happyw-behappy-blog

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山间游记   2015-autumn

青山云间绕，

绿田谷中存。

山高直指天，

道狭欲逼行。

清泉路边涌，

繁星谭中现。

崖险客难行，

心宽旅自易。

Some Words from Writer

It is interesting how this is considered one of my most meaningful poem while the fact is that I did not even been to that mountain. I wrote this poem based on some pictures my father sent me when he was there. There was a sudden rash for me to write a poem about the journey so I did that, it was like I was there looking at all those views and expressing my feelings about this journey.

This poem described how beautiful yet dangerous the mountain is, and the last sentence saying even if it is hard for the hiking, the journey would be easier if you hold a open heart accepting all those challenges and beautiful views instead of focusing on the hardness and tiredness.

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春雨   2016-4

濛濛细沙若天衣，

飘飘落叶尽涟漪。

珠帘处处百花霖，

柔雨潇潇万籁静。

塘边浅草饮雨箐，

草间娇花含水憩。

悄然无声千倾落，

落地掀起百青丝。

水光潋滟���琉璃，

三千青丝情满地。

Some Words from Writer

This is a poem when I was watching the rain outside the window.

Every season has its own unique element, and the rains in spring is one of them. They are long and thin, silently bringing everything back to life, putting color on the continents. 

This poem described the spring rain from the moment it falling from  sky to how raindrops fall on plants, to how they drop to ground. A moving but silent image, enlarging the process of rainfall in front of your eye.

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西湖游   2014-summer

水蓝如天天如镜，

几座青山柳树垂。

水上绿叶连如荫，

叶上荷花似美人。

晶莹露珠环于叶，

时有蜻蜓点水近。

此般风景何有境？

唯有西湖存此景。

Some Words from Writer

This is a poem I wrote when I was at Hang Zhou （杭州）during a summer vacation. It was beautiful, no wonder so many poets wrote about 西湖. This is the impression the scenery at 西湖 gave me, the sky, the lake, the lotus.

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陈新平，我的曾外祖母   2018-1

序

这是一个老一辈的人物，平凡的身世却有着不平凡的故事。

她是我妈妈的母亲的母亲，陈新平。

她的故事，我是没有任何办法去参与或者体验的，毕竟时刻不能倒流，所以这是一个经过转述又转述再加上我自己的想象而集成的一个人物一生的故事。也许会多少增加一点传奇色彩，但是这些看似不真实的地方却也是我的母亲与我的外婆对于一个她们生命中举足轻重的女性的互动经历与形象的记忆，含有不���的人对她不同的感情与慨叹。所以也不失为一件有趣的事。而这种有点代代相传感觉的故事，也为增进家族之间的联系与感情创造了纽带，至少，让我接触到了我母亲的另一面，让我更加了解她的故事，也更加理解她，还有一些家族的历史。可惜我无法用语言来描述我母亲在为我讲述她的外婆的故事时那神采奕奕、梦回当年的样子，但那样如同与我同岁的女孩的模样仿佛让我看到了年轻时的母亲与她的外婆共处的样子。那是令我意外且欣喜的，使我很想听听我外婆将她母亲的故事，但可惜，这不能实现。

 童年

由于年代有些遥远，曾外祖母的生辰我无从得知，但她的童年趣事却是从我母亲的口中得知了一些。

因为是地主家的大女儿，陈新平的生活条件各方面在童年时期还是相对富足的。既然不用为生活担心，自然就要活得精彩。

家里4个兄弟姐妹，都是比较顽皮之辈，他们最喜欢的娱乐项目就是去河里游泳。由于每年都有孩子在河里玩耍时溺亡，陈新平的父母并不允许他们接近河附近，更别说去河里游泳了。但是仅仅是家长的警告和威胁又怎么会阻止孩子们贪玩的心呢？所以他们一得空还是会偷偷溜出去，去河里游个痛快再回家。为了不让爸妈知道到底是谁出去游泳了，他们约定了相互不告发。虽然年纪小一点的弟弟时不时会因为承受不住父母的逼问讲出谁出去游泳了，但是陈新平却一次也没有告发她的弟弟妹妹。玩归玩，她还是会照顾保护自己的弟弟妹妹不让他们游到太深或者水流湍急的地方去，以确保大家的安全。按我妈的话说，我的曾外祖母从小就是一个很有担当的人，其很大一部分原因，根据我的猜想，大约是和她的身份是家中四个孩子的老大造成的。

后来家长实在没有办法了，就在他们睡觉的时候在孩子们的脚底用毛笔和墨汁写上字，这样谁回家的时候脚底的毛笔字花了或者没了就意味着谁偷偷溜出去游泳了。最后到底发生了什么我母亲也不知道，但这样有趣的家长和孩子之间的斗智斗勇就像是每个家庭的缩影一样，我仿佛看到了4个小不点���促不安地站成一排准备挨骂的样子。

但是美好的童年时光由于战争的打响被迫提前结束了。

为了逃难，大家都背井离乡，带上所有能带上的一切从任何战火可能烧到的地方逃离。陈新平一家也不例外。

由于是大地主，家里的财产虽然算不上大富大贵却也是积攒了不少，一是心里不舍，二是逃难时路上要用到的盘缠也一定不是一个小数目，家里的金条还是要能拿多少出去就要拿多少。可是明晃晃的抱在手上不是让人来抢吗？放在一个箱子里要是箱子丢了或者坏了，那可不就麻烦了？放在袋子里，那么重的金条，背在身上肯定会被怀疑。到底该怎么办？

左想右想，他们最后决定把金条缝到孩子们的棉衣里。小孩子既不会是任何人的重点关注对象，有是相对安全的群体，再加上棉衣本身厚重的质感，只要不说，可能还真就没人发现。

于是这些孩子就过上了悲催的逃难生活，每天背着沉重的金条和家长的期望，试图跑快一点不要给家里人拖后腿，却由于是负重跑，没跑几步就气喘吁吁了。

也许是因为母亲讲这些故事时的神情，尽让我有一种逃难也没有那么慌张悲惨小心翼翼的错觉。而能让母亲这样告诉我的，一定是因为曾外祖母她曾经爽朗地笑着向我母亲讲述她自己小时候的故事，没有让母亲感到任何逃难时的慌张和艰苦吧。

回望人生时，能把曾经的苦难当成有趣的故事，微笑着讲述出来，也不失为一种人生的智慧和态度。

家庭

后来曾外祖母成年之后，由于逃难的关系家族落魄了，但这并不影响她拥有一个美好的家庭。

在日子稍微安定一点时，她与一位国民党的军官喜结连理，过上了一段幸福快乐的日子。虽然家道中落，饿死的骆驼比马大，再加上军官的收入和存款，他们购置了几套不错的房子，并选了一套他们最喜欢的在那里过上了甜蜜的新婚生活。

曾外祖母是一个非常有担当的人，她认为她的弟弟妹妹们都是她的责任，都应当由她来照顾，所以哪怕嫁为人妇，她还是让自己未出嫁的妹妹和他们住在一起。听母亲说，曾外祖母的妹妹有点天生残疾，她的头是歪的，而且终生未嫁，她知道的只有曾外祖母一直照顾着她这件事，从小到老，一直。

再后来，具体什么时候我也不是很清楚，但是曾外祖母的一个弟弟也因为不知道什么原因落魄到连一个落脚之地都没有。哪怕自己家已经住着妹妹和自己的家庭，她还是毅然决然地第一时间联系上了那个弟弟，请他们一家住进她的房子，和她一起生活。

期间她还与曾外祖父一起孕育了4个女儿，性格迥异，却个个都生的肤白貌美，各有各的特点和美感。我的外婆就是他们家的大小姐，从小四个奶妈带大，娇生惯养，也养成了挑剔的习惯。

我外婆还小的时候，得了肺结核。这在当时可是相当于癌症于现在的令人惶恐。大家都避着外婆，也都用看死人的眼光看她了，但是曾外祖母没有放弃。在那个西药还尚未普及甚至被抵制被认为是威胁的时代，在肺结核约等于癌症的时代，曾外祖母不顾任何人的劝阻，卖掉了一套房子，请了一位善用西药的军医前来为外婆就诊。顶着高昂的医药费和那些没有人知道有没有用的五彩药片，救着一个大家认为注定要死的人，这在当时是另类的，是荒谬的，但也是勇敢的，果决的，值得尊敬的。也许她并不是勇于尝试新的事物，也不是有多么前卫的思想，只是因为爱女心切而放手一搏，但仅仅是这样，也说明了她是一位伟大又令人尊敬的母亲。

 文革

日子就这样安安生生，平平淡淡，没有什么太大波折的过了几年，文化大革命到来了。

地主的后代加上国民党军官的妻子，这样的身份可是“重点观察对象”。丈夫被投入监狱关押拷问，家里所有的财产充公，这样突如其来的人生变故认是对谁都会是一个巨大的打击。

抄家那会儿，由于地主的身份，红卫兵来来回回往返了好几趟，翻箱倒柜甚至把地板撬开掘地三尺，只为了找那些“听说被地主藏起来的金条”。但其实，家里早就没有那么富有了，连空有其表的富有都维持不了，哪里还有什么金条呢？但那些来抄家的人似乎想不通这一点，只是一味地执着地翻找，认定了她一定是把金条藏起来了。

具体发生了什么，我也不清楚，但我想象我的曾外祖母当时一定是护着自己的四个女儿和妹妹，冷笑着看着那些像无头苍蝇一样到处翻找气急败坏的人把自己的家捣鼓地乱七八糟。她绝不会像泼妇那样骂街，也绝不会像羸弱的女子一样哭哭啼啼，她一定是坚毅的，挺拔的，不服从的。

由于家里被收的什么也没了，丈夫依旧是阶下囚，一个本该躺在丈夫臂���中享受爱情，和弟弟妹妹一起聊聊家长里短感受亲情和尽心栽培教育后代的女子，独自一人扛起了全家人的生死。原本的富家大小姐变成了摆着小摊的街边妇人，以卖杂货为生，以一己之力抚养教育自己的四个女儿。

我想，她一定只会在夜深人静所有人都入睡之时，才会轻声抽泣，想念自己的丈夫，为女儿的生活感到惋惜，但绝对不会抱怨命运的不公，也不会因为打击而一蹶不振。现实不允许她软弱和怜惜，她自己也绝对不是软弱无能之辈。在女儿面前，在弟弟妹妹面前，笑着撑起这个家，努力让即将支零破碎的家重新并在一起，让那些害怕紧张接近崩溃的人们看到救赎，看到支柱，看到希望。

