hagelpoint-3821 - Tumblr blog

hagelpoint-3821 · 15 days ago

Text

;; I Did Something Bad Dedicated to @hockeyboysimagines

Summary: After you send a sexy snap to the wrong Brady, you and your stepbrother cross a line that you had never considered crossing before. Kinks & Tropes: Age Gap (18 vs. 22). Stepcest. Phone Sex/Sexting. Praise. Mutual Masturbation. Protective Big Brother. Reader Nickname: "Sissy". PLEASE NOTE, this work of fiction depicts a budding sexual relationship between step-siblings who grew up together from ages 10 and 14 - step-siblings who always considered one another siblings. -- Set during Brady's time as a New York Ranger. Word Count: 4k+ A/N: Happy Birthday to the lovely @hockeyboysimagines ! You have been the best worst influence for me as a writer, always encouraging me to write what I want to write instead of what I should be working on. And you very well know October was meant to be spent with the filthiest of Brady Skjei content. This is very much the tip of the iceberg for Brady and his stepsister, and I couldn't be more thrilled to get the two of them going because of your birthday. This fic is in no way groundbreaking, but it's filthy and fun and maybe even a little toxic. But if I know someone who is going to appreciate it for their birthday, it's you! AND a quick little shout out to @hagelpoint-3821 who was around when my filthy mind birthed this idea probably 2 years ago now! It's finally happening!

“Do you always think of me when you touch yourself?”

Your blood ran cold. You recognized the voice in an instant, and it wasn't the one you expected to hear when you answered the phone. And it was nowhere near anything you thought would leave your stepbrother's mouth.

His words sent a rush of heat surging through you. It sent your skin red hot with embarrassment as you lay in bed, one hand still in your panties and the other holding the phone to your ear so tightly your hand ached. You wished the embarrassment could have been for him. That he had somehow dialed the wrong number. That he meant to dial whichever slut he had in whichever city he was in for the night. But that was just a dream of a possibility, because he knew exactly what he was doing when he phoned you.

Silently, you drew your phone back from your face, a quivering breath trembling through your body as you opened Snapchat on your phone and looked at your last sent messages. At the top of the list was Brady, the red and white arrow beside his name showing you the last message sent to him was minutes ago. And just below him, the intended recipient of your message, Braedy. He was an idiot you’d met in the back row of your first year psychology class. You’d exchanged numbers on the first day, which led to helping him with assignments while he helped you with orgasms. But while he was in his dorm room across campus, rock hard and waiting for your next risque picture, you lay still in bed with your stepbrother on the other end of the phone.

Swallowing hard, in an attempt to moisten your dry mouth, you accepted that the silence had been too long to pretend that you hadn’t accidentally sent him a picture of your hand in your panties.

“I-” you started, but you formed no words. Anything you could have thought to say became strangled in your throat. "Sissy, was that picture not meant for me?" Brady asked, saving you from the need to provide him with some sort of explanation, but it didn't make you feel any better. Your heart continued to pound against your chest as it flooded with panic and embarrassment.

“No, I, ah-” you breathed, your attempt at words more of a stutter than the beginnings of an explanation.

“And I thought you were being a good girl-” your core clenched “-focusing on your studies on campus. I don’t have to come down there and check in on you, do I?”

You shook your head slowly as if he could see it, your hair becoming a mess on your pillow. Your breathing was shallow and uneven, your body hot and sweaty even as you lay there in nothing but a cropped t-shirt and your panties. Panties that your hand had yet you leave and your crotch was still damp with arousal from the brief exchange of photos before Brady’s interruption. An interruption that should have dried you up like a desert. Yet, you were just as wet as when you answered the call, if not wetter.

“Are you still there, sissy?” It was only with his words that you realized he couldn’t see your response.

“No, I-” your throat caught your words as you fumbled with what exactly to say. Brady’s words were so calm, sounding cautious and thought out, while your mind was so frantic you couldn’t even think of the right words to say.

“I’m still here,” you confirmed with a breath, “and no, you don’t need to check on me.”

“I’ll be in the area next week,” he hummed slowly, and your eyes darted to the calendar that was on your bedside table. The Rangers would play in Minnesota soon, and while you were sure the team wouldn’t give him time to come visit you on campus, Brady never seemed to fail at scaring any prospecting partners away. It was the big-brother thing to do, or at least that’s always what you guys told yourselves. But as he spoke with his words so thought out as if he was trying to tiptoe through the situation with caution, you couldn’t help but wonder if it was and had always been a little more than that.

“No, no,” you protested, “I’ll be good.”

“Will you?” Brady challenged. “Be a good girl and block that boy for me.”

“Brady-”

“Do it and show me.” The firmness of his voice sent a wave of heat through you. There would be no fighting him on this, so you obliged.

Slowly, your hand left your panties, the elastic waistband snapping against your hip before you brought your now freed hand up to your phone. You cradled the phone in both hands as you turned on the screen recording and captured blocking your classmate, Braedy, on Snapchat and his phone number. Then you sent the video to your stepbrother, Brady.

“Good girl,” he praised you, “keep it that way, alright, Sissy. No distractions. Promise.”

“I promise,” you breathed out, though you were fully entertaining the idea of unblocking Braedy as soon as this awkward phone call was over. What Brady didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him, or you.

“Good girl,” he said again, your body reacting the same to his soft praise, and it nearly left you reeling against your pillow. You shouldn’t be feeling that way, especially with Brady on the phone. Yet, you forced out a quivering breath and chalked it up to coincidence and the poor timing of his call. “Are you in bed?” he asked you slowly.

“Yes,” you confirmed.

“Wearing those pretty little panties?”

You lay there in the same silence that had consumed you when you had heard his voice when you had answered the call. Had you just heard him right, or was your mind playing tricks on you? Or maybe, just maybe, you had fallen asleep watching shitty pornography, and this was all just a dream.

You pinched yourself.

No, not a dream.

You had accidentally sent your stepbrother a suggestive photo, and now he was what, trying to have phone sex with you? It didn’t make sense, but did all at once.

The two of you had always been close, even if your parents hadn’t married until you were 10 and he was 14. He had snapped into your life so perfectly. Brady was the big brother you had always wanted. From helping you with your homework, to attending both his high school football games and his hockey games, too. The two of you did it all together. Even when he was off to college, you were there supporting him, counting down the days until you too would attend the same university in his footsteps. And then there were the jokes, made by your own parents, that if the two of you weren’t siblings, the two of you would get married. It was always a joke, one that both you and Brady had laughed at - but it was all coming to crest now. Had the joke always been funny because it was true?

The two of you just never admitted it - or fully entertained the idea - until you had forced it all by accident.

Biting down on your lip, you chewed it slowly as you took in a slow breath. You had a decision to make, and the weight of it rested heavily on your chest. You could answer him, paint a sexy little picture for him with your words, or you could hang up.

“Brady,” his name was weak on your lips, your tongue darting out to run over your lips slowly.

“Sorry,” he spoke quickly, “I can hang up. We can pretend this didn’t happen-”

“No, don’t,” you spoke out too quickly as you shot up in bed, “don’t hang up.”

He replied with nothing but a soft sigh, one that sounded like a smile and relief.

Slowly, you pressed up onto your knees, your thighs pressing firmly together to ease the tension that continued to build throughout your body. One hand left your phone and tucked your hair behind your ears and out of your face before falling to rest on the top of your thighs. “Where are you right now?”

“My hotel room in Detroit,” he answered slowly.

You swallowed hard. “Alone?”

Brady hummed his confirmation into the phone, sparking a sense of excitement into you. “Maybe,” your lips curled up into a soft smile as you spoke, “I could send you another picture. Would that be wrong?”

Yes. Yes, it would. But he didn’t stop you. Instead, Brady encouraged you. “Wrong? No. It’s just a picture, right?” You weren't sure if he was trying to convince you, or if he was trying to convince himself that what you were about to do was okay.

His words made you giddy when they should have. And with a stupid smile, your phone left your ear as you positioned yourself on the bed. You knelt there with your legs slightly spread so he could have a clear view of your panties. Snapping the picture, you wrinkled your nose at the outcome. You didn’t like it. You posed again after fixing your shirt just right to show off just the right amount of under-boob in the next picture. It was great, but there was one issue: you could see your face. Thumb hesitating over the send button, you contemplated about taking another, one where you couldn't see your face. A picture like the ones you had sent your classmate earlier. Yet, you hit send. Because this was Brady, and if he shared it with anyone else, he would get into as much trouble as you would.

“There, I sent it to you,” you told him as you brought the phone back up to your ear.

You could hear Brady's satisfied hum through the phone as you relaxed back on the bed. “You look so pretty on your knees,” he told you and you threw yourself back on the pillow with a too wide grin. “Such an amazing body you have, Sissy.”

Your cheeks flushed with color. This wasn’t the first time he’s seen so much of your skin. Your family had taken a vacation somewhere hot every year for as long as you could remember, but this was the first time Brady could really comment on it.

“Can I show you something?” Brady asked, and your heart quickened.

“Yes,” you nodded eagerly, and you waited patiently, your face half buried in your pillow as you waited for his picture to be sent.

Yet, when that red square popped up on your screen, you hesitated to open it. It was one thing to send a picture, but to receive one. Opening it would mean you both crossed a line and there would be no coming back from it. Then, as you did most decisions, you took the risky option with no consideration for the repercussions you would face in the future. You held your thumb down on the screen, the sight it unlocked leaving your breath to hitch in the back of your throat.

Your eyes went to the shadow of his abs first and traveled down the dark trail of hair on his stomach as it began just below his navel and disappeared behind the gray fabric of his sweatpants. Licking your lips, you indulge yourself in the sight of his cock tenting up against his sweatpants. You had no words, your mouth falling agape in a heavy exhale as you tried to keep your body calm. But it was too late. Your skin was hot with arousal and on the verge of sweating, and as you pressed your ass down into the mattress, you could feel just how slick you were between your thighs.

