no 3d tips, sometimes rants, solidarity, there's nothing better than getting better but sometimes you just have to wallow
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17
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nobody warns you this but addiction happens without you noticing and one of the first things that it attacks is your ability to care. if you find yourself using recreational drugs every day, stop and take one day a week sober. if you struggle with this or if you don't see the point of the exercise, you are likely already addicted and you need help.
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Dissociation has me like
please do not ask me what my plans for the future are, im quite literally still not convinced that i am even a real person
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For years I would look at posts and questionnaires about neurodivergence that takes about being so focused on something that you forgot to eat and be like, "Couldn't be me. Being hungry is so uncomfortable! Your stomach is growling and cramping? How do you ignore that?"
Then someone informed me that neurotypical people have a whole bunch of "hungry" sensations before they get to that point.....
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I'm back to help deal with the crushing reality of my own demise
#decided the only way i can deal with my death is to act as if it won't happen#at least not of old age#like for some reason the same thing i fear#which is the void#is not so much my concern if i get hit by a car#i suppose as i see them as potentials?#or an external thing?#the idea of loving a long time and then meeting the same inevitability as anyone for any other reason seems... unfair#the great equaliser indeed#its the lack of agency for me#as if im victim blaming anyone who does of anything#like what#do i think they were just unlucky#or quitters??#no idea#im dumb#but immortal
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Barely able to eat because of COVID (literally only have been managing one meal because I don't want to trigger a vasovagal syncope) and today my brain has me near in tears because "I'm still fat". Wow. It just shows disordered thoughts really will try their shit at the worst times. Fucking predatory bastards.
#covid#disordered eating cw#disordered thoughts#pro recovery#fat#ed#vasovagal syncope#eating#low cal#restriction
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I am both too cold hearted
Too overwhelmed with sympathy
Always too much and never enough
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Someday I'm going to replace my bed with two couches stapled front-to-front and filled with pillows like a gigantic bird's nest. I believe that this will fix me
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This 1000x
i think part of what draws me to horror media is that it actually really helps me cope with my intrusive thoughts (and morbid fascinations) and the self loathing and overthinking that often comes with them. because whenever i have particularly fucked up, violent, and/or antisocial thoughts or feelings that would definitely get me labelled as a creep, danger to society, Bad Person, etc. if i were to express them, i can almost always find horror media that explores them in some capacity. it's like, hey, look, there's a way to interact with this and acknowledge these parts of yourself without hurting other (real) people or even yourself in the process. having these thoughts and feelings (or lack thereof) doesn't make you evil and dangerous. other people see the world the way you do too. you're not alone. you're not uniquely bad or broken. here's a place where you're welcome. here's a community that won't judge or condemn you. you can stay as long as you want.
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