happinesspoet

[happinesspoet]

Does my handwriting give me away?

[happinesspoet]

Eggshell White

You know I really don’t know what to say. I think it was the best and worst thing to see you yesterday. It was great to know that you were still you and that there was still some feeling there. You reminded me of how a small life could be the best life, down to just watching paint dry with you. I don’t eggshell has ever looked so good.

But at the same time, I saw something that will never leave the outskirts of town and I’m just reminded that it’ll never get farther than that. Neither of us are to blame, if it was strong enough it would have a long time ago I believe so maybe I do just need to let go and join reality.

You’ll always have a spot in my heart and you know if you ever needed me I’d be there. If someone had a gun to your head with one phone call you know I’d be on the other end but I think the big idea is that you wouldn’t be the one I called to save me.

I just think it’s better to not fall into the dream any longer.

[happinesspoet]

The Parking Lot

My fingers shake on my way home as I pass by these familiar roads

“I’m on my way home. You have seven minutes to change my path”

You know I’d turn around as I pull in my driveway. Everytime I blink i can see us under the summer sunset. I hear the hums of mumford and sons.

Waiting.

I can feel your chilling fingers and the mud under my feet of the spring.

“A small life would’ve been just fine if it was one with you.” The ranch. The wind. The love.

I remember the last time I saw you, it was like you didn’t recognize me thinking the love had ran out but oh no. It was still there.

It’ll always be there even if it’s still just sitting in that parking lot. I’ll meet you in that parking lot any day.

[happinesspoet]

Red Week Irony

This week I've been telling my kids to say no to drugs

I wish I could say no to the dealer

The irony

The goal chasing girl falling for a walking red flag

I can’t even say “I hope our paths just cross again”

I’m seeking you out... right down to the block

I know you probably haven’t even thought about that night but you’ve got me hooked

Guess I should be teaching myself to say no drugs that are found behind brown eyes and a joker grin

[happinesspoet]

Friendship Eyes

What was I looking for when I waved in your direction? I didn’t expect to want to be glued to your hip.

Leaving my friends on the patio to be wrapped up in your arms on the sticky dance floor.

Was it the drinks? Was it all the drugs?

What if this was the night that two kids just fell in love?

What if this is the sign?

What were you really seeing? That girl you described? Or a girl to just take home?

Or were you stuck in the moment with me too?

What if we are connected for the rest of our life?

Would you change for me or just change your mind?

I hope I see you again soon my little grinch.

[happinesspoet]

WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF

“Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voicemail for-”

You tell me you’re thinking of me tonight. Why is that?

What do you see?

The girl on the ranch in the purple coat. The grin filled brown eyes in your passenger seat.

Or…

A girl you can keep hung up on an idea. Someone who will always come when you call. A place where you pay no rent?

Do you get joy from hurting someone who was put on this earth to treat you different? Who can write books about your smell? To show your worth?

You won’t find it where you’re looking, can promise you that. You’ll find it in an unlikely parking lot under the stars. You’ll find it in the branches of sequiota park.

I hope butterflies make you angry.

I hope they make you think of me too.

[happinesspoet]

Letting go

I have to let go of the voicemail.

The texts with no replies.

I choose the boy who chose me even in my darkest times.

Who saw my truth and shame but loved me through my flaws.

I have to let go of the one who may have not even been there at all.

I’ll miss the memories and see you in the butterflies.

I hope you find your why.

[happinesspoet]

12 Seconds

Can I have 12 seconds of your time?

To just be seen again.

For words to have value.

To see you smile.

Can I just have 12 seconds of space on Earth that I mean something to someone

Allegedly

Because boy did you rock my world.

Miss you all the time.

The idea at least.

[happinesspoet]

I am angry at the world today.

I guess I will only preference female doctors.

“You may not prevent getting pregnant but at least you won’t have acne.” 

What if I were a man? What would you give me then? Is it because men don’t become depressed to you? Or anxious?

