grumpy-pluto

[grumpy-pluto]

Sometimes I miss you a lot

well come off anon and tell me

[grumpy-pluto]

[grumpy-pluto]

imagine you’re on a road trip with the love of your life and your boyfriend like, insists you pick up this fucked up little hitchhiker who’s like 4 feet tall and looks like he’s literally about to die, then you hear the hitchhiker conspiring to KILL you and your boyfriend and steal your shit, so you tell your boyfriend and he’s like “oh no he’s harmless you’re lying” and basically this fucked up danny devito sized slimeball breaks up your relationship and your boyfriend leaves you on the side of the road!! that’s what happened to samwise gamgee.

[grumpy-pluto]

Put your lips on my body

[grumpy-pluto]

Reblog if you need this energy

[grumpy-pluto]

x

[grumpy-pluto]

Reblog if you need this energy

[grumpy-pluto]

holy fuck you guys 

after years of being vaguely confused when I came across the measurement “a stick of butter” in recipes, today I learned that in the United States they sell butter in these skinny stick things:

it is literally a stick of butter. A STICK OF BUTTER. 

i have literally never seen butter sold this way. each stick one only amounts to ½ a cup of butter AMERICANS PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT MY WHOLE LIFE WHEN I SAW THE PHRASE “A STICK OF BUTTER” IN RECIPES I WAS IMAGINING THIS:

THIS IS THE ONLY “STICK” I’D EVER SEEN BUTTER SOLD IN. I THOUGHT Y’ALL WERE THROWING FUCKIN’ POUNDS UPON POUNDS OF BUTTER INTO THINGS HOLY JESUS THE WORLD MAKES SO MUCH MORE SENSE NOW FUCKIN CHRIST. 

[grumpy-pluto]

apparently a Tetris battle royale came out, and in addition to that just being funny on its own, we’ve also got twitch streamers getting pwned by like, retirees who have been playing tetris for the last three and a half decades

[grumpy-pluto]

okay you know that scan/photo of a teen girl’s diary entry that goes like “wore yellow dress today. chris keeps trying to talk to me even though he KNOWS i’m not interested! ugh! man landed on moon.” anyway that’s the mood

[grumpy-pluto]

[grumpy-pluto]

It’s hard as fuck not having a best friend.

[grumpy-pluto]

ask your parents if they ever insulted you when you were a baby and they will tell you that they never once did, or they will tell you the truth

[grumpy-pluto]

YO YOU GUYS SEATTLE

https://twitter.com/BRRN_Fed/status/1270345660617891842

[grumpy-pluto]

[grumpy-pluto]

$50,000 immediately dropped into my bank account wouldn't improve EVERYTHING but boy it sure would be a grand, sexy little start to a good, happy life path, don't you think