但是她成为了大家的支柱，那谁又是她的支柱呢？谁又会在她深夜悄悄落泪时安抚理解她呢？我想答案可能是没有人。

 晚年

再往后的事情，就是我母亲出生之后的事情了。那时她已经从母亲变为外婆了，也依然和曾外祖父一起生活在四川，还有她的弟弟和妹妹。

我母亲出生在上海，但是当时家里的经济状况十分的拮据，在上海的奶奶也不愿意带一个拖油瓶生活。就在大家你推我让，发现这个孩子实在是难以养活的时候，曾外祖母发电告诉我外婆叫她把我母亲接到她家去抚养，她来照顾只有8个月的母亲。然而，曾外祖母家的经济状况也没有特别优越，甚至也过得有点节俭，而我母亲的到来使得她更是省吃俭用，为了给一个婴儿她应得的爱与照顾。一直到2岁多，我母亲都一直是寄住在曾外祖母家里，由曾外祖母带大。

后来，我母亲又被接回了上海生活，在上海上了小学。在母亲12岁那年，她又一次回到了四川，外婆家里住着她的妹妹和我母亲的妹妹，外婆便以没有地方给我母亲住为由，又将母亲送到曾外祖母家，由她照顾。

母亲的初中时光是在四川度过的，每当过年的时候，她收到的所有红包总是会被她的母亲收走，不允许她有零花钱用。

“外婆知道这件事以后，每年的春节就会偷偷再给我包一个大红包，在我妈不知道时给我，我就藏在鞋子里天天穿着，不让我妈发现。”我母亲讲这一段故事的时候，脸上洋溢着天真幸福的感觉，好像那些岁月留下的皱纹和银丝都在那个瞬间消失了，印出的是母亲12、13岁刚刚进入青春期那种骄傲的小大人的神情，虽然她本人不知道这件事，但我仿佛看到了曾外祖母用俏皮的语气疼爱地把红包悄咪咪地塞给我母亲，叫她自己藏好���着用的样子。

“外婆对我可好了，她很宠我。夏天我睡觉的时候她还帮我打扇子。有一年过年烤火的时候，我坐得离火太近了，一个不小心就把棉鞋的前头给烧焦了。我本来以为会挨一顿打，可是外婆知道了却开始大笑，像是听到了一个有趣的故事一样。”

不知道为什么，这些画面明明没有惊心动魄，也没有很细致的描述，我甚至从来没有见过我的曾外祖母和母亲12、13岁时的��样，却能够很自然的在脑海里浮现出母亲所描绘的画面。我就好像站在那个不大的客厅里，看着曾外祖母坐在椅子上打着围巾，当她看到母亲不安地来认错时，手里的毛线停了下来，咯咯笑着，笑得皱纹都仿佛加深了一样，惹得母亲也和她一起笑了起来，刚刚哭丧着的泪珠还挂在脸颊上，眼睛里还闪着一丝丝泪光。还有曾外祖母的笑声，虽然不再清脆，却也还是悦耳的，是慈爱的，是包容的。

1992年，母亲大学毕业的那一年，她找到了她的第一份工作。从很小的时候起，她就决定要把自己的第一份工资拿来孝敬曾外祖母，也与她约好了，一拿到第一份工资，就把钱寄过去。然而，就在母亲将要拿到工资的前几天，曾外祖母过世的噩耗从四川传到了上海，传到了母亲的耳朵里。她说她不记得当时自己为什么没有去奔丧了，但是她记得她当时知道这个消息时的感觉，那是一个很明确的认知。

 她说，世界上唯一一个最爱她的人走了，这世上再也没有人会这样爱她了。

 母亲依旧把第一份工资寄了过去，说是全部用在了葬礼上。她说，真的是惭愧，连一个好好孝敬外婆的机会都没有。

 然后她又说了一次，那是世界上唯一一个真正爱她的人，现在也不在了。

   Some Words from Writer

This is my first time writing a biography about a real person. I hesitated a lot when it came to choose who to write about. I didn’t want to write about famous people because they are famous enough that people knows their stories and they have their biography written or writing. I wanted to write about someone personal, but not personal enough that I can recite his or her life story without interviewing anyone.

Then my mother said I should wrote about her grandmother, someone I am related but never met. I did not agree right away, because the only one who knew this lady was my mom, and this lady had been slept for years, many details might be forgotten.

But when I reconsider it, I realized how important and impressive this woman was if she had such a huge influence on my mom that she even wanted a biography for her. So I interviewed my mom and decided to write about this amazing lady.

She lived in a time which none of us living in a nice and comfortable room could image. She was from the last last generation I would say, when China was experiencing some of the extremest things in her history. She was strong, independent, smart, legendary. But she was also just a kind, old grandma who loved her granddaughter a lot. She was the closest one to my mother. And I was wrong about she forgetting the details, she remembers everything. Everything about this old lady who now only lives in her memory. But she will never forget, and when she reflect back, she was not my mother talking to me, she was like a girl of the age she remembered herself as when her grandma was still alive and took care of her. She was like a child when she talked about her grandma. I have never see that before. It was a feeling that is too good and vulnerable that I was afraid if I interrupt, it would gone.

And when the interview ended, my mom was crying. She said something I could never forget, not because the content, but the feeling. She was so sad, and the sadness was too real and pure.

She said, “ The only person in this world who loved me most deeply has gone. And no one would ever love me like that.”

Then she said again,

“She was the only one who truly loved me in this world. And now she is gone.“

[happyw-behappy-blog]

The Biography of Sirius Black: a collection of all the letters received   2017-12

 Dear Padfoot,

It’s been a long time since I last saw you. Actually I hope I would never meet you again. Because this means, you are still alive. But it’s still nice to see you now; at least you lived 17 years longer than me.

Thank you for being there for Harry, you are a great godfather. Thank you for teaching him patience, justice and love. And thank you for every moment you spend with Harry.

I know he is very much like me, not only his look, but also him. I bet it is because of genetic which make him so talented, like me, or how could he still be like this excellent after growing up in a pig house! (Don’t you tell Lily about this!) I know this is how you think of Lily’s sis’ family, don’t try to deny it. So sometimes, you think him as me, like your dear old friend was still there with you, I know its feeling. And I know the disappointment when you release the difference between Harry and me. But he’s your godson anyway, you have to love him, and I know you did, for me and for him.

No matter what, now we can hang out together again, after all these years. See you around some time, and don’t forget to bring the beer with you when you are here.

I miss the time which Maraduers got to pick on Snivellus, I think we can still do that now, just in a different world.

 Love,

Prongs

             "It's been fourteen years, and still not a day goes by that I don't miss your dad."

—Sirius regarding his friendship with James

                                 Sirius Black,

This would be the last time and first time I wrote something to you.

SHAME ON YOU!!!!! How dare you to fight against our Load! You’ve betrayed your family.

I wish I’d NEVER had a son like you.

But at least, you keep the Blacks’ pure blood when you leave the world. I’m glad that you did not disgust me and your mother with some mudblood’s child. Through me and your mother burned your face of the family tree of House of Black when you betrayed your noble family and blood, you were our last pure blood in the Blacks, and the Blacks are died forever now.

I would never forgive you for all the dirty things you’ve done, and how you do not care about the pure blood in your body.

From this moment, Sirius Black, the son of Orion Black and Walburga Black, are officially removed from House of Black due to his betray to his pure blood and his Lord.

Orion Black

      Harry Potter: "Were — were your parents Death Eaters as well?"

Sirius: "No, no, but believe me, they thought Voldemort had the right idea, they were all for the purification of the wizarding race, getting rid of Muggle-borns and having pure-bloods in charge."

— Sirius regarding his family's beliefs

                                 Dear Snuffles,

  How are you these days? We want to visit you next time we can go to Hogsmeade that will be next Saturday. Harry does not feel very well these days. He told us not to tell you, but I think you should know. I think its his scar, but he didn’t tell, maybe he would talk to you about it. You are the only one he’d listen to right now.

Please don't tell Harry I write this letter to you, he would be mad at me for telling you this.

I guess he must have sent you his letter, reply his only, and tell him we can visit if it is safe. He is really worrying about you.

Please don’t tell Harry about this! And keep yourself safe!

 PS: I wonder how does mice tastes, and how could you live on with that!

 You must love Harry very much. Wish I’d have a godfather so cool as you.

          "Poor old Snuffles."

—Ron, on Sirius living off rats

        I would never forget the time in Azkaban. It is a place worse than hell. In hell, people are in pain still they are desperate to leave, they are hoping something, but in Azkaban, there is no hope, only coldness, darkness and walking-dead.

This is a place easily making people crazy. I saw many people came in normal or even proud, like those stupid Death Eaters, feeling proud as they got in there because of the loyalty they thought they got. However, after a while, the fire inside everyone dies, those who try to fight against got crazy, living in their fantasy.

I don’t even know how I got through that time. Maybe it’s because that I do not have desire and happiness to given away. Only hates, guilt, and sadness. Those creatures, they don't have eyes, they don't need them, all they need is the air of hopelessness and fear, which give them power.

Day and day, I live a life like this, eating, sleeping, thinking, trying to stay clear. There is no positive thing in my life, darkness and isolation. I know I am different from the others, those crazy and dirty people, I have to stay awake.

I didn’t stand up for myself, because I felt guilt. I thought Pettigrew was died and he got what he deserved! I’m really sorry, James. I shouldn’t let you change Secret-Keeper, I thought Pettigrew would be like us, would rather die than betray his friend. I regard that decision every day.

After 13 years in Azkaban, I heard that Pettigrew was not died. He created his own death scene and set me up for the betrayal. He used a Blasting Curse, killing twelve Muggles in the process, the huge explosion on the street enabling him to fake his own death and escape in his Animagus form, leaving a severed finger behind as evidence of his death. Everyone believed it, I believed it. However, it is not like that, he is now living in his Animagus form with the Weasleys, most importantly, with Harry.

I must not make another mistake and should explore this to the light, to let Harry know that his godfather, his father’s best man and best friend did not betray him. So I am planning on escape, it is going to be hard, no one ever done it before. But that’s what we do, do the things that are impossible for others, do the things that have never been done before.

Those stupid life-sucking creatures cannot sense animals, so I may escape using my Animagus.

I would be there for Harry this time, as his godfather, his friend, and his family.

Wish me good luck, dear Lily and James.

I can do this, I have to do this.

                       Sirius: "What was there to be gained by fighting the most evil wizard that ever existed? Only innocent lives, Peter!"

Peter Pettigrew: "You don’t understand! He would have killed me, Sirius!"

Sirius: "THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED! DIED RATHER THAN BETRAY YOUR FRIENDS, AS WE WOULD HAVE DONE FOR YOU!"

— Sirius confronting Peter in regards to his betrayal

                                 To Sirius:

When can I return Ur motorbike? It’s been over 15 years! When and where should I give it to U? or maybe u would let me keep it?

 From Hagrid

              This is the first time that there is prisoner escape from Azkaban, the most horrible prison in the world. According to someone working in that department in Ministry of Magic, it is guarded by Dementors, one of the most horrifying, dangerous, and mysterious creatures.

