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people say dolphins are smart but there not smart enough to not be Shity grey rubber tubes flappin about in the gotdamn ocean
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i talked to the butcher and he said i'm his favorite lamb he's ever slaughtered. and when i mentioned your name he didn't even remember slaughtering you
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Who is taylor swift. Has anyone heard of john carpenter's "the thing"
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Pets love to show up like Hello i am Mystery Wet :)
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"Sometimes you're doing really well, then, after three or four years, everything inexplicably crashes like a house of cards and you have to rebuild it. It's not like you get to a point where you're all right for the rest of your life."
Patti Smith
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cats would be so fucking upset if they understood they were missing out on the ability to lie verbally
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Update on my mom’s jesse pinkman obsession: she now calls breaking bad “Jesse” and will ask me “hey do you want to watch another episode of jesse and see what jesse does” i feel like he’s my fucking sibling im competing with for attention
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god can you imagine glados equipped with tiktok therapyspeak. she’d be unbearable
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