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harpers-ramblings · 7 months ago

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𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐁𝐫𝐮𝐢𝐬𝐞 (𝐢𝐢𝐢𝐢)

𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐤!𝐖𝐒!𝐁𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐲 𝐁𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐬 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 '𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐠𝐞' 𝐭𝐨 𝐀𝐥𝐞𝐱𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐢𝐭, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐧 𝐨𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐢𝐭𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟, 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫?

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟖𝟓𝟑𝟒

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐑𝐚𝐩𝐞/𝐍𝐨𝐧-𝐂𝐨𝐧/𝐃𝐮𝐛-𝐂𝐨𝐧. 𝐃𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫. 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡. 𝐈𝐦𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭. 𝐋𝐢𝐞𝐬, 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐚𝐛𝐮𝐬𝐞… 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐟𝐟 :) 𝟏𝟖+ 𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐘 𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐅𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐊 𝐘𝐎𝐔!

𝐀/𝐍: 𝐇𝐨𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐭, 𝐢𝐭’𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐡𝐬 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐈 𝐮𝐩𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐜 🫢 𝐖𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 @navybrat817 𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬! 𝐈 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐢𝐭, 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤!

𝐓𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐮𝐩𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬, 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 @suzs-fic-library 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐨𝐧 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧. 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 @flordeamatista 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐠𝐢𝐟!

You’re blindfolded for the final part of the trip, which leaves your sense of smell too much time to focus on the scents that linger on the dress you’d been put into. You can smell Alexander all over you, a sickly sweet smell that makes your stomach roll. You’re not sure how much time passes but your tears have dried on your face by the time the car slows and you’re asked to get out.

The blindfold is pulled off and you get a bare glance of your surroundings - you think that you might be back in Manhattan - but you’re led swiftly through the back entrance of what seems to be a very large building and into a service elevator. Heavy silence reigns as the numbers on the floor tick over, with not a word spoken to you, or an eye glanced at you. You don’t mind. They’d seen you raped in front of them by your new ‘husband’ and done nothing, you don’t really want a conversation with them.

The elevator slows and then stops at the 100th floor, and then you’re led out of that into a room that must be for cleaners and maintenance staff as it is filled with cleaning supplies and tools. You frown at that briefly, but then they take you out into an opulent hallway, the wallpaper shimmers slightly and you wonder if it is silk. The carpet is soft and plush beneath the heels of your shoes, and the air smells of pine. One more elevator ride later - this one decked out in glass and gold - and you find yourself on the 110th floor and in what you assume is the penthouse that Alexander lived in. Your new home.

You stumble out of the elevator, the view from the floor to ceiling windows in front of you hypnotises you. All of Central Park spread out like something in a dream. Manhattan and the Hudson River in front of you, with West New York beyond that. You hadn’t seen home in so long, everything that you had seen had been marked with destruction by Hydra, you’d assumed that the rest of the world would look the same. You were wrong. Manhattan was thriving from what you could see, maybe there were less people and cars, but all the tiny ant-like people far below you were moving about freely, the cars coming and going.

This was the home of Hydra, and you were stuck there, a prisoner in your opulent cage.

The guards leave after a few minutes of watching you, you don’t even realise until you hear the elevator leave, and you rush to the doors, trying to find a way to bring the car back, to let you go, but there is only a keypad for a code you don’t know, and a small black square next to it which you can only assume is for a thumb or finger print belonging to Alexander. You swipe away at a tear you hadn’t realised you’d shed, and turn back to the window where you can see the sun slowly sinking towards the horizon. Abruptly you realise that you’re alone, Alexander isn’t here yet, and you can move about freely without his eyes on you. You hadn’t been alone in so long, not really. Even when Bucky and Sam and Steve were away, Lilac and Violet weren’t ever that far away, even if you weren’t encouraged to talk, and Hydra’s guards prowled the hallways outside your cells constantly, nevermind that camera’s that you suspected were installed within every wall and surface.

With that thought in mind, you don’t rush any further. You desperately want to charge into every room looking for a weapon, an exit, something or anything to turn the tables on Alexander and to get away, but you can’t know for sure that he doesn’t have cameras on you right now, that this isn’t some sort of test that will leave you even more broken and bloodied than usual should you fail.

Your heart sinks, and you turn from the window. There was no escape for you. No way to fight whatever Alexander had planned for you next, he’d proved that over and over again. You walk past rooms with closed doors, past a kitchen that looks like no one has ever cooked in it, and find what you assume is Alexander’s bedroom - presumably the one you will share with him, if only because you get the impression he wouldn’t allow you a single moment of space if he can help it. The air smells like the cologne he wore when he married you, when he took you-

You bolt forwards into the space, pulling open a door on the far side and hoping against hope it’s the bathroom, and fall to your knees and throw up when the amenities reveal themselves. The bathroom is beautiful, and surprisingly warm toned for the man who used it, a lot of dark green and copper coloured metals…

You throw up until you feel like your ribs will crack, and then fall back against the cabinets, breathing heavily with tears rolling down your face. Your shame and horror almost overwhelms you, almost to the point of wanting to find a razor to take your wrists-

