halli-in-thailand

[halli-in-thailand]

Representing Strive Prep Ruby Hill today as I plan a Positive Discipline training with my counterpart for this week. Grateful for everything I learned at Ruby Hill and @downtown_denver_expeditionary about giving students the learning atmosphere they desperately need and that teachers want! Now I’m able to stir up some thinking about this in mostly uncharted territory where scare tactics and hitting with sticks is common practice. I was told today that this is the first training of this kind with our teachers and we’re not really sure how it will be taken, so I’m letting the teachers do most of the brainstorming and game planning. An organic start is the PC way after all. I’ll let you know how it goes! • • I’ll write a bit more about this on my blog later tonight! https://www.instagram.com/p/Bq4jIhzncSzciszuE9tQwJCyz-M2mY5vENgRRA0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=115h5oauy6hib

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Lovely day at the lake with great friends ❤️ riding the graciousness wave from Thanksgiving. Life is so so good. Leaving Chiang Mai today and it certainly has been an incredible trip! I can’t wait to be back! (at ห้วยตึงเฒ่า Huay Thung Thao Chiangmai Thailand) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bqmmh_unHXRFd4zRCbY0msTLi9_xnTZvPaSosE0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=d67jur4osr6s

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This Thanksgiving, I’m not with my family. I’m not having turkey or mashed potatoes or wine. But I am 1000% thankful for the people in my life, my experiences, my health, and my growth. Happy Thanksgiving all of you beautiful humans! Go spread some love and graciousness today! https://www.instagram.com/p/BqefJ7UH5f6DrEP-5U6sYWlQQzBfDesUA9_llg0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=es57r4hoybdy

[halli-in-thailand]

An Update on Growth

A big part of this service for me has been improving my habits. Exercising and doing yoga every day, talking to God every day, limiting screen time, healthy time management with work, social, and personal life..... I’ve also added some new hobbies to my personal time: guitar, crochet, journaling....... There’s a lot going on around here. When I first got here, I was so overwhelmed all the time. Putting a lot of pressure on being a better me. I take it one day at a time now with larger goals in mind, but without allowing the weight of achieving specific lifestyle goals sink me through the wet soil. Some things fall off my shoulders naturally, like this blog. I have no apologies for not keeping this updated because it will be something I can look back on and see my service from a vague perspective, but its nothing I can trade for the personal growth and tangible experiences I’m having in the process of leaving this blog in the background.

So just writing this blog entry to remind myself where I was at in my 11th month of service. So when I do look back at this in the future, I won’t let myself digress into any self-deprecation about how I couldn’t be consistent with this. Its not necessary or healthy to be hard on yourself even if its to make yourself better. I’m learning to love myself as I are and then do things to help that person instead of hating things about myself and trying to fix them. I’m learning to give myself the gifts of self-care and creative expression and honoring my needs.

Growth... its happening.......

[halli-in-thailand]

Mom and Dad took on a deluge of students totally thrilled and confident to ask questions, practice english conversation, be silly, and give lots of hugs and kisses. I’m so impressed with my parents’ resiliency with all the energy output the day after traveling 30 hours, and I’m so proud of my students for being so brave and speaking so much English! This really encouraged them and gave them an opportunity to take chances with their language ability and they did it! Even students that are usually shy or wouldn’t talk with me when I got here! Pictured here, the students asking for their autographs and asking them about what they like to eat. ❤️❤️❤️❤️ https://www.instagram.com/p/Bnqc1QIBVPwufpC7K_7dmqGJ8354nafy8Rit8o0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1epdqxmudihtm

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Had some rough days these past 3 days, no energy, stayed in bed all day. I kept trying to figure out what was wrong with only a low grade fever. Now, I’m thinking it’s could be mental health. So today I agreed to go out for Som Dtam with some teachers who live at school, looked around at our surroundings during dinner(photo), bought a new crochet hook, and spent the evening creating some crochet with a face mask and funk music. Hoping I wake up feeling full again tomorrow. Down days are a part of the experience, but I love learning how to care for myself when I’m uncomfortable and not my usual happy, breezy self. Thank you, God for these ups and downs. He has me right where He wants me 🙌🏼☀️ https://www.instagram.com/p/BnWSFSqhkbQaOONF4_zsDeaTrY4v1fY_gwScuY0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=187rsrsby15pt

[halli-in-thailand]

The title of my #peacecorps program is “Teaching Empowerment for Student Success”, but I’m the one feeling empowered to be myself and take chances in my service 🤩 hopefully I can pass some of that along to my coteachers, too! https://www.instagram.com/p/BnH-Eq3hENORBSwlYBf0SgBc3p9xkPaPeHUGq40/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1u9pd2q640wz0

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“Hello, God? It’s me.”