Raising your phone back up to your ear, you greeted Brady with a quivering breath and he spoke with confidence into your ear. There was no need to tiptoe around things now. “You see what your little accident did to me?”

“Oh? Did I do that?” you answered his question with a question, your words knowing and sickeningly sweet as you let your hand run down your own stomach and stopped at the waistband of your panties. Your fingers traced over its edge slowly, craving to dip deeper, but you would wait.

“Do you think you can help me take care of it?” Brady asked, and you could hear the smile in his voice. You bit your lip, hiding your own smile from yourself, and he must have taken it as a moment of hesitation because Brady’s words found your ear again. “You have such a great body, Sissy. It’s so hard to ignore, and that picture,” he let out a long exasperated breath, “send me another one?”

“What do you want to see?” You asked him. Your words were a breath that you thought he might not even have heard.

“Whatever you’re comfortable showing me,” Brady answered.

His words had been soft, melting you further and further into the mess of a puddle that you were. “Let me just,” you hummed out, “give me one second.”

Peeling the phone away from your ear, you opened Snapchat again. You tried to take a picture laying down, but each one left you feeling undesirable. Then you rolled over onto your side where you knew your cleavage would be the star of the show if you had been wearing anything else, but the high neckline of your cropped sleep shirt kept your breasts at bay. You let out a frustrated huff as you moved to the edge of the bed and spread your legs. At this angle, he could see just how wet the crotch of your panties was.

With your phone in one hand, you posed with the other. You placed it on your inner thigh first, but you didn’t like that. Then, you rested it over your panties but decided it was too close to the first image he had received. You almost gave up, but then, with the quick swipe of your thumb over the screen, you were recording yourself as your fingers dipped inside the fabric of your panties and found your clit. You pressed into it with the pads of your fingers and stroked it in two slow, agonizing circles before you sent it, without reviewing it, to Brady.

Your hand didn’t leave your panties as you sprawled out lazily over the bed. Stroking yourself slowly, you listened to Brady breathe into the phone, undoubtedly watching the clip you had just sent to him.

“Fuck,” he cursed, and you pressed into your clit harder, “so beautiful, sissy. You’re so wet,” Brady let out a low groan, “you make my cock so hard.”

“Are you touching yourself, Brady?” You asked him, your words breathy, “Touching yourself, because of me?”

“I am,” he confirmed with a heavy breath into the phone, “you want to see it, Sissy?”

“Mhm,” you hummed, your feet leaving the floor to dig into the mattress. You dipped your fingers down lower, parting your wet lips and teasing the entrance of your core as you waited for the notification to buzz against your ear. It almost startled you when it did, even if you were expecting it.

Lulling your head to the side, you let the clip play. Brady was laying in the hotel bed now, his sweatpants pulled down just below his balls. His hockey hardened hand wrapped around his thick cock as she stroked it slowly. Up and down, then up again, making sure you could see the very length of him.

Your eyes shut as the clip disappeared, trying to keep the sight of it in your mind as you plunged two fingers into your dripping core.

“Brady,” you gasped out, your phone laying back on the bed almost completely abandoned until you had reached out quickly to put the call on speaker. You couldn’t hold it any longer. You needed both hands now. With your two fingers in your cunt, your other hand dipped beneath the cotton and found your clit again, rubbing it in those same slow circles.

“You like that, Sissy?” Brady’s voice erupted from the phone beside you, and you were suddenly thankful that your roommate had been spending the night at her boyfriend’s place. No one would overhear him saying things stepbrother shouldn’t say, and no one would hear you moan.

“Mhm,” you hummed, and it sounded like a whine.

“What are you doing now?” Brady asked you slowly, his words quick as he breathed through the pleasure of his own hand. “Your hand still in your panties, Sissy?”

“Yes,” you gasped out, “they feel so good.”

“What feels good?” Brady asked you slowly, “tell me.”

“My fingers,” you squeezed your eyes tighter, fighting to speak your words when all you wanted to do was moan. “My fingers in my cunt.”

“That’s so sexy,” he told you and a wave of heat hit you, pushing you closer and closer to the edge that you already felt on the verge of falling over. “How many?”

“Two,” you panted out.

“Two? That’s not nearly enough.” A lump formed in the back of your throat as he spoke. “No, no, I think I’m at least three of your fingers.” Your walls clenched at the very idea of sliding a third finger into your core, and your hips wiggled, taking your own fingers until they were knuckle deep at the very prospect of pretending that you were being fucked by his thick cock. “Can you do that for me, Sissy? Put a third finger in for me?”

Withdrawing your fingers, you brought three fingers together and pressed the very tip of them to your entrance. You gasped at just how much more they would fill you. “Brady, that’s too much,” you gasped.

“Would I be too much for you, Sissy?” His question made you shiver. “Is my cock too big for that pretty little pussy of yours?”

“I-I,” you stammered, your heart racing deep in your chest as you hesitated to even try.

“Take a breath, get nice and relaxed for me,” his words were soft as he guided you, “circle your cunt with three fingers for me. What do you feel?”

“I’m dripping,” you told him with a quivering voice. “I can feel it all down the back of my hand.”

“Good girl,” he cooed, “so slick and horny for my cock. Slowly press just the tips of your fingers. Nice and slow.” His words were gentle and encouraging as you followed his guidance, your core feeling so tight around the tips of your fingers, but the longer you held them there, still inside your cunt, the better it felt.

“And when you’re ready, press in just a little bit more.” Delving your fingers in deeper, you let out an audible gasp, one that left Brady moaning on the other end of the phone.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” you assured, your toes curling over the edge of your bed as you pumped your fingers in and out of your dripping core. “It feels so good, Brady.”

“I can hear how wet you are, Sissy,” Brady groaned. “You like this? You like thinking of me when you touch yourself. Talking to me when your fingers are buried in your cunt.”

“Yes,” you groaned through your grit teeth, “yes! I’m so close, Brady.”

“Don’t hold back. I want to hear you come. I want to hear what you sound like when you moan,” he encouraged you, and you could hear his hand pumping at his cock.

Your body reeled in your bed, your hips jutted into your own hand as you gasped and moaned out. Core clenching around your fingers, squeezing them as if they were desperate for the come of his cock. You rolled over, so you were laying face down in the bed. Your hips angled, taking your fingers down to the knuckle and humping them until you fell into the dreamy haze of your release. It left you dazed, so ready for sleep, as you lay there staring at your phone, panting.

The air was silent for a long time, nothing heard but your own breathing as you calmed. It was a silence that lulled you close and closer to sleep, and Brady must have known it. “Are you going to sleep now, Sissy?”

“Yeah,” you nodded.

“Good girl, get cleaned up and rest. I’ll check on you tomorrow, okay?”

You hummed out in approval, “okay, night Brady.”

“Night.”

The line cut, leaving you in the silence alone with nothing but the weight of what just had happened. It should have bothered you, you knew it should. Instead, you were calm as you rolled out of bed and stepped out of your wet panties. Abandoned on the floor, you left them there as you reached for the makeup wipes you kept on your bedside table. The cold wipe was a shock to your skin as you wiped your hand clean and then used another to clean up the inside of your thighs. A proper shower could wait until morning.

Clean, or rather clean enough, you crawled back into bed and pulled up the covers only to get him in the face with your phone that had become lost in the mess of your blankets. You let out a low curse as you pushed the covers off to climb out of bed once more to plug in your phone. Blocking your path were your panties, and your heart raced as a mischievous ideal struck you. The idea had you regretting taking them off so quickly, but it was nothing another makeup wipe wouldn’t fix.

You stepped into your panties and pulled them back up again. Then, you propped up your phone on your desk so that the camera focused on the space between your hips and your mid thighs. When you pressed record, you took a half step back and hooked your thumbs on each side of your panties. You dragged them down slowly, your legs spread just wide enough for the camera to capture your arousal as it webbed and beaded as you peeled your panties from your body. You dragged them down your leg, leaving wet trails down the inside of your thighs until you stood there naked from the waist down in front of the camera.

You were giddy when you stopped the footage, your cheeks flushed as you sent it off to Brady with no shame. It gave him something to wake up to in the morning. A little reminder of what just had happened, and how your body responded to his words and his guidance. It was fun, though the only person you would ever admit that to was yourself. Not even Brady could know. Not when you were sure he would wake up in the morning with your little gift and be hit hard with the reality of the situation. That one picture accidentally sent to him spiraled further than you both should have let it.

And as you crawled back into bed, you kept telling yourself: It was just a picture. It was just a phone call. What you did wasn’t wrong. It was a happy little accident, something that only happened one time, and you told yourself it wouldn’t happen again. That was until you woke up the next morning and found a text message from Brady on your phone.

You hadn’t even left your bed yet when you opened it. Your own video met with his own, one that you could hear your own moans in the background of. While you had been riding your own three fingers, Brady had been thrusting into his hand and was capturing it all on camera. It was a video you were sure he was saving for himself. A dirty little secret he would watch when he wanted to remember what you sounded like when you came. But it was more than that now that he sent to you. Because it wasn’t just a recording of the soft sounds you made, it was also a video of how Brady let out a sigh that you didn’t remember hearing. A video of how his cock twitched and throbbed as it was so close to release–and how he sighed out your name as he shot thick webs of his release up over his toned abs before the phone dropped and the screen went black. It was the video that put everything in perspective. Together you and your stepbrother had created a fucked up little fantasy, and while it was wrong, you didn’t want to stop.