Abruptly Bucky’s face fills your mind, the bright blue eyes that can be soft and sensual or hard and cruel, you never knew what you would find with him. The hard body with the soft skin, his lush mouth that made you see stars or could make you weep from the horrid words he would spit in a temper… his arms as he held you before, during, and after a round of brutal fucking that you had come to crave…

Alexander had threatened to hurt Bucky if you didn’t comply. You hated that this mattered to you, when you clearly didn’t matter to the winter soldier, even as you knew it was unfair to feel like that. Bucky’s humanity had been burned from him long ago, he couldn’t help what had happened to him, any more than you could help your situation now. You stand on shaky legs on that depressing thought, and that’s when you see the large and inviting bath by yet more large windows that overlook the city. It’s the work of a moment to check if hot water will come out - it did - and soon you’re scouring that bathroom for bubble bath and shampoo and conditioner and soap. It’s all there, and all in the strong scent that had been put on you before your ‘wedding’, but you stock up and fill the tub almost to the brim with water just on the right side of scalding.

If you had to do this with the man who created a monster, you would do it feeling clean on the outside, even if you think you’ll never feel clean again on the inside.

You aren’t sure how long you’ve been soaking in the very large tub, but the water eventually starts to feel too cold to stay in anymore so you heave yourself out reluctantly. You’re not sure exactly when Alexander will appear, and you didn’t want to be naked and vulnerable in a large body of water when he did, so you dry yourself off quickly, and grab a fluffy robe that’s hanging on the back of the door. It’s still silent in the apartment when you enter the bedroom, silent enough that unease runs through you and makes you tread quietly across the floor to the walk-in wardrobes that flank the large bed.

You don’t look at the bed. You can’t face that reality just yet.

You expect one of the wardrobes to have something for you to wear, even if it’s just more of the beige jumpsuits, but there’s nothing, not even underwear in the drawers for you. Your hands start to shake at the implications of that, but a streak of fury sets your mouth in a thin line, and steadies your hands right back up. You stalk into the wardrobe that holds Alexander's suits, expensive and beautiful creations that were no doubt made specifically for his body, no way the first son of Hydra would wear something off the rack. You look around in wonder at the innate wealth and privilege this one corner of his home represents, and abruptly feel more anger than you’ve ever felt in your godforsaken life.

Ten minutes later and everything is on the floor, and you’ve pulled on what you can of his clothes, tearing and tying and wrapping where needed to make it fit your body type. You don’t recognise the angry and breathless woman in the mirror in her makeshift outfit, it makes it easier, like you’re becoming someone else, someone stronger, who can better face what is going to happen next. Because what happens next will hurt, you know that. You have just destroyed The Leaders wardrobe in a fit of anger on your wedding day, and there was no such thing as redeemable villains, Alexander was not going to come in and tell you he was sorry for putting you through this, he wasn’t going to let you go, he was going to punish you, bend you until you broke and make you bleed and cry and-

“I was due for a new wardrobe, anyway. New season and all that.”

You spin on your heel, bravado gone, your heart pounding in true terror. Alexander was home.

There’s a small smile on his lips as he looks you up and down, “Inventive. I would of course prefer a skirt or dress, but still. Those tatters become you.” It's an insult wrapped in a compliment. Your mind reels, and you inch away from him as he enters the bedroom further. “I was planning on taking you shopping tomorrow, now I suppose we can make a couples’ day of it, yes? Consider it a wedding present.”

“I thought I wasn’t your wife?”

“I thought that didn’t matter to you?” Alexander stares at you, his brown eyes roving idly over your body, and you realise you’ve moved far enough away from him that your back is almost to the door. You chance one look behind you, Alexander takes a step towards you, and you bolt, running through the hallway until you find a room that isn’t locked and throw yourself inside it, locking the door immediately and running to the furthest corner and sinking down to the floor. Your knees go to your chest, and you hide your face, closing your eyes as you hear Alexander’s steps get ever closer to you. The gentle tap against the wood makes you jump, but he doesn’t force his way in as you half expect him to.

“Take your time in there, Y/N, I’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready. I will have some food delivered, you must be starving.”

The footsteps head away after another second, but you keep your head down, your eyes closed. You’re not safe, and you never will be again.

You must’ve fallen asleep, because you start awake violently enough that the back of your head smacks against the wall behind you and you hiss at the blast of pain. You rub the back of your head as you stare into the pitch black of the room, wondering how much time has passed since Alexander inexplicably left you alone, it had to have been at least an hour judging by how dark it was. Slowly you stand up, wincing at the aches and pains that flare up in your body, especially between your legs and your bottom. The bath had helped relax you, but you’d been put through psychological and physical torture before Alexander had forced you into marrying him, and then violently attacking you to ‘consummate’ the marriage in front of his men.

One bath was not enough to heal your body, and more torment would come now you were in the monster's lair.

