guzma-official

[guzma-official]

Milling over the remaining dregs of Hoenn Ramen in the serving dish with one hand scratching idly at his undercut, Guzma decided to cut his losses and so scooped the whole lot out and dumped it onto his plate. Damn thing was nearly buckling under the weight of the absolute mountain he'd piled on it; since the Hano Grand had started "going green" or whatever, they now only used crappy paper plates.

Guz grumbled to himself in a half-serious manner whilst feeling the heft of the plate which rested in his palm.

"I mean… sure. I ain't one t' complain but arc-damn…"

Sure, he technically wasn't a guest and so wasn't obliged to indulge in the high quality spread, but after that night's hookup, nobody could tell him he hadn't deserved it. That shit was barely worth what he got paid - particular and fussy fuckin' clients were the Roselia's thorn in his ass.

He sighed to himself, studying the plate to see if he could fit any more food onto it without it sliding off the edges and onto the floor. He was thinking so hard, that he hadn't paid any mind to the faka who had just walked up to the other side of the buffet, closest the entrance. The clomping of their shoes was what snapped Guzma out of his very important plate analysis.

He daren't look up now - he did not want to engage with anyone. Only the doorman was there prior to that moment and he was looking outside the entire time. Arceus only knows if someone caught him here they'd make a scene and demand to see his room key or some shit. He'd already been barred from the Tide Song on the other side of town before and he was not looking to lose access to arguably the best hookup spot on the islands.

.. alola, huh?

he's heard of it before through many, many lectures pertaining to his work ethic. a popular tourist attraction, indeed. in fact, it's the frequent suggestion he hears from his co - workers, of if you ever get a vacation, larry, this is it. this is where you should go. to be met with a no thanks. i'm all out of vacation days. not that i have that much in the first place, anyways...

how ironic. well, he's here now, on completely different terms. to nobody's surprise, it's of work. of course. because when is it not about work?

..

well, at least this part isn't related to work. the afterhours of a meeting, and he's strutting into an all you can eat, expensive shoes against the shiny floors of the hotel ━━━ briefcase still by his side. it's promptly left leaning against a chair. as he approaches the long, winding table filled with an array of food, on the other end it's ...

... well, a man. with white bleached hair, well over six foot five, tattoos inked onto skin, and the very epitome of .. intimidating. by all means, warning signs were plastered all over ...... and still, he finds it hard to tear his gaze away from the other end of the table. the description mulled over in his head is none other than something remarkably familiar, a description that fits perfectly into the depths of his mind.

trying to fit the pieces of the puzzle together probably doesn't excuse the staring ; but you have to understand that this is a completely unconcious act.

.. for once, something has drawn his attention away from food. a brilliant feat, really.

@guzma-official.

[guzma-official]

The sound of Guzma's worn down door pierced right through the rational part of his brain, embedding it's claws right into his subconscious.

There's a reason why the mansion's number one rule was "knock on the boss' door". Somethin' somethin' abuse, blah blah blah his dad would habitually smack Guzma with his golf clubs for anything other than what he seemed as the right behaviour. Even if Guzma locked his door, his father would bang at it until either it broke, or he was let in - the exact sound of which, sounded

exactly

like

This.

The man launched himself from his throne, reflexively pressing the button on his partner's scuffed up pokéball; within the time it took for the flash of light in which Golisopod appeared to dissipate, Guzma's large hand was firmly around the doorknob.

He shot a knowing look to Golisopod and opened the door, following behind it. All was revealed in the doorway was the burly stature of a bug pokémon too wide to fit through it.

After leaving only a fraction of a second for the trespasser to react, the Hard Scale pokémon began a Liquidation attack, summoning a water construct shaped like a blade from the back of his foreclaw as a warning.

So still converting the youths of Alola into you gang of Hooligans and ruining their future opportunities? I hate how you never learn from your mistakes.

Oh brother. This shit again.

Ain't ya got anythin' else t' do!?

Guzma shouted from the broken upstairs window. He didn't even bother to look at Duncan face-on, instead leering at him from the corner of his eye.

'F you don't fuck off I'll either get Vikavolt on your ass or I'll go straight t' Nanu an' tell him you're aggravatin' us on police time for no good reason. Your choice.

The Skull boss then walked off, presumably back to his room, since He couldn't be seen passing by the other windows down the hall. He knew Duncan couldn't nor wouldn't dare try something on account of Nanu being his superior. While that old coot was a thorn in Guzma's side at the worst of times and had made him hand over his weed on more than a handful of occasions, he knew that Nanu was doing his best to look out for him. He knew full well Guzma had nowhere else to go but a medium-length jail sentence for being the not-so-responsible owner of the lolo grunts that occasionally inconvenienced (as he liked to put it) most of Alola.