TAGLIST: @mp0625 , @wingedwheelprxncess , @kurlyteuvoteu , @couldawouldashoulda50

77 notes · View notes

hagelpoint-3821 · 7 months ago

Text

Summary: Sydnee has been in a long term relationship with her boyfriend Brandon Hagel. While Hagel and the Tampa Bay Lightning were on their longest road trip of the season, Sydnee slips into a deep depression, as mental health has been a problem with her ever since she was little. When Brandon gets back from the trip, he realizes she does something she knows better than to do. A verbal fight breaks out between the couple and Sydnee finds her way to Jon Cooper’s house who ends up becoming a father figure to her when she needed him the most.

Word Count: 13,605

Notes: ‘It’s Over Isn’t It’ is a fic that is not meant to be light and fun. It is meant to bring light to mental health and to reach out to people when you are in that dark place. In honor of Mental Health Month, I felt that this was fitting to write and post. Remember, your mental health matters, and people care. You are not alone, no matter what your mind is telling you. Coming from mental health issues myself, I know the feeling when your mind gets so dark and lonely you feel as if you have nothing left, but never give up that fight. One day it does get better. I promise.

TW: Self Harm, Verbal Fighting, Bringing up Mental Issues.

P.S.: This fic is written is multiple POVs. As there is a POV change there is a page break marker as well as the person's name in Bold lettering to let you know who's POV it is written in.

Sydnee

The bolts were in the middle of their longest road trip of the season, leaving me alone to my own devices for the time being. Brandon wanted me to tag along but the other girls weren’t going so I felt as though I would be in the way of everyone.

As I sit outside on our porch, the warm Florida air fills my lungs and I sigh deeply, as much as I love being in a relationship with Brandon and supporting him, these times alone are the worst part about it.

I pull my phone from my pocket, half expecting a message or a call from Brandon but knowing their schedules and how tight they run that ship over there I’m not completely surprised, though it would be nice to be able to call him and hear his voice.

Sighing, I tuck my phone away and walk back inside, the house seems more quiet than normal, and eerie feeling comes over me as it starts to feel empty without Brandon being home. Not being able to cuddle up to him in the night, to be able to protest waking up in the mornings, his smell on the pillows slowly fading away.

Brandon, please come home soon.

As the day goes by, I fall into my normal routine, make myself some lunch, sit back outside, read some of my book, go inside, take a nap on the couch, wake up and watch their game, make dinner, shower, and go to bed in one of his hoodies. It’s been the same thing for two weeks now since they have been gone and while I like routines, I like having him home more. Just a few more days until he is home, I can do this.

The next morning rolls around quickly, the sun shining brightly into the windows of the bedroom and across my face, I look over at my phone to see it’s already 9:30 in the morning and still no text or calls. Strange. I’ve usually heard something by now. So I send him a quick text and toss my phone back on the bed. Normally I’d get up and go outside but I don’t feel like it today, my mental health says we need to stay in bed, and I think I’m just going to listen and rest.

The day goes by slower than normal, no calls, no text. Doubt starts creeping in that he will never come home and he doesn’t want me anymore but I quickly push those thoughts away.

“No. He wouldn’t do that, he loves me too much.” I say as I reach over and grab a picture of us off the nightstand and gently brush my fingers over the frame, “I just wish you would call home. I miss you.”

I hug the frame tightly to my chest before placing it back on the nightstand and roll to his side of the bed, wrapping my arms tightly around his pillow and softly cry into it, letting my thoughts wander to all the things he could be doing at the moment. Is he just with Brayden and the guys? Is he skating or at the gym? Is he out partying, getting drunk and taking some pretty blonde back to the hotel to hook up with her?

Sydnee stop it, he wouldn’t do those things to you!

All the negative thoughts cloud my head and make my stomach churn, I quickly push myself off the bed and run into the bathroom, throwing up what little things I had left in my stomach now into the toilet.

“He wouldn’t leave me… would he?” Pulling myself from the bathroom floor, I splash some water onto my face and take a few shaky breaths and lean against the sink, looking in the mirror.

That’s when I notice all my flaws, my nose is slightly crooked, I don’t have bright blue eyes, instead I’m stuck with these stupid brown ones, dark brown hair instead of puck bunny blonde, my smile isn’t big and full like the others, sunk in cheeks. I lift my sweater and look at myself, slowly becoming more and more disgusted with myself.

“Maybe if you weren’t so fat and covered in scars he would love you still.” I whisper to myself, tears threatening to fall.

Sliding down the bathroom wall, pulling my knees into my chest, I let them fall silently. “It all makes sense now, I knew loving him was too good to be true. No one can ever love this mess of a person that I have become.”

Silent cries escape my chest as the silence around me gets too loud to handle, the pain in my chest too much to handle. Slowly I pick myself up off the ground and splash some water on my face and grip the sink, “it just needs to stop. The pain. It hurts too much to handle right now. Brandon I’m so sorry I am not what you think I am.”

I slowly reach into the bathroom drawer of the sink, grabbing a razor blade and holding it in my hands. Sitting back on the bathroom floor.

Sydnee you’ve come this far, don’t let it take over.

“I’m so sorry.” Slipping my sweatpants down and let the cool blade trail down the top of my thigh. As I rest my head against the bathroom wall, I sigh deeply, “t-there it is.”

As I watch the blood pool onto my leg I bit my lip to fight the tears, adding more cuts across my skin before finally taking a breath and tossing the blade into the sink. Taking a towel and wrapping my leg up before grabbing the medicine and bandages from the cabinet.

“At least he won’t be able to see these here, not like he would want to touch me anymore anyways. Good for nothing, a waste of space.”

After I clean my leg up and make sure the blood covered towel is thrown in the garbage I carefully crawl into bed and wrap myself into the blankets. Checking my phone and seeing if I had any messages. To my surprise there was a few texts from Brandon on there.

B 💙 - hey love! I miss you lots. Sorry I haven’t called, b2b games and travels. I can’t keep it straight. Cal me soon

B 💙 - darling answer me. I’m bored in the hotel, brayden is being a turd and went to sleep.

B 💙 - I love you 💕

I scuff and look at my phone for a minute, strongly debating if I should even call him. Signing deeply I decide against my thoughts and call him, half expecting to not get an answer from him.

The phone only rang once before he picks up, “Sydnee! My god I’ve missed you.”

“Hi Brandon, it’s been awful quiet around here without you.”

“I bet. How are you?”

“Oh I’m okay, just waiting for you to come home.” If only you knew.

“I know, just a couple more days. I promise. And when I get home I’m taking you out to dinner and spoiling the hell out of you.”

“I’ll be waiting.” I smile softly and trace over the marks on my leg, “so, how’s the road life treating you?”

“Good! Different city every night it feels like but good, they’ve been keeping me busy.”

I huff under my breath, yeah I bet they’ve been keeping you busy.

“You’ve been playing great though! What is it, third most goals on the team during the road trip?”

“Well I gotta keep my girl impressed.” I practically hear him smiling through the phone.

“Well impressed I am.”

“What have you been up too since I’ve been gone?”

“Oh you know, just hanging out, wake up and sit around. Take a nap and eat lunch, clean the house and then cook dinner while watching the game and then off to bed. Pretty much the same thing every day since you left. Pretty boring I know but there isn’t much to do since you’ve been gone. Just don’t feel the need to go anywhere or do anything.”

He chuckles, “I’ll be home within a few days baby, I promise.”

I sigh and curl deeper into the blankets, “hurry, I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

“I’m hurrying. Every sleep is getting closer.”

“Speaking of sleep, don’t you have to sleep for your game tomorrow?”

“Well yes. But you’re more important to talk too than sleep.”

“Brandon. Go to bed. I’ll be here when you get home. Just don’t forget to text every once in a while.” I force a laugh which causes him to laugh.

“How could I ever forget you, love.”

“I don’t know, you’re a busy man.”

“Just wait till I get home. You’ll see how busy I really can be.” His smirk can be felt through the phone.

“Brandon! God you’re such a flirt.”

“And you love it.”

“Yes. I do. Now go to bed so I can see you sooner.”

“Goodnight my love, I’ll see you soon.”

“Goodnight. I love you.”

“I love you too, forever.” I whisper softly.

“And always.” He says softly before hanging up the phone.

I quickly toss my phone away and cry softly into the pillows, the day quickly becoming overwhelming and too much to handle. Sleep feeling like the only option to control it. I pull the blankets tightly around my frame and softly cry myself to sleep.

The next couple days go by in a blur, my mind mostly being numb to the world, I barely get out of bed. Haven’t showered, hardly slept, haven’t eaten. I’m either asleep or curled on the couch, watching the world outside. Getting an occasional text from Brandon but I haven’t called him since the night he wanted me to call him.

I’m drifting off to sleep on the couch when I hear the front door open and someone step inside, slowly I peak over the couch and see Brandon in the doorway and taking his shoes off. I shoot off the couch and sprint up to him, ignoring the pain in my leg as I jump into his arms and hide my face into his neck.

“Don’t you ever leave me for that long again”

He sighs and wraps his arms tightly around me, pulling me as close as he can into his chest, “never my love, I promise you I’m not going anywhere without you.”

Carefully he sets me back on the ground but still keeping a firm hold around my middle, planting a soft kiss to my lips as I grab onto his shirt for balance.

“You have no idea how much I’ve missed you Brandon.”

“I know love, I know. I missed you too. This two weeks has been hell without you.” His arms wrap tighter around me.

“Why don’t you go unpack and settled. I’ll get dinner started.” I give him a soft smile and trail my fingers gently over his jaw.

“I was hoping you would cook tonight, I’ve missed your cooking and I’m starving.” He beams brightly and grabs my hand, placing a gentle kiss against my palm, causing my stomach to flip and the thoughts of him actually leaving fade into the shadows of my mind.

“No rush Brandon, we have all night.”

“I was away from you for 2 weeks, I’m not going to miss a minute away from you.”

I smile softly and step back, giving him room to step around me and watch him walk off into the bedroom. As he walks away I run my fingers over the fabric covering the cuts on my leg, instantly regretting what I did. He is going to kill me if he sees these.