I’ve read Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert twice and watched the movie about a hundred times. As cliche as it has become, I admire her vulnerability and bravery, and as I continue on my personal path to understanding myself, I identify with Liz in different ways most days.

In one scene, Liz describes her “Hello God” moment which I have heard many people reference in their own lives where they decide to talk to God. There are a lot of feelings involved in conferencing with God when we have ignored Him for any part, or sometimes all, of our lives.

For me it was fear, guilt, feeling of undeserving, yet a desire to be “sure” and a strong feeling of love and yearning to be with Him.

I was raised Catholic and was a strong participant in the church through high school and a bit into college, but I believe that is when my life and mind truly strayed, although I was no saint in high school either. (Come to find out, God loved me this whole time! We’ll get to that later.”) I spent a long time feeling that since I could not know for sure, no one knows for sure, I could not dedicate my life and heart to one truth. I committed myself to learning about all beliefs.

When I came to Thailand I had no intention of turning back to God, and in fact, I was excited to learn about Buddhism and religion in other cultures firsthand. I went to religious events and ceremonies, even going through the motions at the temple and meditating/praying at times.

But, as they say, God works in mysterious ways. After 3-4 months of going to temples and then moving to a Muslim community and attending prayer over Ramadan, I found myself wanting to talk with God again.

It was really hard for me to release my pride and trust Him. I struggled with accepting that Jesus was more than a prophet or just another man of the times who called himself God. But really the only option was for me to ask God about these things for no one else truly knows the answers.

I started with prayer, conversation with Christian friends, and bits of the Bible.

My friend, Christalynn, prayed over me one day in a hard time over voice messages on Facebook messenger. I felt that deeply, way more than I had expected. A new friend, Christopher, has recently found God, was very supportive throughout the process, giving me guidance through the Bible and praying with me and over me with patience when I wasn’t ready. I have some amazing role models who live life through Christ in the Peace Corps. I asked to join a Facebook group and reached out to another wonderful man, Gabriel, who truly walks with God and has been showing me what that means since the day I met him. My friend Bethany showed me what God means to her and helped me get over some of my fears of the God I thought I had to know instead of the God I already know in my life. I started talking with others in the faith more and more.

There’s a great app called YouBible that has many plans depending on what you are interested in exploring. I chose to explore the concepts of faith and finding God.

I started turning to prayer whenever I thought of God, then integrated prayer into my yoga routine, then created a reminder twice a day to create a habit, and now I pray all the time and aim to walk with Him in every step.

What’s so cool is that He loves me all the time, even when I forget and treat people poorly or treat myself poorly or neglect Him, he still loves me. Even though I was constantly thinking of ways that I felt I needed to be better, He was already in love with me as I am. He loves me so much that He sacrificed His only child. Think about how much love a parent has for their child. He sent his child to DIE ON A CROSS, so that I could sin, be forgiven, and still live forever in His glory. WOW!

There are still so many things that I’m not “sure” of, I still feel that I don’t deserve His unconditional love, I’m still afraid of Him. But I’m here and my heart is open and I go to Him instead of seeking the strength within myself because I truly do not have it without Him.

A beloved priest and friend told me years ago when I was first questioning, before I left the church,

“You are a dancer, and God is the dance.”

So now I’m just dancing and I trust Him to guide me to the next move when it’s time.

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Overnight bus 😴 • This is my counterpart, Kru Ya. I was worried about people understanding me in a foreign culture, but she gets me better than most people ever have. Her English is incredible, she’s so intelligent(emotionally and intellectually), and her compassion is out of this world! #peacecorpsthailand https://www.instagram.com/p/BnBaWD1BJ_QIaFdguWpIvsECYM0fUGwKRZcZ280/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1pjwmnga32m66

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This is one of my students. He is in Bpratom 1. This is the face he made after he wrote an H. I bought 2 white boards at the store. The students love coming in and practicing writing. This guy is usually pretty shy. I sometimes can’t tell if he’s learning in class. As soon as I turned my office into an open space for kids to come and draw and play with foam letters and chat with me, he became a regular visitor. He is the sweetest, loves hugs, running around outside, climbing trees, swimming, playing with animals.... He’s super bright, now that I see him in a more intimate space I see how much he truly absorbs.

