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I got a free trial of Clear for the airport a few months ago but now I am considering just paying the exorbenent yearly price for the high of getting escorted past the TSA line and through security in 30 seconds like you’re Princess Diana

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Forcing myself to run laps of the neighborhood before the airport even though I slept like shit because this is the last air I will feel on my face for the rest of the year that is not the temperature of the ice lake in the depths of Dante’s hell

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my friend noticed my Spotify on repeat playlist is currently nothing but the hazbin hotel soundtrack and kendrick lamar diss tracks

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I think the main reason I'm into the girl I'm seeing is on our first date she described a novel as "it was recommended on booktok but don’t worry it's not fucking stupid"

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Head empty, just WD5 chilling 🥺

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where/how do you sponsor a child?

So I do it through an organization called Children International. My mom sponsored kids my whole childhood through CI so I honestly thought it was a Catholic charity until about five years ago, but luckily it is completely secular and has an excellent rating from charity watch orgs.

Sponsoring one child is about $40 a month, and pays for school needs, food, and medical care. Many of these kids live in families that survive on less than $2000 a year, so it really makes a difference. You also get sent pictures of your child and occasional letters - you can send them letters and cards back too! Honestly, they do really good work, I just wish they didn’t cut kids off when they turn 18, which is unfortunately a systemic problem you see everywhere from charities to foster care.

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those who would stand between me and my final destination get torched inside the fire of my transcendence

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I went to check online about how my sponsor child is doing and she was gone from my profile and I'm like what the fuck and they're like well she turned 18 and I'm like dude are you serious so she just gets kicked out into the ether? and they're like well you're the one who picked a 17 year old we assumed you wanted a short commitment and I'm like I chose her because nobody picks teenagers and also are you implying that just because someone is 18 they are automatically self sufficient?? do you know how often I let milk go bad at that age

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I know being able to do a lot of accents is more a technical skill than acting ability, but anytime I see an actor who switches back-and-forth effortlessly I’m like I think this might be Lawrence Olivier. We should give them special awards. I’m also easily impressed by magic tricks

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Reblog and put in the tags the name of your pet and why you chose that name for them.

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Isn’t this the plot of All or Nothing

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yippie!

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My father works from home so every time i call him he's gone a little rear window about some random nonsense in the neighborhood where i grew up but today he was all "you'll never guess what i saw downtown today" and i was like "lol what did someone knock over one of the free reading libraries" and he was like "ten fbi agents arrested someone for piloting a remote drone strike in Jordan"

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Kurt Vonnegut would’ve done numbers on here

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I’M GOING TO LAUGH UNTIL I’M DEAD

What do you mean the what we do in the shadows finale apple tree yard-ed people. I was getting a pair of pants hemmed

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WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS (2019-2024) SEASON 6, EPISODE 10: THE PROMOTION

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Corny gay jokes about male co-leads in network shows were a dime a dozen in the 2000’s but i do genuinely believe that if Psych were written today it would have ended with Shawn and Gus getting together