You stare at the door handle when you reach it, your hand just hovering over the dark metal. Would the door be locked? It seemed like the sort of thing Alexander would do to punish you. Would the door open easily? That also seemed likely. Alexander was a manipulative monster after all, and lulling you into a false sense of security would suit him. Eventually you flex your fingers, take a deep breath, and pull open the door.

Not locked then.

You hear sounds further into the apartment, and slowly make your way towards them, not interested in delaying the inevitable anymore. Alexander would have you one way or another, and if you fought, he would hurt Bucky. It annoyed you that you cared, but you couldn’t change how you felt, so you marched towards what felt like your doom. The tattered and ripped clothing had come loose as you slept, so you tied it back together before coming out into the same large living room you had been in before. The lights over the city were duller than you remember through the windows, but then, there were less people now then there were before.

“You must be hungry.”

Again your heart pounds at just Alexander’s voice, and you turn to face him. He’s standing in a large open plan kitchen in front of a stove, and the smell coming from the pan makes your mouth water immediately. You curl your fingers into fists, forcing yourself to stand still instead of running over to the cooked food and eating it out of the pan,

“I’m fine, thank you.”

“No need to lie to me, Y/N. You haven’t eaten in over twelve hours at least, you need food if you’re going to be useful to me.” Your lips twist in anger at the casual way he remarks on your deal, that you would carry the heirs that he needed. Alexander sees the face you pull and laughs to himself as he seasons what smells like a steak, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be so cavalier about what’s going to happen. Please, join me?”

Unfortunately, you are starving, and you will need all your strength to get through whatever comes next, so you slowly walk forward, taking the seat that Alexander pulls out for you. His fingers brush a patch of skin on your shoulder that’s exposed, and you flinch away, but you push a question out before he can say anything about your reaction,

“I thought you were getting food delivered?”

“I did. I can cook, you know.”

“I wouldn’t have thought you’d need to. Don’t you have maids or… servants for that?”

Alexander shrugs, serving up the plate of food, “Yes, but I obviously don’t want them here tonight, and they’ll probably not be around so much now you’re here.” Alexander chooses the seat next to you, scooting close enough that you could feel his body heat seeping into you, it’s enough that your gag reflex starts up but you force yourself to breathe through it. You need the food. You need to show him that you’re strong, that you’re not afraid of him. You slowly look up to meet his brown eyes, feeling a sudden shock when you see he’s almost… kindly looking.

“I’m not going to hurt you, Y/N,” Alexander starts cutting up the steak, and you swallow desperately when you see it’s cooked perfectly, swimming in garlic butter, perfectly glazed greens and crispy looking fries accompanying it…

“You already hurt me.” The words come out before you can stop them, but Alexander doesn’t get angry, instead he just shrugs,

“I was playing my part, much like I know you are doing now, open wide,” he holds the small square of meat up to you, and then smiles again at your hesitation, “smart girl,” he turns the fork towards him, and takes the bite of food instead, chewing slowly and very deliberately swallowing. After a drink from the glass of water he had poured, he starts cutting up the meat and holds another bite to you, “Nothing is poisoned or drugged, Y/N, you can eat, I promise.”

You hesitate once more, but there’s no other cutlery for you to use, Alexander’s gaze follows yours, his smile becomes relaxed, and he gently shakes his head.

You wouldn’t have anything you could use as a weapon against him.

“You’ll eat from my hand for now, wife. Good behaviour and trust will earn you the right to feed yourself.”

Your stomach growls, and you give in. You hold Alexander’s gaze as you lean forwards slightly, and press your lips over the tines of the fork, pulling the steak off and chewing. You bite back a moan at how good it tastes - you hadn’t eaten anything so well made in years, the food even before your incarceration had been basic and bland at best, all the best ingredients were clearly hoarded by Hydra, and not meant for the peasants on the streets.

You eat everything you’re given, your stomach hurts by the time that you’re done, and Alexander licks his own lips after you lick yours in satisfaction. The deep brown of his irises have been swallowed up, and he’s looking you over like he’s hungry, but not for more food. Your heart starts to pound, and you break the gaze, dropping your eyes to your lap, forcing out words you don’t want to speak but what you’re hoping will soften your husband towards you so you don’t get hurt. Again.

“Thank you for the food… sir.”

“You’re welcome, wife.” Alexander brushes his hand over the back of your head… and pulls away, leaning back in his seat and giving you a modicum of space, “I suppose now we should go over what’s next, yes?” You frown at the question, and lift your eyes to meet his,

“I thought-”

“Yes, my aim is to get you pregnant with my heirs as soon as possible, and I know I said that I would explore your body as soon as we were alone-” Alexander looks over the skin that’s exposed by your poor attempt at covering up, and he smirks “- but I’m not such a monster that I can’t allow you a night to rest. I want you to trust me.”

“I’ll never trust you.” You blurt it out before you can stop yourself, “You’re the leader of Hydra. You tortured me, you tortured my friends, you tortured and broke Sam and Steve and Bucky-”

“Shall we watch a movie together?”

“W-what?”

