hairaloves - Tumblr blog

[hairaloves]

oh, mother!

will you care if i cut myself?

will you spare me a look if i lay down on the floor, bleeding to death?

will you tell me then that i was worthy and enough and that you'd hate to see me go?

will you treat me like your own child one last time?

i remember the old times,

the night zephyr caressing my cheeks as i wondered,

"what did i do so wrong?"

"do i deserve this?"

hoping one day things would change and you'd treat me the way you treat them.

nothing changed, except the place.

the wind doesn't visit me anymore.

i'm left all alone in the depths of the dark.

they say blood is thicker than water, but you proved them wrong.

afterall, you failed to create the perfect child you wanted.

would you love me if i didn't exist?

would i still be showered with hatred?

you think you did an amazing job raising a child at 21, when you weren't ready?

what makes you think i'd rather not be dead than be here?

you should've killed me back then.

would've saved you from all this trouble.

good luck, mother.

as much as i love you, i don't think i can ever love you.

i will never be as perfect as you are, or as perfect as you want me to be.

all i am in your eyes, is a mere shadow of you,

a perfect little clay doll,

but that clay hardened a bit too quick.

so all that's left of me now is a useless lump of mud.

[hairaloves]

her

every second, every minute screams at me "you're not enough!"

when was i ever enough?

when was the last time i felt like i was worthy of being alive?

when was the last time i didn't compare myself to them for every little thing i did?

when was the last time i considered myself worthy of the space i occupy?

when was the last time the thought of crouching under the desk, just to make myself as tiny as possible, didn't exist?

when was the last time i didn't blame myself for not writing poems as heart touching as they did, dance as gracefully as they did, paint as beautifully as they did or sing as mellifluously as they did?

when was the last time i didn't blame myself for merely existing?

when was the last time i didn't feel so insignificant that no one would notice if i disappeared?

when was the last time i was her and not me?

because i want to be her!

they say she was much better than i am.

but i changed, and they wish i was still her.

i want to have what she would've had, if she was me.

but isn't it too late?

i want to scream and shout and take up space! i want to make them uncomfortable! i want to live like this is my last chance at life!

but isn't it too late?

she's lost. she's lost deep within. deep within the void.

will my light be enough to light up the void?

will she be stuck in there forever?

[hairaloves]

i hereby declare that i am a plant. i can't function without sunlight. pls take this nonstop rain away. i need to photosynthesize.

[hairaloves]

why do i never get slytherin???? i wanna be slytherin SO BAD

i've taken the quiz a 100 times atp but no 😮‍💨

[hairaloves]

i want to feel alive again. i want to feel the wind in my hair, the golden hour sun that makes every moment seem worthwhile; the tenderness of human touch; honey dipped words on paper, spilling the secrets of your soul; the gentle sunlight peeking through trees on a sunny afternoon. i want to feel reckless and carefree, like nothing matters more than losing yourself in the moment, like nothing matters more than just- being alive.

[hairaloves]

i love you guys 💗

Reblog if you think it’s okay to platonically say “I Love You” to your friends

[hairaloves]

Someone asked me what's love ?

For me, love is rooted in friendship. Without a strong foundation of friendship, true love cannot thrive. Friendship is a crucial component in the realm of love. It entails cherishing every aspect of your partner, treating them as your utmost priority, engaging in spirited disagreements like caring siblings, while still maintaining an unwavering love for one another. It involves providing unwavering support, acting as their biggest source of motivation and encouragement. Additionally, it encompasses moments of childlike playfulness, knowing that they will never judge you for embracing your inner child.

A genuine love is exemplified through tender morning kisses, leisurely walks under the night sky, and an enchantment with the beauty of the moon. It manifests in their unwavering guidance through life's complex decisions. Above all, it entails a deep understanding of one another's essence. During moments of distress and overwhelming stress, you confide in them without reservation, and they respond with open arms, embracing you and attentively listening to every problem that weighs on your heart. These affectionate gestures epitomize the true essence of love.

[hairaloves]

I found this post somewhere and now I wanna cry.

[hairaloves]

I wish I wasn't, such a dreamer. I've ruined this life for myself.

— N.M. Sanchez

[hairaloves]

[hairaloves]

Reblog to put one of these in your mutuals’ pocket when they’re not looking

[hairaloves]

one day you think: I want to die. and then you think, very quietly: actually. actually. I think I want a coffee. a nap. a sandwich. a book. and I want to die turns day by day into want to go home, I want to walk in the woods, I want to see my friend, I want to sit in the sun, I want a cleaner kitchen, I want a better job, I want to live somewhere else. I want to live.

- via duckbunny

[hairaloves]

🫠

“It's taboo to admit that you're lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven't left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you're not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are. A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn't transition well to adult life, that you'd fall right through the cracks. And look at you now, it's happening.”

[hairaloves]

i saw her yesterday,

she was like a tulip among roses.

she runs like the wind,

taking my heart and leaving me in pieces.

my breath hitches,

i giggle like a teenager in love.

oh god no! please no!

don't make my heart flutter like a dying dove.

i haven't felt this way in ages,

will i ever get to hold her hand?

oh how i pity my poor poor heart,

can't help but sink into this quicksand.

[hairaloves]

i know i should stop stressing but how do i stop stressing when life is life-ing

[hairaloves]

i've been feeling lonely,

it's strange.

clusters of people everywhere

laughing and dancing with joy!

it's the festival of lights, afterall.

am i the only one who feels like

the forlorn shadow under the lamp?

am i the only one who feels it all?

or am i the one who feels nothing at all?

it's so strange.

everyone is busy admiring the fireworks

to never notice the girl weeping in the dark.

[hairaloves]

Is it just me or does having a positive interaction with a stranger scratch a very particular itch? I think it's the reassurance that the world is not split solely into people who already love you and people who never will.