AroAce| FTM Trans | Tired | He/Him pfp: cinna_exists on Instagram
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"fuck it we ball" is for stress about the future "it is what it is" is for stress about the past and "this too shall pass" is for stress about the present thank you for coming to my TED talk
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Broke: The batfam separates Tim and Damian to stop them from fighting each other.
Woke: The batfam separates Tim and Damian because they both encourage the others' absurd logic to justify feral behavior.
...
Tim: "See when I can focus directly on a case with no interruptions, my success rate goes up exponentially." (Hasn't slept in 56 hrs.)
Damian: "Statistics don't lie"
Tim: "Statistics don't lie"
...
Damian: "When I adopt more animals, it makes me happy, and if I'm happy, I work better with a team."
Tim: "And you help an animal that needs a home."
Damian: "EXACTLY!"
Tim: "If anything, its irresponsible to let them roam the streets as strays."
Damian: "That's what I said!"
...
Tim: "So one of the executives of this firm has been stealing some stuff, but unfortunately, he also has the resources and status to get him off the hook with a light sentence. Which sucks."
Damian: "What if you add a more serious crime to up the charges?"
Tim: "...That is GENIUS! I have dozens of cold cases that I've solved, but the culprits have already died! Im sure one of them could easily pass as him! "
Damian: "I can help if you need any evidence planted."
Tim: "Sure thing! I'll let you know when i find the right felony to give him!"
...
Dick: "At least they're having fun and getting along?"
Bruce: "This is not better. Stop trying to pretend this is better."
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People from other cities: How can Batman keep training these child soldiers for his crusade? It's child cruelty and he should be investigated!
Gothamites: The children yearn to fight crime. At least the birds have adult supervision, cause I sure as hell didn't.
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Dick: How many times do I have to tell you guys this, pick up any trash you find and don't leave it lying on the ground, it's not that hard.
Damian: There is no need to speak of Todd in such a way. He is right here.
Jason:
Dick: Damian no-
Tim: Geez, Dick, you could've just asked me to leave and I would've
Dick: TIM NO-
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Tim Drake has a hatred for Sherlock Holmes, has he ever read the books? No but his dad used to insultingly call him Sherlock as a kid when he was being too nosy or curious and now even when people say it as a compliment it just irks him
Jason being the resident classic literature nerd is dead set on at least having Tim read the books so he can either A. Actually like the books and accept that Sherlock is actually a pretty cool guy to be compared too, or B. Give actual tasteful criticism and insults based on the contents of the book
Jason could care less which happens he’s just tired of Tim ranting about his hatred for Sherlock despite not knowing a thing about Sherlock
——
Tim: Sherlock this, Sherlock that, I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing that stupid hat
Jason: The hat really isn’t even mentioned in the books, You’d know if you read them
Tim: I’m not reading them, they really can’t be that good in fact Sherlock was so bad even his literal creator wanted nothing to do with him
Jason: Your dad wanted nothing to do with you and you’re still a pretty good detective
*Cue Dick yelling at Jason cause “that wasn’t nice”
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“Average household has 2.3 children” factoid actually just statistical error. Robins Georg, who lives in cave and adopts over 10,000 each day, is an outlier and should not have been counted
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Banger ass shot
Edit: ok I just realized the 'ass' in banger ass shot could refer to batman's booty and i just want to clarify that I DID NOT,in fact,mean his booty 😭
(In my defense I use ass sm I forgot it meant butt)
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Batman: Wayne Family Adventures - (s3) Ep. 137 - Compromise
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In every "the JL has never met the batfam" au in my brain, whether it's because the Batfam are murder-happy or pretending to be cryptids or are secretly the mob, whatever, it is always always ALWAYS funnier to have Nightwing still on the JL team. Like. Everyone feels so bad for him since he lives right next to demon town or whatever and then one day he just drops the information that they're all his baby siblings. Actually, that big scary guy? His dad. Yeah it's like a whole thing. What do you mean you're scared of Robin? He's like a baby! <- said baby almost killed Superman for sport like twenty minutes ago
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Batfamily shenanigans
Hospital wing records
Patient name: Timothy Drake
Injury: concussion
Cause of injury: was hit in the head by a heavy object (believed to be a book)
Patient name: Jason Todd
Injury: pulled muscle
Cause of injury: throwing something heavy (believed to be a book)
Patient name: Richard Grayson
Injury: None but complaints of stomach pains
Cause of injury: laughing to hard
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Wall have ears. They also love gossip and having your attention 🫶✨
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Bruce: How are we supposed to put a tracker the size of a penny on Jason without him noticing?
Dick: Hey, Jason, I bet you 5 bucks that you can't swallow this penny.
Jason: *takes and swallows tracker* Pay up, loser.
Bruce:
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So I’ve read fics where the Justice League assumes Batman and Nightwing are dating, but what about where SuperBat are a known couple and the Justice League believes Nightwing is trying to be a home-wrecker?
Picture Dick just trying to go for a hug from his father because he had a very rough day but instead people keep trying to get between him and Bruce. So he goes for the next best thing… a hug from his favourite hero Superman which also goes wrong
League members thinking Nightwing might be asking for a threesome (which already went horribly wrong the last time another JL member asked—SuperBat was furious and talked about their monogamous closed relationship) and they’re trying so hard to prevent another fight between SuperBat and the Justice League
Nightwing, Batman, and Superman have no clue what’s going on / why the JL is acting so odd
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as someone who once had a single parent who was dating i kind of imagine dick having some interactions with clark after he starts dating bruce that go something like this
bruce: so dick, as you know clark and i are dating
dick: *silent glare*
bruce: we wanted to talk to you today becaues we wanted to see if you would be okay with clark staying here sometimes *bruce & clark are sweating bullets*
dick: no.
bruce: no? *clark looks like he's going to cry*
dick: no. last time he was here he ate the stash of animal crackers i had in the cave.
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*bruce & clark coming back from a date but the batcave entrance won't open. tries to go into the manor entrance but the door is locked and the key won't work. no overrides work. alfred isn't answering. finally dick answers the phone.*
dick: what.
bruce: can you let us in chum? it's getting kind of cold out here.
dick: only if he leaves.
bruce: come on dick, it's late and clark is supposed to spend the weekend here with us.
dick: no. he's not allowed.
*clark flies them up and gets in through the window of bruce's bedroom*
dick: i told you he wasn't allowed.
*cue shrieking from bruce & clark who were not expecting dick to be sitting on the bed*
(based on an interaction i had with my dad's gf when i was like nine, i would try to lock her out of the house...)
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dick: hey, i'm home! look what i did at school tod---
*bruce & clark kissing in the kitchen, pull apart so fast clark hits his head on a cabinet*
dick: you desrved that, you're so gross and i hate you.
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