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when Sharon Olds said "If I pass a mirror, I turn away, I do not want to look at her, and she does not want to be seen."

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Hanif Abdurraqib, In an Interview with Krista Tippett

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it’s so true that the greatest weapon against nihilism and existential despair is to find joy in the mundane and never stop chasing after love

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“One of the cruelest things you can do to another person is to pretend you care about them more than you really do.”

— Douglas Coupland

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“Love has something to do with the notion of being seen — the opposite of invisibility. The invisible, the unwitnessed, the unacknowledged, the isolated, the lonely — these are the unloved. Loving attention illuminates the unseen, escorting them from the frontiers of lovelessness into the observed world. To truly see someone — anyone — is an act that acknowledges and forgives our common and imperfect humanity. Love enacts a kind of vigilant perception — whether it is to a partner, a child, a co-worker, a neighbour, a fellow citizen, or any other person one may encounter in this life. Love says softly — I see you. I recognise you. You are human, as am I.”

— Nick Cave, The Red Hand Files Issue #103

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There is a place within, open like an eye.

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musings on hands

Ocean Vuong, Don Snyder, Richard Siken, Masao Yamamoto, Franz Kafka, Hussein Chalayan, Sylvia Plath

buy me a coffee

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Under My Skin (2020)

    アンダーマイスキン

Yazar: Usui Iroha Sanatçı: Usui Iroha Tür: Yaoi, Romantik, