handmadetortillas420-blog

[handmadetortillas420-blog]

i think its weird how hes barely talked to me all day...hes just been at his computer doing absolutely NOTHING. like..im just bored. i dont get why he barely interacts with me. i dont want to complain i want to be thankful for everything that i do have. hes my so i guess i just want some attention from him. why do i feel kike i have to ask for it. what will be will be with no problems right. this is not how i want to live my life,..in silence in not talking ever thats how i grew up and i want the cycle to end and its gotta start with me because i can only control the things that i can change myself. i cant change anyone nor do i want to. i just want to be happy and im not. im not happy right now in this moment. i feel alone i feel like..i want to go home...but i left it all behind..and for this..for silent moments and feeling alone...for pointless arguments..for a job that doesnt pay enough to live on my own or support us for the month. im barely getting by.. i cant stand it here sometimes, its so different the people the places, its not as happy as where i came from and maybe thats just my perspective because i am not happy right now. Right now i feel like everything sucks and thats okay its okay to feel like everything sucks these are my feeling and i am allowed to feel and haave them..i know itll pass happier days are probably closer than i know but one thing will remain the same i feel...i want to go home.

[handmadetortillas420-blog]

i need to write i need an outlet i dont want to keep too much in i feel like im probably maxed out with things i keep inside...i know that if you hold onto things it will come out in other ways and i figured out for myself that it comes out in anger and frustration and i dont want to wear anger and frustration on my sleeve. i want to be vulnerable and live with no limits and no regrets i want to live this life to the fullest because who knows where we go after this journey. what we know is right here right now infront of us..its not in a screen its in the interactions we have with other people.

[handmadetortillas420-blog]

all that shit all that shit you feel just let it go, just let you be you. stop thinking start loving. stop reacting start loving stop complaining and just have gratitude. i need to let all that pain go all that pain that i hold onto because it makes me feel safe in a way. safe like i know nothing is going to change. but change needs to be welcomed. how can we do better if we dont change and evolve.

[handmadetortillas420-blog]

umm i just had to start writing

theres just so much struggle where do i even begin im always sweaty palms and feet just overwhelmed by what comes next i just want to feel at peace and feel calm and and just feel like everything is okay and it will be okay for now and in the future i think the future scares me the most, i dont know whats to come and i just want to be prepared i guess when is anyone ever really prepared for what life hands them next. life hands you lemons and your supposed to make lemonade but what if those lemons were spoiled now what, its not gonna be delicious lemonade its going to be gross and ugly and bitter just like me or atleast thats just how i feel about myself maybe i guess. this world this society it makes me so sad. the animals are in pain the world is in pain every single person struggles with their own. what is this. what the actual fuck. i think the indians are right, this is hell. but how can hell also be beautiful. theres beautiful people places there puppies and birds that sing every morning, how can hell have something as beautiful as polar lights or even the stars that shine through our night sky. how can it have something called love. i guess thats the balance, you dont know the good until you've experienced the bad or some shit like that. the shit that people tell you so you can sleep better every night and walk with you head held high even though there are animals living in captivity being hunted for sport dying because their ice caps are melting the place they called home literally disenigrating because humans, human-kind... humans are not so kind. and then are ones that are, balance. argh. i want to manifest the world i dream of the world i know we can have if we all came together to look after this beautiful planet that we live on. we need to help it grow like we help each other grow. if we can be kind to each other why cant we show the same kindness and love to our planet which we have taken for granted for years. i just want to help make a difference. im not sure what to do where to begin but i hope this is a start. a start to walk with love talk with love and live with love because i truly believe its what its all about, that four letter words that has no words to be described by but a feeling.i am capable of so many things we all are.