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[havcns]

#HAVCNS , a musing / personal blog plagued by jj ( 25, she/they ).

[havcns]

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[havcns]

elcdieiiisms·:

M A T E O . 

she kept her hold on him, making sure he KNEW she was there. and that he KNEW she wouldn’t be going anywhere. “i’ve got you, okay? we’re all here looking out for you. you gotta let us know when you’re going through stuff,” she spoke as he slowly pulled away. she kept one hand resting on his arm, keeping some form of contact with him. she gave his arm a soft squeeze, “hey, that’s alright. you just gotta let us know when there’s a problem, not necessarily what it is.” she paused for a moment. “no, no she’s soon though. she’s been asking about you.”

         “i will now,” he reassured her with a nod. if there was anyone he’d go to first, i’d be annie or elodie that was for sure. they both had a way of making him feel comfortable, which was something he longed for. “i’ll have to bring it up eventually i’m sure — with everything going on. it’d be hard not to,” he sighed, thankful for the hand on his shoulder. she kept him from completely breaking down. “has she been okay? she’s— she’s going to hate me for what i did. i never left her anything, elodie. just a typical goodnight before i left. i'm such an idiot."

[havcns]

bryceiism·:

mateozzy·:

“i speak for the truth. and for the trees,” bryce grins for a fleeting moment his attention is then placed back to the question at hand. mateo wasn’t really one he knew much about ( if he knew much about anything ) and in comparison, it felt quite weird not having the full story. people he knew didn’t even know where the other had gone off to. “then how come i haven’t seen you?” eyebrows furrow. it doesn’t mean to come out stern —  it reminds him of how ezra speaks to him sometimes —  and bryce adjusts the bag on his shoulder before it has the opportunity to fall to the floor. “if it wasn’t outta the ordinary, i would’ve seen you. that’s ordinary.” he doesn’t want to pry. if mateo doesn’t want him to know, then fine. but bryce doesn’t like to be lied to. he wasn’t as dumb as people thought he was. “you don’t have to tell me. just don’t lie to me.”

         his brows furrowed at his words, confusion clearly written across his features. the trees? what did the trees have to do with anything they were talking about? “d’you like trees all of a sudden?” he asked because he had to put his curiosity to rest, he was not at all picking up what the other was putting down. at the question, he remains silent. then he figure he may as well stay that way until bry was done speaking altogether, since it did all tie together. it wasn’t like he was trying to hide the truth, he just didn’t know how to talk about it — he didn’t have to courage to discuss it ( though he didn’t have much trouble sharing it with annie, that was different ). “i know — i’m sorry,” he sighed, his hands gripping the straps of his own bag and inhaling a deep breath. “just went away for a bit — sorted some things out for myself. i’m kind of freaked to see griffin if he knows,” and that was the truth. sure, bryce was also someone he knew would stand up for the people he loved — but would he react the same way griffin would, if griffin knew how torn up he made annie? “got a lot of shit from my past. that’s all that is really worth mentioning right now.”

[havcns]

Froy Gutierrez photographed by Ryan Jerome for Inlove Magazine

[havcns]

❣ , ✚ , ♫ ( hugs 4 miss annie )

FUTURE AU

❣ –A hug after being separated

HE WAS AN ART HOE CIGARETTE-SMOKIN’ INDIE GOD SAD BOY — and mateo hated absolutely everything about him. ETHAN was what she called him and the very name made his blood boil. the last time he was in NEW YORK he saw her with him at a party and he was devastated — how could she move on so fast? especially with a guy like him? just from the small exchange alone he knew the guy was bad news and he couldn’t sleep knowing that was who she was with. now he was back in NY and crashing in a cheap motel ( he was still new to the job he got back in halston and was far more focused on why he was there, rather than where he was going to stay ), not wasting much time before he reached out to her via text message. all he wanted was to see her without her boyfriend around — to silently plead to her that ethan wasn’t who she was meant to be with. THEY were meant to be together, they both knew it — that’s how it’s always been, even before starting their relationship when they were SEVENTEEN. MATEO OSBORNE & ANNABELLA WHITLOCK did not go through all the shit that they did, just to end up apart in the end. 

