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growthpeacelove · 2 days ago

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Day 3 of being sick

This stomach flu is pissing me off fr!!

I have such bad stomach pain when I need to poop.

AB came thru and door dashed me some BRAT diet stuff. God what a sweet man!! Literally being taken care of is the best thing ever.

My friend reminded me that bc I’m kind that’s why people love me. I don’t want to feel bad about being kind! It’s ok to care about people!

Anyways all is getting better AlhamdilAllah

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growthpeacelove · 4 days ago

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Week 2/12 week of Dec 29

Check in date Friday Jan 3rd

75 soft

Eat well

- 4066 avg steps this week - dealing w mild food poisoning so on bed rest

Drink water

Read 10 pages - still struggling w that - compiling new list of books to read

Work:

Full time role

Taking time off till Jan 6

Ended Dec 138%

Side gig - VideoEngager

Manual tasks working on it little by little

Driving

No lessons this week - driving teacher lowkey ghosted me??

Savings

Will be adding to savings if getting extra money

Be open and intentional in relationship

planning more dates / potentially staying over for a week/ playing house

Glow up -

New body wash purchased / getting new shoes / new peacoat

Simple Glow Up series

12 weeks Dec 8 start

6 weeks check in Jan 13

Ends Feb 24 week

Work:

Full time role

- [ ] Achieve 100% monthly to get to SPGA

- [ ] Be creative

Side gig -

- [ ] Set boundaries of what you can do

- [ ] Actually put time to complete the tasks

Driving

Consistent lessons

Freeway driving

More confidence

Savings

Paying money pot early by a few months

Save money for taxes for 2024

Start contributing to 401k

Get money pot 2nd payment in Sept and put it in savings / pay off cards

Be open and intentional in relationship

- [ ] Speak up about what you need

- [ ] Have standards ( not just happy to be here)

- [ ] Ask the questions about marriage and partnership you are looking for

Glow up -

- [ ] Dying grey hair

- [ ] Spa days

- [ ] Coming up with new outfits - Pinterest

- [ ] Exfoliation

- [ ] Eyebrows

- [ ] Pedicure / manicure

75 soft

* Eat well

* 45 minutes every day of some physical activity including walking with one day of active recovery per week

* Drink three liters of water per day

* Read 10 pages of any book

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growthpeacelove · 5 days ago

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Mild food poisoning smh

have not been feeling well all day today - lower back pain and hen intense stomach pain and had to poop so many times. Was annoying af.

I couldn’t sleep well yesterday and I took Pamprin and was tossing and turning so much. Today I took 2 of them and then a midol later.

Couldn’t go for a walk and had a heating pad that I used all day. I try to get off before bed and it’s 8Pm and that sent me. The stomach pain was so bad and I regretted trying to bust one. The contractions were awful but were they? bc then I had to poop and throw up. I mean what a mess. I need to take it easy and not try to get off. Even tho maybe it helped? Bc then I took a shower and now I’m warm in bed and in a onsie.

One of my sleep supplements came up tho- how annoying.

Tomorrow I’m seeing AB - planning to hang out and then see a movie. Maybe the gym?

So tomorrow I need to pack gym clothes in case we do go to the gym tomorrow. And I’m leaving a swim suit at his place. In case I forget mine later.

Also we have a spa day in 2 weeks which I’m excited for! Hot tub + massages.

Hoping I feel better tomorrow. Today was rough. I could not pin point what it was. How annoying.

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growthpeacelove · 6 days ago

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2025 in less than 3 hours

new year - improved me.

This year 2024 in going to list some accomplishments

Reached out to help from my family

Got out of the city - rebuilding my savings and credit and everything else

Started driving lessons - 10 hours so far.

Started new ADHD medication

Improved my fitness levels - avg steps a week is 4K + steps A DAY

Have been going to the gym pretty consistently / closing my rings / got a ultrahuman ring

Overachieved at work / underachieved and was ok with it as well

Gave real dating a try - was upfront and intentional and honest.

Met AB - deleted the apps

Started with a new therapist - meeting weekly

Got money from dad - spoke up and will continue speaking up on what we need

Continuing w Side Gig - sister is helping

Working on emotional regulation when I feel like spiraling

Won 6 week goals - felt very motivated - now on 12 week goals

Started full time sales role in April - feeling confident and sure of myself in sales

Reconnected with friends from College

Taking my health seriously

Tracking sleep

Accepting the love I put out - going slow - being intentional

Budgeting and taking care of my finances!!!

