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i love watching this documentary about ashley madison the famous website for unbelievably massive douchebags and every ten seconds being like "oh my god what a bunch of unbelievably massive douchebags"

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They're playing Not Like Us in this bar and I heard one woman lean over to another and whisper "is 'jabroni' a slur"

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my boss looked at me today and said "halle, i promise you from the bottom of my heart, i will never make you or any of our coworkers do an escape room after we've already been at work together all day"

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the severance podcast continues to bat a thousand they've got christopher walken on saying "i'm not religious...but i am afraid of god." and then immediately cuts to the 19 year old girl who plays ms huang going "someone asked me for a selfie while i was studying for midterms! :D it was super cool! :D"

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My psychiatrist: okay once again I don’t know if we can classify “getting really into the front bottoms again as a twenty-eight year old woman” as a red flag

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Ohhh Christian Burt is lying to us

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severance really just keeps you guessing about what they're gonna throw at you. some weeks you're sitting there like "man i guess the lutheran church has some valid points about existence"

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everyone gets to have sex in the office but irving. homophobia

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“When we were both standing in a line-up years and years ago, and had never met. We were meeting the Queen Mother. He reached across, and shook my hand, and whispered in my ear, “Thank you for my life.” I thought he was absolute bliss.”

— Donald Sutherland on meeting Alan Alda.  (via asinfreedom)

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my mom who teaches elementary school was telling me about these new fidget desks they have for children of my ilk and i was like "aw man i would've loved one of those as a kid" and then was like "halle you fully bounced around your office on a yoga ball yesterday"

I would love to go back to 2003 and tell my parents who have just been informed their second grade daughter has adhd like it's cancer because it was 2003 that she will build a career in a field that doesn't exist yet where people are allowed to alternate between working at treadmill desks and on cozy bean bags and thus is, in fact, fine

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The woman at the store asked for my ID and it’s clear she is new to this country/continent because she stared at it for a really long time and then looked at me and said “What is this?" and I go, "What's what?" and she points at the license. "I’ve never heard of this place. This is a real place?" I say, “Massachusetts?” She goes, “Yes. Where is that?” I say, “other side of the country.” She looks at me like "likely story", and then calls over another cashier to verify because as you can imagine you don't see a lot of these in California and “this doesn't seem real" meanwhile I'm standing there wondering how you prove the existence of Massachusetts if she decides not to sell me my $9 wine

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I would love to go back to 2003 and tell my parents who have just been informed their second grade daughter has adhd like it's cancer because it was 2003 that she will build a career in a field that doesn't exist yet where people are allowed to alternate between working at treadmill desks and on cozy bean bags and thus is, in fact, fine

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Sexiest Old Man Tournament: Round 1

Who is hotter?

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never seen these outtakes before today but they are GOLDEN and i am obsessed

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carey mulligan just said "i'm going to assume you understand some english so your son is dead" to two traumatized syrian immigrants hiding in a basement this really is the most realistic cop show ever

i love watching british crime miniseries because it's just six episodes of "oh, turns out i have been saying that actor from doctor who's name wrong for the past seventeen years"

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today was literally just: I've been in this apartment before, I'm certain of it. It was 1972. Gore Vidal, Linda Lavin, and I were all drunk on white port and cough syrup

So many apartments in LA look so similar that sometimes you’ll be watching a band’s Instagram music video and go wait. Were they on my roof