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Police have tweeted that large bags of cocaine are washing up on the beaches of Sydney and have asked the public not to touch them.

Merry Christmas everyone

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The fly that's been bumping full speed into your window all day has finally gotten lucky, phased though the glass this time

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I was sad until I opened the Sims and made a dog called Chocolate Milk and I think you should look at him

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every year around christmas me and my grandma play this fun family game called “maybe you want to put jesus in your room instead, sweetie? :)”. now, it’s important to note that the jesus referred to in our game is not actually the real jesus christ, but instead a wooden figure i made in 2011 that has an uncanny resemblance to the lord and savior himself

so what happens is that i place jesus in our living room, and my grandma smiles and asks me if i don’t want to decorate my room with him instead. i ask her in return if she thinks my jesus figure is ugly (which he is), but she reassures me that this is not the case. however, a couple of days later jesus mysteriously disappears from our living room, and appear in my room instead

now, the real jesus christ might have been able to perform a miracle like this, but please remember that the jesus in our story is only a figure made out of wood. he can not move on his own, so i think we can safely say that my grandma is the prime suspect here

the first year i would often confront my grandma about this, but she would always make up an excuse and never straight up tell me she moved him because he’s so ugly it’s an embarrassment to the family

eventually i grew tired of her lies, so now we only move jesus around in silence. one second he’s in the living room, the next he’s back in my room. in a way i think this adds an extra element of excitement to the holiday season, because you never know for sure when jesus is going to be moved again

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I remember when the sixpence slavery drama first broke out I learned more about modern slavery on my dash than I ever learned in a class

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man burns down local charity (he doesn't feel bad about it)

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People who say this are literally saying that they prefer for the workers to all be inexperienced and desperately looking for other jobs. But they somehow also expect good service.

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womp womp

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Whyd no one tell me alligator Gars scientific name is Atrocious Spatula

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ive found that when i say “save me [x character] save me” im usually saying it about a character that has gone through something similar to what im currently going through (ie saying Save me arthur morgan when i’m coughing horribly) and it dawned on me recently that it’s essentially the same as praying to saints for intercession

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It’s true and you should say it.

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has anyone ever had sex before

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Im mister trans gender. Im mister cis. Im mister cash spender. Im mister take a piss