Not being a savior always - knowing when to step back and step up

Performed comedy

2025

Giving myself grace

Focusing on my gym high and fitness and running around and getting steps in

Working on inner peace

Speaking up for what I need

Renting fancy car for 27th bday

Traveling more

Hitting fitness goals - increase in stamina / losing weight

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growthpeacelove · 8 days ago

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Long day of organizing + junk removal

Today I am at 2700+ steps purely from the day that is focused on junk removal.

I was getting frustrated with my mom and auntie bc we keep doing way more than we said we would.

I wanted us to stay on task and not just go overboard and at the same time didn’t want my mom to take it on so her back doesn’t hurt.

I was getting irritated a lot!!

My dad left to see one of my sisters and I just got annoyed w him again. It seems deliberate smh.

Oh well whatever.

inshAllah inshAllah InshAllah everything goes better in the coming days.

My partner and I have been sending calendar invites for the coming days with plans in mind. It feels amazing to be planned for.

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growthpeacelove · 11 days ago

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Week 1/12 week of dec 22nd

Check in Friday Dec 27

75 soft

* Eat well - been eating healthy - small chocolate / cheat foods

* 45 minutes every day of Physical activity - avg weekly steps 5178 a day since Sunday Dec 22nd

* Drink water - drinking enough water almost every day

* Read 10 pages - this I fall short on - book is not interesting but have been reading long investigative articles here and there - need to find a book that actually grips me

Work:

Full time role

- [ ] hit 108+%!! For December so I over achieved

Side gig -

- [ ] outsourced tasks to sister and working on a diff list

Driving

- [ ] did back to back lessons 12/21 and 12/22 4 hours total

Savings

- [ ] got 5k from dad so added it to savings

Be open and intentional in relationship

- [ ] taking it slow + not trying to rush and be super available

Glow up - dyed grey hair!

Taking care of feet

Trying to exfoliate - will get a new body wash to help w body acne

Simple Glow Up series

12 weeks Dec 8 start

6 weeks check in Jan 13

Ends Feb 24 week

Work:

Full time role

- [ ] Achieve 100% monthly to get to SPGA

- [ ] Be creative

Side gig -

- [ ] Set boundaries of what you can do

- [ ] Actually put time to complete the tasks

Driving

Consistent lessons

Freeway driving

More confidence

Savings

Paying money pot early by a few months

Save money for taxes for 2024

Start contributing to 401k

Get money pot 2nd payment in Sept and put it in savings / pay off cards

Be open and intentional in relationship

- [ ] Speak up about what you need

- [ ] Have standards ( not just happy to be here)

- [ ] Ask the questions about marriage and partnership you are looking for

Glow up -

- [ ] Dying grey hair

- [ ] Spa days

- [ ] Coming up with new outfits - Pinterest

- [ ] Exfoliation

- [ ] Eyebrows

- [ ] Pedicure / manicure

75 soft

* Eat well

* 45 minutes every day of some physical activity including walking with one day of active recovery per week

* Drink three liters of water per day

* Read 10 pages of any book

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growthpeacelove · 13 days ago

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2nd round of talking to my dad

This is a joint effort and I am not alone this time

rn it hasn’t happened yet. I’m sitting here anxious. I want to get this over with. Money was deposited to his account and nothing has been said.

It’s just a transitional time rn. That’s all I have to remember.

I hate having to even be anxious about all of this. At least when I was high I could stomach it and go off.

Update: He didn’t say a dang thing - he stayed quiet.

If I had known it will be all me I should have just done it on my own time.

Dad said he can help w up to 3k and I told him we will need the remaining $700 from other payments he gets.

Playing too much!!! Like I saw how much he withdrew. The man is not honest.

Give me the money and freaking leave. No one cares if you are here. The men in my family continue to disappoint so what’s new.

InshAllah today I have plans to see Christmas lights and just escape.

The holiday season sucks smh!!! maybe one day it will be different.

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growthpeacelove · 17 days ago

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Rough day + cried in therapy + went off on dad + brother came home

as the title suggests it was a rough day. I barely got into a diff out fit or even wore contacts and it was just a rough day. Dad brought me my money. And tried to negotiate again w how much he will help w rent.

Today was so draining and I got a little lit. And it kinda wore off earlier which is why I’m like happy that I can also just chill.

Brother came home we were catching up

What I went off on my dad for

( I was faded and they started again w the whole discussing how much he can help with. I had to say something. I pulled the theatrics. Got into performance mode. )

I was like listen here we been helping since we were able to ( like when we started working but I didn’t want o start listing it off - I don’t want to make him feel bad but my god)

Right now money came for you and this is your chance to actually help with rent

Allah made it so easy for you

You got 23k and suddenly we keep having to discuss w u why we need ur help

This shouldn’t be a discussion.

