gufuu

[gufuu]

lalala moving vaati over to my multi @oocca

[gufuu]

gog i still can't get over minish cap vaati's Everything. He is So Fucking Stupid (affectionate)

Like. This guy's establishing character moment is, in order:

he's introduced as having won an entire tournament to get to touch a magic chest and get a cool sword, which was the prize for said tournament

turns around and does a goddamn evil soliloquy TEN FEET AWAY FROM THE GUARDS who were about to hand him his macguffin on a platter

(like this man fucks up his own horribly planned daylight heist because he cannot keep a lid on the dramatics for FIVE FUCKING MINUTES, IN PUBLIC)

(THE BAR WAS ON THE FLOOR VAATI, FUCKING GANONDORF PLAYS THE PIPE ORGAN FOR HIS OWN BOSS INTRO AND HE STILL KNOWS BETTER THAN THIS SHIT)

proceeds to fight the guards (it is, admittedly, a curbstomp for him, but it still clearly wasn't his plan, because otherwise why bother with the tournament)

gloats evilly

opens chest, unleashing a whole bunch of monsters

exposits out loud about Zelda's powers like a nerd while she is actively charging up her magic powers to kick his ass

RECOGNIZES and IDENTIFIES said magic as the special power carried by the female royal line

completely fails to recognize it as the light force he is currently trying to get his hands on (he spends like 99% of the game not figuring this out.)

petrifies her

(i have no idea if link could have deflected this spell if he had managed to get the right angle with his shield but i like to think somewhere there is a very short and very funny alternate timeline where it happens)

(more importantly: no part of vaati's original presumed plan would have involved doing this. he 100% created this situation for himself by being an dramatic idiot and picking a fight for no good reason.)

looks in the chest

there's no light force

considering his stated goals he might be as confused as you are about the monsters tbh

uhhh

evil laugh

teleports the fuck out

He then proceeds to spend the rest of the game trying to figure out where the light force is and ends up having to wait for Ezlo and Link to figure it out first because he was, as far as I can tell, GENUINELY stuck on this part. He fucking kidnaps and impersonates the King, not for access to Zelda, but to… send guards to go look for the Light Force, presumably because he was either running out of ideas or genuinely thought that would work.

None of the guards even had any idea what he was talking about. He's not even good at impersonating the King. He's already sent like twenty people to the dungeon by the time you get there and it hasn't even been a week. Somehow the game spins this as a cunning plan and clever manipulation or something.

(Meanwhile the guards are just. Poking around in random bushes and shit hoping to find the light force. One of them asks you what you think it might look like.)

Zelda is literally right next to the throne and Vaati does not figure it out until you find an actual honest-to-goodness LORE TABLET spelling out that the Light Force is Stored in the Zelda, at which point he's like "ahahaha you've done my work for me this was definitely my plan all along" and takes over the castle and throws a bunch of monsters at you to stall for time while he figures out how to extract the force from her. Somehow he still doesn't think to actually lock the fucking door.

[gufuu]

✦   𝐈𝐓 𝐈𝐒 𝐀 𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐓𝐇 𝐔𝐍𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖𝐋𝐄𝐃𝐆𝐄𝐃.

dialogue prompts taken from or inspired by the movie  PRIDE AND PREJUDICE (2005).   please feel free to change the sentences for pronouns and context as you see fit!

‘ do you not want to know who has taken it? ’ 

‘ I doubt I have any choice in the matter. ’

‘ have you no compassion for my poor nerves? ’

‘ so will you come to the ball tomorrow? ’

‘ if every person in this room does not end the evening completely in love with you then I am no judge of beauty. ’

‘ they are not all bad. ’ 

‘ one of these days, someone will catch your eye and then you’ll have to watch your tongue. ’

‘ do you dance? ’

‘ so what do you recommend, to encourage affection? ’

‘ only the deepest love will persuade me into matrimony. ’

‘ you’re a great deal too apt to like people in general, you know. ’

‘ I still cannot believe what he said about you. ’

‘ I doubt we shall ever speak again. ’

‘ oh,  please! it’s ten in the morning. ’

‘ do not be alarmed. excepting a sore throat, a fever, and a headache there is nothing much wrong with me. ’

‘ good lord, did you walk here? ’

‘ it’s all going according to plan. ’

‘ I never saw such a woman, she would certainly be a fearsome thing to behold. ’

‘ would you consider pride a fault or a virtue? ’

‘ my good opinion, once lost, is lost forever. ’

‘ I don’t know how to thank you. ’

‘ he can turn us out of the house as soon as he pleases. ’

‘ how happy for you, to possess the talent for flattering with such delicacy. ’

‘ shall we all look for some ribbon together? ’

‘ how do you like my ribbons for your ball? ’