 Here is our wanted man: 

  Famous in both Magic world and Muggles’ world. Known as “The

most dangerous wanted man.” Wanted man indeed! Look how handsome he is when he is young, even on the wanted picture!

 Here is some background information on Sirius Black:

Born:

3 November, 1959

England, Great Britain

Blood status:

Pure-blood

Marital status:

Single

  In prison for the charge of murder 12 Muggles, explore identity to the Muggles, causing the death of James Potter and Lily Potter, and suspicious Death Eater.

 (Reported by Rita Skeeter)

                  Dear Padfoot,

Thank you for being there with me when it was full moon, also Prongs and Wormtail.

And I’m truly sorry that I thought you betrayed James and Lily. I should believe in you that you’d never do that. Just there was no evidence that Pettigrew was still alive, so I did not believe. I am really sorry, Sirius.

Us, the Marauders, are the most meaningful thing in my life. Werewolf is not usually easily accepted as friend or classmate, even my family was scared of me, but you guys are not. Thank you again.

To be fair, you and James are the most talented people I’ve ever seen. Smart, gifted, and brave, nothing seems impossible to you. Thank god I’m a werewolf, or I may be left far behind you guys, I mean Animagus! That’s something even most professors cannot do. Anyway, we were the most loved and hated people back in our day at Hogwarts, because we got the talent and rude, I have to say.

Harry is doing alright, just he won’t talk. I guess you are the only one he’d like to talk to and now, well, you are also gone. I promise I would take good care of him, the best I can do.

He wants to join the Order. I know you would support him, so I did not stop him, through according to me; I am not sure if he really understands what does that responsibility means and if he is ready to face death. But he is the son of James and the godson of you! He got that sprit, talent, and bravery inside him. He got his own believe and things he worth fighting for. I would support him, like what you and James would do.

I’m doing alright, Severus is still making me Wolfsbane Potion every month, he is doing ok as well, as usual.

Give the Potters my regard, and Severus’ to Lily.

We all miss you.

Love,

Moony

         Remus: "...he thought I was the spy, Peter. I assume that's why you didn't tell me, Sirius?"

Sirius Black: "Forgive me, Remus."

Remus: "Not at all, Padfoot, old friend. And will you forgive me for believing you were the spy?"

Sirius Black: "Of course."

— Reflecting on the First Wizarding War

                                 "Sirius was a brave, clever, and energetic man, and such men are not usually content to sit at home in hiding while they believe others to be in danger."

He is a great friend, a brave fighter, an intelligent student, a trouble-maker, a good man, and most importantly to you, Harry, he is the best godfather.

                  TO Snuffles:

Please reply only when you are safe.

We have to send another owl rather than Hedwig because he is too easy to be recognized.

 Hope you are doing well. Tell me what we can bring to you next time we visit. I guess some well-cooked food would be nice.

 We are all very worry about you, please do not try to leave the place you can be safe and unfound. We would go find you, using the invisible coat.

 No matter what you heard, do not explore yourself to anyone. We’d be alright; we can deal with things on our own.

 Please don’t be too worry about us. Harry is doing fine, he miss you a lot, we do as well. He wants to talk to you very much, but I told him to wait till you have been certain that you are safe. So please reply only when you are safe. We all want to be absolutely safe. And please do not rash, we don’t want to lose you, and Harry can’t afford to lose you again.

 Sorry for being annoying, but safety is the most important thing for all of us under such a special time. So please never try to find us in your Animgus form, don’t let us be worry about you.

 Keep in contact, and don’t give up. Greet Buckbeak for us.  

  We all love you.

 PS: Pigwidgeon would bite, and he might be a little noiscy. (Ron)

Love,

    "You really are the brightest witch of your age." —Sirius to Hermione after she and Harry rescued him from receiving the Dementor's Kiss in 1994

                  Dear Sirius,

How are you doing? I miss you a lot.

My scar never hurts anymore since the end of war, I’m doing fine. I married Ginny, and we had 2 sons and a daughter. I named my big boy after you and my father, James Sirius Potter. I hope he can get both of your sprits inside him. The bravery, caring, loving, and loyalty, everything I learnt from you, I would like him to understand them as well.

I know you must be guilty by leaving me so early. You haven’t made it to your promise, to give me another home, to live with you in another place. Don’t be. Because no matter what, you are still the most important man to me, you said you are my godfather, but I take you as my father, my brother, and my friend. You are my real family when I thought I belonged nowhere, and I believe there would never be anyone willing to live on rats just to make sure I’m safe while he is in much more dangerous than I did.

I cannot remember my parents, but it was you and Lupin who brought them alive to me. The stories you’ve told me about your youth, and what you and Professor Smape brought up during your arguments. Everyone said that I look exactly like my dad, and owned my mom’s eyes, but you are the only one who let me believe I have them inside me. And now, also some parts of you, I believe.

12 Grimmauld Place is still left empty, Kreacher still lives in there, I bet he doesn’t want company and I don’t need a house elf, so I let him do whatever he want in that house. I once hated Kreacher, I thought you died because of him giving information to Voldemort, but Professor Dumbledore talked to me later, about our relationship and your death. I can’t help myself to blame myself through I knew he’s right.

He said: "Like the fact that the person Sirius cared most about in the world was you. Like the fact that you were coming to regard Sirius as a mixture of father and brother. Voldemort knew already, of course, that Sirius was in the Order, that you knew where he was, but Kreacher’s information made him realise that the one person whom you would go to any lengths to rescue, was Sirius Black."

I lived through all those troubles, heart-breakings, and death. Your words are still on my mind every day, to remind me of the loved ones.

You said, after all that was over, we can be together. You didn’t break your promise, you did it, because you also said the ones who love us never really leave us, you can always find them in my heart.

You said you didn’t belong to your family, and neither did I when I met you. So you are my family, you give me somewhere I felt I belong, that is whenever I spent time with you.

You have always been the most important man to me.

I love you, Sirius. And I miss you so much.

Lots of love,

           "I never betrayed Lily and James. I would have died before I betrayed them."

—Sirius trying to convince Harry of the truth in 1994

  "If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals."

—Sirius giving advice to Harry

  " Come on, you can do better than that!... And Harry saw the look of mingled fear and surprise on his godfather's wasted, once-handsome face as he fell through the ancient doorway and disappeared behind the veil, which fluttered for a moment as though in a high wind and then fell back into place."

—Sirius' last words and death by falling through the veil

  Harry Potter: "Does it hurt?"

Sirius: "Dying? Not at all. Quicker and easier than falling asleep."

— Sirius' spirit speaks to Harry through the Resurrection Stone

  "We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are."

— Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

  "This is how it is — this is why you're not in the Order — you don't understand — there are things worth dying for!"

— Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

  "Well, [bad] times like that bring out the best in some people and the worst in others."

— Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

  "The ones who love us never really leave us, you can always find them in here."

— Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

  "What's life without a little risk?"

— Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

  "Then you should have died! Died, rather than betray your friends, as we would have done for you."

— Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

      Some Words from Author

I am so sorry that the format, word styles, word sizes, etc. cannot be changed here. This is one of my proudest work, I even draw “The Marauder's Map” when I was creating this biography. Again this was a school project, but when I decided to write about Sirius Black, one of my favorite characters, from the best series ever created ---- Harry Potter ---- this was no longer a project to be, it was a creation.

I spent a week working on this creation ---- doing all the research I could do, rereading the books, reviewing the movies ---- just to be respectful and recreate the life of Sirius Black as accurate as I can. Instead of writing plainly  about his life, I chose to use letters from different people sent to him to reflect different period of his life. I studied characters’ signature to make sure the word style I chose matches their handwriting; I analysis the characters’ personalities and acted in them when I am writing from their perspectives; I found out the meaningful being existed in Sirius Black’s life and quote their reflections on each other. This is the most meaningful thing I created so far. I love it.

[happyw-behappy-blog]

Haters who Fall in Love   2018-7

Int. Day, JASON’s new company building

JASON walks into an elevator, the door is closing. EMMA walks into the building with a brunch of paper work in her hand-bag.

EMMA:

                        (Whispers to herself)

Alright, these are for Jason. You can do it, just walk in, give him the bag, and leave. No explanation, no expectation. Perfect.

(shouts)  Wait!

JASON puts his hand forward to stop the door from closing. EMMA runs into the elevator in a hurry. She smoothes her rumpled clothes and checks her hair.

EMMA:

Thank you.

EMMA turns around with a smile, and that smile hangs itself on EMMA’s face awkwardly, failed to disappear or reappear. She felt her heart shrinks at the moment she catches JASON with her eyes.

EMMA (COUNT’D):

Jason.

JASON:

Never expect to see you here.  What are you doing here?

Suddenly, the ELEVATOR stops, getting stuck between cafeteria floor and office area.

EMMA:

What’s going/ on?

ELEVATOR:

I’m sorry to inform you that, there have been some technical difficulties with our elevators now. There will be no danger, so all the passengers may stay calm and enjoy your time trapping in an elevator.

EMMA:

What the beep----! Great! No wonder your company is losing Jason, get stuck in an elevator the first time I pay your dear new company building a visit. A VERY - NICE welcoming, Jason. I appreciate it. Now can you please stay away from me?

JASON:

Emma, there’s nowhere else to go! What do you expect me to do? Climb on top of the elevator like a spy or a ninja?

EMMA:

Yeah, can you do that?

JASON rolls his eyes.

EMMA (smiling):

Please?

JASON:

Alright, I’ll stay away from you as farrrr as I can.

(in a lower voice)   Damn this stupid elevator!

EMMA rolls her eyes at JASON then turns her back to him.

EMMA:

(in a lower voice)

Typical. Just blame the elevator.

An awkward silence.

JASON:

So...why are you here?

EMMA doesn’t answer immediately, blushes climb up to her cheeks. She holds the bag in front of her, so JASON won’t see it.

JASON(COUNT’D):

I saw it! The bag. Why are you hiding that away from me? Wait, don’t tell me you are going to sue me or something! Hey, listen, I know you hate me, but let’s not take personal feelings into business…

EMMA turns around to face JASON.

EMMA:

Are you stupid or something? These are paper works that’s gonna help you win this case and cost me lost! Beep---- Jason! If I don’t take my beep--- personal feelings into business, I am not going to be here holding those wining insurance for you and getting trapped in this stupid elevator!

ELEVATOR:

Uhhhh… Excuse me?

Suddenly, the electricity of the elevator goes out. In darkness, EMMA bumps her head against the elevator wall.

EMMA:

Beep-----!

ELEVATOR:

Uhhhhh… I’m sorry to inform you that the electricity are just crossing over each other and don’t know where they are suppose to be. So… you guys are probably in darkness right now? I guess the elevators are still safe? So… just… uhhh… keep calm and… stay safe. Hope you have a nice day? (in a lower voice) Maybe?

EMMA:

Seriously? This is just the worst day in my life.