As I get set to work into the kitchen I zone out, not hearing anything go on around me, getting lost in the cooking. I’m only pulled from mt thoughts when I feel arms around me and pulling me into him.

Shyly I look over my shoulder, humming, “mmm hi baby.”

Brandon rests his head on my shoulder, his scent filling my nose, “you need help with anything?”

“No. Please just stay here, I missed you and missed your gentle touch”

“As you wish, my love.” He trails off quietly, brushing the hair off my neck and leaving soft, open mouthed kisses against the exposed skin.

“You want to know the worst part about not having you here?” I say as I place the knife down that I was using to cut the vegetables, head starting to spin.

“Mm go on.” He says deeply, pulling me closer to his sharp and chiseled chest.

My body feeling like it’s on fire from him, “t-this. The tenderness you have, how my heart races when you touch me. A simple look from you has me falling in love with you all over again.”

He chuckles and it vibrates through my whole body, shaking me down to my core, “I too missed this, how one word, one touch…” he sighs deeply and digs his fingers into my hips, causing a soft moan to fall involuntarily, “has this effect on you.”

I watch him carefully as he picks up the knife from the counter as he chops the rest of the vegetables, me being caged between him and the counter. As I watch his fingers quickly go to work on dinner, I can’t help but let my mind wonder, the way his rough hands are working, the way they feel on me.

Sydnee enough. You need to let your cuts heal.

I clear my throat and wiggle out from in front of him, internally groaning at the loss of his body heat against my own but I had to stop before I did anything. He looks over and cocks his head to the side.

“Well that was a tad rude, thought you didn’t want me to move?

“I didn’t, I don’t trust me, but the chicken is ready to go in the oven and I wanna eat soon.” I make up a lie quick enough and give him a smile, he smiles back before going back to work. Thank god he bought it.

“B, if you want I can finish dinner. Go relax, you haven’t been home in two weeks. Go sit on the couch.”

“Are you sure? I don’t mind helping.”

“Yes.” I offer a small smile, “go sit. Take a nap, something. You’ve been gone forever and not able to sleep in your home. I’ll wake you when dinner is ready.”

He walks up and presses a kiss to my forehead before walking into the living room and sinking into the couch, smiling softly to myself as I lean against the counter, my heart slowly healing as he is back in our home. This house is feeling like home again.

Before I know it, the oven timer is going off and I pull chicken out of the oven, quickly plating it with I the other veggies and sides, I place the plates on the kitchen table and walk into the living room. Leaning against the couch I pear over and see he is asleep, carefully I trace my fingers over his nose down to his cheek bones, to his jaw. Causing a smile to appear on his face.

Brandon slowly opens his eyes as I pull my hand away, “Syd, why did you stop?”

“Because you’re waking up and dinner is ready.” I say softly before he pulls my hand back to his face.

“Just a couple more minutes, please don’t stop.”

I smile softly to myself and let the pads of my fingers dance gently across his face, “come on B, food is gonna get cold soon.”

He sighs deeply and pushes himself off the cough, “okay okay, I’m up you win.”

I giggle softly, “don’t I always?”

“Yes, yes you do.”

Before I can think, he scoops me up and goes into the kitchen.

“Brandon! Put me down!” I giggle loudly and playfully hit him on the chest.

“As you wish.” He sets me down in the chair and pushes me to the table, “my goodness it smells good.”

“Well we haven’t tasted it yet so let’s not get too excited.”

“Oh come on, every time you make something it turns out way better than you expect it to be.”

I roll my eyes playfully and sit across from him, as he sits my eyes travel over the soft features of his face, getting lost in the darkness that his eyes bring.

“So,” he speaks up and bring me out of my trance, “what did you do while I was gone?”

“Oh… you know just stayed home mostly, read a few books and watched your games when they were on, it kind of became a monotonous routine after a bit. Eat, read, watch hockey and go back to sleep.” I sigh, running my fingers along my thigh. “It was lonely and quiet without you here.”

“Well, next road trip, you are coming with us, I don’t care if the other WAGs do not go, I want you there.”

A soft smile creeps up my face as I look at him, “I’d like that a lot.”

We eat out dinner in a relatively quiet fashion, face the simple glances and light chuckles.

As I stand to take the dishes into the kitchen Brandon grabs my hand, “darling, you cooked dinner, I’ll clean, you look more worn out than I did and you’ve been home for two weeks.”

“Well it wasn’t the highlight of my life, not being with you, sleeping was rough and I didn’t get much sound sleep while you were away.”

“Why don’t you go get a bath started and when I am done here I’ll come join you, that way we can start relaxing, together.”

I pause for a moment before looking up at him, maybe I can explain what happened before he get too mad, one can only hope, “sure, I’d like that a lot.”

He pecks my lips softly before taking the dishes into the kitchen and I quickly turn and go to the bathroom, fuck fuck fuck what am I going to do? How am I going to get out of this? I can’t just hide my leg, FUCK. Why did I agree to letting him take a bath with me?

A million and one thoughts are running through my mind as I turn the water on. I scan the bathroom in hopes to come up with an idea, when I see my bubble bath sitting on the side of the tub.

“Perfect. Now as long as my leg doesn’t come out of the water he won’t see it.” I say to myself as I pour it into the water.

I shed my clothes and sink into the bubbles and hot water, a sharp breath escaped my lips as the water makes contact with the exposed cuts. Relaxing into the warmth of the water, I close my eyes and sink down deeper so only my head is exposed. The room quickly is filled with a jasmine scent and quietly the bathroom door opens, I roll my head to the side and see Brandon leaning against the doorframe.

“Look Mr. Hagel, either in or out, you’re letting the heat out.”

He shakes his head and chuckles, closing the door behind him, “sorry, I just get lost at how beautiful you are, and moments like this make you even more beautiful. Plus it’s been two weeks since I’ve seen your pretty face, let me enjoy it.”

“Look all you want B, just don’t let my heat escape.” I laugh softly and sit up in the tub a bit, making sure my legs still stay covered, “so are you just going to stand there or see you going to join in? Come on, the water is perfect.”

“Are the bubbles really necessary?”

My breath hitches in my chest before I look up at him, “you wanted me to relax, didn’t you? These help me relax.”

“You always are something special.”

I gasp playfully and splash water at him, “look if you’re just going to be rude you can go back on the road.”

“Oh not the shirt! Come on!” He laughs and takes it off, “you know, if you wanted the shirt off that’s all you had to say.”

Shaking my head, I look over at him, “how I have missed those stupid jokes of yours, now come on and get in here.”

Brandon quickly takes the rest of his clothes off and sinks into the water behind me, wring his arms around my midsection and placing a gentle kiss on my shoulder, “I promise to you darling, I’m never leaving you for that long again.”

I rest my head against his chest, “I know Brandon, I know.”

As my eyes start to feel heavy, I rest my body against his, his fingers tracing different shapes down my arms and across my hips, as they make their way down to my legs I quickly move from him, causing water to splash over the sides.

“What was that all about? You never act like that when I touch you.” His eyes full with worry that he did something wrong.

“No it’s— you didn’t—,”I stumble trying to find the right words, “you just startled me is all, I was falling asleep and I got scared, I wasn’t expecting you to do that.”

He sighs and pulls me back in, “you silly little thing, you know I would never hurt you.”

Just wait till you find out. I think to myself before laying back against him. “I know you wouldn’t.”

As I lean back against him, his fingers go back to where they were on my leg, and this time I don’t stop him.

I feel his fingers trace up my right thigh and over the fairly fresh cups across my skin, his body going rigid behind me, “Sydnee, what the hell is that on your leg.”

My blood runs cold and I do not dare to look at him, “I-I’m s-sorry.”

His grip tightens around my leg, “why? Why did you do it?”

I try to pull away but his hands on my wrist and leg make it near impossible, “I don’t know, I was stupid and shouldn’t have done it.”

“ ‘I don’t know’ isn’t a good answer Sydnee. Why did you do it?!” His anger becoming clear in his voice.

“Because I thought you were cheating on me and didn’t want me anymore since you didn’t answer my calls or anything while you were on the road!” I wiggle out of his grip and quickly get out of the tub, throwing a robe on and he follows behind.

“You can not be serious right now. If you really think I would cheat on you, well you clearly don’t know me.”

“I told you I was sorry! You know I have separation issues and you know how hard it is for me to try and get through the days when you’re not here. While you were on the road having a blast with the guys, I was here alone. I hardly heard anything from you. I get it that you’re busy and you were in a different city almost every night but it takes two seconds to send a quick “hey I love you” text so I didn’t feel alone.”

“Sydnee, listen to yourself right now! You’re being ridiculous, and dramatic! I have given you everything I can possibly think of for you to realize that you aren’t alone in this piss poor world and this is how I get treated? I leave for two weeks for my job, the thing that brings us money, so you can stay here and not go back home to your parents and that shit hole you call a home. Come on now Syd, use your fucking head.” He pinches the bridge of his nose before looking at him, “when the hell have I ever even hinted that I wanted to leave you?”

“Y-you haven’t, but you don’t know what it’s like in my head. Like I said it was fucking stupid and I regret it.”

“Yeah. You’re damn right it’s stupid. Of all the god given things that you could have done, that’s the dumb thing you did. Let me guess, you’ve been starving yourself again haven’t you?”

I stare blankly at him, body threatening to start shaking but I stand solid in my place, “so what if I did? Doesn’t make any difference now.”

“Fucking Christ. When are you going to learn that I love you for you, I wouldn’t leave you?”

“I get it! Okay Brandon I fucking get it, I was stupid and I fucked things up.”

He shakes his head and looks at the ceiling before back to me, “normally I would disagree, but yeah, you’re stupid for this.”

“Fuck you.” My eyes burn with tears, his words feel like a knife in my chest before I turn and storm off into the closet and grab a bag. I hear his footsteps come into the bedroom behind me.