Shout it to the right wings that planned parenthood reassured that I will be a mom one day. That I have other options.

Why does a man have the answer for the experience he will never have?

He never felt the walls caving in. He wasn’t in my bed for days.

But I was there. Women were there. We deserve more.

I will only prefer female doctor.

#StandWithPlannedParenthood

[happinesspoet]

2/16/19

Thank god I never deleted that voicemail.

All I need is the sound of your voice saying my name to get me pulling at my sheets and murmuring things under my breath.

All it takes is hearing you thinking of me.

It gives me the feeling that nothing else or no one else can.

Say my name. Say my name.

Thank god for you leaving that voicemail.

[happinesspoet]

His Voice.

Call me please.

I miss your voice.

Yell at me. Tell me that I caused this just…tell me something.

Laugh for me. Tell me how you see butterflies and think of me. Tell me that this connection is so crazy.

Tell me you love me. Scream it. Whisper it. As long you meant it I don’t care. Did you mean it?

Just leave me a voicemail…tell me the truth

I miss you. I really really miss you.

[happinesspoet]

Butterfly

Do you remember the boy that I told you reminded me of you? Of course you do.

I asked if I could draw him a tattoo,just like I did you. But his response was different.

He said yes.

He said I could draw anything. He even said that my initial I put under it was the most important part. I’m not going to lie when I thought about drawing a butterfly. Then I would have you forever.

But butterflies are for you and when I see one i only want it to take me back to summer car rides with the windows down and the smell of your red sweatshirt.

I want them to take me back to you.

[happinesspoet]

La La Land

If I had to set something to a movie soundtrack it’d be your embrace.

It’s funny how I really thought meeting your brother might make something snap. Show me that this feeling could be with anyone.

But there’s only one you. You came around that corner yourself. You grabbed my arm all on your own.

And for a second I think you saw…you felt it.

Man I wanted you to kiss me but your embrace will just do. I hope you find me in the corner again. Stand with me sober and see me again. Come to my la la land.

You are my city of stars

[happinesspoet]

I’d Come For You

Everytime I close my eyes I only see you

Mentally I’m screaming your name

Emotionally I’m tugging for you

Physically, you’re not here.

Why everytime I find pleasure you’re nowhere to be found?

I feel your curls. I see your eyes but it’s not your name I call

How crazy not to lay with the one it’s easy to write poetry about?

This is not a crush it’s not a phase

It’s the drunken words and sober thoughts.

Here’s to you here’s to me, here’s to the truth…but do you see?

[happinesspoet]

Half & Half

We finally made it. We had to go backwards to get to this continental divide.

I love you but I miss him.

It’s a sad world to long for two people and not wanting to go to either one.

I should be happy that I didn’t smile at your smoke but I’m also sad that I messaged you on the day for lovers.

We should be platonic pals.

He should value me more.

But here we are, walking backwards to the continental divide

[happinesspoet]

Twin Hearts

He smokes just like you.

He’s the second person that I’ve ever met that could make smoking attractive.

Is he you? Sent to me for a second time?

He listens to peach scones and mover awayer.

He listens like you used to.

Is he you? Sent to me for the second time?

We talk about you and your similarities, the only thing I’ve left out is that I loved you.

Another similarity?

It’s funny to see an added letter after love for the first time typed out.

But we’ll never know because I unlike you, I can’t read him like the back of my hand. That’s the only thing keeping you from being twin hearts.

I guess I’ll just stick to being similar.

[happinesspoet]

Romeo Jr.

He makes my Sundays feel like Sundays.

That’s because Sunday is now my favorite day of the week.

6 hours of smiles and light passes.

How could I not fall for someone who never gets tired of listening to me?

He makes my Sundays feel like Sundays.

That’s because Sunday is now my favorite day of the week.

My Romeo Jr. I’d buy you ice cream anytime and listen to your life story on repeat.

I hope its true what you say

That we are the same person.

Because then that means you might love Sundays too.