JASON opens his mouth tries to speak, but then he seems to be enlightened. This can be a chance. JASON takes a deep breath.

JASON:

Uhhhh… Emma?

EMMA pretends that she didn’t hear JASON.

JASON:

Emma? / Can you…

EMMA:

What.

JASON:

Can you… can you come over here? On my side, I mean, PHYSICALLY! Physically on my side. J…just… where I can feel… ur… your existence. I mean—uh (with sigh). Did I say anything that makes sense? God damn it.

EMMA:

WHAT?

JASON takes another deep breath.

JASON:

I…I’m…I’m scared of dark.

EMMA:

Of course you are, what do I expect…… Wait, WHAT?

JASON:

Emma~ Please~

EMMA sighs and walks over to JASON in big steps, a little bit in a rush but quietly. She doesn’t want anyone to hear her worry. Now she is on JASON’s side, physically. JASON moves closer to EMMA, to where their fingers can touch if any movement occurs. EMMA stays there, failed to move away.

ELEVATOR:

Since you guys might be bored trapping in a STUPID elevator, maybe we can create some wonderful memories together. I always feel like people who hate each other accurately are feeling the most deeply for one another. They are the ones who know each other the best. They are like magnets attracting and repelling each other, can’t get closer, but can’t be further apart.

EMMA turns on the flashlight on her phone.

EMMA:

(whispers) it’s all right, I’m on your side now.

(back to normal tone and voice)

Physically.    Are you a baby?

JASON smiles, he doesn’t talk back as he would do on any other day. He is enjoying this moment, which EMMA is so close to him. EMMA doesn’t keep on attacking JASON as she would do on any other day. She is trying to lower the blush on her face.

ELEVATOR:

But when they are forced to be in the same space, in darkness where it is okay to stop pretending, like now, they can hear their own heart. They would feel the heartbeats telling them how they feel for each other. They would breathe softly so no one wakes the dream. And they can hear their own heartbeats, getting faster and faster, louder and louder, harder and harder.

Suddenly, JASON holds EMMA’s hand, tight enough to keep EMMA from escape, and gentle enough to not hurt EMMA.

EMMA:                                                     JASON:

Jason!                                                      Emma.

Oh, I’m sorry you go first.                       You first.

(A pause.)

It’s just…                                                  It’s just…

Oh, uhhhhh…

A silence.

Then JASON starts talking, in a higher-than-usual-pitch. He talks in a rush, trying to tell EMMA his feelings about her before the feeling flows out itself.

JASON:

I like you, Emma! I… it’s… it started… a long time ago. A few month after you became the employee of my company. (smiles) The year we spent working together, it was… the best time of my life. And wh…when you leave the company, I just started to realize that I already fell in love with you. I wanted you to stay, but you refused. I… I don’t know what to do. I wanted to tell you that I love you… but every time I see you ignoring me, getting angry at me, I said to myself... maybe, maybe this is good enough, at least she noticed me, and hates me, at least… I have a spot in her heart. This is good enough.

(A pause.)JASON laughs at himself.

I know you would probably feel sick right now, and will never talk to me anymore.

With the flashlight on, JASON looks into EMMA’s eyes. They are shining and beautiful, as they always are, even the look of shock is so beautiful. JASON smiles, turns to EMMA and holds EMMA’s face gently with his free hand. JASON leans in, closer to EMMA’s face, until their foreheads touch, until they can only see each other in their eyes.

JASON(COUNT’D):

But I just can’t keep it in anymore.

I just want you to know   that    (whispers) I love you.

JASON kisses EMMA. EMMA doesn’t resist. She just stands still like she has been turned into a statue, except that, inside her, something just melt and begin to burn. She feels like her heart might just stops pumping for a second.

ELEVATOR:

So if they get any closer, to which they can only have each other in the moment, they can hear their heartbeats mixing, pounding on the same beat, faster and faster, louder and louder, like millions of butterflies just breaking out of their cocoons, shaking their wings for the very first time.

The kiss ends. JASON let go of EMMA’s face and hand.

JASON: (sad and embarrassed)

I’m…I’m sorry for my ru----

EMMA kisses JASON, JASON is in shock for 3 seconds, and then he smiles. He cannot help it, so does EMMA. Their teeth hit, but neither of them stop the kiss. Just laughing and kissing.

ELEVATOR:

Then the two magnets would finally find the right ends to be together, just one little turn would do it. Hope you have a great memory being trapped in this stupid elevator.

The kiss ends. EMMA puts both of her hands in JASON’s hands.

EMMA:

(whispers) I love you too. Never apologize for that.

(back to normal voice) I… I’ve never heard that story before. Only if I could realize this earlier…

JASON:

Shhhhhh. This is good enough .............. for the best day of my life.

They kiss again. The elevator starts, it stops at the office area and the door opens. There are tons of employees standing outside prepare to meet their boss. But when the door opens, they are all shocked by what they see. Someone drops a folder.

AN EMPLOYEE:

We’re good! Everything’s fine! You guys continue! We see nothing!

Then all the employees just turn their back to the elevator and cover their eyes. The door of elevator closes and elevator keeps rising, so is the temperature and love inside the door.

Some Words from Writer

This is my first Rom-Com, quite a challenge to me. As I think that make people think is easier than make people happy, and I have no confidence in writing romantic stories as the chemistry is hard to describe or show. But one of the teacher said this is a good chance for me to try out a new writing style, can have a happy ending instead of a dark or heavy one. Then I thought I have nothing to lose, if I failed, it meant I was not ready for that writing style; if I success, or at least people think it is good, it meant I can explore another writing style.

So I tried, and I read the first draft to my sweet suit mates, they were very into this story and reacting like they are watching a rom-com. Maybe they are just being nice, but their reaction encouraged me, so I kept on working on it and eventually performed it on the writers’ cafe and won “the loudest laughter and applause” according to our counselor. I was happy and very glad that this worked out well.

Always try new things, cause you never know where is the limit you can reach.

[happyw-behappy-blog]

Foe and Friend   2018-7

 NARRATOR:

In an unknown place,

there stand two men,

facing each other…

and flooding between them,

a candle burning at both ends.

The one wearing black,

is called FOE;

and the one in white,

is known as FRIEND.

And far behind them,

in faint moonlight,

lays a man in bed,

wearing a pajama,

ze-bra-like.

  FOE:

So here we meet again. What’s up this time?

FRIEND:

Well, something happened last night.

(Pause.)

Waiting for FOE to reply, but there’s none.

 I saw an opportunity…for showing my work to everyone. Well, not exactly everyone, but, you know, a lot of people.

(Pause.)

So----what do you think?

FOE:

You shouldn’t do it.

FRIEND:

Why!?

FOE:

You are not going to make it anyway. You know it, you are not good enough. THAT’S WHY.

FRIEND：

But…

FOE:

What.

 FRIEND is talking in a lower volume.

 FRIEND:

I put a lot of effort into it ……

 FOE laughs, and keeps on laughing while NARRATOR is speaking

 NARRATOR:

The laughs,

are in a scornful way.

He laughed so wildly,

that the sound of sneers, echoes and echoes,

like a nightmare,

like the sound of a pounding heart.

Echoes and echoes.

  Finally, FOE stops laughing, just before FRIEND’s voice slips out of his open mouth.

 FOE:

So? It doesn’t mean it’s good. / You know it.

 FOE points his finger towards FRIEND.

 You -- just -- don’t -- want -- to -- admit-it.

FRIEND:

No……I……

  FOE puts down his hand, drops beside his body.

 FOE:

Eh? It’s gonna be DIFFERENT this time? How many times have you said this? / Eh? Do you trust yourself anymore?

FRIEND:

I…… I……

FOE:

Ha! You see? You don’t even trust YOURself.

 FOE shakes his head slightly.

 How old are you? Eh? You really gotta think about your future, man. It’s not going to work. You know it! There’s no way you can make a living out of this. It’s time to give up, man.

 (A silence.)

 FRIEND:

I’ll think about it. Just…… Give me some time.

 (Another silence, a long one.)

 NARRATOR:

The man in pajama

rolls over in bed.

From left to right,

then roll back to left.

He seems to be asleep,

but not his heartbeat,

racing with time,

it gives up finally.

Beating slower and slower,

trying to match the normal speed.

But it failed,

Always different from normal.

  FRIEND sighs, a warm smile hangs on his face.

 FRIEND:

It was my dream, you know. To present my work someday, in front of a whole— lot of people, being liked and understood, by farmers and politicians, by young kids and old men. They will talk about me; remember me, in the way I exist in their heart. So I don’t die, as long as there’s one__ person remembering me, I’m alive; as long as my works still exist in this world, I’m alive.

(Pause.)

My soul would meet them, every single one of them, who appreciate or dislike my work, who can view the work like I am talking to them in front of them.

(A long pause.)

  That was my dream, and still are I guess.

  (A silence.)

 FOE:

Alright. It’s your choice. I tried. One last reminder. Think about your future carefully, if this time  it also doesn’t work out, which I see a 99.9% possibility, what would you do with yourself. Don’t make your life miserable, getting nothing done and known by no one. Live a normal life, get a job, and don’t starve yourself to death. But that will be a relief for me, so you can do that.

 FOE waves his hand one time.

    Hope I will never see you again.

  The man in bed suddenly sits up.

Some Words from Writer

This is a script combining naturalistic dialogues between two self in a dream with poetic narration style besides. Dream is the perfect setting mixing all those elements, the positive and negative thoughts inside you, like the angle and devil scenes appears in cartoon. Color and candle are important symbolism in this stage play and the narrator is more like a prophet figure which the characters on stage are not in the same world with. They are not aware of the narrator’s existence and every line the narrator says has its underlying meaning.

This is the first complete script I wrote during the script-writing class at YWW. A work of my usual style but with more down-to-earth theme and more professional expression. I learnt a lot from the courses there. It’s filled with inspirations.

[happyw-behappy-blog]

归月   2018-8

黑枝蚀月影，

乌丝缚暗珠。

蝉鸣过森树，

风啸赶愁云。

月高独挂夜，

依稀落星光。

不知归去处，

应是风散时。

Some Words from Writer

This is a poem I wrote on my way back to NYC after I finished my SAT exam and a day shopping around. A feeling of uncertainty and the scene of seeing a full moon hanging over trees through the car window are expressed in this poem. Full moon has a symbol of reunion, or missing, a special symbolism.

This poem is in ancient Chinese style, the most beautiful form of writing I’ve known. 

[happyw-behappy-blog]

Desire and Morality   2018-7

Int., in the corner of a bar - Night

Two men drink silently. One of them stars into darkness; the other one tries to do the same but keeps stealing a peek of that man when the grass touches on his lips, ice-cold, and leaves the pair of fire-red lips with warmth that die away in a blink of eye.

 RAYMOND:

Did she found out?

MIKE:

What.

RAYMOND:

 Oh. You know. (Pause.) Her dog just died. She loved it so much.

