hauntedmoon519

[hauntedmoon519]

ghost stories.

as a child i was told to hold my breath near and passing cemetaries mausoleums the dead are haunted they will curse you and yet when i didnt and looked for them they looked back with eyes eyes like mine i ignored them and pretended to be alive taking on what they left behind and having them cling and drag and weigh me down did you know did you know that when lone spirits follow and pass through your body it leaves you racked with chills so no wonder i am always cold i find myself walking amidst graves often voices crying calling for someone to carry them through with warmth and care i would hope deaths embrace is gentle but i have no time to die no time to be afraid fore death is a game and i am throwing the dice this time give me your snakes eyes so i can stare through them and walk freely

[hauntedmoon519]

kare kare

i have this longing

in my tummy

it is warm and burbles

it means that i wish

you were with me

so i could be in your

embrace

on this event only

my people celebrate

we both know i

hate the holidays but

i think id prefer them

if

i was with you

you would be able to

have some of my

cooking

and then we could curl together

on a couch

a cat and a bunny

wed retire upstairs and wear

matching hello kitty pyjamas

and sleep together waiting

for santa to take

the cookies we(i) made

and wake up

happy and safe and comfortable and warm

together

[hauntedmoon519]

pearled black dress

i find if fascinatingly

wonderful to

match with you my

other half to

feel whole

oh my god i am

melting into

you

youre the most beautiful

person thing my love that

ive ever seen

how unfortunate is it

that we could not

slow dance

my room is all we need

some music and mood

lighting

ill slow dance with you

up and through into

memories

to stay

thin tipped sharpie

even though the ink will

fade i think that

ill remember each mark and

line like faded amber smoke

ill ask you to be my

temporary tattoo artist

very nicely please

and thank you

you're going to crush it

and i know that

so ill be

your opener so that

your memories taste sweeter

[hauntedmoon519]

you can put

the blame on me

i wear all white so

it stains easier with

your faults

my teeth are soaked

through red

and i smile

it is not your fault

i scrape the bleach off of

my hands and swallow

dry acid into the

coagulated spray paint

i can take it i

can take

it i can

take it i can

take it i can take

it

when spotted over

with your smudged anger

it isn't for me and

i will still take it

to become colourful

and fascinating

only for a few moments

[hauntedmoon519]

i will die with the dying

how does it feel to reach out

and find something completely

alien

reach back?

to become strong is to tear and

heal and then to tear and

heal once over more and

again

so

if i continue to tear the paper to shreds

it does not come back

i cry red

i watch now from off the stage

and witness

there is no grace in my movements

there is a grave that i have dug

my garments become a shroud

i have always worn one

so those around me carry suits and

cry over losses while

i have been born with the dead

[hauntedmoon519]

reflecting pools

you stare into them

so often

and i look away

i wonder what it is that

you see

i stare into your eyes

and i see a deep well of

love and care

of more than you can

say but i

see it and know it i

feel it

in my bones my chest

when our eyes meet it creates

reflections of depth of

the others love

[hauntedmoon519]

i find myself at the well of the roots praying for water to help quench my parched throat i am forever in the desert crying out for rain that shall never come to pass i cannot believe you have borne witness to my decay the well at the roots i have been in search of it and i must search longer to open the doors

[hauntedmoon519]

im writing a song for you. a ballad a serenade im not sure what to title it. its been in the works for a while now. it goes eminor 7 into a barred a chord into a d major 7 and then a b minor 7. i got inspiration from gospel music for the chords but put a luna spin on it. i want to make you something unique and special something that conveys how i feel. its in the works. now that i have the eclipse itll soon be on its way but i cannot find lyrics or words for you as i find you indescribable in the best possible way. perhaps that should be the title of the song. indescribable?

[hauntedmoon519]

collar(bones) i adjust how it sits on my spindly frame i am morphous i pull them higher and higher to hide my face it splits the stitches and i fall out over everywhere i stumble blindly in the light to find an eye not stolen not take by the crows lick lips and taste blood i clean up and sharpen my teeth how ironic is it that i am hated for the things that make me stick out as the bones stick out and the teeth protrude perturbed protusions

[hauntedmoon519]

there is something that scares me about having things. not physical things but; having space. having someone make space for you. things like having a specific side of the bed or a favourite piece of something that you know youll get. theres something that deeply scares me about this because it means i will have to be found and known. i thrive on secrecy i thrive on remaining a mystery because it means i can keep my chest shut and locked it means i can hide in my layers upon layers and wear masque after masque after masque. i like to play passive because of this. im scared to be heard. because to be heard is to be acknowledged and to be acknowledged scares me. every time i stick out it hurts but i want to stick out in a good way even if its selfish. i cant though. maybe i will just keep wandering. theres something scary about having a space too. having this place where you are always acknowledged and safe and comfortable is it possible to have multiple? are places fluid? i am fluid. im scared so very scared. i am scared. im scared of being given a space to exist. im scared.

[hauntedmoon519]

for i was no more than

a young maiden

suckling upon the wildflowers and

mulberry leaves at no more than a

babe

i do not belong here

and know now i have grown

my pleated skirts carress the long

grasses of the wilds and

i drink of the ironed river

and feast upon blood borne of the empty

my feet move freely in the dirt

i do not belong here

soft loam and

pebbles the size of young acorns

fore why does an animal need no shoes

i am of the south and now

breathe in the cold air in the

north i walk towards the

east in reverse to the sun

as the moon parallels the

sun

you do not belong here

i do not

i am no ones son

you will find me at sundown

slow dancing with the wind whipping wildly like

water

i am the water and

as i sit by the fire i stare

because i am fire too

the earth binds my body but

i wear the names and scars they give me

as armour fore

the monster of the moons blessing has a

much tastier ring than

young maiden by the hunters

i do not belong here

amidst the high trees and

mountain cliffs i

do nothing more than

fly

alone again alone again

no one gets left behind

no one but

me.