Alexander stands and holds out his hand to you, and you take it without thought, thrown off by the bizarre subject change. He’s gentle as he leads you out of the living area and through the hall until you reach one of the locked doors. His thumb print is used to open it and he takes you through to what appears to be a private theatre,

“This is one of my favourite movies, wife. I wanted to wait a little longer to share it with you, but there’s no better time than now to make you realise that I’m not the monster here.” A large leather seat is pointed at and you sit in it, Alexander takes the seat next to you, presses on a controller a few times, and the screen flares to life, “I think it’s time to take your rose tinted glasses off about your idealised saviours, Y/N.”

Dread pools in your gut as CCTV footage starts to play. The date in the corner of the screen is from over a year before. The room looks very similar to the cells you were kept in and your skin crawls at the realisation that everything you did with Bucky and the others was likely recorded at all times. But this recording isn’t of you, or Lilac or Violet. You don’t recognise the woman on the screen.

“Rose also believed that James would be her saviour if she did everything that he wanted, if she was nice to him. You’ve heard about Rose, haven’t you? The way you’ve stopped breathing certainly makes me think you have.” Alexander murmurs that last part with a smirk on his face, but he’s not wrong. You do know about Rose, and seeing the face of the woman who was forced into sharing Buckys bed before you…

“Wait… please-”

“Shhhh, you’ll love this.” Alexander wraps an arm around your shoulders and pulls you close as Bucky appears in the cell. Your heart pounds as you take him in on screen, even in 2D he’s as intimidating and overwhelming as you remember, tall and dark in leather, his deep brown hair - shorter than you remember it being - swinging into his eyes as he stalks towards Rose who positively beams at him,

“Bucky! I missed you!”

“I need you, now, Rose, get on the bed.”

“Okay, but can I talk to you afterwards?”

“Sure, fine. Actually, get on your knees first.”

You watch in blank horror as Bucky forces Rose to take all of his considerable length down her throat until she gags. By the time he’s done fucking her throat, the woman has thrown up on the floor, but it doesn’t deter Bucky who simply picks her up and throws her onto the cot, pulls off what they’re both wearing, and begins to pound into her from behind. Alexander tilts his head towards yours, his voice an exaggerated whisper against your ear,

“Was he that selfish a lover with you, Lavender? I could bring up your tapes with him to compare if you like?” The shock of the name that Bucky gave you being used again made you jump a little, but Alexander just pulled you closer, “I’m just teasing, wife. I’d sooner bathe you in bleach than remind you of what James did to you. Oh wait, here’s the best part.”

Rose is lying spent on Bucky's chest, her chest heaving against his larger one. The dead stare in his face was something you recognised well, but there was something in the look on Rose’s face that made goosebumps rise on your arms.

“Bucky?”

“Yes, Rose.”

“I really like you.”

“I like you too.” Bucky lifts his right arm over his head to lean on, his bicep bulging and closes his eyes, “Go to sleep, Rose.”

“B-but…”

You watch, heart hammering, praying for a different ending than the one you know is coming, as Rose suddenly sits up and straddles Bucky. You can’t see her face anymore, but her voice belies the desperation she’s clearly feeling.

You’ve heard it in your own voice too often.

“Bucky, we can escape, I know a guard who-!”

It’s too late. You close your eyes as you hear Bucky's growl of fury, but Alexander shakes you to open them.

“A guard?! You fucked someone else, Rose?!”

“Nnnn-”

Rose is clawing at her neck but it’s pointless as Bucky has enclosed it with his metal left hand. You knew from personal experience how hard he could choke with that thing. How much he had to actually be in control to not snap your neck. You don’t realise you’re shaking as Bucky throws Rose to the floor, as he screams and yells that she doesn’t care about him, that he will never leave Hydra, how she was ungrateful and didn’t know fear like he did…

You run out of the theatre and back to the bathroom when the cell on screen is coated with shiny red blood, and you throw up the steak that Alexander had cooked for you.

“James was a monster long before I was born, Y/N,” Alexander follows you in after you’ve stopped actively throwing up, when you’re just left with the tears and dry heaving, he hands you a glass of water which you snatch from him without looking at him. It doesn’t deter him, obviously. “I wasn’t the one to create him, but I certainly won’t stop using him.”

“You put Rose in there with him, you put Lilac and Violet and-”

“I took you away. I knew he would turn on you too, and you’re too important to waste on an unstable soldier like him, and he is too important for someone like you to ruin.”

“Ruin?!” You shake your head, brushing away the tears that coated your face furiously, “I wasn't an idiot like Rose, I knew he would never leave Hydra or help me, I knew-”

“But he killed Rumlow for you, didn’t he?” Alexander squatted down next to you, cupping your face with his palm, “He’d never done anything like that before. James is special, he has been since Steven met him in DC all those years ago. James knew what he was and he chose Hydra because he knew he couldn’t be anything else. Until you.”

“I didn't ask for any of this.” Your voice cracks, another tear falls which Alexander gently rubs away, “I didn't ask him to do that for me. I didn’t ask you to-”

“You didn’t have to, wife. You just have to remember that I saved you. Not James.”