  MIKE does not answer, just take a slip from his glass.

 RAYMOND:

 I think you should tell her, Mike.

MIKE:

 No.

RAYMOND:

 But if she found out…

MIKE:

 She won’t! She will be heartbreaking.

RAYMOND:

 (whispers to himself) Then what about me?

 (to MIKE) She might already noticed it.

MIKE:

 When? How? What did she say? Did you go find her?

MIKE is grabbing RAYMOND’s by his collar before he noticed. He lets go of it. Not looking at the heart-breaking look RAYMOND gives him.

 MIKE:

Sorry.

RAYMOND:

 No. You’re right. She won’t find out. I’m sorry.

(A silence.)

 I’m sorry.

Some Words from Writer

This is a practice piece of using metaphoric language, talking with underlying meaning with non-direct reference to a secret which both the characters knows and the audience can tell there is a secret without knowing the secret directly. 

This piece is about two man having an affair while Mike has a girlfriend who did not know about Raymond. This is the moment which Mike wants to end this relationship to have a “normal life”, but still in love with Raymond.

[happyw-behappy-blog]

Human Family EP1   2018-7

In the living room, Gureg is reading newspaper on the sofa. Moving his head from left to right line by line with the movement of his eyes, which is a little bit too fast for reading, but he does that every day. No one ever doubted.

Gureg:

Hmmm….

He shifts a bit. Felicity enters with her usual intimidating poise.

Felicity:

Dad I need your help on something.

Gureg:

Ah…Yes what can I help you with, my offspring?

Felicity :

Could you help me with this reading assignment?

Gureg is visibly panicked but attempts to maintain his cool

Gureg:

READING! I mean sure…um… of course I am well versed in your human dialect show me the errant phrase

Felicity hands him an open book and points to the word “comprehend”

Felicity:

What does this mean? I refuse to permit my raw talent and superior political ambitions to hindered by a deficient vocabulary

Gureg stars at the word “comprehend”.

Felicity:

Dad?

Gureg:

Oh. That information is well within the capability of one as literate as myself. The word is clearly, brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrread? Bread, yes the word displayed here is bread.

Some Words from Writer

Human Family is a web series we produced during the YWW. Each episode last about 1 min with the theme song, and each episode about a member of the family whose deepest secret being revealed. This is a warm comedy, which we show secrets in a funny way but the underlaying fact that the family which consists of no normal human is a warm and accepting family.  

This is a family with an alien dad who pretend to be well educated, a vampire mom who is the original figure of Bella in Twilight, a ghost grandma who dead at her 16′s, a spooky teenage brother who is a beauty YouTuber, and a young sister who wants to be the president of United States.

We assign each group of 2 or 3 people to write about one character, James, Alice, and I worked on the alien father. We gave him a setting, decided his secret, then designed how his secret would be revealed. 

This is the first TV script I wrote, and the first time I was the director. Each classmate function in a job like we are a formal production group. It was a special experience and I enjoyed the teamwork and being the director taught me to think more realistically when I am writing the scripts on how to show the audience my story.

[happyw-behappy-blog]

一半西瓜的思考   2018-5

抱着半个冰镇西瓜坐在沙发上，对着黑屏的电视思考人生。

我是一名高中生，每天面临的也是一成不变的生活。起床，出门，上校车，吃早饭，上课，下课，上课，午饭，上课，下课，放学，上校车，回家，做作业，晚饭，做作业，睡觉。当然还有考试，很多很多考试，和开不完的小差。

但要说每天的生活没有任何变化，那自然是不可能的，毕竟世界上唯一不变的就是变化。每天都有着不一样的上课内容，路上都走着不一样的面孔，有着不一样的心情，想着不一样的心事，聊着不一样的话题。这样想想好像生活也不是那么索然无趣，不是学习就是准备学习，但实际上，学进去多少每天也是不一样的这大概取决于当天的心情，和这个学生是否真的有天赋。不过介于大多数人都是普通人，学习这种艰巨的专业性任务还是交给学霸和学神好了，我们就努力生活，活成自己想要的样子就好了，这已经很难了。

所以想要的是什么样子呢？每天开开心心，除了吃喝玩乐其他样样不做？整天再在家里看动漫、追剧、看电影？窝在懒人沙发里看书和茶？在球场挥洒汗水？随时都可以来一场说走就走的旅行？吃遍全世界？环球旅行？去南极企鹅拍照？去非洲体验动物世界？去热带雨林当人猿泰山？在欧洲寻找西方艺术和文学的起源？在中国了解历史底蕴和文学修养？在美洲种植玉米、管管农场？参加世界各地的狂欢节？还是好好学习，天天向上，取得一个不错的成绩，考上一所不赖的大学，成为一个优秀的研究生，然后找到一份就那样的工作，遇到一个看对眼的人，过着还算凑合的日子，继续在这条人生道路上越走越远？

我不知道。我以为我知道。但其实除了上学，每当真的放假了，连作业都没有的时候，脑子里只有迷茫，不知道该做什么，不知道何去何从。在将所有可以在家里完成的娱乐项目玩腻了之后，不由得思念起上学的日子，可当每周一至五都要背着炸药包似的书包打着哈欠去学校的时候，又埋怨起学校压榨学生的自由发展时间，特别是像睡觉这样重要的任务。

将来到底该怎么样没有人清楚，至少我不清楚。很显然，抱着西瓜思考人生除了会让人长胖和心情愉悦之外，也没有什么重要所得。大概就是把一团浆糊的脑子扒了扒，还没有来得及开发出什么有用的东西，就因为西瓜吃完了终结了这一段非正式的人生思考。也许那些都是我想做的事情，也许那些都是别人塞进我脑子里的想法，这些在一个迷糊的高中生看来，想明白更费时间和精力，而想不明白也不会有什么太严重的后果，所以作为一个敬业的懒人，我决定愉快地忽略掉这些无关的纠结。

有一天静下来的时候，要把那一天留给这些思想，好让他们认识认识彼此，看看能不能达成什么共识。

而现在，我要做的就是从沙发里凭借意志力把自己挖出来，然后在吃掉最后一口西瓜之后，把那半个西瓜皮扣进水槽里。嗯，西瓜还是那么好吃，很甜很甜，又沙沙的，就是籽有点多，但美好的东西总是要付出代价才能得到的嘛，所以也没什么。

Some Words from Writer

My first work of stream of consciousness. This happened at a normal summer afternoon after I got home from school when I was having a watermelon. 

This whole passage is basically about what a typical high school student would be thinking, “very relatable” according to one of the readers’ letter. This contains random thoughts, regards, looking back to the past, reflection of oneself, puzzling about the meaning of life, questioning future, and finally always being draw back to reality because there are always homework to do, books to read, tests to review for. This is the psychological world of a high school student.

[happyw-behappy-blog]

追星这件事  2018-6

追逐，本来是一件很累的事情，但当追逐的终点有了意义，那这份追逐就不会遍体鳞伤。

现在社会上，年轻人有一种流行叫做追星。大多是指年轻男女有着自己的在公众视野里的偶像，“idol，idol”地叫着，并花着大把的钱、时间和经历在其中，体验着快乐以及随着消耗得越来越多所带来的满足感，还会做一些有道理或没道理的行为，进行自以为可以离自家idol的心灵更近一些的自我安慰与催眠。

当然追星的种类和程度也很多，我大致把它们分为：微级，轻级，中级，重级，和过重级（基本等同于脑残粉的概念）。而这些分类也基本是基于个人行为、语言、想法以及时间或经历分配来计量。

如果一个人对于偶像的投入程度仅仅停留在看看图片，看看节目，偶尔花痴一下，投入空闲时间和经历在其中，但不为其花钱，也没有进一步与idol接触的欲望，则为微级追星者。

如果一个人对于偶像的投入程度除了日常花痴之外，会关注偶像的行程，在偶像参加节目时为ta投票，还会花一点小钱买一些有关于偶像的周边（贴纸、徽章、冰箱贴，手机壳之类），投入空闲的时间、经历和钱财，也有不强烈但是想要见到偶像的欲望，则为轻度追星者。

如果一个人对于偶像的投入程度除了日常花痴和购买周边之外，会清楚地知道偶像的行程，观看偶像的每一个出镜的节目，每天给偶像投票，在公众场合表示对偶像的支持和喜爱，还会在经济条件允许、时间允许、偶像也正好在居住地有线下活动（如见面会、演唱会等等）的情况下去参加活动，面见偶像，投入几乎所有的空闲时间、经历和钱财，有想要见到偶像的欲望，但仅仅见到过或者拥有签名就满足，不会有渴望更加亲近的接触的欲望，则为中级追星者。

如果一个人对于偶像的投入程度除了日常花痴、购买周边和亲临现场之外，会对于偶像的行程、爱好、状态等了如指掌，N刷关于偶像的任何消息和节目，给偶像刷票，给idol寄信、寄小礼物，向别人安利自己的偶像，在经济条件和时间条件大致都允许的情况下去到可能到场的偶像的所有线下活动，当天火车、飞机外地居住地往返的情况发生概率较高，也会出席接机、送机这类活动，偶尔意淫偶像和自己或者和ta的CP在一起，圈地自萌，投入所有空闲甚至一些不空闲的时间、经历和钱财，但会量力而行，尽量不麻烦不影响到他人，有强烈的想要见到并接近偶像的欲望，但绝对不会做任何可能让自家idol困扰的事情，则为重级追星者。

如果一个人对于偶像的投入程度除了日常花痴、购买周边、亲临现场、疯狂N刷和对偶像了如指掌之外，会购买所有和偶像���关的产品，不论风吹雨打几乎无条件出席偶像会出现的所有场合，每天不厌其烦的给偶像发信息，评论，时不时寄一些情书，甚至寄贵重的礼物过去，期待偶像可以穿戴上和自己想象中相配的自己选择的饰物，除了官方活动会到场，恨不得随时跟着自家idol，跟踪、蹲点、偷拍、堵门，回骂所有诋毁或批评自家idol的人和评论，随时愿意为了idol开打，幻想自己和偶像心意相通或者偶像和ta的CP在一起，投入大量的时间、经历、钱财，甚至花费别人的时间、经历、钱财，有非常强烈的接触偶像的欲望，渴望随时和偶像待在同一个空间方圆5里之内，以自己和偶像的互动为最优先考虑，并不顾虑会不会给他人甚至偶像带来麻烦，则为过重级追星者，大约等同于已经有定义的脑残粉、私生饭之流。

当然，追星的对象也不仅仅是在舞台上样貌才艺双全的小鲜肉或者小花旦，那些传统意义上的偶像，也有很多体育明星，演员，歌手，乐队，主播等等各行各业有机会出现在公众视野里的人都有可能成为被追的对象，由此可见追星于追星的人来说不只是看颜值赏心悦目就喜欢，更是一种精神支柱，或者至少是一种心理寄托。

