halfmyheartdeployed

[halfmyheartdeployed]

December 9, 2014.

so here goes the waiting game again. We wait for answers and wait to make decisions. Ultimately i just feel so out of control through all of this, but thats what i signed up for right? So now we just wait. 

I am so incredibly thankful for all the marvelous responses form yesterday and answering all of my questions. its in to know there are others that were once in my shoes that are willing to help me out. 

As for everything else, this finals week has consisted of hour upon hour of gilmore girls while trying my damnedest to study. its nice though, i can bomb every single on of my finals and get all b's (a.k.a my best semester ever here at school), so thats awesome. AND THE BABES IS GRADUATING! finally. luckily she has me or else it wouldn't be happening. never heard so many thank you's before in my life. so thats good. 

AND i have finally met a bunch of her extended family and her mom is warming up to me. its crazy how so many things have changed in the past year. i can't believe its been a year since i came out. so crazy. but anyways, so that will be better when they all come down since i know them now! 

next week, i am taking her to this really cool movie theater that is also basically a pub. i am so excited and we are going to see its a wonderful life. we've never seen it, but i am so excited to because I've heard its phenomenal. then she is taking me to see the nutcracker and to dinner. its going to be an amazing month. 

thats all for now, if i freak out again, you will be hearing from me soon. 

much love <3

[halfmyheartdeployed]

this helps so much, thank you endlessly. thats the thing. we have planned on getting married for quite some time now and we have picked May and either the first or second weekend and we have it sort of planned. its not a spur of the moment thing basically. and she also wants me to be taken care of. she wants to be able to provide for me when she goes on deployment again and all those extra benefits would do nothing but help that out. she wants me to not have to worry when she won't be here to take care of me. 

i don't know! we still have SO much to discuss and the real deciding factor will be whether or not she does get the mission. so we will see. and i promise to post updates and if i have any more questions i will shoot them in your and the other lovely person that has reached out direction! 

So even though i have a final in a half hour that i have barely studied for i am going to writ this anyway. So a lot of stuff is in the works. Basically right now we are trying to determine whether or not to get married if she gets deployed again. its now legal! so we could do it when ever we…

[halfmyheartdeployed]

December 8, 2014

So even though i have a final in a half hour that i have barely studied for i am going to writ this anyway. So a lot of stuff is in the works. Basically right now we are trying to determine whether or not to get married if she gets deployed again. its now legal! so we could do it when ever we wanted, really. i don't know. its scary. she is really ready to go back again and do it all over and marriage just seems right. and she's strongly considering going active again, which i fully support. i have no idea. we had a talk about all of this last night but we both decided that after finals would be a better time to figure all this shit out. has anyone else been in this sitaution? like the whole should we get married thing? I'm down for any kind of help at this point.

[halfmyheartdeployed]

November 24, 2014.

I was suppose to clean the house today. I was suppose to take a shower and do my makeup and get ready for the date I am taking you on tonight. I turned on the tv and bring it on was suppose to be on.but instead the movie Taking Chance was on. And now I am sobbing. I can't handle this. Last week in one of my classes the group presentation was on military families. They played a video of homecoming and i bolted from the room. I couldn't handle it. I went back to get my stuff and apologized and my professor goes "she came home, its okay" and i just burst into tears again and left. I have been so unstable in this area recently and I'm not sure why. I am not sure if its because my hormones are all out of waco because its shark week or if its because I've been having a lot of family issues lately. I don't know but i fell so out of control and like i don't know what to do. i can't live like this forever. does this feeling ever go away? I'm one of the lucky ones, i know. but its just so hard to think, she could have never come home alive. she could have had some kind of serious injury, mentally or physically. the worst we deal with is the anxiety of it all. I am not strong enough for this. 

[halfmyheartdeployed]

November 17, 2014.

So its raining. And we haven't gotten the babes car to start for almost 2 days now. I have so much stuff to do before the week is over. You can say that I'm stressed out. Almost to the point of pulling my hair out. I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. It seemed like the right thing to do to just stay in bed. Take a load off. crochet all damn day if I wanted to. Too bad I can't have that luxury. I haven't missed a class this whole semester and that is a goal that I want to achieve for myself. Im not really sure when i got thrusted into this insane world of responsibility and having to save money while subsequently being broke as hell and not wanting to do anything ever. Part of me just wants to run away. Pack up and leave everything i know behind but all of me knows thats not a possibility. I don't know. Writing this out makes me feel more jumbled than ever and i hope thanksgiving can give me the break i need to figure some shit out and hopefully relax for the first time in a long, long while. Heres hoping. 

[halfmyheartdeployed]

November 11, 2014.

Oh my, its been a while. Life has diffidently gotten away from me in these past few months. And I was locked out of tumblr for quite a few of those so that didn't help. Anyways a life update! Babes is home, happy, and healthy! We deal mostly with anxiety and uncertainty about the future. Going out into public some days is a struggle. But it gets better everyday. I would also pin us as more in love than ever right now. We plan on moving in together next summer, many talks of marriage, talk of a puppy, and now for the first time, getting to spend the holidays (my favorite time of year together). I hope this bliss never ends. 

On another note, we are facing another deployment. Which sucks. She hasn't even been home for a year yet and here we go again. Nothing is definite yet, obviously because nothing ever really is, but its all i can think about and its so hard to not know what is going to happen and when its going to happen. I guess that come with the territory though, right?

right now I'm just focused on school, crocheting, and my job. Babes will be graduating in december and then i only have 4 more semesters until i graduate. I just recently learned how to crochet and its addicting and it keeps me occupied when I'm feeling low. And i work on top of it all and try my hardest to just keep my head above water, finically and emotionally.

