h8m8

[h8m8]

[h8m8]

[h8m8]

The year is 2022. You and your gang shoot down Amazon delivery drones and sell their contents for a living.

[h8m8]

being vegan is so emotionally draining like i can’t even look at someone drinking a milkshake without wanting to cry this is ridiculous if your ‘food’ makes me emotionally distressed that might be a sign that it’s not good 

[h8m8]

which todd are you today? 

[h8m8]

i have been sitting in this burger king for 4 hours

[h8m8]

futabaaaa

[h8m8]

[h8m8]

just learned that my “pupil” is a muscle and that means that fact about your eyes dialiting when you see someone you like actually means that you’re subconsciously and uncontrollablely flexing at your crushes whenever you’re seeing them

[h8m8]

shoutout to my coworker for thinking that “illuminati” and “alumnae” meant the same thing and absolutely destroying everyone in the room when he casually dropped the sentence “i get a discount there because i’m an illuminati” into the conversation

[h8m8]

lets have phone sex over walkie talkies

[h8m8]

[h8m8]

Imagine knowing Beyonce could’ve been your mother

[h8m8]

[h8m8]

How to make anything you do sound suspicious.

Be mostly specific.

I.e. “Yes. I bought this with legal, tender, money that was acquired legally.”

“I met with a friend who is alive.”

“I went to the still standing, not-burned home of my enemies.”

[h8m8]

Sometimes it blows my mind that there are people that don’t wear glasses/contacts. Like they can literally see with no aid. Like they wake up and just be out here seeing. What a wild concept.