当问到周围的人为什么追星，大家的回答相似也有些不同。有一些是说因为实力（“是值得喜欢的人而且有很棒的唱功演技经验” 采访原话来自W小姐，她追的是德国法国荷兰匈牙利奥地利等国的音乐剧男演员），有一些是说因为相貌（几乎所有受访者都有提到这一条），有一些是说因为人品，有一些是说因为精神（“我喜欢朋克精神，我也很喜欢那个年代，80/90甚至更早的年代都是我没有经历过得，是我所向往的” 采访原话来自M小姐，她追的是音乐剧演员，和英国摇滚歌手），有一些是说因为作品（“听他们的歌，看他们的歌词，感觉可以学到很多，和生活也是关联的，他们遇到的问题，自己也会有同样的烦恼，也会去克服” 采访原话来自Z小姐，她追的是韩国男团），有一些是说因为在他们身上看到了自己没有的那份勇气（L小姐，她追的是中国偶像），有一些是说因为他们对待粉丝的态度（“我越来越喜欢他的原因是他的想法，他对粉丝的表情，行为，为粉丝做的事情和说的话都是有满满的关心，小心翼翼” 采访原话来自C小姐，她追的是韩国男团），有一些是说因为他们努力，总而言之，这些理由并不是肤浅的帅气迷人有魅力，而是一种内在的精神、心灵，或者说目标和憧憬上的共鸣。Z小姐的原话说道：“有种互相需要，互相喜欢的感觉”，她说这也是她喜欢她idol的原因之一，一种人与人之间的牵绊和情感上的互动。

但追星这件事也是要看缘分的，毕竟有一些人一辈子都无法理解为什么有些人会追星，觉得追星是一件很无聊、无意义，以及愚蠢的事情，并表示这辈子永远不可能在任何情况下追星（X先生）。正好C小姐在受访时也提到了这样的问题，她说：“有人说，追我的idol是浪费我的时间，也是一件对以后没有用的事情，但是我觉得这个想法是错的，因为有一个可以安慰我的人是一件非常值得感恩的事情，然后因为我这样的人，他的生活也肯定可以很幸福，所以我觉得我现在追idol是一件很有意义的事情。”所以对于追星这件事的看法，双方大概不能统一，但至少各持一方观点，也不会干涉别人的决定，仅仅是表达自己的看法也算是一种和平共处。至于家长给追星带来的压力和阻碍，在我的受访者中并没有人提到，也许是家长们认为这种兴趣爱好没有必要干涉，但我认为更多的是大家都是微级、轻级、中级追星者，很少会出现重级、过重级追星者，并不会影响到生活和学习，自然家长也没有理由多加干涉。

无论如何偶像之所以为偶像，很大一部分原因是他们是我们想要成为的人，想要追逐的人，敬仰的人，Y先生回答为什么喜欢他追的球星时就是这样回答的：“想要努力成为一个他这样的人，算是心理寄托吧。”

再问到追星的感受或者感想时，追星者表现得也有喜有忧。但可以肯定的是大多数追星者都认为偶像的言行、处境等等会影响到自己的心情，去亲临现场但没有见到idol的会不开心（L小姐），团队面临解散会伤心难过（C小姐），碰到网上有人用很肮脏的语言骂自家idol会难过生气（Z小姐，她说只是刚开始接触这个圈子的时候，现在习惯了就不这样了）等等，都是一些负面情绪的举例，而这种情况并不经常发生。大多是受访者在回答这个问题的时候，都毫不犹豫的脱口而出：快乐。看到他们的照片或者消息心情就会变好，听他们的歌看他们的作品也会觉得很满足，甚至在心情低落的时候，他们的话语、作品、精神等等都是安慰人的良药，是真正的寄托和支柱。

而追星这件看似简单无脑的事情带给大家的也有很多。除了改善心情之外，一些精神、人生目标和理想、勇气、行动等等也都会由偶像传达给追星者，影响着他们的人生。Z小姐说道：“我记得他们其中一个人说的话‘没有梦想也没有什么，现在过得幸福就好了。’因为我现在也没有什么想做的事情，也没有什么大的人生目标，所以现在的想法就是开开心心地过好每一天，尽自己所能做好事情。他们就是很正能量啊，在不开心的时候看他们，就会感觉得到安慰。”M小姐说道：“快乐，他是我心情的调味剂，在我开心的时候听他们的歌会更开心，难过的时候去听他们的歌会变得开心一点，得知有他们那么美好的存在给予了我活着的��力。”也许她们的话语里面有因为兴奋和爱慕的夸张成分，但这份心情和感触是真实存在的。还有人说追星让他们认识了志同道合的朋友，这也是一个真实的益处，比方说我校车上的一个学妹和W小姐（两人也都有接受采访）曾经只处于脸熟之交，但当她们偶然间发现她们同样喜欢欧洲地区的音乐剧和音乐剧男演员时，那种相见恨晚和兴奋是我从来没有见到过的。能把人与人之间安全隔开的��为“陌生人”或者“我们不熟”的隔膜瞬间融化掉的该是一种怎样的热情、执着与爱恋啊。

追星这件事本来就是理性和非理性并存的。作为高中生，都已经有许多追星者的在追星上的花销上万，对于一个普通高中生来说，这是一笔很大的财产，若作为教育基金或者花在衣食住行上也不是一笔会石沉海底的花销。就花钱的数值来看，这是一个比较不理智，至少性价比不高的行为，但是就追星者自己的角度来看，能为自家idol做出一点微乎其微的贡献和表达自己的爱慕与支持是非常重要的，也是他们购买专辑等等的原因。他们也都表示这是长年累月的花销，也都是在自己的能力范围内以及家长的支持范围内的花销，并未对生活、学习、家族关系等等造成任何负面影响，所以这些花销在某些角度而言也是在理性范围内的。除了花钱，追星者其他为了追星做过的事情大多也就是刷票支持，亲临现场参加活动等等，除了有时会熬夜支持或者做空中飞人，花费比平时更多的时间、经历和财力之外，也没有做什么不理智的行为。

而对于传统意义上的偶像，就是像最近很火的选秀类综艺节目中的那些成功出道的选手，不管是在中国还是外国，粉丝都要面对偶像可能恋爱这个事实。但由于这一类偶像的成功靠的就是粉丝基础，恋爱、结婚，或者说公开恋情对于他们来说代价是非常的大的。追星者对于偶像恋爱这件事也有不同的看法，理解偶像的运营方式和策略的L小姐表示：“我会脱粉。不可以接受上升期的时候或者说靠粉丝的时候结婚，但如果时间久了，也就OK。如果出道没几年就谈恋爱的话我会脱粉。”可见知道现实状况但依旧会作出脱粉抉择的追星者不在少数，毕竟对于这类idol的崇拜和推崇很大意义上就是想象idol是自己男朋友或者女朋友这类角色，或者至少将自己代入了某个和idol之间可能存在的人际关系，例如“女友粉”、“妈妈粉”、“姐姐粉”等等，而偶像的经营者也深谙此道，让偶像们用暗示性或者直接的语言、行为来为自己增加人气和话题。所以对于这一类追星者而言，偶像在依靠粉丝基础或者事业上升期时做出恋爱这种打破粉丝幻想的行为是绝对不允许的。当然，也有追星者对于偶像恋爱这件事看得很开，除了那些idol早就结婚生娃甚至入土的情况之外，对于狭义上的偶像恋爱，这些追星者是一开始就抱着会预料到这种情况的心情来面对这件事的。Z小姐说道：“会有点小伤心，但我还是看的比较开的那种，所以不会怎么样，但那个女生一定要优秀，因为要优秀的人配优秀的人才好。”

但是这种理智派的粉丝不能代表全部，依旧会有很多粉丝在脱粉或者不脱粉的情况下攻击偶像或者偶像的恋爱对象。这些不理智的行为大多来自幻想和现实的落差所造成的恼怒，哪怕不是最真实的想法，也会伤害到他人的情感和心情。C小姐就开玩笑似的表示：“我会去杀掉那个女生的。依旧会爱我的idol，但会恨那个女生，回去韩国杀她。”只是开玩笑的话语也表达出认真的生气和不满，不论偶像恋人的好坏与般配与否，直接表达出对于对方深深的愤怒与不满便是一种会伤害到他人的行为了。

由于任何事物都有两面性，你无法定性它的好与坏，追星也是一样。不论是偶像本身的存在，追星的运营方式，为了追星而做的事情，都是有益处和弊端的。所以追星这种事情，应该也只有追星者自己根据自己的实际情况与追求去判断了，还有追星者追星的根本原因与他们追星过程中的所得。始于颜值，陷于才华，忠于人品。这句话应当概括了很多追星者追星的心里路程，但每个人自己最直观的感受、心情和所得才是他们真正追逐的东西。说到底，追星追的也不是偶像，而是自己的一份幻想、一份期待、一份执着、一份精神等等，而偶像就是最接近的把它们具象化出来的人。

Some Words from Writer

This is an essay on the topic of star-struck. As 2018 was called the year of Idol in China, the phenomenon of people being crazy for their idols became a concern of the society.

I wrote this essay to express my thoughts on this phenomenon by categorizing people’s behaviors into different level of star-struck. All the quotes in this essay are real, directly cited from the interviews I made ---- 10 out of the population of students in my grade(which was suppose to be around 250 people).

[happyw-behappy-blog]

Translation of 《山居秋暝》2018-7

《山居秋暝》

空山新雨后，天气晚来秋。明���松间照，清泉石上流。竹喧归浣女，莲动下渔舟。随意春芳歇，王孙自可留。

   Living on mountain and thinking in autumn

Empty mountain after new rain,

The night weather become autumnal.

The bright moon shines through pine,

The clear stream running over stone.

The noises from bamboos belongs to girls washing clothes,

The move of lotus is because of boat traveling through.

Anywhere spring may rest,

Anyone can stay here.

 A think in autumnal mountain

The whole mountain after rain is emptied,

Getting cooler and cooler as night arriving.

Starry moonlight traveling between pines,

Limpid streamlet running above stones.

Whispers of maid calling from bamboo,

Waggle of lotus caused by fishing boat.

Spring need not to care where it shall live,

People can always choose where they want to stay.

Some Words from Writer

Translating between Chinese and English has always been something I want to do, only accurate translation can compare with the amazing works themselves. However, it is just too hard. I am still learning and working on it.

This is a poem by the most admiring poet of mine: Wei Wang (王维).

The first translation is a simple translation, word to word, just translating the surface language of the poem.

The second translation is a translation with my own understanding and assumption of the imagery and feeling of this poem.

I personally like my second translation better.

[happyw-behappy-blog]

Struggle    2018-2

 Scene One

[Stage Right]

 [Light on]

 The man standing there is Dave, in front of a door.

Looking uncertain.