Crying as I'm writing this because its been so long. I miss this. Hopefully I can get back to this and keep it up this time. 

Hope all is well with everyone out there.

Lots of love,

Jessica 

[halfmyheartdeployed]

For my Milso loves!

[halfmyheartdeployed]

March 21, 2014

So just an update.

things have been super great since the babe came home! We have gotten a TON of stuff done which is amazing and i now have a job and she has been having tons of interviews! We also both met each others parents which went fairly well on both ends!

And i can be super thankful that she hasn't been too affected by everything. She is more anxious now. More nervous about things behind her that she can't see. More worried when i look over her shoulder or out a window and she can't see what I'm looking at. BUT she sleeps great and other than those things, nothing really has changed. so i am so so so grateful for that. 

All i can say is its amazing to have my babes home once again and we have so much ahead of us! A trip to disney in 50 short days!!! and just simply getting our lives back together. 

hope all is well with y'all! 

[halfmyheartdeployed]

February 24, 2014

WELL ITS OFFICIAL! THE BABES IS FINALLY HOME! after 11 LONG months away, she has finally returned!

i have missed her so incredibly much and its so amazing to have her back. i forgot what it feels like to have someone with you all of the time and its amazing. I'm so glad we made it baby:) i love you <3

[halfmyheartdeployed]

February 9, 2014.

so a little life update. 

babes will be home so so soon. I've been told that i will basically only have a 24 hour notice before i have to go pick her up. i can't wait. i literally am so anxious and I'm just ready for it to happen already. I'm glad we still have some time because her furniture still has not come in. and i still need to make her welcome home sign (which i am SO excited about).

ive had a lot of though breaks lately though. didn't get into the frat. didn't get the leadership position. still have another leadership opportunity and a job interview though, its just hard for me even to think that i could get these two things when i didn't get the other two. fingers crossed i guess.

but something super exciting is we are going to Walt Disney World! we wanted to go on a vacation and this is literally my favorite place ever and so we're doing it! I'm so excited and i can't wait and ugh i just am so happy because i know she will HAVE to be home for that and it'll just be us. no family (well except my sister but whatever), no friends, no worries, just us. just us doing us. spending time together, making memories together in person like we haven't been able to do for the past year. i am so ecstatic for this opportunity.

the only thing about it is i have been so high stress lately and have had such a short temper and frustration level and i don't know what can fix that but a break. a break from deployment, a break from school, a break from everything. I'm hoping maybe just a weekend getaway or maybe even just spring break will be good enough until Disney in May but we will just have to see i guess.

i am also terrified about what to expect for her return, i  have just  no clue whats going to happen and i am just ready for it to be over. lets hope i can make it through these next couple of weeks till spring break. fingers crossed again, i guess.

[halfmyheartdeployed]

January 21, 2014.

the only thing i can think about is making out. I WANNA MAKE OUT SO BAD!!!! BABY COME HOME NOW AND MAKE OUT WITH ME!!!!

[halfmyheartdeployed]

January 19, 2014.

Sorry I haven't been posting lately,its getting close to when she is going to be home and I'd rather be safe than sorry! I don't want to post anything that isn't suppose to be posted!

So basically I've started my 4th semester of school and I'm just trying to make it through. Its getting rough and i feel as though it'll probably stay rough until she returns. its soon its so so soon. 

its also getting harder and harder to see other couples. they get to cuddle and have sex and get to do everything together. and I'm not trying to be that person, but its been a year. we have spent a year out of the year and 3 months we will be together when she returns. it kills me inside to think that. i just can't take it. 

on a positive note i might have a job. and thats super great. that makes me super happy. 

but idk w will see.

[halfmyheartdeployed]

[halfmyheartdeployed]

i feel the exact same way, i am freaking ecstatic for her return! I'm just so nervous its going to be awkward! almost there though, and i can't wait!!!!!

I seriously cannot believe how close we’re getting to the homecoming. Like, super dooper close. It’s almost surreal to think that in a little while I’ll be able to enjoy the things I’ve been depraved of for so long; Kisses, hugs, cuddles, sexy time. I have a feeling its going to be awkward at...

[halfmyheartdeployed]

Babes:)

So this is what the sweetest babe ever got me for our 1 year anniversary. Probably the most meaningful piece of paper I have Eve received. I love you so much babe! 😘😍💖

[halfmyheartdeployed]

January 1, 2014.

Happy new year! And also happy one year anniversary to my baby! I can't believe it has already been a whole year! I can't believe we have come this far. We have has some ups and downs but we have been there for eachother through it all and I wouldn't have wanted to go through this with anyone else but you. I love you so much. Things have been okay lately. Some days rougher than others but I'm getting through. I will go back to school soon and will finally be on my own schedule again which I can't wait for. I am so over being home and while home is much better than it has ever been, I need to get away. I can only take so much. The hardest thing recently has been everyone it seems is with their SO for the holidays and I am not. The holidays. Our one year. Soon another charity ball. Soon another valentines day. And soon another birthday (mine). It has just been REALLY hard recently. I just have to keep reminding myself that this will all be over soon. My heart goes out to everyone who couldn't be with their loved ones this holiday and I hope everyone is reunited soon. I know I can't wait for mine.

[halfmyheartdeployed]

My baby!

I cannot believe i have been with this goober for a whole entire year. Holy guacamole! I love you so much honey <3