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The Entirety of Tumblr from Tumblr has been Chucked in to the ocean! You're all wet now.

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*finishes reading a full book in 3 hours* who am i

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Someone's got their hands on the Hatchet handle Swinging on the youth, it's a Hatchet scandal Careful or your kids will encounter a terrible fate We're at Hell's gate! You're better on the run from this bloody-letting Suddenly this show is real upsetting It's looking like the hatchet sun is setting on us Who can we trust? — NERDY PRUDES MUST DIE (2023)

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Hannah Foster

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tubi is one of our greatest warriors in the fight against streaming services costing a fortune for mediocre content. tubi has the most insane collection of movies you will ever encounter all for free. it has cult classics and questionable lifetime movies and movies that nobody except like three people on the planet have ever seen. tubi has movies that doesn’t exist. like if you just thought of a movie one day but never made it and no one ever made it it would somehow still exist on tubi. one day i will log onto tubitv dot com and i will see terribly inappropriate, overly complex, and strange on there. and i won’t even be surprised.

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How to Ride a Werewolf

Now remember, a lady rides sidesaddle, NOT astride. Your mother would be in hysterics at the very idea that a daughter of hers would ride a werewolf astride! Why, next you’ll be showing ankle…

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first day in the time loop i suspect nothing

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(SOUND IS CRUCIAL) this video is has murdered me dead the music the editing the way information is slowly revealed about the two of them the plot twist the breaking bad images. WILLIAM WILLIAM WILLIAM. all over minecraft parkour someone help im seizing

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This morning my child (soon to be 3) requested that I make him toast "with creamy peanut butter on the bottom and crunchy peanut butter on the top."

ME: You mean put peanut butter on both sides?

HIM: Yes.

ME, getting into "sometimes kids have to experience the natural consequences of their actions" parenting mode: Okay, I'll do it, but you know that's gonna be really messy, right?

He insisted, and then when it was, indeed, really messy, he sobbed inconsolably on the floor. I offered to make him regular toast, or a sandwich of peanut butter toast, or a triple-decker tower of toast slices, or any other iteration of peanut butter and toast, but nothing made it better. His vision had not come to fruition. He was crushed.

His dad was in a Zoom meeting upstairs—we're all home because it's a snow day—and came down to find out what terrible ill had befallen us to cause so much wailing.

"Oh," he said. "I see. You wanted non-Euclidean geometry. Hypertoast."

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my favorite part in attack of the clones is when obi-wan just fucks off to play space nancy drew on Clone Rain Planet with the alarming giraffe-necked aliens and swans in like “HELLO IT’S ME, the jedi who definitely… … was here before and probably, uh, spoke to you, and stuff” and theyre like “ah you are here for the order” and hes like “beg pardon” and theyre like “the order of millions of identical human men?” and hes like “RIGHT YES. ABSOLUTELY I AM HERE FOR THE ORDER OF MILLIONS OF IDENTICAL HUMAN MEN”

and then later when he SNEAKS INTO A CORNER TO FUCKING… facetime yoda… like “ok so we have these millions of identical human men who were apparently suspiciously ordered for us by someone???” and yodas fucking response is just “when countless sapient lemons life gives you…….. send those lemons into intergalactic battle you must”

 and obi-wan’s like “shit man you’re so right" 

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does anyone have that reddit exchange screenshot where someone is like "what colour is this mouse??" and posts a mouse who is like in some sort of purple world with confetti around it and the top comment is like "it would be easier to tell if your mouse wasn't at the club" . i keep thinking about & referencing mouse at the club and i cant find it

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Sam's stupid lil show me your hands dance lives in my brain rent free I'm ngl

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Why is it referred to as coming out of the closet? 

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the stranglehold this image has on my brain. every time someone mentions that they're going to the bathroom my reflexive response is always "go piss girl", like saying "bless you" in response to a sneeze

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i’m going to eat you RIGHT the FUCK UP.