We shouldn’t have to negotiate w u about helping w 2k at least

We wouldn’t be asking if we had it

I even pointed out to him it’s best that he does the right thing and have my brother see that he is here and he will help.

Like deadass for the last few years this money doesn’t help w anything and we covered everything else. Like not even a little bit of guilt ??

Nothing. Head empty

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growthpeacelove · 23 days ago

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Christmas fair was so fun!!

we didn’t even take any pics there. Just straight up was in the moment. My screen time was 3 hours that day. We almost spent 12 hours together. What a change it is to be with someone who wants to spend time with you fr. Not just hanging out at the house - like actually make plans.

The plans continued after - we went to see a movie at the indie theater.

The Christmas fair was so fun bc we tried to solve the adventure puzzle for the first 2 hours - we got really into it. Once again I liked how much I could be silly and make jokes and just get so intense and focused. That’s all I really want. To be myself. To be so determined at whatever it is we want to do. Bc that’s how I am with what I like to do.

We then had food at the Greek place. It did the job and of course I got hungry again bc I don’t think I’m eating enough fr fr!!!

After we solved one part of the puzzle we got the rest of the answers. We were checking out the little shops and then sat down for a musical event.

He’s so cute he told me later he was worried that it would be too white for me. I love a challenge and mainly I love seeing passionate people!!! it’s so inspiring to see how people got dressed up and got really into it. Sure this was a seasonal gig for some but the dedication for this was impressive for the workers and the attendees.

We also checked out the shops and he’s so nice - anything I looked at - he was ready to buy it for me. I just couldn’t fathom actually buying most of the things. We also talked about how it can be overstimulating. To be at an event like this in such a major convention. I just really appreciated how we also talked about our siblings and told little stories as we looked at things. Of course I was as usual being silly and making jokes and being quick witted at every place and also in Arabic was so fun. Our own language fr. InshAllah inshAllah InshAllah this is always the case.

We mainly held hands and hugged and cuddled. I was far too shy to go to the next step. At least not at the fair. I felt so clingy and attached to him. Esp at such a place. So many people. We saw everything and spent like 6 hours there!! It was awesome. We got hella steps in. I’m tracking how well this new UH ring works.

We randomly decided to go to the indie movie theater and watched the film A Real Pain and it was funny and sad at times. The silly single seats made me annoyed bc I wanted to cuddle w him some more !!!! Lmao I would be under his skin if I could.

I’m trying to remember that this is like a fireplace and not fireworks. We can take our time in getting to know each other. And have fun at the same time.

I’m such a sentimental gal I already added our first date to my calendar - Oct 24 and Dec 12 was our official date. I would mark everything else but I’m trying to not get ahead of myself.

I went hijab off and it felt good to be myself in that way as well. Esp w the fact that I wanted to make sure I did my curly hair. So very much started natural. I know I have a Sensitive spot towards my hair.

After the movie and right before dinner - we smooched a bit teehee - once it gets to my neck - I have to hold back - otherwise I would get very much ahead of myself. I even told him - I’d like to keep my clothes on. Lmao

Also there was this moment where he stopped me and my chicken kisses and said “ let me kiss you” and I think about that - a lot … a man who leads like that… 🫣🫣🫣

During dinner we took pics so his family knows I’m a real person lmao - this time w a hijab.

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growthpeacelove · 25 days ago

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Committed and ready!! Dec 12 2024

had the talk - deleted the apps!

I’m ready!! Looking forward to all the adventures that lie ahead!

cleared the air about how physical chemistry is important to me!!

He brought me back gifts from Dubai 🫣☺️🥹

Like Oud and Bakhoor and chocolates.

We went for steak dinner after and talked and laughed and had a good time. I didn’t want it to end.

I explained to him how important it is to be myself and be open. To have serious intentions towards marriage and that I want kids at 30.

I also explained how my family is some more. And what will happen if we make travel plans and what what it means to bring the parents in.

Inshallah kheir!!

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growthpeacelove · 27 days ago

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Laser treatment + early day

Today I ran some errands in the city and I am getting laser treatment done rn. I am nervous about the money I took out so it’s best to not stay out and be extra nervous.

I might also have a driving lesson after work so that is something to go home early for as well.

Tomorrow we are having the talk. Serious dating. That is important. I told him I want to know that is happening before we make more and more plans. I know I can dream into the future but I need to know what is happening first.

He wanted to confirm that my parents are actually full Arab. Turns out he has experiences where someone wasn’t honest about that. No lies here on my end.

Dad got his money out of the bank today. I don’t know if he will actually help us. I hope he does but also not counting on him.

I will say this. If he doesn’t - I can’t trust him. I don’t know what else I have. Especially right now.