Your lower lip trembles, then the tears come in earnest, you’re sobbing hard enough that your throat hurts and you know that your eyes are going to be swollen and red when you’re through. You let Alexander pull you to your feet, and don’t put up any fight when he leads you to the bedroom and to the en-suite shower. Your tatters don’t last against Alexander’s fingers, and he’s gentle as he leads you into it, as naked as you are. He lets you cry under the warm water, and you let him touch you as you do.

You let him wash you.

You let him kiss your tears away.

You let him put himself inside you.

You let him come inside you.

Later, you let him take you to bed and let him do whatever he wants. You let yourself enjoy it.

The next month as Alexander’s “wife” borders on idyllic, and it quietly horrifies you, even as you secretly enjoy it. Every morning you wake to his arms around you, and his kiss at your neck or your lips… lower. Alexander makes love to you, unlike your first time, he is gentle and generous and sweet. The first time he made you laugh during sex you couldn’t speak for the rest of the day, but he didn’t get angry, he didn’t blame you, he just cooked breakfast for you and went out for the day to leave you with your thoughts.

He came back with flowers, and a kiss to your forehead and you thanked him.

The rules in his home were simple, and you didn’t mind listening and obeying them so far. He’d had several simple dresses delivered for you, but no underwear. Oddly this helped you to remind you that you weren’t a real pampered wife, you were there to get pregnant for him, Alexander just liked making you comfortable, which you couldn’t help but appreciate.

You weren’t allowed out, and only had access to a few rooms, including the living area, bedroom and bathroom, kitchen, and a gym. Every other room and the elevator to the ground was blocked by a thumb print or keypad which you were told in no uncertain terms you would not be allowed to have. Alexander said it was for your safety, you knew it was because you were still a prisoner, you had just started to care less.

Alexander wanted sex at least three times a day, and oral sex at least once when he was home, but he was generous with his attention, and would make sure you came with him. Right now, he seemed to just enjoy you as a new body, but soon he would expect you to test positive for a baby, and you were dreading it. You knew what to expect if you weren’t pregnant quickly.

To be thrown to the barracks again and used until you died.

It was safe to say that after a month you had fallen into a routine that felt… safe. You were never going to completely let your guard down, but you no longer jumped when Alexander entered a room and snuck up on you. Like he did now as you were making a sandwich - everything was prepared so you didn’t have to use knives as you still weren’t allowed them. Alexander appeared at your back, his left arm snuck around your waist and pulled you to him, and his right went under the skirt of your dress and between your legs, his index finger finding it’s favourite place on your clit and circling softly,

“Did you know it was our one month anniversary, Y/N?” Alexander doesn’t wait for an answer as your head falls back onto his shoulder, “I think I want to take you out for a treat- no don’t answer, just open your legs and let me touch you, that’s it, you’re so soft here, such a perfect fit every time… oh two fingers, wife? You’re greedy today…”

You let him do as he wants until you come, and then fall to your knees and return the favour, at least until he pulls you back up, pushes you against the counter, lifts one leg to hook around his waist, and pushes into you. It’s quick and you think your back is bruised from the angle of his thrusts pushing you against the marble, but you call his name as you finish and return the kiss he gives you.

At least until what he said actually filters through your brain.

“You want to take me out?”

“Yes. I want to buy you something nice for our anniversary. We are on Fifth Avenue after all.” Alexander looks down at you, biting his lower lip, before taking your chin between his fingers, “I don’t even want you to clean up, I want everyone to see me running down your legs.”

He turns away from you then, which is probably a good thing as you’ve frozen up, memories of your “wedding day” playing through your mind on repeat. He calls your name and you jerk away from the counter and go to him on shaky legs, forcing a smile on your face,

“I ummm…”

“No underwear, just don’t bend over in front of anyone.”

The changing room is cool, which you’re grateful for as you’ve never felt so hot in your life. Alexander clearly only had one gift in mind, and it was lingerie. He had given your measurements to the sales people already, and a selection had been laid out for you to try on for him in a private room. All in black and red, of course. You hated the colour scheme, but you couldn’t deny how you felt each time you walked out and saw the bulge growing in the front of Alexander’s trousers.

It was a kind of torture that you could find yourself enjoying, the way that he refused to touch you, and yet told you in great detail everything that he was going to do to you later on when he got you back into his home, even his dark promise he made as you changed back into your dress didn’t ruin the sensual mood he had put you in,

“I’ll make sure I put that baby in your belly tonight.”

Alexander murmurs something to the salesman that entered as you’re changing, and you wait dutifully as he tells you he is going to get everything you tried on packed up and ready to go. You hear the door to the changing room click shut, and you turn to look in the mirror, your fingers reach out to the reflection there…

The sound of the door opening again brings you out of the room, expecting to find Alexander, but it’s not your husband.

It’s Lilac.