Dave puts up his hand, looks like he is going to knock on that door. But 20 seconds later, he puts down his hand and turns away. Walking back and forth looks even more uncertain with some frustration on his face.

Then he walks to the opposite direction seems to leave.

 [Light put]

 Scene Two

[Stage Left]

 [Light on]

 Dave is sitting in a cafe across the street.

Holding a cup of coffee with both of his hand, he stars at the direction of the door.

 [Stage Center]

 [Light on]

 Two people stand there with no background.

One wears white cloth, one wears black cloth.

 White: I think you should go knock on the door, even if they are not your parents, you do not lose anything.

Black (shaking head and a finger): No, no, no, no, no. you must not knock on the door even if it is your parents inside! They are the ones who left you behind in that fire, you don’t remember? They abandon you.

White (talk faster): But they might have some reasons to do so. The fire was not set on purpose and they did not know you were still in the house! You were in your room that night, reading quietly without making any noise, plus there was the sound of door closing that night. They might think you had left.

Black (take one step towards white): Oh, “they might”, huh? Whose parents would not ask their son where and why he was leaving? Eh? It was almost mid-night, where can he go?

White: I don’t know. But he was always busy with his business, wasn’t he? Maybe that night, the sound of leaving was in a rush, his parents were used to that situation. A phone call came, and he would leave in a hurry. Maybe they were just used to it, so found it meaningless to ask.

 [A pause]

 {Dave on the Stage Left should have some corresponding emotion expressed as the conversation move along.}

 White (sigh) {Dave sighs at the same time}: It is the thing you regarded most, isn’t it? Always busy, always leaving, having almost no time spent with family. You are afraid to knock on the door, because you are afraid to see your parents getting old, afraid to know that they are living a good life and they would start to feel guilty for leaving you back in that house----

Black: NO, no, no. Who said you should be afraid to chase your own good life. They should feel guilty and sorry for leaving you in that fire. They should thank God that you are still alive!

 [Light out suddenly]

 [Stage Left]

 A man walks in the cafe and stands beside the seat opposite to Dave.

 Man: Excuse me, sir. May I sit here?

 [No respond]

 Dave is deep in his thought, still staring at the door across the street.

 Man (talk a little bit louder): Sir? Sir!

Dave (suddenly react): Yes? What can I do for you?

 [A pause]

 Man: May I sit here?

Dave (looking around): Oh, yes, of course. Please forgive my rudeness.

 [Silence]

 Dave seems like he is back to his world again.

Man observes Dave for a while, without Dave noticing his actions.

 Man: Sir, you seem to have something trouble with.

Dave: Oh. I am Dave, David Verraten.

Man (astonished): Verraten…… You are one of the Verraten Family?

 [A pause]

 Man: But I have never heard of you.

 [Light out]

 Scene Three

[Stage Center]

 [Light on]

 Black: Who is this guy?

White: I don’t know.

Black: He might want to deceive some money from you. After all the Verratens is a rich family.

White: Not everything is done on purpose. You look real troubled, he might just want to help you……

 [Light out]

 [Stage Left]

 [Light on]

 Dave (frowns): I’m afraid I don’t understand you, sir. You are familiar with the Verratens?

 [A pause]

 Man: I am the son of Lord Verraten.

Dave (holding the coffee more tightly): Gefalschte Verraten?

Man: You know my father?

Dave: That’s my father.

 [A pause]

 Man (laughing): It’s a nice joke, (stops laughing) but it can only be one.

 The man stands up and walks away. Dave tries to chase him but the man seems to disappear.

 [Stage Center]

 [Light on]

 Black: A joke? Who the hell is he? A joke? Me? He is a joke!

White: Clam down, man. I wonder if that person even exists.

Black: Huh? You’re crazy too?

White: No, it’s just he just jumped out, out of nowhere, and now left without any traits. It seems like he only exists in this cafe.

Black: But we saw his face, didn’t we? We talked to him!

White: We?

Black: We.

White: Well then, do we exist?

Black: Of course!

White: Where?

Black: He can see the door! We know that he is staring at the door!

White: Maybe that man is the door.

Black: Are you crazy? How could----

White: Then how could we know he is staring at the door?

 [Silence]

 [Stage Left]

 Dave is sitting in his position. The same gesture when he first came in and sat down. Holding the coffee with both of his hand, hard, and starring at the door across the street.

[Light on all three points]

 Dave & White: Do we exist?

 [Light out]

 Scene Four

[Stage Right]

 [Light on]

 In front of the door, lies a newspaper on the ground.

The man opens the door and picks up the newspaper.

 Man: David Verraten, the one who tried to kill his family in a fire, committed suicide in a cafe yesterday

 [Light out]

 The End.

Some Words from Writer

This is the first script I wrote in English. I wrote it to apply for the scriptwriting program in Young Writer Workshop by UVA, and I successfully got in, with the first script in English. They said this could mean I am gifted in this. I don’t know if this is true, but there’s one thing I sure: I opened up a door to a wonderful world and I enjoy it.

This is a script about the inside mental activity of someone having delusion, after he committed familicide by setting them on fire and before he committed suicide.

[happyw-behappy-blog]

Tags   2016-10

  I was walking down the street. It was my first time in this city. I didn’t know who I was or why I was here, I didn’t remember anything before this moment.

  It was a strange place. Everybody was wearing glasses. People walked around like robots, the only thing they did was looking at their glasses. I didn’t know what to do, so I found a man wearing a suit and tried to ask him where this place was.

  “Excuse me, sir. If you mind, can you tell me where this place is?” I tried to sound as polite as possible.

  He said nothing, just stared at me through the glasses. When I was about to give up he said, “Welcome! This is Tag City. You must be a foreigner. If you decide to live here, you need to get yourself a pair of glasses first. It would tell you who you are associating with and what kind of person they are. By the way, my name is Tom Black. You can search for me after you get your glasses. What is your name sir?” He looked at me seriously as he asked the question; I was filled with wonder and puzzlement, so I didn’t answer his question. “I am going to make your first tag for you. So would you please tell me your name and age please?” He continued.

  “Sure. I’m Randy, Randy Hooke. H-O-O-K-E, Hooke. 24 years old.” I answered, though I was not sure why he asked, but name can’t do any harm, so I told him.

  “So that is: Randy Hooke; male; 24 years old; foreigner. Done. You have your own file now, Mr. Hooke. You can get the glasses at the store down the street. Hope you have a nice day.” As he finished, he left.

  I was wondered how he made a file without seemingly doing anything and what is file. I didn’t want to be different so I went to the store and got a pair of glasses.

  I put it on excitedly. The next moment, the end of spectacle frame grew out two needles, one on each side of my head. There was a huge pain when the needles punched into my brain; I felt my head was going to be torn apart. However, a moment later, everything changed and the pain was gone. The world was different with the glasses on. Everything has tags. “Wow! This is amazing!” I felt excited. When I looked up into the sky, I could see the temperature, weather, and weather reports for the next few day. When I looked at a building, there were tags about how tall the building was, when it was built, and more. When I looked at people walking on the street, I could see their standard information: full name, age, job or identity, height and main character. Suddenly, I thought of Tom Black. While I was thinking a file showed up in the glasses:

Tom Black

Male

38 years old

Entrepreneur

178 cm

Steady

  “Wow! It’s like I can search anything just by thinking about them!” I was so excited, like I had found the new land, “What about myself?”

  Again, I thought of it, and it showed. It was exactly what Tom had said.

“Let’s see. Addition? No. Then, editing?” the screen changed, “Seems like it is the right word! Okay, now Randy Hooke’s height is 186cm, and his main character is … intelligent. Done.”

A new line showed on the screen:

The Glasses Only Show the Truth, please take an oath that everything you said is the truth.

It seemed serious, so I took an oath.

“Thank you sir, I believe you can keep your promise, but I’m sorry to inform you that you are not allowed to write your own character, it needs to be decided by the Elders in our city. I hope you have a nice day, Mr. Hooke.” a sweet female voice sounded in my head.

“Who are you and what are the ‘Elders’?”

“I am your glasses, sir. The Elders’ information had been sent, please check.”

I went through what was showed in front of my eyes. The Elders was like the governors and assembly in the city, they made big decisions, created new technology, identified people, kept the laws working, and they did many other things.

“So glasses can talk now!” I found it interesting. “Hey glasses, what can I edit than? What else can I do with you?”

“You can edit every file besides your own personality file and your record file.”

“So, it’s like I can’t edit my file it’s the only rule?”

“Yes, sir. And your oath can’t be broken or you will get punishment.”

“Wow, that’s cool. Than what would happen if I change someone else’s files?”

“‘The Glasses Show the Truth’, so they must follow the file.”

“OK… En… How can I change one then? I mean edit a file.”

“You say the name of the person you want to edit, and then do what you just did; just make sure everything you said is the truth.”

“Don’t say that over and over again! Is that some kind of law or something?”

“Yes, sir. It was the first statement in our law: Every person has the right to edit files as long as you make sure you are telling the truth. If you broke your oath to tell the truth to the glasses, you would have to get punishment, the worth state is that you will be put into death.”

“How can you tell if I am lying?”

“The glasses is connected to your nerves will analyze the reaction of your nerves to tell if you are lying or not, sir. However, the test shows your brain is different from other citizens, it’s more complicated, and the glasses still can’t analyze all of your brain reaction. That’s why I was not able to talk to you in the first place when you put on the glasses.”

“So does that mean I don’t need to obey the law as they can’t tell if I lied or not?” I asked. And there’s no answer. So I tried out myself, and as I done it once, I couldn’t stop doing it.

I looked at the building in front of me and the file showed up.

“Edit. Height: 200m. Done.” Then I took my oath, and the height of the building was changed! I watched it grew taller and taller into the sky, and nothing happened to me. ‘I am safe! The glasses can’t tell I’m lying, and the glasses do have the power to change the world!’ I thought, I was so excited and swimming enjoyable in my imagination of changing the world, I was too delighted. Then the things started to lose control.

I saw a girl walking beside me, and I changed her file.

“Mary Smith. Edit. Personality is beauty. Done.” I said, and took the oath. She changed from her look to her style; she became the most beautiful woman in the street. I felt amazing and full of myself.

“Mary Smith. Edit. Personality is crazy. Done.” I changed her file again. And next moment, the beautiful girl really seems mad; she was yelling strange words to the people passed by and running with both her arms and legs. I just made someone go crazy, I felt guilty, but the feeling was so good, it made me feel like I’m the god, like everything was in my control, so the tiny little part of guilt disappeared.

People, buildings, streets, animals, plants, lakes; I changed everything I looked at. I made people change their shapes, and fought over each other; I made the buildings leant to different directions and angles; I made fish fly in the sky, cats drowned in pool, and birds glided between grass.

I looked at the world I made. It was strange and ugly, but it was made by me, it was like my child. I felt really satisfied. I laughed happily at the top of the highest building in my city, looked down at the city I made, and felt that there’s nothing which could stop me.

