gypsy5384

[gypsy5384]

Zero Dark Thirty

It's zero dark thirty, in my mind and in my life and in the time. a time of darkness i suppose i deserve it fucking up everything i touch and then being somewhat surprised by the backlash, whiplash that i feel.

I'm to tired, i done enough fighting today, its all I've done and all my wishful thinking of holding on to hope and my good faith and my mental health came crashing down with the Friday evening. Friday's are usually good day's but it's like everything came crashing down, i have no secrets, no safe place to write or express anything, i deleted the diary, and i had lots of new followers but i couldn't rightly keep it, so i'm here, where no one knows i exist, to write and to vent and to just be... to try to find a safe place for me.... but all i can think about is the darkness around me.

[gypsy5384]

Someday I'll open my eyes to not only dream.

I won't just pick up and skim through the National Geographic top 100 beautiful places to visit and put it back on the shelf not even having the money to buy it let alone the plane ticket out of Oklahoma.

Someday I will tear out doubt by

the seam.

I won't let anxiety rule over my thoughts and actions making me back down and give up, my circumstances will not dictate my end result I will live to see the miracle that is going to sleep and waking to a new day.

[gypsy5384]

Lord help me.

[gypsy5384]

You are not suddenly an expert on Children, These children Specifically, just because you have been here for a month.

LEAVE IT ALONE, YOU ARE NOT IN CHARGE, YOU DO NOT GET A SAY IN WHAT HAPPENS HERE.

[gypsy5384]

Do you think that it will always feel like this?

No.... But it will always feel something like this.

[gypsy5384]

[gypsy5384]

[gypsy5384]

I am hope on the wind

Twisting

Swirling

Slipping through cracks

Hiding from the seeker

Unable to be caught

If you truly saught me do you think you'd be lost

I cross deserts without thought

Skim waters to complete my treck

Do you believe in me

Am I fantasy

Fairytale to give children that spark

To make life bearable

To help the masses move on

I move through you

Try to hold on

Make a compartment for me in your soul

Make room for me in your heart

Make me feel like I belong

I am the truth of the journey

The possibilities made manifest

If you hold too tightly I'll slip from your grasp

You make me fleeting

You designate my preciousness

I am your strength and your weakness

Give me the power I need

Let me reside

Let me plant the seed

I am your foundation

Your pillar

Your post

The rock you need the most

I am eternal when you want me to be

You created and defined me

My journey on the wind complete

Devour me

Understand what you seek

[gypsy5384]

As much as a person could be a possession I was yours.- gypsy

[gypsy5384]

This is my 101 fever, feeling exhausted going to try to sleep, praying to God we dine have fever dreams, I'm not in my right mind currently post.

Its about writing down the moments guys!the good, the bad and the ugly.

[gypsy5384]

I closed my eyes, Went to sleep

The darkness and nightmares come to creep

Watching what you were planning to do

Hating it, I'm still hurt by you

Standing where i used to have sanctuary

What we live through can be so scary

Living in my past was no life

Constantly reminded of a backstabbing knife

Staying Angry drinking poison from your cup

Maybe it was time to wake up?

Its called real nightmares.

-Gypsy

[gypsy5384]

My words don't matter drawn lines in the

sand your screamed words echo the walls

Left mourning the past in our great

attempt to make it difference this time

I weave up worthless speechs and silioquies

Perfecting my tone till it's sickly sweet

and i choke down the words to wait for

a precise moment.... it never comes

When i speak the truth and what's on my

mind i'm put down and pushed back behind

That line you say i crossed but you erased

mine i may as well have never drew them.

Whats the use of trying to mince words

with you when you refuse to listen and see

When it doesn't change your behavior and

You continue destroying what we used to be.

-Gypsy

[gypsy5384]

Write me down in history.

With all of your angry bitter lies.

Write me down in history.

With all of those who you despise.

Write me down in history.

With all of the hurt and accused.

Write me down in history.

With all o the lost and confused.

Write me down in history.

With all the damage that's been done.

Write me down in history.

With all the trouble i can't outrun.

Writ me down in history.

With the wrong who have been wronged.

Write me down in history.

With all the outcasts that never belonged.

Write me down in history.

With those who are now broken hearted.

Write me down in history.

With dying dreams and friends that parted.

Write me down in history.

With those who are living in fear.

Write me down in history.

Still waiting for the smoke to clear.

-Gypsy

[gypsy5384]

Why do poets always write their lines about destiny, meant to be love.

About heart ache and heart break and soul mates fitting like a glove.

I have loved the words other times but barely stomach them tonight.

They bring me flash backs to worries stacked and my chest is tight.

I'm still within white walls in my mind worn out from being broken.

But i stepped away from others words so my own could be spoken.

Sterilized by prayer and perscription my hazy mind tries to clear.

And hold on to a penciled down version of myself i once held dear.

After burning pages and bridges and the words i should have said.

I'm reminded my hearts still beating and lessons should be spread.

Thats why poets write their loves and losses as warnings to us all.

Of the pains and pleasures involved in a lovely fateful fall.

-Gypsy

[gypsy5384]

Beautiful

I captured a piece of my day on this page mood as poem narrated by a place inside the world of the mind emotions thoughts perspectives subconsciously combined

the day is a poem written to the cadence of mood describing it in lines feeling it and rhymes trying to describe this day that is mine wandering descriptions of passing revelations each step its own moment of passing moods walking through time.

[gypsy5384]

There are still lapses in my judgment where I think of extending a friendly hand out to you. To check upon you, ask if you’re getting along well. Just to wave, just to say hello at an old friend. But why break a perfectly healed arm again? What if you bite it off this time?

My hurt veiled in quasi-hate has faded; it’s never been a good look on me. But neither has naivety. I can deal with being another angry ‘chick’, thank the stars there are so many of us. No shame in a righteous rage. Instead I’ll pass on being stupid, and feeling stupid and hating myself for acting stupid.

I can listen to my old favorite song again and sing in peace that beloved line “I have no enemies” and smile ever so slightly with no one noticing and for no one but me. Songs don’t hurt me anymore; they haven’t for a while. And because they don’t hurt, I think of extending an olive branch. But like I said, I’m not an idiot, anymore, to think that you wouldn’t poke my eyes out with that branch; to trust you not to break it on my back; to assume you would not sell it to the first buyer.

I am not bitter. I just know better.

E.S.

[gypsy5384]

We might crash and burn but i'll burn out as a fighter.

And in the end at least i was the equivalent of a lighter.

-Gypsy