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SOMEBODY GAVE ME A CHAINSAW!!!!!

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I was telling my German colleague about how my parents, who were living in Spain, kept having problems with eagles killing their chickens. 

Me: yeah, these eagles come down out of the mountains, they steal the chickens right out of the pen!

Frank: an eagle!? AN EAGLE DOES THIS!?

Me: yes, they have eagles over there, mad isn’t it?

Frank: AN EAGLE IS STEALING THE CHICKENS?

Me: errr, yeah, they’re predators you know?

Frank: THEY ARE PREDATORS?

Me: yeah, and they fly down and kill the chickens and fly off with them

Frank: THEY FLY… wait, hang on… Oh…. I see… Err… In German, Igel is.. Errr…

(long, long pause)…

AH! IN GERMAN, EIN IGEL IS A HEDGEHOG!

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A man walked straight into a gay bar.

And came out.

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me staring at my calculator app for 45 seconds before i remember i was trying to open my clock app to set an alarm

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so last night when i was trying to sleep y'know it was dark and quiet and my eyes were closed but then i suddenly started laughing because i remembered this gif

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some of my favourite sign fails <3

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“My sister’s blind dog loves fetch”

(via)

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Somebody translated the infernal runes face tattoo that you can put on your character and the runes on the forhead literally just spell "forhead", the runes on the nose spell "nose" and the runes on the chin say "chin"