - Jason, who helps a small theatre group in local Crime Alley school.

It is obviously nothing grand. The school itself is quite poor, barely functionating, but it is here somehow nowadays, and a small group of five kids are so enthusiastic about the whole thing! They don't have anything else, though, so when Jason notices them, he decides... to help them out. He is great with sewing and stuff, so at first, he starts helping them with making costumes. Then, slowly, he helps them more with others things - scripts of their staging, lighting, decorating. He suggests different plays, reads it with them to see, who is interested. And soon other kids start to get interested, too! Even the ones that skipped the school, deciding to give up on a very poor education system there. Jason inspires them.

(And Red Hood starts sponsoring a school; some of his goons turn out to have a very old teaching licence that they give up, because being an honest man with a work wasn't much of a choice, but that's beside the point.)

And that's how Alley of Crime gets their own theatre with a bunch of talented kids.

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this was funnier in my head but whatever:

A bat family member accidentally calls Tim “Red Robin” (or a recognizable variation) in a semi public area which somehow then gets leaked to the internet and media (Babs was at a wedding or smth) Rumors of THE Timothy Drake-Wayne being Red Robin?! Does that mean his whole family are vigilantaties or just him?

Anyways Tim has to make a public announcement that he was, once in the past, in fact Red Robin, BUT he means the Red Robin restaurant Mascot and then shared pictures of him in the Mascot suit (which Jason stole for him) he has never wanted to die faster or to be disowned quicker. (Bruce and Damian are miffed about the code name slip up but Dick, Jason, Stephanie, Duke, Barbra, Harper, Kon, Cassie, Bart, and Cass are having the time of their lives.)

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The batkids but they take advantage of the fact that they all look pretty similar and fuck with people at parties and galas.

Some snobby rich person: So Tim, I hear that you've taken over a large portion of WE

Tim, grinning internally: Im not Tim, I'm Damian. Tim is the tall one over there *points at dick*

Rich snob: o-oh.. my mistake

Gossiping older woman: Dick, I heard that you're working in Bludhaven now. Do you have a special someone over there?

Dick: I'm not Dick I'm Tim. I'm working on overseeing WE at the moment.

Older woman: *squints suspiciously*

Some trophy wife: Aww, little Damian, how's your schooling going? Are you keeping your grades up?

Damian, with a shit eating grin: I'm not Damian. I'm the ghost of Jason todd.

Trophy wife: *looks somewhere between horrified and disbelieving*

Jason, who's been listening to this over comms that he'd hacked: lmao now tell her that she needs to wake up

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X | instagram

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Every member of the batfamily owns a shitty old Nokia phone.

They all dropped their much more expensive modern-day phones from a few stories up mid Vigilante-ing at least once and now they're no longer allowed to have their Good Phones on their person during crime fighting.

At least one thug has been domed in the back of the head by a Nokia lol

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i am begging some of y’all to learn the difference between someone being critical of a state’s government/corporations and being phobic towards that state’s people

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not aromantic but I believe in their beliefs.

"there's no platonic explanation for this" try harder bucko

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family game night🎲

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Jay and Roy have been together for a while, and it becomes clear that they're in it for the long run. Lian realises since Jason is her other dad now that means Uncle Dick is now her uncle twice over. She makes the mistake of bringing this up at a family event.

Everyone immediately starts calling him Double Uncle Dick (DUD for short). Eventually it devolves into a myriad of terrible nicknames. Duncle Dick, Double Dick, Double D, Dick Dick... it goes on and on.