Suddenly, a great pain came over me. I felt like my brain was skinned through by the two needles, my bones were all broken, and my gut had been torn apart. After one minute’s torture, I was dead, and the needles of the glasses completely withdrew from my head. The tops of the sharp needles with blood were shining like draggers, which are the best tools for killers.

Some Words from Writer

This is a story I wrote when I was in Grade 10, about technology and its influence on human life, about the lust for power and how twisted someone can be once he get the power, and about karma, whatever you do gonna get back to you. It is interesting that shortly after I wrote this piece, I watched an episode in Black Mirror taking about similar things in similar way, just the focus a little bit different. I focused more on humanity, and Black Mirror focused more on technology and society, but it is interesting that the ideas were crushed together.

[happyw-behappy-blog]

似人   2017-11

如若鸟语虫鸣皆为人语，

人类将会听到怎样一个新奇的世界。

 也许在将鸟禽关进牢笼时，

它们所描述的飞翔的感觉可以让人类归还自由；

也许在对困兽进行捕杀时，

它们的哀鸣与恳求会让人类放它们一条生路；

也许在收集动物幼崽时，

父母不舍又视死如归的气场会让它们团圆；

也许在猎杀野生动物时，

不管是海里游的，天上飞的，还是地上跑的，

它们的声音会组成自然的愤怒，控诉着人类的行为。

 但是，这只是如果，

因为人类是极其残忍的物种，

只拥有同样的语言是不足以阻止人类屠杀生灵的。

哪怕大自然是嘉奖人类还是报复人类，

他们都始终不明白自己的地位。

 自持自以为高洁的灵魂就想要控制万物，

想要凌驾于大自然之上，

却忘记了自己的根，自己的本源。

 有了轻松的衣食住行，

就忘却以前风餐露宿的狩猎时代；

有了舒适的生活场所，

就忘却了危险却散发着醉人魅力的丛林；

有了方便快捷的交通，

就忘却了驯服动物的艰辛和愉悦；

有了无所不能的金钱，

就忘却了以前遵循的自然的法则。

 如若人类可以聆听大自然的语言，

也许我们真的可以成为我们定义的人。

而不是像现在这样，

披着光鲜亮丽的人皮，

做着禽兽不如的事情。

也许任何一种生物都比人类更像人，

但我们都不把它们当成生命来看待，

 人类，似人非人，

万物，似人非人。

Some Words from Writer

This is a modern poem discussing the relationship between animals and humans. Is humanity what made human feel like they are superior? Are we really superior to other animals? We say they are animalistic but what about us? Do our behaviors really matches the standards for “ human“, or we and every life in this world are just “similar to human”, as the title of this poem.

[happyw-behappy-blog]

存亡   2017-5

【第一幕】

一束光，打在台中。背景为房间。

一个人对着镜子，试图撕下自己的脸皮，然而发现这就是他本人。

目光涣散。停止挣扎。

 【第二幕】

台右，背景为寺庙

（窃窃私语）

和尚1：诶！你听说了吗？我们这多来了个神经病！

和尚2：啊？这年头还真是什么都往这里送啊！到底真的假的？

和尚1：应该是真的。这个人昨天被送到这里后就没有出过屋，也不知道是死是活了，哈哈。

和尚2：（环顾四周）诶，别说了。被听到了告到方丈那我们都得被罚。

和尚1：切！怕什么？不就一个神经病吗？等哪天他出屋了，我们该好好教教他“规矩”，嘿嘿。说不定他傻不拉几的，还能捞到些好处。（和尚2看和尚1一眼）你可别用那样的眼神看我！难道你甘心在这个破庙里终老？我们是和尚，但我们没有出家啊！诶？要不我们去他房间门口望望，说不定能看见他。

 【第三幕】

台左，没有背景。

站着三个人。

三个人穿着同样的衣服，却又给人浑然不同的感觉。

泯莨，一个善良天真的大男孩，干净的气质，阳光般温暖的微笑，像是青春岁月中最美好单纯的样子。

炜岭，一个看起来道貌岸然、彬彬有礼的男子，嘴上一直挂着角度相同的微笑，却感觉不到开心，不过的确是一些年轻的女孩子会喜欢上的类型。

舞炙，一个阴沉犹豫的女子，好像世间万物没有什么可以让她高兴起来，但是那黯淡的脸上的眼睛，却始终闪烁的不明的光，好像在期待些什么，又好像在筹划着什么。

 泯莨：（受到了严重的打击）我，尽然，住在另一个人的身体里！我，究竟是谁？我是真的吗？是真的！对吧？

 没有人理会泯莨。

炜岭脸上的微笑比原来更加僵硬了，尽管他始终想要保持他的“涵养”，脸上不可置信的表情却是再也藏不住了。

舞炙却没有什么太大的反应，或者说是看不出她的反应。

 舞炙：也许吧，但既然我们都在同一个躯体里，那我们之中一定有两个是假的人吧。

炜岭：是的，有道理。你们好，我是炜岭。虽然按现在的情况也许这么说有点刺激你们，但是我是一名商业人士，姑且混出了一片天地，也见过外面的世界，毕竟商场上发生的种种不可能都是脑内的幻想吧。

舞炙：噢，真可惜！我也见过外面的世界呢。我不可能一直在报复着脑内幻想出来的人吧。

 泯莨大叫了一声，没有说话，还是一副受到打击太大，难以平复的样子。

 舞炙：看看，自己先逼疯了一个！如果我们只能留一个的话，我想我们不需要一个弱不禁风的疯子。

炜岭：（皱眉）你想要怎么样？

舞炙：让他消失，就好了吧。然后就剩我们两个了。之后的话，你放心，只有你允许我去报复一个人，我就不和你抢这具身体了。

 炜岭依旧皱着眉头，神情却有些动摇。并没有回答舞炙，而是看着泯莨。

 舞炙：（靠近泯莨，伸出手去摸泯莨的脸庞）噢，真是可怜，还是个孩子吧！呵呵，但是你也看到了，（捏住泯莨的脸，迫使泯莨和她对视）我们现在不是你死就是我活！（炜岭：【内心独白】 是啊！不是你死就是我活！看看！这可恶的人把真实想法暴露出来了吧！她一定是想要杀了那个男孩再想办法来对付我。说什么一起用、不会抢！真是说的比唱的还好听！不行，一定得阻止她，要是她成功了，我赢过她的可能性绝对没有我干掉一个小毛孩高啊！可恶的人啊！真是打着好算盘，可惜你遇上的是我！）（炜岭想着，一步步靠近了舞炙）留着你一个疯子也没有什么用。现在可能还好，你好像没有什么意识，不过等你醒过来…… 到时再解决掉你可能就麻烦了。（丢开手）所以啊，多一件事不如少一件事，你自己选吧，想要怎样离开。（打量着自己的手）哎，我可是第一次对敌人这么仁慈啊。

 舞炙一转头，看到炜岭站在她正后方，她刚准备向他发问，就被砸中了脑袋，晕死过去了。

 泯莨：（惊慌的）你！你刚、刚刚！杀、杀人了！你怎么……为什么？这是怎么？

 说话间，血从舞炙的额头上滴落，炜岭向泯莨步步紧逼。脸上还是挂着皮笑肉不笑的笑脸，像是在看什么垃圾一样，俯视着泯莨。泯莨没有反抗，只是一步一步地踉跄着往后退，不停的摇着头，说着乱七八糟的话。

 炜岭：刚刚那个女人说的话还是有效的，（舞炙 突然爬了起来）小朋友，你——想要怎么离开？

 舞炙向炜岭一步步地靠近，【内心独白】

舞炙：这个家伙，竟然阴我！还好是个外行人，这一下砸下去也死不了人。都答应他给他身体了，这贼人尽然还敢不信！这不是白信任吗？浪费感情！浪费掉的就不能用了——真可惜，只能销毁了。

 泯莨：我、我还——不要！不！我！

 泯莨还是在不停地挣扎。

 炜岭：（小声的）他可能真的疯了吧！这样也算是帮他了结了。

 说着，又举起了手上的公文包。刚要砸下去，舞炙就扭住了他的手，控制住了他的行动。

 舞炙：（向炜岭脸上吐了一口口水）呵！就凭你！也想阴我！还早了呢！我置人于死地的时候，可从来没有用过那么差的方法。像你那么蠢的，你可是第一个！

 说着，在舞炙眼里闪烁的兴奋和爽快中，炜岭还来不及说一句话，他的头被扭了下来。

舞炙转头看向泯莨，他好像终于冷静下来了。

 泯莨：（颤抖得）你现在打算解决我了吗？如果你真的这么想要，就给你吧。可是我还年轻，还有人要照顾，所以要不你把我驱逐出去吧。这样可能对双方都好。

舞炙：（虚弱的摇了摇头）还真是个傻孩子啊！我不行了，你就好好地待着吧。古人诚不欺我呢：鹬蚌相争渔翁得利。我……就……先——

 【第四幕】

台右，背景为房间外。

灯光同时打在台左和台中。

和尚1：（语气强硬，不友善）喂！里面的！（和尚2给和尚1使眼色）----施主，方丈让我们来问你住的还习惯吗？

 没有回答，两个和尚在门外试图往里瞧。

 和尚1：（小声的）可别死在里面了，我们进去瞧瞧！

和尚2：（小声的）诶，别啊----

和尚1：（对着房间里面吼，同时抵着门一副打算推门进去的样子）施主您要是不回答，我们便进来了！您应一声以示安好啊！

 还是没有回声。

 和尚1：施主，那我们可进来啦啊！您可千万别怪罪！

（和尚1推门走进去，和尚2在门口往里望）

 【第五幕】

台右，没有背景。

灯光打在台右和台中，两位演员动作同步。

泯莨：所以现在我是真的人？（台中的人望向镜子）原来我长这样？（摸脸）可是……这是真的的话，那他们呢？（语速越来越快，慌张）我在这之前呢？是谁？这是真的？真的吗？那我是谁？是我还是是镜子里那个人？我是谁？这有是谁？（环顾四周，语气又慢下来）我这又是在哪里？为什么都不一样了？

 推门声

 泯莨和台中的人同时看向门口，泯莨又看向自己的衣服，上面溅上了许多血，他试图遮住这些血迹，但它们太多又太散了遮不住。

Some Words from Writer

This is one of my first scripts written. I tried scriptwriting first with my mother tongue. Also as one of the work in early 2018, this piece is also about humanity.

But humanity is not the only focus, I was inspired by the film  Identity (2003) when I wrote this piece. And as I am interested in psychology, mental illness, in this case, “spilt personality”, or personality disorder is one of the focus as well. However, this is just fiction, as I never experienced personality disorder or the treatment of it, I have no idea what it would be like for the personalities inside, and another fact is that someone with personality disorder is usually  not aware of his or her condition. So this is just a fiction based on imagination.