[hauntedmoon519]

watercolours. i like to paint. thats news i think. i like mixing and shading hombres with watercolours. i like to watch the shades drip and bleed into each other. theres something about diverse colours that sticks out to me. add in multi tiered lighting that changes you can make anything and everything look different while still being the same thing. i like to paint. i paint to music and i paint to my feelings and then i burn the paintings. its weirdly satisfying because only i remember what they look like. the broad strokes on the rough canvas that tickled my hands. the way i would wipe my hand over every one to smudge aspects of it because thats the raw instinct part that it needs. it doesnt need to be a system nothing does. painting makes me think about existence. and it makes me think about how i fit into the places around me. what ive done, what i am. im not sure. if i meet death i know deaths grip is gentle. there is no need to be scared into diving into the water. because the water hears and understands. i practice many religions. i believe in yoruban reincarnation i think of asatro's water, i think of wicca's coven as how we forge bonds; mother maiden and crone dictate where we go. we are water that moves no we are blood that pulses in plasma moving and shifting crackling like lightning off of one another so that everything continually pushes forward. water. water hearing and understanding is a part of funeral rights. the norse were fearful of ice and scared of it, as ice meant winter, long winters and ragnarok was after the fimbul. to be frozen is to go to hel to pass on. you want water, ices warmer more fluid and flexible form. i am water i think. so thats why i paint in watercolours. fluidity and rigidness meet while still being separate, colours stick and blend but you can still find each colour. everything affects everything while still being something. and yet i still cannot bring myself to believe myself as something, someone. i am water. i hear and understand but most of all i forgive. watercolours.

[hauntedmoon519]

wayward

can we be lost together?

i am lost

the woods call us and

the tides crash behind them

bring your saxophone

and ill bring my bass

we can drop an album

(just kidding maybe)

the birds will chirp and

ill point out the crows my

crows

the strings will croon in

sync with your notes

tones alighting and

shifting like

the waves of where we

sit and wait watching the

pink sunset

let's build our house here

in a safe warm beach with

forests and mountains

with our big rabbit and

oblong cat

i promise i promise

i will hold you in

the dark

even if you cannot see me fore

i am a fantôme

you will feel my embrace

let's go and be

lost souls together

you are found

you keep being found

its a nice dream

it's only a dream

[hauntedmoon519]

your music tastes

like an icy hot injection

it feels like

white hot fire and

blazing ice

lightning is running through

my blood

does the music you

write for me

sound like this?

do you think if me

when you play?

that's selfish to ask

so maybe dont answer it

i can tell what

you sound like

no

matter where i

sit

if only if only

i am a quiet storm

your solos make me

weak in the knees

this stanza exists

to have the cadence of

a merengue

the last song i would have liked

to

merengue with you to

[hauntedmoon519]

mary had a little panic attack again!

i have backstage blues the doors are locked and i am trapped behind them the water is filling up and i am drowning why are you smiling?

you have found my secret i am scared to be heard and yet they wonder why i switched i switched to become quieter and more of a faded background ombre

has it ever occurred to you that crushes sounds like stitches and that if someone breaks your heart you might have to get stitches fore your heart has been crushed?

her eyes linger too long while the boy pines from the side he is nervous too quiet to say anything he clenches his fists in the sleeves and pulls his headphones up her eyes dont linger on him she has given her eyes away and he has gone deaf

holy water makes us hallucinate as the father takes what he needs what he wants but the mother provides so when push comes to shove and death arrives do you drink the holy water and hallucinate your lost angels?

i am not real; you make me more a ghost, and yet how come you are real

bass it has a name now the leviathan does go hand in hand with the midnight eclipse as jormundgandr swallows the sky and ragnarök begins anew so they go together the leviathan of worlds end and the total eclipse marking it

mary mary quite contrary how does your garden grow if nurtured with the souls of the damned do the bells of the church ring for them? your marigolds are withering and you seem to be forgotten so mary mary panic and cry the little lost gardener

[hauntedmoon519]

if i pretend i am okay

everything is okay

if i pretend i am okay

everything is okay

if i pretend i am okay

everything is okay

if i pretend i am okay

everything is okay

if i pretend i am okay

everything is okay

if i pretend i am okay

everything is okay

if i pretend i am okay

everything is okay

if i pretend i am okay

everything is okay

if i pretend i am okay

everything is okay

if i pretend i am okay

everything is okay

if i pretend i am okay

everything is okay

if i pretend i am okay

everything is okay

if i pretend i am okay

everything is okay

i am not okay

i am bad

i am not good enough and

i am never enough and

i am nothing

i am unworthy unwanted

im fine im fine im fine

i am nothing

i am not worth your time

i am worth nothing

i am nothing nothing more than fucking nothing

im okay im okay im okay

[hauntedmoon519]

clumsy to lack in skill and/or physical coordination

as a terrible creature nay a monster maybe i will never meet another one of my kind as my soul is an ocean and you hesitate to dive in so sit in the sand and let the water tickle your feet i will stay obscured in the waves and storm clouds

i am forced to meet everyone else where they are at across and away come meet me where i am in the fiery eye of the storm i dare you

dizzy till im sickened to my stomach i spin and spin and spin so that i can hopefully fly fly fly away far away from here you should come with me

what will you do when you find me across from you under the lights i will never be confident again.