hauntedmoon519

[hauntedmoon519]

i am not an artiste

with an e

i drink turpentine

and drown myself in

watercolour

so to be free is to

be fulfilled and you

have forgotten that i

am empty

empty as your bottles

your voice doesnt

ripple out for me

i am unfit

shotgun shell shots

let's dance in hell

in a dark twisted ribcage

where i will be

tango spun off of a cliff and a

knife pushed through my heart

oh to be someones inspiration

oh to be

something anything

i

am unfit

and consign myself to

being your shadow

[hauntedmoon519]

oh to have the

ennui and angst of

a musical main character

my head is not shaped like a rutabaga

what if i wrote musettas waltz

and played it over and over again

to the tune of the definition of

insanity

it has peaked at over 200 to

a sense of raw mediocrity

it tastes of sulphur and cocoa powder

e minor 7

sound drowns in tomato soup

soup so warm and filling it

could make one feel confident

and yet there is only

burst vessels from my nose

into onto

cracked string gauges

spools of notes spill out of

my mouth like drool and i

am comatose in voice

wilted garden articulations

[hauntedmoon519]

hiccups sling outside away from chests and graham cracker coughs bleed so when you trip and fall and i help you up will i get a little reward or instead will i be left alone hiccuping i threw up what i lost and then gave up realizing that i was giving far more than what i was getting i am weightless hiccups deserve nothing

[hauntedmoon519]

[hauntedmoon519]

i probably taste

like dead people and ashes

they fall like snow

accursed snow smoked and

burnt into submission

i have beaten myself

into a bloody

submission

can this stay

a thing?

i perch on top

of the highest point

so high i cannot come down

without

falling

there are X's over their faces

and in their eyes i am a goner

i will stay nervous and

scared so

i will become

a kitty in

a box

waiting to not be

scared anymore

so they will find my tongue

buried deep outside hidden

in the bottom of a bottle

[hauntedmoon519]

being with you is like fireworks

there's this burst in my

chest

and i am filled up

with happiness

would you believe how

silly and goofy and happy

i am and

there are fireworks in my

brain and my heart

and i am grinning

as i write this

thinking about my

other half and you make me

feel

fireworks

[hauntedmoon519]

sneak peek of the serenade

can we make a

lunar eclipse

revolving around

the stars

im not sure where

im going without you

so hold my hand

in outer space

until the skies are split

[hauntedmoon519]

you know all the spaces

of my heart

i seem to have tripped

and stumbled my way into

falling more and more in love

with you

there is something inside

that hurts

when i am unable to see you

and i cannot find its name

you know my name

you know it quite well

and yet there is still more

to unpeel i think

i wish that i was as

fascinating as those songs

that stick in your brain and

make you wonder and think and

stare

is it bad of me to want to be stared at?

i hope my love tastes like

your favourite things

vanilla rooibos chai and

red velvet cake

i hope my love finds its way

to you

[hauntedmoon519]

i buried a crow in the backyard

will you let me hide in your

chest nestled within

your gnarled ribs as i

slumber deeply?

the beast is imperfect my creation

how flawed

i suck down more ashen fire and

pray for a storm

under the moonlight i shapeshift

away from the plates and chains

vulnerable as the heel

what do you call it when

you raise your shield and

want to be with and yet

you see them away and with so

you purposefully step aside

because being nice to me is

a hard thing to do for me

if i was greater than

everyone you said i was

which i cannot be

id have to recognize that

i am not better than a god

because i walk alongside

the behemoths and leviathans

i molt from

an aberration into

something less to which

you scream and proclaim

that my eulogy will fall on

deaf eyes blind ears

i hung for 9 days no,

more than that with

tangled wires nylon ropes that

shake shivering at finally

killing something deserving of

a ruination

i happen to enjoy the rain.