“Now where the hell do you think you’re going?”

“I don’t know. I’m to stupid to know what I’m doing, remember? But I’m going. I can’t stay here.”

He doesn’t say anything else as he groans deeply and walks towards the closet, resting his hand on top of mine.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” I spin away quickly, “first you criticize me for what I did, when you call me stupid right to my face knowing I have my mental issues, now you think some simple touch is going to fix it all? Don’t touch me right now.” My lip trembles as I watch him walk away.

“That still doesn’t answer my question, where are you going?”

“I don’t know. Anywhere sounds better than fucking being here right now, if you’re going to belittle me for letting my darkest thoughts win, then I can’t stay here.”

“Yes, I’m going to be pissed, Sydnee, because A) you were doing so much better. Things were finally looking up for you and you were starting to come around to the person I know you can be. And B) because I never once even had a thought of cheating on you and leaving you. You were my world the moment I met you in Chicago, that first time I saw you, I was drawn to you, there was 20,000 other people in that rink that night and you were the one that I noticed. No your sister. Not anyone else. YOU, and if you can’t see that, then I don’t know what to do. I have loved you through your good times and bad, the days where you didn’t want to live anymore, I was right there at your side, the times where you felt like you had nothing left to give, I was there. Not anyone else. I don’t want anyone else. But you have it in your thick head of yours that I would leave you, this isn’t a me problem anymore. It’s you.”

I wipe a tear from my face, “well thanks for saying how you really feel.” I don’t say anything else as I quickly throw a bag together and throw some clothes on. As I walk out of the bedroom, Brandon is sitting on the bed with his back to me, the tears start falling and this time I don’t fight them. As I walk towards the front and slip my shoes on, I only hope to hear him walk out of the bedroom to stop me, but the house is quiet. The deafening silence make my ears ring loudly as I grab my car keys from the counter and slip outside into the cool Florida night.

As I throw my bag into the front seat of my car, I look back at the house, part of me wishing I would see Brandon come running out of the front door and begging me to leave, but it’s only silence. The sky is clear and there’s a light breeze, I stay there for a couple seconds longer before getting in my car and driving off, not knowing where to go or what to do, so I just drive.

Before I realize where I’ve gone, I’m at the River Walk, the first place Brandon and I went to after we got settled in the Bay Area. I quietly get out of the car and sit on an empty bench, looking at the water. A thousand memories are running through my mind, as I hug my knees to my chest I let out a deep breath, not realizing I was even holding one.

“I just want to be numb again. I went from feeling nothing to feeling everything and it hurts.” I say to myself, as there is no one else around today, almost like I was supposed to be alone here.

Hope fills me as I pull my phone from my pocket, nothing. No call, no text, nothing from him. I feel my heart sink in my chest. I know that I shouldn’t do this, but I start scrolling through old pictures of him and I together. A soft smile comes across my face as I look through them, memories surfacing as I flip through. Until I get to one. We just had gotten home from a day at the beach in Miami, sun kissed skin and bright eyes, I was under a blanket with my head laying on Brandon’s chest, I didn’t want him to take a picture but he insisted. So I let him, after he took the picture and set his phone down he started playing with my hands, particularly my left. That is when my heart stopped after he said “one day I am going to marry you. I can’t wait to marry you.”

Now, that day feels like a lifetime ago. Tears silently fall down my cheeks and I do not bother to stop them. I bit my lip to keep quiet, as I stand and walk back to my car. I can’t stay out here where someone can see me. I sit there and rest my head against the headrest, still not knowing where I’m going to go. More driving it is.

I wonder if Jon is up? No, don't go to him. He won’t want to deal with your issues. You’re just a wreck who needs to get it together.

I ask myself as I put my car in drive, starting the drive to Jon’s house. Part of me wants to go, and another part is screaming to turn back around and go home, but I can’t go home. He doesn’t want me anymore. I don’t have much of a choice in the matter.

As I pull into his drive, taking a deep breath before grabbing my bag and stepping out of the car and quietly walking up to his front door.

There’s still time to turn back, go somewhere else. He won’t want to deal with your issues.

I contemplate turning back and leaving, but my heart can’t take anymore for the night, I just need a place to go and I don’t know where else to go.

Reaching his front steps, I knock quietly on the front door, hugging my back tightly to my chest as my heart feels like it’s going through my chest, “come on Coop, answer before I leave.”

A couple seconds tick by and no answer, so I knock again, this time a little louder, maybe he didn’t hear me the first time. I no sooner take a step back and he opens the door with a wide smile on his face but it quickly fades as he sees the bag in my hand and the broken look on my face.

“Sydnee? What are you doing here? What happened?”

“I-I, me and Brandon,” the words come out broken as the tears fall down my face and my heart starts splintering off into a million pieces, “Jon I have n-nowhere to g-go.”

He doesn’t say anything as he wraps me in a tight hug, stroking my back gently, “come inside and you can talk when you’re ready.”

I wrap my arms around him tightly and cry softly into his chest, “I just really need this right now. I have nothing left. No family. He hates me.”

Jon takes a small step back and grabs one of my shoulders, “Oh now I’m sure that isn’t the case Syd, he loves you. Let’s get inside and out of the cool weather, you can tell me what happened, come on.”

He opens the door to his home and I follow him inside quietly, “make yourself comfortable, I’ll get you some tissues and a glass of water, okay?”

He offers me a soft smile and I nod softly, sitting on the couch and still holding my bag close to me. Jon comes back a few moments later he comes back with a blanket, box of tissues and a glass of water. Before he sits next to me, he wraps the blanket around me.

“Now, what’s going on? It’s like 1 in the morning and you’re usually not out without Brandon.”

“That’s the problem, we had a huge fight after dinner, a-and I just threw this bag together, thinking it would make him snap out of the anger he was in, but it didn’t. I’ve never seen him this way, he had anger in his eyes, it was like he hated me. Not even in the playoffs could compare to what happened.” I shiver and wrap the blanket around me tighter.

Jon gives my hand a gentle squeeze, “do you mind telling me how this fight started? You do not have to if you do not want to of course. You tell me what you’re comfortable telling me.”

“Well, I have nothing left to lose so why not. It started with the road trip you guys were just on, I know he was busy but I was alone, I didn’t hear from him in quite some time and, as you learn from his time here, I’m not always mental stable and I get these doubts in my head, I had it in my head that he was cheating on me even though in my heart I know he would never actually do that. It got to the point where… where I self harmed again because my mind was going nuts. It hurt. I hurt. I needed a relief from what was going on. So I cut. My thigh looks a mess right now but that’s besides the point. The next morning when I woke up I regretted it. After he came home everything was great. He fell asleep on the couch while I was making dinner. I let him sleep because I knew he was tired from the trip. So after dinner I was going to take a bath and he wanted to join, naturally I let him and I wasn’t thinking. I wouldn’t have. Because it was in the bath that he found my cuts on my leg, that’s what caused the fight. It's my fault. It’s all my fault. Instead of trusting him I let my thoughts win and I should’ve known better.” I sniffle and wipe my face. “I packed this, hoping he would stop me but he let me leave without stopping me. I haven’t heard from him since it happened. I’m sorry I showed up so late, I just didn’t know where to go.”

Jon doesn’t say anything, just pulls me into another tight hug, “Sydnee, you’re like my daughter, you’re always going to be welcome here, and for as long as you need, you can stay here. I’m not going to make you leave when you’re going through this.”

I sniffle and rest my head against his shoulder, “thank you Jon, I’ll be out in the morning that way I don’t inconvenience you anymore than I already have.”

“Sydnee,” he trails off as he wraps his around me, “I promise you that you are not bothering me, while I do not know exactly what you’re going through, I’m not going to shove you aside. I would much rather you be here where I know you’re safe instead of some cheap hotel where you can get hurt.”

I curl up into a ball next to him, “can I ask you something?”

“Of course, speak your mind kid.”

“Can you stay with me? Just until I fall asleep? As bad as it sounds, I didn’t have a father who cared enough about me growing up, so the welcoming touch of a father figure is much appreciated right now.” I say quietly, already fearing his rejection.

To my surprise, he says nothing as he pulls the blanket over me and pulls me a little closer, “again kiddo, you’re like a daughter to me, and I will do everything I can to help you and be a father to you since you didn’t have one.”

I smile softly and look up at him, “thank you Coop.”

He places a gentle kiss on top of my head before speaking, “you’re welcome. Now get some rest, you look worn out, we can talk more in the morning when you’re thinking a little clearer, okay?”

I nod before closing my eyes, wrapping the blanket tighter around me and fall into a dreamless sleep.

The next morning, I’m woken up to the sound of cooking coming from the kitchen. I open my eyes slowly, adjusting to the sunlight that is shining through the window. Slowly coming to my senses as to where I’m at, my heart sinks in my chest as I remember I am not at home and what happened the night before comes flooding back.

I sit up slowly and rub my eyes, wanting to go back to bed and forget that the past 24 hours didn’t happen. Jon looks up from the stove in the kitchen and smiles at me.

“Good morning, how’d you sleep?”

“I don’t know if it would have been better for me to stay up all night with how much I tossed and turned, at least I had a comfy place to do so. Thank you again for letting me stay here.” I yawn and stand up, stretching out my tired limbs. They feel ten times heavier than they have ever felt before. “I will get going so I don’t bother you or your wife.”

“Sydnee, she knows you are here and she also agrees that you are more than welcome to stay here until everything between you and Brandon settles down. Please stay, I don’t want you leaving when your mind is as clouded as it is right now.”

I look around, trying to avoid eye contact with him because I know he is right, I can’t go out right now, my mind hasn’t stopped racing since the fight and I have nowhere to go. “Can I please use the bathroom?” I say quietly as I cross my arms over my stomach.