The older woman runs to you, pressing her hand over your mouth before you can say anything, but making a sound is the last thing on your mind. You’d been told that Lilac and Violet had chosen themselves over helping you, but here she was, pulling you into a bone crushing hug and murmuring that she thought you were dead. You held your fellow captive, your ex lover, your friend, until suddenly your heart started to pound in terror,

“Lilac, what are you- you have to go, you can’t stay-”

“I know, I wasn’t supposed to- but they put me here, I don’t think they knew you would be here-”

“Alexander will come back soon, please-”

“We only just found out you were alive, Lavender, we didn’t know, I’m sorry-”

You pull her away and shake her, “You have to go! Forget you saw me and stay safe!” You look over to the door, “Please, I don’t want you hurt because of me! I don’t care that he lied, I just don’t want you hurt! I don’t want anyone hurt!”

“Bucky was tortured because we found out you were alive!” Now it’s Lilac’s turn to shake you, her eyes hard, “He attacked The Leader, did you know? The bastard threatened to hurt you if Bucky ever came at him again, did you know?”

“W-what?” You take a step back, “N-no, B-bucky wouldn’t do that. He’s theirs, he’s Hydras, he’s-”

“He’s waking up. They all are. And they want to save us.” Lilac looked over her shoulder, and then pressed a kiss to your forehead, “We’ll get you out, Lavender, okay? Stay strong.”

With that, she ran out of the door, leaving you to stare after her in shock for one long second, before you frantically pulled yourself together when Alexander came back. You put on the best show yet for your captor. By the time you were back enclosed in your gilded cage with him, and long after the sun had set and he was spent in bed next to you, you had convinced yourself that this life was something Alexander believed you wanted.

The beginning of the end happened a week later, you just didn’t know it then.

Alexander had woken up to a message on his phone, and for the first time since you had ‘married’ him, he scared you. Something had clearly happened, something that made him furious, he threw you onto the bed and yelled at you to stay there, and then promptly locked you inside. You could hear him roaring on his phone, but you couldn’t quite make out everything that he said, just snippets;

“- missing?!”

“- lock down the-!”

“-construction site… Times Square… peanut gallery…”

“FIND THEM!”

The last was bellowed so loudly that you shrink away from the bedroom door you’d been trying to open, and you run into the bathroom and locked the door, your heart pounding in fear. You didn’t have a clue what was going on, but this was a side to your captor you hadn’t seen. You knew what control meant to him, so whatever had happened had clearly screwed with his capacity for order, that would only bounce back on you, and not in a way you wanted. You listen to Alexander rant for a few more minutes, and then your breathing stops all together when he goes silent. It’s like the moments in the horror films you vaguely remember watching before Hydra destroyed everything and banned all entertainment. This was the moment when the monster sneaks up on the victim, and the music would go low, right before the jump scare-

“Y/N, open this door!”

You jump, backing away to the other side of the bathroom as Alexander pounds on the door, “Go away! You’re frightening me!”

“I’ll do worse if you don’t open up!”

You believe him, but you can’t quite get your feet to move forwards, “P-please, w-wait-” the words stammer in your throat as you inch forward to the door, you can see his shadow moving underneath, “i-i’ll open it, p-please…” You plead quietly as you move forward, your fingers shake desperately as you get to the handle, but he doesn’t yell anymore. You think that maybe Alexander has calmed down enough that he will be gentle as you pull the door open to him.

You’re wrong.

He doesn’t say a word to you as he grabs you by the neck and pins you to the wall, kissing you harshly enough that you taste blood. You’re spun around to face the wall, your legs are spread…

You can’t even cry any more as you’re moved back to the bed when Alexander is done, you can’t even flinch when you feel him push his spend back inside you with his fingers, and you certainly can’t look at him when he buttons up his jacket as he leaves, his brown eyes still furious as he glares down at you,

“I have to leave for a few days. I would rather take you with me but it’s safer that you stay here. Stick to the meal plan and there will be enough food for you.”

You lie there for a long time, after a while you pull the covers over you as it’s so cold. You think maybe you dream, because the sound of the door opening again doesn’t frighten you. It must be a dream because it’s not Alexander coming back to hurt you some more that walks into your bedroom.

It’s Bucky.

“Lavender?”

It’s a dream, so you smile at him, he always liked when you smile, “Hi, Bucky.”

The dream Bucky looks horrified as he stalks over to you. It’s almost enough to pull you out of the dream. He never used to look horrified at the result of violence.

“What happened, doll? Can you tell me what he did to you? Can you walk out of here?”

You frown. The dreams of Bucky never usually start with him being nice to you.

“What do you mean, Bucky? I can’t go anywhere. He’ll kill you if I do.”

“The L-Leader won’t… he’ll n-never…”

Your dream Bucky is being so weird, he almost sounds scared, but he’s the boogeyman, not Alexander. He also looks different, though you can’t quite figure out why, but abruptly, you don’t care anymore. This is your dream, and you can do what the fuck you like in a dream. You sit up, letting the sheets pool at your waist, and hold your hand out to him. Again, this stupid dream version doesn’t do what you expect, he looks shocked, even as his eyes drop to your breasts, your stomach…

“Doll-”

“Why the fuck are you calling me that, Bucky? I’m Lavender, remember? You gave me that name after all.”