He lives in the village with his grandfather in a house with 7 people: grandfather, 5 kids from different parents, the oldest kid has a baby. 1 bedroom, a kitchen and living room, 1 shelf, a few drawers, mats for sleeping on the floor, 1 burner for cooking. He often comes to school looking a little disheveled because he uses a hand me down uniform and only has 1. His brother told me the their house floods when it rains a lot (it rains every day here), and when this little guy was growing up he would go out of the house before he could swim and would drown and have to be resuscitated. This story really opened my eyes.

I teach because of this moment in this gif. The learning moment. The second he accomplished something new. I teach to give kids the POWER that is learning and knowledge. I have spent some time in the last few years fighting being a teacher, but I am so so grateful for this opportunity to watch learning happen up close. I can’t wait to study this process after my service.

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Honoring my Meh yesterday was really moving for both of us. I finally got to clearly show her how grateful I am for all that she’s done for me. #triplepost for a special day. #thaiculture #peacecorpsthailand https://www.instagram.com/p/BmaWh01hXwHkFvnoiipYfDp4VymCXG1sQG9R5k0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=siuo1pf81son

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I am so blessed to be surrounded by these amazing, hilarious, beautiful, strong group of women every day! In a turn of events I am moving into the teacher dorm at school today. I am bummed about losing my house and that level of independence, but after a lot of prayer, I know that this is the right move. I can’t wait to dive into my school community and get to know these humans and my students a lot better!!! #peacecorpsthailand https://www.instagram.com/p/BmYPvMUBilU9V5ARHK9ohFhvos_l2S5rbPKEwI0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1ngngy1wtmyiy

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This is Kru Porn. She is an angel sent from heaven and has been one of my greatest sources of growth since I got here. Kru Porn is a caregiver. She is the eldest teacher at my school, which is means for much respect in Thai culture. She wears a million hats, and my arrival in her village added about a million more. She is not my counterpart, she has no official obligation to take care of me. She does so from her core. She has all the sass in the world and is unapologetically in charge of everyone around her. When I first got to site, I was a bit resistant to her seemingly random attempts to control my life. My host father is her brother-in-law. She visited regularly. She wanted me to live in the teacher dorms so that she could take care of me. She was one of the only people that really reacted to my decisions when she didn’t agree with them and my desperation for independence clashed with her amazing nature. She was of course right about many things and is one of the main reasons I feel so so secure at my site. I know that I have her to take care of me no matter how many times I made a cranky face at her when she tried to take over some aspect of my control over everything. I have been unwell a few times over the last month or 2, and she will do anything to help me feel comfortable and well. She asks if I want to come sleep at school so she can prepare my meals and be there if I need anything. She offers to take me to the hospital or to the airport if I need to go to the Peace Corps Office. Now that I am having issues with my house she is STOKED that I’m considering moving to the teacher dorms at school. Not a bit of I told you so, just genuine excitement to be more a part of my life. The reality is, I don’t have control over much, and I need to learn to be vulnerable with people like Kru Porn in order to form the relationships I will need to complete this commitment with strength and love and beauty. She is an angel teaching me to release my pride and my ego to see the beauty in people. And my goodness, she is so so beautiful.

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Check me out wearing the right color shirt and looking alive at this week’s teacher meeting! But don’t be fooled, I’m wearing the wrong shoes, and I don’t understand 90% of what is said at these meetings. #thriving #peacecorpsthailand

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Back with my host Mama, and I can actually understand her now which is amazing. We even got to take a little bpai tiao today. Great to see everyone, even though the first thing everyone says is how fat I’ve gotten 😂 “You used to have a small body! Now you have a big body!” Gotta love it! #peacecorpsthailand #hostfamily #homestay #bpaitiao

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I’ve been having these moments where I realize that I am right where I’m meant to be at all times. I missed my bus yesterday and got to spend my evening here. Thank you God. (at Ranong, Thailand)

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🙌🏼 #livinginthailand