the place he chose to meet her had significance. when they were both students there, they often met up to study at that small, family owned cafe — every sunday morning. that was also why he ordered the drink she always used to get ahead of time — did she still go there? it felt like a whole lifetime had passed since he felt the NERVES that flooded him while he waited for her to arrive. she used to make him so nervous, then everything about her felt right — like two perfectly matched puzzle pieces. except now they were apart again and it felt like apart of him was missing, so he set out to do whatever it took to bring her back. the moment he saw her pass by the window, all the air was pulled from his lungs — she was always so beautiful. he longed to hold her again and so that’s exactly what he did the moment she stood in front of him. “it’s good to see you, annabella whitlock,” he had leaned forward and whispered those words to her, then, he pulled her into his embrace and immediately melted against her. “i’ve missed you so much.”

✚ – A hug while cuddling

she told him if he loved her he would leave her alone, and so that’s exactly what he did — for a few days. BRYCE ARCHER finally answered his text messages and offered him his couch to crash on, not without giving him all the details about why he was there of course. always so hungry for drama. there was no doubt in his mind that she requested that of him because of ETHAN — it only made sense. they spent a few days together and everything was good—no, it was more than good—everything was perfect. then one night they wandered central park together, he took her picture nearly a hundred times ( without her always knowing, of course ), they caught up, they laughed — he held onto her hand, looked into her eyes, and reminded her that he loved her. the last part was always the most important because he feared she wasn’t being told that enough. then, right before they parted, he distracted her for a few more minutes just so that they wouldn’t have to leave each other so soon. every picture that he took he showed her, and he reminded her that she was beautiful. and that was always so important because he feared that she wasn’t being told that enough. 

when she never returned his calls or answered his texts, he finally made the decision to return back to halston. a week passed before he tried reaching out again, but this time he started the text with “ is ethan there? ” and soon enough, she was answering him again. he was relieved to have some sort of connection with her again, but not being there to see her and hear her voice for himself was frustrating. the last time they texted, she invited him to a party on the approaching weekend — he never informed her that he was back home in halston. she told him to go to a party and nothing was going to keep him from attending — he hopped on the next flight and yet again, found a cheap room at a motel. the party was in someone’s apartment and he knew absolutely nobody there, but they were far too intoxicated to care that a stranger was in their home. the place was pretty packed anyway so he wasn’t bothered by it. when a good chunk of time passed and she still hadn’t arrived, he decided to step out of the room and wait in the hallway to avoid the curious stares of the others. as soon as the door closed behind him, he heard the yelling — he heard her voice. 

the names he called her sent him into a rage and if it hadn’t been for the window on the door of the stairwell, he would have burst through and went right for ethan. but she caught his gaze at the right moment and he could read it so clearly, she didn’t want him to step in. instead, the lad paced the hallway and occasionally threw his hands up to shield his ears from the words that left his mouth. how could she expect him to stay where he was when he spoke like that to her? his decision to step in was a fleeting moment because through the door came annie and she was all alone. his thumbs were brushing away the tears that fell from her eyes and he felt his own welling up, “why do you stay with him?”

within the hour he was back in his motel room, sitting on the edge of his bed with his head buried in his hands. SHE WENT BACK TO HIM. it broke his heart to hear her defend a person who could look at her and say those things, but he also knew that something was different about her after they spoke. it was why he told her exactly where he was staying and why he left his door unlocked — he begged her to come with him, maybe she just needed a bit more time to make the decision for herself. he was nearly asleep when he heard the click of his door, eyes immediately opening and knowing it was annie as soon as he saw her silhouette in the dim room. they didn’t say anything to each other — they didn’t always have to. she was in his arms in the next few seconds and he was clinging to her desperately. his hands slowly ran up and down her back, and then he slid one up to the back of her head to guide it to his shoulder — “i’ve got you, bella.”