Yeah. He knew he was safe from any of Duncan's shit. After his pretentious exit from the ranks of Team Skull, Guzma didn't wanna even pay him any mind, let alone deal with his plucky threats every other day. Walking away benefited the boss' sanity more than anything else.

[guzma-official]

So still converting the youths of Alola into you gang of Hooligans and ruining their future opportunities? I hate how you never learn from your mistakes.

Oh brother. This shit again.

Ain't ya got anythin' else t' do!?

Guzma shouted from the broken upstairs window. He didn't even bother to look at Duncan face-on, instead leering at him from the corner of his eye.

'F you don't fuck off I'll either get Vikavolt on your ass or I'll go straight t' Nanu an' tell him you're aggravatin' us on police time for no good reason. Your choice.

The Skull boss then walked off, presumably back to his room, since He couldn't be seen passing by the other windows down the hall. He knew Duncan couldn't nor wouldn't dare try something on account of Nanu being his superior. While that old coot was a thorn in Guzma's side at the worst of times and had made him hand over his weed on more than a handful of occasions, he knew that Nanu was doing his best to look out for him. He knew full well Guzma had nowhere else to go but a medium-length jail sentence for being the not-so-responsible owner of the lolo grunts that occasionally inconvenienced (as he liked to put it) most of Alola.

Yeah. He knew he was safe from any of Duncan's shit. After his pretentious exit from the ranks of Team Skull, Guzma didn't wanna even pay him any mind, let alone deal with his plucky threats every other day. Walking away benefited the boss' sanity more than anything else.

[guzma-official]

Hey Guzma, do you think Flygon and it's pre evos should be classified as bugs?

Pshh, prob'ly. When I was a kid I remember seein' pictures of it in a book n' thought for sure it was a bug pokémon. Always got a spot in my heart - believed it was a bug type for weeks. [scoffs]

But I ain't one t' argue wit' the science. Fuck do I know? I dropped outta school when I was like 16.

[guzma-official]

YO! I'm looking to get this shit started. You know the drill.

- NO MINORS - Guzma is bi, however I'm personally only down to write M/M romantic/sexual relationships (soz). - Not into pokephilia. Mama thats a fuckin' animal. - Down for OC stuff if your character's cool & I see a connection. - My characterisation is based off of that within my fic, Pokemon Ultra Skull (which you can totally read on AO3 btw). - Down for angst, down for fluff, down for dumbassery - whatever. - GMT/BST timezone

Guzma is always written in this font for clarity.

Anything else not mentioned here that you wanna know you can DM me to ask.

[guzma-official]

Hey Guzma,

Just wondering what is the exact recipe for your favourite drink, Tapu Cocoa. Have you ever thought of using moo moo milk in it?

I always put Moomoo milk in it. Fuck else y' think i'm usin'? Water based shit? 'Rather have Vikavolt stop my heart wit' a Thunderbolt.

[guzma-official]

How 'bout we start this off, huh?

Mod:

Jay (21), Guzma enjoyer since 2016, could probably be a certified Guzma and Alola lore expert if such a title existed. VERY NORMAL about this man.

Guzma: (this will be a lot longer)

Uhh. Guzma... Twunny-six. Alolan born. Ma's a native, the other one's half white, prob'ly Unovan 'r some shit. Whatever.

6'5, or 196 centimetres - n' like- 235lbs? I'unno. Your boy's got a bit of a gut an' I don't feel like buyin' all new shirts and shit, y'know? Couple o' the grunts say they think it suits me, but hey - it ain't affectin' the lil bit o' sex work I'm doin' on the side, so who cares?

...Don't tell Plumes that, by the way. Don't need her on my ass for anythin' else... What she don't know won't hurt 'er.

I guess I like bugs. Fuck, my whole team are bug types. Golisopod's my ride or die. Saved my life a couple times, too. Do my best to repay them favours by treatin'im right an' all...

I ain't... What is it called? Neuro... something. Nero... Normal. Fuck- NEUROTYPICAL- That's the word. See? Can't even fucking talk right. Spelling sucks. Handwriting sucks. Can't do math for shit. Probably would get beat by a first grader at a spelling bee. Plumes said I should get tested or whatever but I spoke to a doctor once and he said it's prob'ly ADHD, so if ya wanna label it, then that's it.

An' just because I'm dumb, don't mean I'm stupid, though. I've had ta make plenty of homemade potions and stuff for healin' my squad and myself and my grunts. Freakin lolos, the lot'f 'em. If I gotta rip apart another kid from a wild Gumshoos I'm gonna finish the damn job myself. Five. Times. Five fuckin' times I've had to do that shit - an' three of em were the same dude. Fuck sake...

Yeah anyway, I'm done. Ya mama.

[guzma-official]

Personal Icons Masterpost V1