Like seriously what do I have moving forward in my relationship with him? Not much tbh.

InshAllah kheir always

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growthpeacelove · 1 month ago

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Saturday with parents + reflection of the week before

Period is inshAllah inshAllah InshAllah going to be over soon.

It has been rough the week - I was not feeling great. I had to cancel everything I planned for.

I had to rest fr - like actually take care of myself. I got new meds that he recommended - so far not bad. We had an electrical outage and I actually took the day off. I couldn’t do much anyways. I haven’t gone to the gym.

My avg steps a day dropped significantly. It went from an avg of 6k steps a day for the last 23 weeks to 1.7k steps a day this last week. Wah!! That sucks so much.

I will get back into it of course. Maybe today I’ll go to the gym - no driving lesson today so the day is free and I don’t feel awful. I want to get back into it where I crave the gym high.

I start my 12 week glow up series this week so more reason to get back into the gym life.

Also having a big talk this coming week - serious dating and I’m ready for this. Nervous but ready bc I know I can handle it.

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growthpeacelove · 1 month ago

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6 week goals reflection

Exercise

These last 6 weeks I have not only pushed myself to be more active but actually found a way to see it was a positive change in terms of holding back from getting high right after work. I had to earn it. The trade off was great - i looked slimmer esp in the face which was a major pain point for me.

I got super into zoning out while working out - even started an audio book on the treadmill. and the Strava posts - it made me enjoy having a social media presence that I had to earn my posts thru my workouts. I would work out for 10-15 more minutes longer so that it was a clean number when it got posted after.

I realized how much anxious energy I had when I didn’t have plans after work so the gym became my escape. I even have a little bag with my weed pouch, face towel, and water bottle and keys w taser.

Ideally I want to work out w out feeling like I’m going to get high after- that it can be enough on its own esp since I don’t want any sleep disruptions. My rem sleep has been messed up and I wake up several times during the night lately even if I don’t get faded that day. So that was alarming and more reason to do less and track it all soon.

Adding the component of tracking my steps was everything - seeing the avg go up and the trend go up the last 4 weeks compared to the last 21 weeks was something else!! I just love walking around so much more and it fr does make me sad when I have days where I can’t get steps in. Mainly bc of my period. Otherwise I stay getting steps in and tracking it.

Learnings:

I love the gamification thru the Apple Watch, Strava posts, sending updates every Friday , being held accountable

The only time I can meditate and zone out is when I’m listening to something on the treadmill or bike - everything just slows down. It’s peaceful

I need to eat more. Like actually way more. This little thing where I’m like “ I eat like a bird” is not cute anymore esp now that I feel hungry more bc I workout more so I am going to get more protein bars and try diff ones and have bigger portions. I can’t be feeling famished or dizzy bc of this. It’s not cute!!!

Personal

Committing to a social event a week was helpful bc it pushed me to reconnect w friends in the city/ went to an open mic / actually gave dating a real try.

Using my calendar for everything was ideal. I put down when people were in town and actually made dinner plans. I feel like my old social self even if it’s a slower pace. Actually making time for people I genuinely look forward to seeing. So that is a great start and then making more friends is key.

Dating was scary and I like how direct I have been. No roster. Just actually unmasking and saying who I am and that if it doesn’t work - see ya later !!

It’s been so refreshing to be opinionated and upfront about who I am religious wise to what I am looking for. Also keeping most stuff close to the chest - he has to earn it step by step. Also rereading about every date we went on was so fun too. God I love writing so much.

Learnings:

It’s ok to be mysterious and also recognize that men are different and way more sensitive about things that wouldn’t normally bother you

Being a planner and looking forward to the week ahead is everything. Great dopamine rush.

Connecting to friends who are normal people like you is so grounding

Finance

Saving money to be able to pre pay the money pot was so smart. It makes me feel more in control and I don’t have to sacrifice everything to make my family happy. They figured out a solution to my sister layoff. We now will see if my dad will actually be there or not when he gets his money. So tune in for that. Not counting on him as usual.

I don’t feel as nervous about my cash flow since I actually have a little bit of savings. That is such a relief and that I been working w my money coach to make more strides.

Learnings

Shame just prevents me from asking for help - no longer !!

I will continue working on budgeting as usual

Watching my spending and expenses has been good for me.

Professional

While I didn’t hit my number for November - it was my first month also being ok with that bc I do feel like I have a rich life in the sense that work too a backseat for once. Which I’m not mad about.

I did get to use some of my professional dev stipend and I actually hit up people in my network. If I make it a more consistent habit - who knows where I can end up! That will def be a focus for next year

Learnings for 2025