hariwritessuff

[hariwritessuff]

And That Was Enough

“Come on Sunshine, you don’t honestly expect me to not call you Sunshine?” “Of course I do! Sunshine is so you. Why do I have to be the one called Sunshine?” Nico scowled at the son of Apollo in despair. Honestly, the boy was insane, why the ball of energy decided that it was a great idea to keep hanging around with the son of Hades was beyond everyone’s comprehension. But hang around Nico he did, refusing to leave him alone, even when Nico felt like all that he needed was some personal space. Space to grieve and let out some of the emotion he fought so hard to keep contained. But no, Will Solace wouldn’t leave him alone for long enough to grieve, and that meant that Nico was forced to do it at night, losing hours of sleep, and just generally becoming grumpier and tireder as the lack of sleep and the strain of keeping up the facade continued.

It wasn't that Nico hated Will, far from it, Will was one of the closest friends he had, but nothing could stop him. Nico had managed to organise it so that he had the same activities at the same time as the boy and his cabin. But it was never enough. No, Nico had to sit with Will at meals, had to spend any downtime he had with Will or someone else. He wasn't allowed to be alone.

It wouldn't be long, Nico knew, until he snapped. And that would not be good, the last time that had happened a new clearing was formed in the North Carolina forests. So yes, snapping needed to be avoided if possible. "Nico. Nico!" The boy looked round suddenly. "You didn't listen to a word I just said did you." Will looked down at him grinning, knowing he was right. "Nope, you bore me too much." "That's mean Sunshine, you know you love me really." "So what if I do. It doesn't mean that you don't bore me." Will gasped. "Sunshine, did you just admit that you love me?" "So what if I did?" Said Nico blushing. "And stop calling me Sunshine!" Will simply laughed at him as the two continued walking towards the dining pavilion. That was the other thing. Will was Nico's boyfriend, although it had taken a while for him to be confident enough in himself and his sexuality to acknowledge those feelings. Growing up in the 1930s really didn't help with his self-acceptance. But Will had helped, and ever since the three days of bed rest in the infirmary that were forced on him after the war had been enough start the crush. The rest had just developed, and after about a fortnight, the two had had a heart to heart, and been a couple ever since. They never did anything big, Nico was nowhere near ready for that yet, and Will was more than happy to take things slowly. Gentle kisses and hand holding pretty much summed up their relationship. And that was all that it had to be, and to the two of them, it was what felt right. "Anyway, whilst you were so rudely zoned out, I was asking you if you wanted to come and help me out in the infirmary after lunch." Nico simply nodded, and that was enough to tell Will that he would be joining him. It was strange really, the son of Hades wanting to help heal people, but it was what he enjoyed. He found it quite therapeutic, cutting up bandages and things like that. It broke the stereotype that he was burdened with, and that made him feel lighter almost. Less likely to explode. A constructive way to get rid of his feelings, whilst also helping others. And it only had a small amount to do withe boy walking beside him. The couple went into the dining pavilion, grabbed their plates and went to sacrifice some of their lunch to the gods, both to their respective fathers and to Lady Hestia, whose hard work often went unnoticed. They ate as quickly as they could, Will consuming far more than the Italian. It was an issue that they were trying to work through, but Nico's diet had not been the same since being trapped in that jar during the war. They both had problems, and just hoped that they could work through them as much as possible together. Will didn't know about Nico's bottled up feelings though. They were something that he kept to himself.

When the two arrived at the infirmary, Nico sighed resignedly. Since he had last worked here, the infirmary had gotten busier, although it made sense if you considered the fact that last night there had been a game of capture the flag. It was just a normal game fortunately, no hunters present, otherwise the injuries would have been far worse. But as it was, Nico would have to work alone as all the children of Apollo were trying to heal people, or nagging at people to stay in bed and rest. And it's not that he hated that, but it had gotten to the stage where he was growing to actually enjoy the company of some people. The two parted ways with a "see you later Nico" from Will. Knowing what to do, Nico walked over to the supply cupboard and began to take inventory. It was nice and mind numbing, exactly what he needed. Once he had noted down everything that was needed, and everything that there was a plentiful supply of, he began to organise everything. Because yes, the Apollo cabin were some of the best healers around, and yes, Nico's life was a mess, but hell if he could let physical objects be messy. No way. Every time Nico was in there, it all had to be tidied up. It was as if he was the only one who cared about organisation. When he had double checked that he had done everything that he could, he left the store cupboard, instead going to the medicine cabinet and ordering that. Even if it was mainly just supplies of ambrosia and nectar, he was at least able to do it by expiry date and by the amount left in each container. It was only after he had done that that Nico went to try and find Will. It wasn't as if he was hard to find, mused Nico as he wandered in Will's direction. No with the large argument going on that he was having with Clarisse. "You idiot, why can't you leave me alone?" "Because you have a cut going all the way down your arm that is leaking too much blood to be safe, and needs to be tended to. Honestly why do we even bother with you Ares kids." "Because you nee us. And anyway, it's not that bad." Nico chose that moment to butt in, hoping that it wouldn't end up with one of the two killing him. "Now then Clarisse, it actually is kind of bad, and if you argue with him, he'll just keep you here for longer. And Will, I'm going off to my cabin for a bit. I need some time alone." "Are you sure?" Replied Will, concern immediately written across his face and his fight with Clarisse forgotten. "Because for you want me to come with you, I can." "Honestly Will, I'll be fine on my own for a little bit. I can clear my head a bit." Nico answered at the same time that Clarisse was winding Will up about wanting to spend time with his boyfriend. "Okay then, if you're absolutely certain." "Will, I'll be fine." He leant in to kiss Will on the cheek. "I'll see you at dinner alright." "Bye Sunshine." With a final wave, he left the infirmary, too happy to be alone for a while to even get annoyed at Will for the nickname. This time could be crucial. He could let out his emotions now, and actually attempt to get a decent amount of sleep that night. So Nico returned to his cabin, closed the curtains, locked the doors and windows, before kneeling down in front of his father's shrine. He began to pray, hoping that all of those who were deserving would get into Elysium. He mourned those who had died to early, those killed for no good reason. He prayed for those who had died as a hero in a war, especially his fallen comrades. There had been too many deaths. Too many casualties. All that the demigods really wanted was some peace and quiet. Was that to much to ask? Did the fates truly hate them so much that they would keep sending them war after war, simply because of who their parents are. Tears started to fill his eyes as he stayed kneeling before his father’s shrine as he remembered Bianca. His sister. She had left him, and no matter how much Nico tried to deny it, to Percy, to Jason, even to Will and himself, he was still not over the fact that she was gone. And so the weeping hero began to break. Slowly but surely began to fall apart until he was nothing but shattered fragments of his former self. It had been a long time coming, but Nico hadn’t known quite how damaged he had become. Hadn’t been able to imagine that it would hurt this much, even  when he was no longer himself. He didn’t know how long he spent kneeling and mindlessly praying, and couldn’t really bring himself to care. He just kept going, ignoring the mess that he had become. That was how Will found him, just kneeling there with a blank gaze, muttering to himself a mess of English, Greek, Latin and Italian. And instinctively, Will knew, as he stared into those broken eyes, that Nico would never be the same again.