“That was before-”

“No, shut up, this is a stupid dream, I’m going to wake up now, and fuck do I wish I wouldn’t. I want to stay asleep, do you understand, you cunt? I never want to wake up and face that fucking man again, I don’t even want to face you, you’re a monster, and a killer, and a fucking rapist, just like him, so if you’re not going to let me choose to fuck you one last time in a dream, then I don’t know why you’re here.”

You can feel yourself shaking. In fact you can feel the sheets around you, the cold air against your skin, the aches and pains and bruises all over your body, but especially between your legs-

“This isn’t a dream, Y/N… doll, I’m really here. I want to save you. I’m not going to hurt you, ever again, and I’ll kill him before I let him do that to you or anyone else again, okay?”

That’s when you realise that Bucky looks different because he’s not in Hydra leathers anymore, he’s in plain clothes, jeans and a red top and a tattered looking jacket, a black baseball cap pulled low over his head. It’s not clothing you’ve ever seen on him before. Bucky’s hair looks washed, and his eyes… they see you…

Your hand raises, the stubble on his cheek rasps against the pads of your fingers, the skin you touch is warm-

“Bucky?”

“I’m so sorry for everything I put you through, sweetheart, I’m so sorry, but I’m me now, okay? And I can save you, come with me?”

His left hand - encased in a black leather glove - is extended to you…

And you take it. God help you, but you trust him.

You get dressed, and you follow him out of the door, not asking him how he got in, or what happened with Alexander, you just go.

Adrenaline galvanises you, you rush faster than you should be able to considering what had just happened to you to throw one of your pointless dresses over your nakedness and shove your feet into shoes. You wish silently that you had time for a shower to clean the smell of Alexander off of you but one look at Bucky and you know that you don’t have that luxury right now. It’s time to leave, or you’ll never get the chance again.

Bucky removes his glove, and his left hand makes a whirring noise before he presses it to the thumb pad and the private elevator opens. Bucky mutters things to you as he rushes you into the space and the doors close,

“I thought you had died. Violet realised that Alexander lied to us all. I attacked him one day, and-”

“Wait, what? You did what?” You blink at Bucky, “What do you mean you attacked him?” You remember one particular evening Alexander had come home with a particularly raspy voice, he’d been especially rough that night but you hadn’t thought anything of it at the time. Bucky stares at the floor numbers in silence for a moment before clearing his throat, his blue eyes casting over you with a yearning that made your throat close up,

“I was so angry when I heard he’d taken you from me. I was… wrong. So wrong, for so long, Lavender. I didn’t even want to be a better person, I was too scared and screwed up to try… and then you-”

“Don’t, Bucky,” you put your hand on his shoulder, gripping for a long second before taking your hand away, “Alexander showed me what you did to Rose. I know what you did to me, to Lilac and Violet, to Sam and Steve-”

“Sam and Violet have escaped.” Bucky interrupts you, his eyes on the floor, “I don't think she wanted to go without you and Lilac, but it was the only way. I set a distraction, Sam and Violet go one way, Steve and Lilac another, and I would go and get you.” Bucky turns to look at you directly, “I just want to help you, I promise. I know what I did and that I can’t make it better, but I want to try. I can’t do that if you’re dead.”

It’s hard to argue with that, so you just nod once, and follow him out when the elevator reaches the ground level. The building seems to be deserted, but there’s a tension in the air that makes the hairs on your arms stand up, a buzzing all around you, and you take Bucky’s hand blindly when he offers it. It’s another few minutes before he gets you to a car and you’re buckled into it, and then one minute more before your saviour can hot wire it and begin to drive. The streets are bare, you hadn’t seen the bowels of Manhattan in so long…

“I still can’t believe how different this place looks in comparison to when… before I…”

You look over as Bucky goes pale at his memories, your hand reaches out to maybe offer some pointless comfort, but that’s when you notice his eyes don’t look at you. They’re fixed straight ahead, a darkness in them…

“Lavender…”

You turn away from Bucky at the urgency in his voice to look down the road, and that’s when your stomach drops.

Alexander, and a squadron of Hydra soldiers wait for you. There’s an evil smile on his face as he holds some sort of device in one hand, and-

You don’t really hear the boom of the explosion, but you feel it as the car leaves the ground and crashes onto the side, Bucky in the drivers side against the asphalt, leaving you partially hanging in the seat, your ears ringing. You hear movement, sounds, yells, but it’s from a distance, like you’re underwater, far away…

The car is suddenly righted, and your head bangs against the passenger window enough that the grogginess disappears between one breath and the next. You just see Bucky throwing himself out of the car, hear the bullets bounce off his arm, and hear the yelling that The Leader didn’t want him dead yet, but you can’t yell out for Bucky.