[hauntedmoon519]

i cant sleep

i want to be comatose

but all this paranoia has got me

caught on my fuckin toes

youll never catch me horizontal

unless im doin the backstroke

drowning myself in all these cuts

thinking i aint ever gonna be more than a fake model

all ive been doing is staring at the wall

hoping waiting that

i dont fall and yet in my dreams they break

my neck

the same way you bounce a check

off a high credit pay so

i should ask for a raise fuck the

man and all he say

i cant sleep so i be up at

night looking for words to throw

with cadence rhythm and flow

[hauntedmoon519]

i am out of

my league

this bus doesnt have enough seats so i will

stand on the side and

hide backstage

in the corner far

far away

cool as ice

and i am frozen

freezerburned into submission

by those around me fore

there is no place for

empty

the plain black reflects

how stale and brittle

i am while

engulfing those who

have been chosen with

nights edge

i avoid people

who sometimes wish to see me

as i cannot bring myself to

see them and ruin their

day

how hideous of me

i am many

things and

yet there is one permanency

next to fiery words

that some call untrue

they lie.

i am outclassed

[hauntedmoon519]

there is a storm swelling they hold my head underneath the water i am a trained liar someone who only ever shows one face out of a polymorphed monster janus holds the keys and i bring the knife closer to the throats on my face you only want me when i am good for you to fuel and feed you so be it i will just manifest more faces more personas and i will drive myself crazy and crazier because i will never find a space to be as i really truly am i am drowning in myself i am inauthentic never to be genuine and yet i am rarely so desperate to be real the storm that is approaching

[hauntedmoon519]

a spear is the first weapon a soldier learns

i slump forward a drooped tree and my hands run with sap leaves that do not fall but hang limp falling so slowly

laces up watch for the ball and crash through like a river breaking a dam a river breaking through and flooding the canyon i bounce my leg often too often i watch and wait and wait for it i wait for the ball to move the water flows

chew toys gnash and churl as spirits burn and twirl cull your mind do not fall behind do not lag nor shift and let times rift chew and chew lest you break the new built croys

let me live in your laundry room because i am used clothes worn over and over and yet replaced when i am torn if you scrape away all that i am you will find the threadbare husk to wear and yet and yet and yet i will still live in your laundry room please keep me in your laundry for it is all i have to be to be worth softener and soap

[hauntedmoon519]

one finger

one finger

away

from a further step

maybe i wish for it

and maybe i daydream of it

one finger

length

apart

no

even closer than that

while we slow danced to

bruno mars

one finger

that youve put a

ring on twice

now

one finger

to bite on

while we try our best

to become whole

with each other

(i think we are succeeding)

one finger

one pulse

one heartbeat

for you to listen and hold onto

one finger

in and

not even that

is more than you need

to let me know

i am yours

[hauntedmoon519]

(un)luck

why arent you pinning the blame

on the

black cat

no matter how far i

have run and run

when i stop they

speak to me

youve always been so fortunate

and when i catch my breath they

grab me by the neck

its hard to love reflections, isnt it?

so you love yourself more than

you will ever love me

copper and gold are

wonderful colours on you

i spilled the paint again

it was an accident i

swear please dont

hit me again

i dont think i could take

another

the likes feel good

dont they?

do i not

am broken

how splendid is it

that it all looks

gold glimmer tinted

and yet i am a chameleon

ill shift and warp and tear

myself apart for everyone

else and

when i am alone is

when it is good

not for me but

it is good

i will burn away everything

that forges my

scarred definition

to make you proud

of the monster i have

become

how lucky for you

[hauntedmoon519]

ghost stories.

as a child i was told to hold my breath near and passing cemetaries mausoleums the dead are haunted they will curse you and yet when i didnt and looked for them they looked back with eyes eyes like mine i ignored them and pretended to be alive taking on what they left behind and having them cling and drag and weigh me down did you know did you know that when lone spirits follow and pass through your body it leaves you racked with chills so no wonder i am always cold i find myself walking amidst graves often voices crying calling for someone to carry them through with warmth and care i would hope deaths embrace is gentle but i have no time to die no time to be afraid fore death is a game and i am throwing the dice this time give me your snakes eyes so i can stare through them and walk freely

[hauntedmoon519]

kare kare

i have this longing

in my tummy

it is warm and burbles

it means that i wish

you were with me

so i could be in your

embrace

on this event only

my people celebrate

we both know i

hate the holidays but

i think id prefer them

if

i was with you

you would be able to

have some of my

cooking

and then we could curl together

on a couch

a cat and a bunny

wed retire upstairs and wear

matching hello kitty pyjamas

and sleep together waiting

for santa to take

the cookies we(i) made

and wake up

happy and safe and comfortable and warm

together