                   —————————-Time skip——————————

It had been four years since Nico had broken, thought Will to himself, as he strolled down towards the volleyball courts. Four years since everything had changed. Not that that was a bad thing though, not now. Not when he could see his boyfriend smiling with a brightness that he had never before possessed. It had been a long few years, to be sure, but they were absolutely worth it.

For months after Nico had broken, it had seemed as if there was no hope. He would often not speak, and if he did, it would be in monotonous, one word answers. He would barely eat, would not  shower or change his clothes for days on end. Everyone in camp was worried for him, even those who had previously hated the boy. It broke their hearts to see one so young go through so much, even if Nico was technically older than everyone in the camp except Mr D and Chiron. But after about five months or so, things started to change. Nico would start greeting Will in the morning. Very morning, Nico would say hello and then for the rest of the day, would go back to his silence. And then he started to come out of his cabin in a clean pair of clothes at a regular rate, and showered every day. Just small things that showed part of a far deeper internal struggle. Of course the others, Will, the Seven, and others such as Reyna had all tried to help him, but he just wouldn’t let them in. When it got to the point that Nico was about to start attacking them when they were talking to him, they usually left it alone, glad that they were evoking some kind of emotion in him, but not sure that they would be able to hold him back from seriously injuring one of them. Eventually, after all the small changes kept on happening, Will was in his cabin, alone, when he heard a knock on the door. He opened it to find Nico standing there nervously, fiddling with the bottom of his jumper. “Can I come in?” he had asked. Will had simply nodded and stood back allowing the other to come in. The broken soldier came in went over to Will’s bunk, lay down on it and had simply asked to be held. So Will had quite accepted, too scared to say anything, knowing that the smallest of mistakes could drive Nico away. And just as the other changes had been, this slowly became a regular thing, as Nico slowly but surely returned to himself. Will liked to think that each passing day he had been able to see a slight change in Nico’s eyes when he had hugged him, one tiny shard returning to the destroyed glass orb that was Nico. It had still taken a while, but one point, about a year after the breakdown, Nico had begun to talk. Just to Will, and just about simple things, but that was all that anyone needed. Will began to speak to him in return, mindless chatter about their days. And for the first time in a year, Nico had smiled. It had been small, but it had been true. The road had been long, and he was nowhere near his destination yet, but the journey had begun. And that was all that Nico needed.

Small steps. That’s all it takes. Life is made up of tiny small steps. The decision to go to the vegetable section in the supermarket before the bread section. The decision to have this or that to eat. To do this or that in the day. It’s complicated and messy and could go in any random direction, but all of it is decided in small steps. And if things go wrong, or even if they go right, all of it has been determined by those tiny small steps. To change your life all you need to do is make one decision, and then keep making it. Choose to smile to that one person. Choose to say hello. No matter how hard it is, it can just be that one decision to set off a chain reaction, and that can send you off down a path that you may not even be able to imagine. Nico looked up from his diary and smiled. Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like if I didn’t make that one decision to say hello to Will that morning. I don’t even know if I would still be alive. But I am. And that’s enough for now. With that Nico closed over his notebook and stood up, grinning at Will, the boy who had saved his life. Nico wasn’t the same as before. He never would be. But it was impossible to go through something like that and come out unscathed. And he didn’t think he would ever be properly alright. There would always be a part of him that remained shattered, no matter how hard he tried to repair it. But that was alright. He didn’t need to be perfect. He just had to be himself. And that was enough.

Hi everyone, this is my first proper fic, don’t really know how good it is, but I wanted to write it, so here it is.