‘ you may well be surprised, especially given our cold greeting this afternoon. ’

‘ oh no, it is not for me to be driven away. ’

‘ if you wish to avoid seeing me, you must go, not I. ’

‘ I hope never to encounter him. ’

‘ may I have the next dance? ’

‘ it would be most inconvenient since I have sworn to loathe you for all eternity. ’

‘ please advise me of what you would like most to hear. ’

‘ do you talk as a rule while dancing? ’

‘ I prefer to be unsociable and taciturn. ’ 

‘ why do you ask such a question? ’

‘ and what have you discovered? ’

‘ I hear such different accounts of you as puzzle me exceedingly. ’

‘ I hope to afford you more clarity in the future. ’

‘ what interesting relatives you have. ’

‘ almost as soon as I entered the house I singled you out as the companion of my future life. ’

‘ and now nothing remains for me but to assure you in the most animated language of the violence of my affections. ’

‘ you are too hasty!  you forget that I have made no answer. ’

‘ you could not make happy and I’m convinced I’m the last person in the world who could make you happy. ’

‘ go back now and say you’ve changed your mind! ’

‘ there’s no earthly reason why I shouldn’t be as happy with him as any other. ’

‘ not all of us can afford to be romantic. ’

‘ I’ve been offered a comfortable home and protection, there’s a lot to be thankful for. ’

‘ I’m plain and I have no money and no prospects. ’

‘ do not make yourself uneasy, about your apparel. ’

‘ your mother must have been quite a slave to your education. ’

‘ upon my word, you give your opinion very decidedly for so young a person. ’

‘ no excellence can be acquired without constant practice. ’

‘ you would be in nobody’s way, you know, in that part of the house. ’

‘ I am well enough acquainted with you, to know I cannot alarm you even should I wish it. ’

‘ I do not have the talent of conversing easily with people I have never met before. ’

‘ I came to  ___  with the single object of seeing you. l had to see you. ’

‘ I love you. Most ardently. ’

‘ I appreciate the struggle you have been through, and I am very sorry to have caused you pain. ’

‘ I’m sure that the feelings which, as you’ve told me, have hindered your regard, will help you in overcoming it. ’

‘ might I ask why, with so little endeavour at civility, I am thus repulsed? ’

‘ I suppose you suspect that his fortune had same bearing on the matter? ’

‘ what excuse can you give for your behaviour to him? ’

‘ you take an eager interest in that gentleman’s concerns! ’

‘ oh yes, your misfortunes have been very great indeed! ’

‘ you have ruined his chances, and yet treat him with sarcasm? ’

‘ so this is your opinion of me! thank you for explaining so fully. ’

‘ and those are the words of a gentleman? ’

‘ from the first moment I met you, your arrogance and conceit, your selfish disdain of the feelings of others, made me realize that you were the last person in the world I could ever be prevailed upon to marry. ’

‘ I shall not renew the sentiments which were so disgusting to you. ’

‘ what are men, compared to rocks and mountains? ’

‘ believe me, men are either eaten up with arrogance or stupidity, and if they are amiable they’re so easily led that they have no minds of their own whatsoever. ’

‘ take care, my love, that savors strongly of bitterness. ’

‘ I’m so sorry to intrude. they said the house was open for visitors. I had no idea… ’

‘ there is something pleasing about his mouth, when he speaks. ’

‘ you don’t mind delaying our journey for another day? ’

‘ but I know very well that nothing can be done. we have not the smallest hope. ’

‘ would I could help you. ’

‘ sir, I think it is too late. ’

‘ this is grave indeed. I will leave you. ’ 

‘ I forgot! I shouldn’t have said a word! ’

‘ I’m just glad that you come alone, because then I shall see less of you. ’

‘ not that I’m afraid of myself, but I dread other people’s remarks. ’

‘ oh my goodness! everybody behave naturally. ’

‘ whatever you do, do not appear overbearing. ’

‘ stop that racket and sit down! find yourself some work! ’

‘ oh lord. I shall have a seizure, I’m sure I shall. ’

‘ I return to town tomorrow. ’

‘ so soon? ’

‘ for when you were in town last winter you promised to take a family dinner with us. I have not forgot you see. at least three courses. ’

‘ well, I’m glad that’s over. ’

‘ we can now meet as indifferent acquaintances. ’

‘ you cannot think me so weak as to be in danger now. ’

‘ I think you are in great danger of making him as much in love with you as ever. ’

‘ I know this is all very untoward, but I would like to request the privilege of speaking with you. ’

‘ first, I have to tell you that I have been an unmitigated and comprehensive ass. ’

‘ thank the lord for that! I thought it would never happen. ’

‘ I knew she could not be so beautiful for nothing. ’

‘ can you die of happiness? ’

‘ bravo! that is the most unforgiving speech you’ve ever made. ’