“Sure, it is the first door on your right just through the kitchen.” he stands and hugs me tightly, “Lets get some breakfast in you also. Okay?”

I only nod as I shuffle to the bathroom, when I am done I stand in front of the mirror hanging above the sink. I have never looked worse in my life, hair looks like it hasn’t been brushed in days, dark circles under my eyes. God why was I so stupid to throw away the best thing that has ever happened to me?

After splashing some cool water on my face, I walk back into the kitchen and sit at the bar across the room when I hear Jon yell for his wife that breakfast is ready.

She quickly pops into the kitchen with a bright smile on her face and pecks him on the cheek, “after all those days on the road you still know how to bring a smile to my face.”

“Well we also have our very important guest and I want to make sure that she is taken care of properly.”

I offer them a small nod as I see their interaction and my heart grows colder in my chest, I should be at home right now with Brandon, bickering to him that he didn’t add enough water to the pancake mix, now I am here, alone in a home that isn’t mine. In a place here I am welcomed, yes. But I can’t allow myself to stay here for more than a couple days at the max.

Jon brings over the plates that are piled full of bacon, sausage, waffles, toast and a plate full of fruit, “Here you go kiddo, eat up.”

Jon and Mrs. Cooper sit across from me and fill their plates, I am so hungry my stomach hurts, but I can’t bring myself to eat. I know I need to, but I am numb. I feel like I am just going through the motions of life right now. I have no purpose anymore.

Mrs. Cooper sees the empty look in my eyes as she stands and gets a small plate made for me and puts it in the fridge before walking over to me and puts her hand across mine, “You don’t have to eat right now. We know you are going through a lot, go lay down if you need to, I have a plate in the fridge for you okay?”

Wiping my eyes with my other hand I look up at her. “Thank you ma’am, you both are too kind to me. You don’t have to do all this.”

“Hunny, please call me Jessie, it is okay I promise.” She give my hand a gentle squeeze.

“Oh Sydnee please, you have become like a daughter to me and my wife here. It is okay. We promise.” Jon gives me a sad smile.

“I am going to lay down for a little longer if that is okay?” I look back at the couch and sigh, not knowing what else to do.

“If that is what you need to help yourself start healing then by all means, rest all that you need. You aren’t bothering us and it is an off day so I will be home today if you need to talk.”

“Yes Sydnee, please do stay and rest.” Jessie smiles softly. “It is okay.”

I shuffle back to the couch and curl back up with my back to them, I pull the blanket tightly around me and quietly cry until I fall asleep again.

--------------

Jon

“That poor girl is so broken, she loved him more than life itself. My heart is so broken for her.” Jon looks over and sighs.

Jessie matches his gaze and bites her bottom lip, “she seems like such a sweet girl from what you have been telling me, I hope that they can work it out. I can tell she has a big heart and can see how much she cares about that boy.”

“You should see them Jess, the way that they are with each other. He looks at her like she is the only girl in the world. She is all he will talk about when we aren’t on the ice or if we are on the road. I hope they can make this work out. She doesn’t have much.”

“Help clean up this breakfast mess and you can tell me more about her.” Jessie motions to the table where their breakfast plates are all piled together.

“Well for starts, when they first came to Tampa after the trade, they hadn’t been together but maybe a couple months. If that, she wanted out of Chicago and he wanted her with him. From what she has told me and what has been mentioned between the two, she doesn’t have a family back home that supports her. Her parents mentally abused her and her sister always looked down on her. She was passed over all the time and living in the shadow of her sister. When Brandon came along, ironically they met at a game, he instantly became the light in her life. She was depressed before she came here with him and she was doing better but she still struggles with depression and abandonment issues. Can’t say that I blame the poor thing either. She never had a father figure, so I stepped up and I try to help her when and where I can.”

Jessie turns as she is placing the dishes in the sink and takes the pile Jon had in his hands, “you are a good man for taking her in Jon.”

“When she showed up at our doorstep last night, it broke my heart to see her like that. She is always this bright and bubbly person and seeing her whole world shatter absolutely crushed me in ways I didn’t even think were possible. Sydnee is like a daughter Jessie, I can’t let her walk away. She doesn’t have anywhere else to go or friends. I will not let her go back to her family because they will break her soul even more than they already have.”

A small smile tugs at her lips, “you always were the protective type. Glad to know that hasn’t changed through the years.”

Jon kisses her on the temple before walking into the living room and sits on a chair across from Sydnee.

------------------------------------------

Sydnee

A few hours later and I feel more rested than I thought I would. As I slowly roll over, I grab my phone, the slightest hope that Brandon has called or texted, but nothing was there. No calls, no text, just the reminder of what he and I use to have.

I sit up and keep the blanket wrapped around me as I look around and take in the cozy living room. There is pictures on the walls and on the coffee table. Little trinkets that Mrs. Cooper collected through the years, a nice love seat and a big tv over the fireplace. All the things making this feel like a home, a home I wish I could have grown up in.

Jon makes a move from his seat and I am so out of it I didn’t even see him sitting there, “hey kiddo, you need anything?”

“Um,” I sit and think for a second, “can I take a shower please?”

“Of course.” He stands and quickly grabs my bag off the floor. “Follow me.”

He takes me down a hallway and I assume what is past their children’s rooms, “Where are your kids?” I was so caught up last night I didn’t even realize that this might not be okay with their kids, I have to get out of here as quick as I can.

“The girls went to their friends house and my son is away at hockey camp for the week.” He opens the door to the bathroom and sets my bag on the counter, then reaches into the cabinet and grabs a fresh towel and wash rag.

“Just set the towels outside the bathroom once you are finished and Jessie will come by later and pick them up.” Jon smiles at me before walking out and closing the door behind him.

I simply nod and lock the door behind him, I turn on the water and let the steam fill the bathroom before stripping down and stepping inside, hissing through my teeth as the water hits my leg. ‘Such an idiot Sydnee, if only you hadn’t gotten in your head then you wouldn’t be in this shower, in this house. You should be back home in the loving arms of Brandon, who loved you more than the whole world. You did this. You ruined everything good that you had going for you.’

My mind is a contact battle field right now, every way I turn I get knocked down again, I just want to go home. But I don’t even know where home is now.

The rest of my shower goes by in a blur, I wash my hair and body and then stay under the heavy beating from the shower head until the water goes cold. I step out and wrap myself in the towel while grabbing my clothes from the back and everything still smells like him. The hints of his cologne flood my senses and causes another wave of emotion to flood through me.

As I slip on my hoodie and leggings, I fold the towel and place it outside the door neatly before quietly walking back into the living room. There, sitting on the table, is the plate Mrs. Cooper saved from breakfast and a glass of water, ‘okay, one meal, help clean up the mess and then out the door you go. They have a life to live also and you can’t be here interrupting the lives that they already have.’

“Hey Jon! I am going to run out and grab some groceries, if you need anything while I’m gone let me know.” Jessie says from the opposite side of the house before she slips out the back door.

“You guys are seriously so sweet, I can not thank you enough for letting me stay here last night. I promise to be gone though by the time your girls get back. I know having me here would be a shock to them.

“Sydnee, you’re not going anywhere. They are going to be fine, they are sweet and caring, they will love you.”

“It isn’t right or fair to them for having me here messing up your everyday lives.” I fire back while chewing on a piece of bacon.

“Sydnee, I have been a hockey coach all of their lives, what is crazy for everyone else is normal for this family. I care to much about you to just let you go off on your own right now. And you’re over thinking, it is okay, you can let your guard down here. I promise you it is okay.”

“I just miss him,” my bottom lip quivers, “I don’t know what to do or who I am without him now. He saved me from myself, only to be the one to break me in every way possible. But on the other hand, he has every right to be upset with me, what I did was selfish and stupid. I shouldn’t have done what I did. It is my fault. It is always my fault.”

He notices the tears quickly falling down my cheeks and grabs a tissue before sitting at my side, “Sydnee hunny,” Jon wraps his arm around my shoulder and rests his chin on the top of my head, “it is not in any way your fault. You were scared and didn’t know what to do. No one is blaming either of you right now, and it isn’t your fault you had a bad past to cause this type of reaction. Plus being in a new relationship is hard enough, adding in the travel that it takes to be a hockey player makes it that much more difficult. But this isn’t your fault, I know you think that it is but I promise you that it isn’t.”

I sniffle and lean into him, “I messed everything up, I had the best thing in the world taken from me all because I was stupid and emotional. I thought by now I would have heard something from him, but I haven’t heard a single thing since I left.”

“I am going to play devil's advocate here for a second,” Jon sits up and holds me up as my shoulders, “think about what he is feeling right now, you both were in a fit of rage last night. I’m sure he is going through something similar too. Or he is letting himself cool off before he tries to make contact with you. You are both young and the emotions last night were really high for the both of you. You know better than anyone that Brandon is an emotional guy. Should he have reacted the way that he did? Of course not, but sometimes when people get scared they get angry. I’m sure he is trying to find a way to get back in touch with you all while being careful.”

“But that is just it, he shouldn’t have freaked out the way that he did, he knows my past and he knows I can’t handle going through things like this on my own but he didn’t even fight when I left. He just watched me walk out and didn’t try to stop me.”

“Hey, I am on your side, I completely agree with you that he shouldn’t have done what he did, just try to think how he felt in that moment when he found out. I am sure he was just scared he was going to lose you.”

I sit back on the couch and wrap up again, Jon’s words swirling around in my head as I mindlessly finish my plate of food. I hadn’t even realize I spaced out until I hear the back door open and little feet run into the living room. Two blond hair, blue eyed girls come into the livingroom.

“Dad! We are back - who are you?” They both stop in their tracks and look at me.

I take in their features quickly, blond hair, blue eyes, looking like the perfect mix between Jon and his wife.

