gummydragoncandy

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“Forever is a lie, because tomorrow isn’t promised, but I promise that if tomorrow comes, I will still love you.”

— ourbrokenbeatinghearts

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Lucifer: I only have two emotions: exhaustion and stress. And I’m somehow always feeling both simultaneously.

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My dear Charlie

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Guard Alastor AU 🦌🎖️ Part 1

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Husk: You're alive.

Alastor: There's no need to sound so disappointed.

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Egg Boi: Were you killed, Bossman?

Sir Pentious: Sssadly yes…

Sir Pentious: But I lived!

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Husk: Yesterday, I overheard Lucifer saying “Are you sure this is a good idea?” and Charlie replying “Trust me,” and I have never moved from one room to another so quickly in my life.

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Charlie: *yawns*

Vaggie: Yeah, being that pretty must be tiring.

Charlie: Then you must be exhuasted.

Angel Dust: Will you two shut the fuck up? Some of us are lonely.

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Charlie: I’ve left instructions for everyone while I’m gone. Angel: Mine just says “Angel, no.” Charlie: I want you to apply it to every possible situation.

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Charlie, gesturing to the hundreds of dead bodies in front of the hotel: Al, how could you do that???

Alastor: Oh, maybe it's because I'm a dangerous demon. A cannibalistic sociopath with a long history of violence who is feared by many in Hell.

Charlie: Oh.

Alastor: And I don't understand how you keep forgetting that, my dear.

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Charlie: How do you just eat when there's a dead guy laying there?

Alastor: What, is that rude? Am I supposed to share?

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Alastor: I’m very generous! Remember that time I gave blood? Charlie: Whose blood? Alastor: *shrugs* Eh, some guy’s.

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Husker: Fuck… Girls are hot. Guys are hot. Why is everyone so fuckin’ hot?

Alastor: Because we’re in Hell, Husker!

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Alastor: I am not out of control! I'm a law abiding citizen! Lucifer: Really? Name one law Alastor: Don't kill people? Lucifer: That's on me. I set the bar too low.

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Valentino: *watches as Niffty stabs Adam*

Valentino has fashbacks from the night when he met Niffty: . . . .

Valentino thinking: *OH SHIT-SHIT FUCK, I'M FUCKING NEXT HOLY CRAP- SHIT-!*

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The HH Gang Fortifying the Hotel in Ep. 7

[Husk gets a text]

Husk: Oh, it's Niffty!

Angel Dust: [gasps] Did she get the stuff?

Husk: Yeah, she says she got the clown costume, the power drill, and 12 gallons of blood.

Sir Pentious: Wow! Where did she find 12 gallons of fake blood?

Husk: ...You wanted fake blood?

Angel Dust:

Sir Pentious:

Husk: I'll go call Niffty

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sir pentious: you’re so considerate, charlie

charlie: thanks, i was raised with a constant fear of upsetting people!