♫ – A hug while dancing

his hands shook from the pain that shot from the tips of his fingers and up toward his elbow, a few spots on his face and ribs doing the same. most people say that you don’t remember moments of pure rage, but mateo remembered every second of it — he never regretted it for a second. he stayed close to the pair, waiting for ethan to make the first move — to give him the reason to lunge that he was looking for. it took a while, but finally fed up with mateo constantly approaching annie, he made the first shove ( to which mateo responded with a punch to the face ). they nearly went at it for a whole minute before someone decided to step in, that someone being annie of couse. she asked them to stop so he released the collar of the other male’s jacket and stepped away from him, walking to her side without another word. the message to ethan had been made as clear as day, and though he still got kicked out of the pub that night, he had annie at his side and nothing else mattered. 

he led her out into the silent street that was illuminated by several spaced out streetlamps, the snow slowly tumbling down around them and melting the moment it touched the pavement. then, with only the distant bass of the music inside the pub, he guided her in a dance — his hand was gently placed in hers while the other rested against the small of her back. there were a million things he wanted to say to her right there in that moment, but he knew that he didn’t have to just yet — he’d spend the rest of his life doing it. he spun her around one time before leading her into his embrace again, a very light and joyous laugh eliciting from the lad, but it simply ended in a smile when they were wrapped up in each other. her arms around his middle tightly and her face buried against his shoulder, and like he’d done many times before, he cradled her while he swayed to their own nonexistent music. “i love you, annabella whitlock.”

[havcns]

✂, ✤, ♥ for miss bella

 ✂ - for my muse to rescue yours from danger

“ANNIE!” came his shout from his spot not far from where she stood, his heart stopping when he saw her slip. they had been up there because he wanted to capture a few pictures of the sunset — typical. it was a stupid idea with the rain that fell for a majority of the day, only clearing up once the sun began to settle. he hated when she walked along the ledge, but she told him she was always careful — and until that moment she always was. if it hadn’t been for the rain — god, he swore he’d never take pictures again after this ( not literally but it sure did feel that way ). he never moved that fast in his entire life, crossing the distance and gripping her arm with both of his hands. he yanked her up without another second passing and immediately pulled her into his arms, cradling her close while he knelt to the ground — his breaths heavy and rapid at the fear and adrenaline that coursed through him. “annie — jesus —" he croaked, his head leaning against hers, “—you scared the hell outta me,” he peppered her face with kisses, his arms clinging to her at this point, “leave the ledge walking to batman.”

✤ - for my muse to wake yours from a nightmare

at some point during the night they left each other’s embrace, only their arms meeting in the middle. the first time he heard her and felt the arm move against his wasn’t processed, nor was the second. the third time though, his eyes opened immediately and he sat up to face where she lay. he knew it wasn’t smart to reach out and hold her, so instead he scooted toward her and very lightly traced his fingers along her arm. “annie,” he whispered, sliding a little bit closer. “annie,” he echoed again, lifting his hand to trace the length of her brow and then down her cheek, and along her jaw. his eyes followed a tear that rolled down her cheek and he delicately brushed it away, “i’m right here annabella.” then within a few seconds she jolted awake and he didn’t waste another one in pulling her close, his hands rubbing her back to try to calm her down, “you’re okay, bella.”