“Girls, this is Sydnee, Brandon Hagel’s girlfriend. They are going through a bit of a rough patch right now and she didn’t have anywhere else to go so your mom and I are letting her stay here for a couple days until they get everything sorted out.” he motions to come into the living room and sit.

“Girls, I want you to meet Sydnee. Sydnee, these are my twins Julia and Josie.”

I look over at them and offer them a small smile, “Hi.”

“So you are the one I hear my parents talking about every once in a while.” Julia smiles back at me, “it is nice to finally meet you.”

I cock my head in Jon's direction, “you’ve talked about me before?”

“I told you, you are like another daughter to me. You remind me a lot of my girls. Just older of course.” He chuckles and stands up before kissing the twins on the tops of their heads, “I am going to get dinner started if anyone needs me. Stay and talk, get to know each other.”

The girls watch as their father leaves the room and I curl deeper into the couch, wanting to disappear.

“So, not trying to sound rude, but what caused you to end up at our house?” Josie ask once Jon is out of the room.

“Well Brandon, my boyfriend, and I had a really big fight over… personal matters. I was upset and when I threatened to leave he didn’t try to stop me. I have no friends here in the Tampa area, and your father and I had become close since Brandon got traded here back in March of 2022. I had only planned to stay here for the night and be out of the house before you two got back but your father insisted that I stay for a while longer until everything settles.”

Julia’s face softens and she gives a soft and sad smile, “I am so sorry. That sounds horrible. But my dad is right, you can stay here as long as you like. It really isn’t a problem. Right Jo?” She looks over at her sister.

“No not at all, plus if my dad likes you then you must be okay. And by the way, you are so pretty.”

My heart swells in my chest at their kind words, “You girls are so sweet. Your parents have done a good job raising you.”

They both smile brightly before getting up and walking to the kitchen to help their dad.

The day quickly turns to night and before I realize, it is late and I still haven’t heard from Brandon. I replay the conversation with Jon from earlier and my mind relaxes a little.

Jessie walks into the living room wrapped in her night robe, “we are turning in for the night, do you need anything?”

“No ma’am. I am okay, thank you though.”

“Sydnee please call me Jessie,” she smiles, “but if you need anything or you get hungry, by all means help yourself. There’s plenty to eat in this house.”

“Will do Jessie. Thank you. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” she turns on her heel and walks off down a hall to where I assume is her and Jon’s bedroom.

The hours roll on and I am still wide awake, mindlessly scrolling through my phone when I hear a door close from the opposite side of the house, I look around to see Julia walking into the kitchen.

“Sydnee? What are you doing up?”

“Haven’t been able to fall asleep, it’s late though. Why are you awake? I wasn’t keeping you up was I?”

“Oh gosh you worry to much. No, you didn’t wake me up, didn’t even hear you until I walked out of my room and seen you sitting on the couch. I just needed a drink.”

I stand and go to the kitchen with her, reaching for two glasses, “do you mind filling me a glass since you are going to the fridge already?”

“Not at all,” she has a sweet smile on her face before filling both glasses and handing me one. “Now what is the real reason you’re not asleep?” she asks as she leans against the counter.

“My mind is a very loud place right now and I can’t help but worry about Brandon. I haven't heard from him in over 24 hours, we haven’t spent this much time apart since we first started dating and when he was on his road trips. And even then we would still check in on each other.”

“I’m sure that he is okay, I mean you both went through a lot together and this is just another bump in the road. But at the end of the day if he really loves you like he says he does, then he will find a way to make all of this right.”

“Are you sure you are only 16?” I chuckle and look over at her.

“I may or may not have watched too many Hallmark movies growing up with my mom,” She laughs and finishes her water, “I am going to go back to sleep, you should try getting some rest too.”

“Yeah,” I say softly, “goodnight Julia.”

“Goodnight Sydnee.”

Julia walks back to her bedroom and I curl back up in my spot on the couch, letting my mind wander to Brandon as I fall into a dreamless sleep.

The next morning I am woken again to the smell of food cooking in the kitchen, this time it is filled with laughter as Julia, Josie, Jessie and Jon make their way around each other to finish breakfast.

I walk in quietly and fill my water glass from last night, making sure to stay out of the way of the crew that is already filling the kitchen.

“Sydnee you’re awake! Just in time too, breakfast is almost ready.” Jon smiles as we piles pancakes onto a plate and sets them on the counter.

“Oh that is okay, I am not hungry.” I say quietly.

“Sydnee I know you have to be, I haven’t seen you eat anything since breakfast yesterday before I left for the grocery store. We always have more than enough to eat.” Jessie says from the coffee pot, “I even made sure to get your favorite coffee ground, Jon made sure I knew which one that you liked the most.”

“Jon… Jessie, you didn’t have to do all that for me. It is a gift enough that you are letting me stay here.”

“But we wanted too,” she offers a sweet smile and hands me a cup of coffee, “Now go sit at the table with the girls and we will have breakfast ready in a couple more minutes.”

I turn and go sit at the table where Julia and Josie finish getting the plates and silverware set up, “Do you guys have breakfast like this every morning?”

“If dad is home, yes. He loves to cook and be able to eat as a family. When he is on the road we kinda just eat whenever we aren’t bust but when he is home we eat at least one meal together. Keep us close and connected.” Josie says with a beaming smile on her face.

“I wish I had a family this close growing up, the only one I had for the longest time was my sister Jessica, but now she won’t even talk to me.”

“Well why doesn’t she talk to you?” Julia asks as she takes a sip of her orange juice.

“Because I fell in love with Brandon quicker than she thought I should have, and when I said I was moving down here with him when he got traded I lost all connection with her.”

“Well…” Josie trails off and looks at her sister before looking back at me, “we could be your sisters and family now! I know we haven’t really known each other real long, but if my parents like you enough to let you stay here and be welcomed in the way my dad then you must be a pretty decent person.”

I smile. A real smile. For the first time in days. My heart swells in my chest before I get up and hug them both. I relax when I feel them pull me into a deep and much needed hug, “I’m glad you girls accepted me. I know having a stranger in your home.”

Jon and Jessie walk in with food in their hands and even bigger smiles on their faces, “Well if this isn’t a sight to see. I was hoping you girls would, I know I don’t mind at all.” Jon smiles brightly as he sets the plates down on the table.

---------------------------------------

Jon

The rest of breakfast goes off without a hitch, the girls welcomed Sydnee with open arms, literally, and for the first time since Sydnee has been here I seen her smile. Her real smile and not the fake one she throws out there trying to trick her.

After we all get breakfast cleaned up, I head to the bedroom, shower and get dressed to go to the rink for the day. As I slip my shoes on I walk to all four of the girls in the living room, “I am heading to the rink for morning skate tonight before the game, if you need anything while I am out let me know and I will grab it on my way home.”

“Be careful hun, I will see you soon.” Jessie offers me the same loving and sweet smile that I fell in love with all those years ago.

I slip on my shoes and out the door before I can hear what the four are gossiping about. It warms my heart to know my family took to Sydnee the same way I did when I first met her.

Normally I am looking forward to going to the rink, seeing all the guys and always coming up with new strategies to win. The rink has become my second home, and those players have become like my second family. But today there is going to be unease as I see Brandon for the first time since the fight that the couple has had. I know better than to get involved in a players personal business but this one I don’t know if I can just let it slide. But I will keep my mouth shut as long as I can.

As I pull up to the players lot, I can see some of the guys already here. Brandon usually beats me here and his car is nowhere in sight. This is going to be the start of a long day already.

I head inside, throw on my skates and head out to the ice as the players slowly start trickling down there, I spot Brayden as he is one of the first on the ice. “Brayden, good morning.”

“Morning Coach, how was the day off yesterday.”

“It was great, much needed after the long road trip, just spent the day at home with the wife and the girls. How was yours?”

“Pretty good, mostly relaxed. Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, what’s on your mind?”

“It’s about Hags, he is off. Last night he wanted me to meet him at the bar and he never drinks unless Sydnee is around, and even then he doesn’t drink the night before a game. Something isn’t right.”

I shrug and pretend like I am unaware of what is really going on, I don’t want their relationship out there for the world to know if they haven’t told anyone else yet.

“Hmm, I don’t know Pointers, I will talk to him today and see if I can get anything out of him. Thanks for letting me know though.”

Brayden gives me a nod before he skates off, about 15 minutes later, practice is about to start and just as I am about to close the bench door I see Brandon walking up the tunnel with bags under his eyes and sleep showing on his face.

“Nice of you to join us Hagel.”

“Whatever.” he grumbles and goes off to do his stretches.

“Hot laps, 10 of them lets go!” I give Brandon a quick glance and skate to the middle, “better shape up Hagel or it’ll be a long day for you. You know I don’t like players being late.”

“I’m not late Coop. Practice hasn’t started yet. Relax.”

“You know if it’s ‘on time’ then it’s late. Step it up.”

I hear him mumble under his breath but do not question him, he is already annoyed.

As practice goes on, I keep Brayden’s words in my head and everything that he says couldn’t be more true. Brandon is not himself at all, usually I have to get him to relax while the other guys are catching their breath and today it looks like he has cement in his skates.

I take one last look at the guys before I blow the whistle, “alright, good work today boys, everyone hit the showers, Hagel meet me in my office when you are done.”

“Oh someone is in trouble!” Anthony teases him only to be met with a scowl from Brandon.”

“Why don’t you mind your own business.”

“Well someone is a dang grouch.”

“C, leave it alone okay?” I pat Anthony on the shoulder and whisper, “he and Sydnee are going through a rough patch right now and neither of them are taking it well.”

Anthony’s face softens and looks back at Brandon as he makes his way down the hall, “Oh shoot I’m sorry Coop. I didn’t know.”

“You’re alright son, but you didn’t hear that from me. Got it?”

He gives a curt nod before going down the tunnel himself.

As the boys all file into the locker room, I am quick to take my skates off and go into my office, firing up my computer and waiting for Brandon to come in.