‘ you can be at no loss to understand why I am here. ’

‘ I warn you, I am not to be trifled with. ’

‘ if you believed it impossible, I wonder you took the trouble of coming so far. ’

‘ you may ask the questions, which I may not choose to answer. ’ 

‘ you have insulted me in every possible way and can now have nothing further to say. I must ask you to leave immediately. ’

‘ I have never been thus treated in my entire life. ’

‘ for once in your life,  just leave me alone! ’

‘ I couldn’t sleep. ’

‘ how can I ever make amends for such behaviour? ’

‘ you must know  —  surely you must know, that it was all for you. ’

‘ you are too generous to trifle with me. ’

‘ my affections and wishes have not changed. ’

‘ one word from you will silence me forever. ’

‘ you have bewitched me body and soul and I love and love and love you. ’

‘ I never wish to be parted from you from this day on. ’

‘ your hands are cold. ’

‘ I thought you hated the man. ’

‘ but will that make you happy? ’

‘ I was wrong, entirely wrong about him. ’

‘ you mustn’t tell anyone. he wouldn’t want it. ’

‘ you do love him, don’t you? ’

‘ I cannot believe that anyone can deserve you. ’

‘ and how are you today, my dear? ’

‘ I wish you would not call me “my dear”. ’

‘ what endearments am I allowed? ’

‘ and what shall I call you when I’m cross? ’

‘ how are you this evening,  ____ ? ’     

[gufuu]

small starter call. no cap 😘

[gufuu]

“ there are many attractive single mothers in my area who desire me carnally, ”    outta their way gayboys,  they’re about to get it.

[gufuu]

“ why not wear the wounds proudly,  then?  you know,  plenty of people would love for me to leave a few fang - marks on them. ”

“I’m starting to run out of bandages to put on all these bite wounds.”

[gufuu]

Sorry for being insane power-hungry, shallow, vain, jealous, posessive, mean, horrific, bloodthirsty, kafkaesque, demanding, pushy and all together a little bit off-putting do you still think im hot?

[gufuu]

@lionfanged​ said : ‘ it is odd, as i cannot imagine it true, but you remind me of someone quite distinctly that i have met here in my hyrule travels… ‘

an old hunger;  it was the only way vaati could describe the feeling.  the way wolves hunger for deer without being told to hunt them,  something innate,  something animalistic.  they only felt worse in the sunlight. they let their hand rest on the tree’s ropy trunk.  the bark was smooth beneath their fingers,  yet cage - like lattice scars were there,  plain as day  --  strangling ficus that spent a hundred years braiding their bodies around the host tree,  killing it while gradually assuming its form:  parasite,  doppelganger.

garnet eyes glanced back at the foreigner as he spoke.  admittedly,  they had not been awake for very long,  yet they had seen enough  ( and been gawked at enough )  to know they were not the typical hylian.  appearance - wise,  at least  --  from the moment they regained a sense of being,  they had known from the start they were more than any mortal.

so,  someone who reminded anyone of them must have been the unique sort,  surely.

“ do i? ”    they replied,  feigning boredome,  although they were certainly interested,    “ in appearance or personality? ”

either one sounded more like competition rather than a fun coincidence to them.  how dare someone so easily comparable to them exist?  ever since they began being,  they craved for the destruction of a land already destroyed,  craving replaced with purposelessness,  what else was there for them if there was another?

“ if it is the former,  i would have to see for myself.  i have not seen any other living creature with my looks.  if the latter  --  well,  i would hope they have the looks to allow for it. ”

[gufuu]

so with that said who wants to let vaati erotically drink blood from them

[gufuu]

also officially adopting the headcanon that vaati is vampire-adjacent. or rather the hylian ver of vampires

[gufuu]

small starter call. no cap 😘

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love when characters have to have a domestication arc before you can even consider giving them a redemption arc

[gufuu]

"you have mental illness" actually i don't, those are just unfortunate side effects from using the powers from my amulet to often. such power deranges a man.

[gufuu]

                he who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man .

[gufuu]

@wolfvirago​ said : pets the gremlin.

“ what do you think you are doing  —  i am not your pet! ”    they pout,  but do nothing yet to remove her hand from their hair.    “ i am the powerful wind mage,  and you shall treat me with . . . with . . . ”

their eyes flutter close and they involuntarily lean into her hand.  their dignity had been so quick to leave them!  but,  her hand feels so nice stroking their hair,  they could fall asleep right there and then  —

. . . is that purring coming from them?

[gufuu]

this is a plotting call you wanna plot with me so bad you wanna plot with me so bad you wanna plot with me so bad you w

[gufuu]

if we ship on octavo then we gotta have a thread where ur muse is inexplicably attracted to vaati and they can't figure out why