♥ - for my muse to express physical affection to yours

he lay with a book on her bed with the pillows propped up behind him. an arm curved behind his head and his legs crossed at the ankles, just about ready to fall asleep by how peaceful the air in the room was. he lowered the book to look to annie, sat on her floor and her arm moving with the fluid stroke of her paintbrush. he could spend hours watching her paint, that was something he came to realize pretty early on. the boy set his book aside and climbed off the bed, silently moving over to where she was — pausing once again to observe her. then, with a smile, he lowered himself to the spot behind her and scooted in close, his arms wrapping her middle and his chin resting on her shoulder. he didn’t say anything because they didn’t always have to — besides, all he wanted to do was watch her. it was only when she paused to dip the brush into more paint that he would lean forward to kiss her — temple, cheek, jaw, neck, shoulder — they were each delicate but all done out of admiration.

[havcns]

shabernathy·:

lily-memes·:

send one for my muse's reaction!

♥ – A romantic hug ☺ – A friendly hug ♫ – A hug while dancing ✉ – A hug goodbye ღ – A hug in greeting ❣ –A hug after being separated ✪ –A sleepy hug ✢ – An awkward hug ♢ – A familial hug ⊗ – A quick hug ☄ – A long hug ✾ – A passionate hug ☀ – A hug from behind ▲ – A surprise hug ☑ – A polite hug ✸ – A bear hug ✚ – A hug while cuddling ‽ – A hug around the waist ♠ – A squeezing hug ❋ – A silent hug ♣ – A spinning hug

ares | ella claire | phoenix | grayson

⨳ — TYPES OF HUGS;

[havcns]

✦ for annie gorl

the sound of his name carrying from the soft voice behind him pulls his attention from his camera, his heel slowly guiding his entire body toward her. there wasn’t a moment where he was looking at her and wasn’t completely captivated — but there were moments, like this one here, where he was left completely speechless. his lips parted slightly as his eyes took her in, in awe of the dress she wore ( it just wasn’t something she was often wearing, unless the situation called for it — like it did now ). it wasn't over the top, nor was it entirely casual, it simply suited her. the moments that were real — moments like this, easily had him falling just a little bit more in love wither her. it was only when his eyes met hers that he realized he had forgotten to breathe, and he inhaled a deep breath before releasing a light chuckle, “annabella whitlock, you are breathtaking — literally.”

[havcns]

Send a symbol for the following:

™ - for my muse to become jealous of the attention your muse is giving someone else ✔ - for my muse to respond to praise from yours ✗ - for my muse to respond to being scolded or punished by yours ♠ - for my muse to forcibly restrain yours ♢ - for my muse to introduce yours to a family member ♖ - for my muse to submit to or obey your muse’s orders Ұ - for my muse to comfort yours after witnessing an emotional meltdown ✺ - for my muse to help yours get through a frightening situation ✤ - for my muse to wake yours from a nightmare ✞ - for my muse to talk about somebody’s death ✉ - for my muse to write a letter/send an email to yours ✂ - for my muse to rescue yours from danger ¿ - for my muse to ask yours a personal or uncomfortable question ♥ - for my muse to express physical affection to yours ღ - for my muse to express verbal affection for yours ♬ - for my muse to hum or sing to calm yours down

Add ‘reverse’ to switch our muses’ positions. e.g. send ‘✤ reverse’ for your muse to wake mine from a nightmare, or ‘¿ reverse’ plus a question to ask it of my muse.

[havcns]

cell phone headcanons

send me “#” for cell phone headcanons about our muses including:                              - what your muse’s name is in mine’s phone                              - what your muse’s picture is in mine’s phone                              - what your muse’s ringtone is in mine’s phone                              - my muse’s last text to your muse

[havcns]

what is your favorite candy?

“i hate candy, it’s horrible for you. i will eat dark chocolate though.”

[havcns]

what's the biggest lesson you've learned in the past year

“just about everything to do with TRUST.”

[havcns]

where do you see yourself five years from now?

“maybe still in school? annie and i have also talked about traveling a lot...”

[havcns]

Who are you most comfortable around?

“PENELOPE, for obvious reasons. ANNIE, for obvious reasons. TEDDY, for obvious reasons. and i’ve been beginning to warm up to AJ.”

[havcns]

anniewhitlock·:

MATEO.

