handsoffragile - Tumblr blog

[handsoffragile]

waking up feeling fuzzy, here i am nothing but silence luckily the weather today is cold so i could lie down by myself all day long. im reaching the highest level of loneliness, just two or three friends remember this is my day it’s okay it doesn't matter. the matter is im alone in the middle of nowhere nobody knows me, no places i’d go, no food, i could say this is the worst day i cant do anything except cry but im grateful about it and can stand still on my own. I always imagine being like this and truthfully is suck. i miss my mom, i missed my home, i miss him, i missed everything except me.

[handsoffragile]

i failed as a daughter

i failed as a sister

i failed as a girlfriend

i failed as a bestfriend

i failes as a friend

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[handsoffragile]

it’s not the same anymore, going back home is not a home.

this is not a home that i want

home where i could share how bad the road that i through, home where i could share i almost lost my train cause my stupidity, home where i could say “hey im already in the city”, home where i could share how tired i am about the circumtances, home where i could share im just lying on my own all day and night

i saw my home is not mine anymore, he doesnt want me back. i could feel the pain he got through when i see his following, i could feel the pain he got through when i see him in imagination, i could feel the pain he got through when i picture the future that we made, i could feel the pain while i writting this, i could feel the pain where i suppose to talk to him till we fall asleep, i could feel the pain every step that i take.

i said i need time alone but how i bare it all alone, i realize i need my home so badly when it’s all over. Maybe this is my karma, maybe i destiny end up alone, maybe i dont wanna be with anybody i just want come back home.

[handsoffragile]

[handsoffragile]

i just failed again, failed to be enough

my voice is a nightmare my face is a rough

i though everything is fine but i never be enough

my face is low my voice was high

they gave me well serve but i never be enough

my voice is hurt my face is smug

i just failed again to be enough

i just want to be better but i never enough

i just failed again

i don’t care about my feeling

i just want to be what they want but i never enough

failed again not a new thing but rare feeling

i never understand me, why i demand it from people

i tried it more often but i always getting worse

i never handle me well, why i demand it from others

i tried it more offen but always getiing worse

[handsoffragile]

im getting worse, being so sensitive and emotionally drain and sometimes i show it by change. i didn’t mean being so bitch, rude, selfish, kindless, yelling, miserable, hopeless and everything in bad. i don’t know why but i feel it by myself that i’m getting worse.

time like this i wanna disappear cause i always hurt people around me and cut them off at the end of the time.

[handsoffragile]

no one notice your sadness, until it turns into anger, and then you’re the bad person

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Does it?

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sometimes i afraid i’ll end up alone

cause all i do is made everyone mourn

i push people away

drunk in my own head everyday

no one can be held

maybe i need some help

[handsoffragile]

i need some help, nobody i can talk to even myself won't hear my bulshit. my eyes getting swollen and i can’t stop the tears. it’s hard to breathe. though i deserve no one, and somehow i just need to attend the funeral cause the only exciting is my death

[handsoffragile]

i wish i was dead and cold

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just look at this whenever you feeling heavy and life knock you down, look at her she’s beyond fine there

she’s human

her skin

her body

her face

her feeling

her disaster

her miserable

she’s human

she’s enough

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[extended]

sometimes lonely is such a thing,

being alone is always a boring

but why didn’t realized that there is so much happiness in this adulting.

sometimes i hated being here

but i admire him

if i could dive in through their eyes

would it be nice?

those point of view, i want it that too

to see me in every corner in my room without a giltch

of hesitating

nor loating

[handsoffragile]

“But tomorrow makes me scared

Cause it's not the same anymore

I lost the joy in my face

My life was simple before

I should be happy, of course l

But things just got much harder

Now it's just hard to ignore

And I've spent many months just hating on myself

I can't keep wishing things will be different

Or leaving problems on the shelf

I wish I didn't need to get help

but i do”