Alexander pulls you from the car, a gun to your head, and drags you into another, backhanding you when you fight him,

“You didn’t think I didn’t know what you had planned, James, did you? You’re stupider than I ever gave you credit for, but thank god for that.” Tears stream down your face when you see Bucky bleeding from the head, he’s trying to get to you but it’s a losing battle. There’s a gun pressed to your neck, and the man you’re both terrified of standing between you holding the gun. Alexander stares down at you, his lip curled in disgust,

“Oh I’m not done yet, Lavender. Take them both to the square.”

The square was Times Square, and even though the drive was short, you spent the entire time terrified as Alexander held you captive against him. That fear only increased as the buzzing you had felt turned out to be an actual sound - Times Square was filled with people on all sides, stands with seating had been erected on all sides, and right in the middle were two cranes, and two people standing alone with yet more guns pointed at them. You wince when Alexander drags you from the car, and start to struggle when you see Lilac and Steve are the ones who have the guns pointed at them,

“Alexander, please-”

“That’s sir to you, you cheating whore-”

“I never-”

“It doesn’t matter,” Alexander spins you to face him, and presses a violent kiss to your mouth, before throwing you into a seat like a spectator, “this experiment with you is over, I’ll take you somewhere more secure soon. Until then…” Alexander spins to face the crowd, and you look over at Lilac and Steve, they’re facing each other, resignation on both their faces as they each stand in front of a crane… you look around in horror, trying to see Bucky, hoping against hope that you’re wrong about what you think will happen next.

You’re not though.

“Welcome!” Alexander booms into the microphone in front of him, waiting as the crowd's cheers die down, “Today we gather to witness the death of resistance and insurrection! Today we remind the masses that Hydra’s arms are long, we reach everywhere, there is nowhere to hide, no plans that we can’t uncover!” The crowds cheer again, and you now notice cameras focused on your friends… and that’s when you see Bucky, chained at the edge of the ‘stage’ like an animal, his lower jaw enclosed in something muzzle-like, his eyes anguished as he looked at Steve…

Alexander looked over his shoulder at you, and then towards Lilac and Steve, “I have given them opportunity to repent, to bow their heads and serve Hydra once more, but they refused. This is a message to all who would defy us…” Alexander takes another look at you, an evil smirk spreading across his face, “Don’t.”

A rush of activity happens then, your heart pounds in terror, but you can’t move, soldiers appear out of nowhere, two hold you down in the seat, another two grab at Bucky's hair to hold him down, and then more move towards Lilac and Steve. You scream your friends name as you see them wind wire rope around the necks of Lilac and Steve, and then attach it to the hooks on the cranes…

“No!” You struggle against the soldiers holding you down furiously, “Please, Alexander, don’t-” you cry out when he stalks over to you and grabs your throat again, making your head tilt back so you can watch as Lilac’s crane starts to lift her high into the air.

Steve is still on the ground, there’s a moment of pure silence as he waits for his own crane to take him up to hang as well, but it doesn’t move…

“I’d never make it that easy for them, Lavender. Steven is irreplaceable. You whores aren’t. It’s about time you remember that.”

The sound that emits from Steve as he sees the woman he loves die is something you’ll never be able to stop hearing in your head. He screams a name out so loudly you think that his voice box ruptures, blood appears at the edges of his mouth…

“Steven, it was James who betrayed you, who turned you into what you are now, who killed your Lilac… what are you going to do about it?”

Your bones sag in your body as Alexander says the one thing that would set Steve off - his rages had always been frightening, even when he hadn’t remembered what Lilac was to him. Now his love was gone, and the man responsible was right there. It didn’t matter that Hydra was the true head of the snake.

You scream over and over as Steve rushes to Bucky, tied and bound and unable to defend himself, as he raises his fists and hits Bucky until blood flies. You don’t see what happens next, that’s when Alexander drags you away.

You’re thrown back in a cell, arms chained above you and a ring gag back in your mouth when The Leader next hovers over you,

“I know you didn’t want what just happened, that’s the only reason why I’m letting you live. I’ll be the only one to visit you, but I think it’s best that we don’t pretend that we’re married anymore, yes? I’ll make use of you, and if you get pregnant, I’ll take the baby to be cared for properly.”

You must’ve had something clear in your gaze because Alexander sighs, his index finger trailing down your face gently,

“I just wanted to see what would happen to a Winter Soldier if they fell in love. My father didn’t see the point, and he did need James to create the world we’re in now, but he did his part. I just wanted to see how far the conditioning would stretch… turns out it wasn’t far enough, he broke completely, Steven is no longer a scalpel, he’s just a blunt instrument, and Samuel… Well, we’ll find him and Violet eventually. You won’t leave again though. You’re mine.”

You’re screaming behind the gag when Alexander stands up and leaves, closing the door to the cell behind him, leaving you in complete darkness.

𝐒𝐨 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐮𝐲𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠? 𝐈 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐲 𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐦𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭, 𝐨𝐫 𝐈 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝, 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥! 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐬𝐭 𝐈 𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐮𝐭 <𝟑

#I am reblogging the shit out of others work #keep it up suz your writing is amazing

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