– THE HAND on the back of her head, cradling her in a way, did more to calm her ragged breathing than hours of consolation could – purely because it was mateo. if anyone else ( except maybe griffin ) attempted to hold her when she was such a wreck, she’d push them away, maybe even threaten them not to touch her – but this was so, so different, and her hands moved from rested against the sides of his neck to curl around it tightly, small fingers curling to clutch at the fabric of his shirt. she was prepared to stand there for as long as she possibly could, afraid, for a moment, that’d he’d slip away again – and when he did ( simply to take off his coat, unbeknownst to her ), a whole new wave of anxiety rushed through her. “no, no, please —–” the words came out rushed and broken, eyes flickering over his face frantically, ready to plead, to beg him to stay. her face immediately flushed bright red when he simply set his coat over the back of her desk chair, sniffling pathetically as she shuffled closer to him again and curled her arms around his middle, unable to muster the energy even to be ashamed about the misunderstanding. she followed him wordlessly as he moved, settling against him where he sat down – she stayed standing, her knees resting against the edge of her bed as she brought her hands up to cradle the sides of his face. “tell me what happened,” her voice was just barely a whisper, nimble fingers combing through disheveled, brown hair in an attempt to comfort him. “——from the beginning. —– please.”

         his eyes fluttered shut while he focused on the fingers in his hair, seemingly relaxing the boy from what he was about to tell her. “my parents got tired of being parents —” he whispered after a moment, opening his eyes to meet her gaze and then he inhaled a slow breath. the fear no longer existed when his attention was completely on her, everything would’ve been much easier had he just allowed himself to see it sooner. “penelope doesn’t know them— or, remember them i mean — like i do. they just were the type of people who should never have had any kids. all they ever wanted to do was party ... and they did a lot,” he shook his head slowly, tipping it forward to rest against her. “my dad was—is vile. expected everything to be done for him — meals, chores, shopping — if it wasn’t he got so angry and — jesus— i was only a kid,” he held onto her a little bit tighter and despite what he was feeling, he refused to cry. “everything went to shit, more so than it already was, when they left us for a couple of days. i was thirteen, penelope was eight. they came back either high or drunk — and i lost it on them, begged them to see us for once. he didn’t like that so—” he sighed, leaning his head back so that he could look at her again, “he beat me up, annie. didn’t stop until some time after i blacked out. how does someone do that to a kid?” mateo removed his hands from around her to run them over his face, taking a few seconds to collect himself. “i woke up in the hospital a few days later. mom and dad were both arrested — penelope was in a foster home already,” then he looked back up to her and found comfort in studying the features of her face. “i’ve never been so scared of anything in my entire life. now he’s going to be free and — what if he comes for me? i’m not eighteen yet, i can’t protect myself from him.”

[havcns]

elcdieiiisms·:

M A T E O .

elodie kept her gaze focused on him. she gave him a quick glance up and down and if she was being honest, he didn’t look good. his clothes definitely hadn’t been washed. she couldn’t begin to imagine what had happened to him over the past week. “of course we’d notice ‘teo, you’re like FAMILY,” elodie let out a soft laugh and shook her head. her arms wrapped back around him tightly once he leaned back into her. her eyes blinked furiously, trying to hold back the tears beginning to form. “hey, hey –– it’s OKAY,” elodie’s voice cracked as she spoke. “you’re back and you’re safe now. and that’s all that matters.”

         LIKE FAMILY. that stuck in his mind and, truth be told, almost spilled his tears right there. it was becoming increasingly more believable the more he heard someone refer to him as such. it almost became easier for him to believe and feel it too. “okay—” was all he could muster up, taking a second longer to relax in her embrace before he slowly drew himself from her grasp. “maybe i can explain everything another time. just — not ready to talk about it just yet... i don’t think,” his eyes move to the floor then shift to her, the toward the stage. “has penelope danced yet? i didn’t miss it did i?”