About 15 minutes later there is a soft knock on my door and my head pops up from being the computer screen, “come in.”

Brandon opens the door, somehow looking worse than before the practice started, “can we make this quick? I want to get going.”

“Go where exactly? The bar? Brayden told me you drank last night.”

“Well I wish he would keep his damn mouth shut.”

“Brandon… I know what happened between you and Sydnee.”

His spine goes ramrod straight and his face turns white, “how do you know about that? I didn’t think she would go telling anyone what happened.”

“Because she came to me the night it happened Brandon. She was lost and had nowhere else to go. She is alone and scared and you haven’t even checked in on her. She could have ended up in a bad place or side of town and you wouldn’t have had the slightest clue.”

“Well I’m glad she’s okay but it was her fault we had the fight in the first place?”

“Her fault huh? To me both of you are at fault. But it is by far not just her fault. She knocked on my door shaking and scared. The poor thing has hardly slept since the has been there, and you want to say it is only her fault? Brandon I know you better than this. You gotta grow up here.”

“But she started the whole thing by getting depressed and cutting herself while I was gone. Saying I was goin–”

I hold my hand up to stop him, “listen to yourself Brandon. ‘She started the whole thing by getting depressed’. Did those words really just fall out of your mouth? I thought you were better than that. You should know first hand what it is like to deal with depression, and you know her past better than anyone. You know she gets scared when she is left alone for to long from what her parents did to her. She was scared Brandon, now was she right to harm herself? No. But her mind is constantly attacking itself and she didn’t know what to do.”

“She could have called or something! Instead she took matters into her own hands and now look at where we are!”

“Be lucky she isn’t dead Brandon!” I feel my anger getting the best of me and I take a deep breath before continuing, “be lucky she is even still here. She has been sleeping on my couch waiting just to hear if you are okay. She is broken, and so are you. I have seen what you are like with her and what you are like without her. And right now Brandon, you are a mess. I don’t like seeing you this way. You are a much better guy than this and I know you can be. Come on man you gotta at least try to work this out with her. I am worried about both of you.”

“I just… I know you’re right coach, but I don’t know. When I found those cuts on her legs, I panicked. All I could see was my two uncles headstones because,” he posses for a minute before continuing, “well you know what happened. And sometimes I struggle myself. I freaked out, I was scared, I was angry. I know what I did was wrong but I figured she would have at least tried to contact me by now.”

“And I understand where you’re coming from Brandon, I do. But think about the whole situation from her end, growing up she was basically forgotten about with her family right?”

“Yes sir.”

“Alright, and she would try to be in their lives but they pushed her away? That is what was going through her mind when you weren’t answering, now I am no medical profesional, but she suffers from PTSD, she was also scared. She did what her body knew what to do and that was to protect her mind in any way that it could, which was causing physical harm to take away the mental harm that was already done in her head.”

As I speak I see his face changing, finally softening after coming in with an attitude, “Hags, you know I don’t like being hard on you, you’re one of my top guys, but I will also protect her like another daughter of mine. I am not trying to get in the middle of your relationship, but there this is a time I had to.”

“I understand Jon, I guess, I never was thinking about how she was feeling in that moment, all I felt was my own emotions that I wasn’t thinking about her. How is she? Is she okay?”

“She’s okay all things considering, shes been glued to the couch. My wife finally got her to eat a little and when I left Josie and Julia were getting her to talk a little more. But she’s doing okay.”

“I don’t even know what I would say to her if I seen her right now.” he whispers and finally lets his shoulders relax, a sign he is finally ready to listen.

“Well, I’m sorry would be a start. But don’t think about that right now. There is a time and a place for that and on game day isn’t it. I know you want to see her and tell her everyting but the emotions are high, on game days it is even worse. Let’s get through tonights game and you can try to contact her, okay?”

He nods and stands and I match his movement, “thank you Jon, I think I needed this reality check more than I realized.”

“That is what makes the difference between a coach and a leader, my door here and at home are always open if you need advice, okay?”

“I will keep that in mind for the future, thanks again coach. I will see you tonight.”

I give him a slight smile before returning to my work.

---------------------------------------

Sydnee

Before I know it, it is game time and Julia and Josie are sitting on the flor while Jessie is sitting on the couch with the Lightning pre game on, Jessie looks over at me as the camera pans to Brandon and his pre game warm ups.

“Sydnee we don’t have to watch this, we can change the channel.”

“No Jessie, I already said it is okay, I want you guys to go on living as if I am not here. There is no need to cater towards my needs when this is your home.”

“I know you have said that, but it can’t be easy watching the game and seeing him.” She gives me a soft smile.

“Well, no ma’am it isn’t but I still have friends on the team as well, I still want to see the team do well even if Brandon and I aren’t speaking.”

“You are a strong girl you know? I wouldn’t be able to watch if I was in your shoes.”

I chuckle softly and curl up into the blanket, this thing has been like my life line over the last couple days.

The Lightning go on to win 3-1 over the leafs, Brandon recording a fight and an assist. So many parts wanted to cheer for him, especially after completely manhandling the fight, but many parts made my heart ache, not knowing where we stand with each other.

Julia, Josey, and Jessie all turn in for the night after the game is over and post game interviews are shown. Jon walks in about an hour after the girls all go to their rooms.

“Nice win tonight Jon,” I say softly from my spot on the couch, I swear I am going to leave a permanent butt print behind once I figure out where I am going next.

“Thanks kid, full team effort tonight that is for sure. No win against Toronto is ever easy.”

Chuckling softly I push myself deeper into the couch, “everyone went to their rooms for the night, I was going to turn the lights out and go to sleep myself but didn’t want you coming home to a dark house.”

“Oh Sydnee you could have, I know this place like the back of my hand, but I am glad you’re awake still. Someone is here to see you.”

My blood runs cold and I freeze, “I don’t want to talk to him.”

“Syd, just hear him out. I promise you it’ll be worth it.”

I huff and stand, “fine, but I am taking the blanket with me.”

“If that is what it takes to get you to talk to him then by all means, he is waiting outside on the porch, I will be just on the other side of the door if you need me okay?”

“I can’t believe you’re making me do this..” I whisper and walk quietly towards the door.

As I open the door, Brandon is standing there in a all black suit and tie, dressed to the nines. An odd sight for it being as late as it is and standing on his coaches front porch. In his hand is a dozen black roses. My favorite. The fact that he found them makes my heart beat harder in my chest.

I pull my blanket tighter around me before stepping onto the porch and facing him for the first time since our fight. It is taking everything in my power to hold myself back from running into his arms and breaking down.

“Baby…” his voice cracks when he finally meets my eyes.

Stay strong Sydnee, you got this.

“Don’t ‘baby’ me Brandon. Not until you explain everything.”

“I don’t even know where to start, but first I want to say that I love you, more than anything else in the world and what I did was incredibly stupid and wrong. I should have listened to you and try to understand where you were coming from.”

“You’re damn right Brandon, your words. They cut deeper than any knife that could have been used, I thought I was going to die right then and there when you didn’t even fight to keep me from leaving. You always fight, and it wasn’t there.”

“And if I could take all of those mean and hurtful things back I would, in a heartbeat I would do it. You know the last thing that I want in life is to hurt you.”

“Really? Because right now, that’s all I feel from you is hurt, hurt in ways I have never felt before. So let me ask you, why did you do it? Say all those words if you didn’t mean them?”

“Because, when I felt your leg, and your cuts. I panicked.” He looks away and bites his lips, storm clouds building in his brown eyes, “I freaked out because I know if I didn’t come home when I did I could have lost you forever, I know how bad your depression can be, and I know how serious it is, you know I lost people to it in the past. I was scared baby.”

“Well you had a real funny way of showing it.” I hug the blanket closer to my body, suddenly feeling very small and fragile.

“Sydnee if there is any way in the world I can make this up to you, tell me and I will find a way to make it happen. But baby I promise you I can’t go on knowing you’re not home with me.”

“Why didn’t you check in. I get it you were mad, fine whatever, but if you care so much like you say you do, why didn’t you care enough to at least text me to see if I was okay? I could have been robbed and left on the street if I didn’t have the right mind to come here.”

“Because I wasn’t myself. I wasn’t in my right mind. I went on a two day bender and have hardly slept. Coming home to an empty house made me realize how much I screwed up and I thought you hated me after what I said.”

“Brandon..” I whisper, “no force on this earth could ever get me to hate you. I might be super mad at you yes, but I could never hate you. Come on now, you’re smarter than that.”

“I know, that is why I said I wasn’t in my right mind. Baby please, I’m begging for forgiveness. I am so incredibly sorry for everything I said to hurt you.” Tears spill from his eyes and he doesn’t stop them, this is how I know he means what he says.

My mind tells me to stay strong, let him feel the pain that I felt since the fight happened, but my body betrays me and my feet close the gap between us and I wrap my arms tightly around his middle, “Don’t you ever make me feel like I am worth less than what I am. Got it?” I burry my face into his chest and cry softly.

“I won’t baby, I’m here.” I feel him leave a gentle kiss to the top of my head, “I’m here and I am not going anywhere. I promise. But please promise me one thing.”

I look up at him and wait for him to continue.

“Whenever you’re feeling like that, talk to me okay? You know I will do anything in my power to help you. I love you and I don’t want you feeling alone like that ever again.”

“I promise Brandon.”

I stand on my toes and kiss his cheek gently, “now how on earth did you find black roses at this time of night? And the black suit is stunning on you.”

He offers a small chuckle, “let me grab your bag and I will explain in the car on the way home.”

#brandon hagel #tampa bay lightning #hockey players #nhl players #hockey imagine #hockey rpf #hockey romance #nhl imagines #mental health #mental illness #mental heath support #mental wellness #YourMentalHealthMatters #MentalHealthMatters #You Matter

13 notes · View notes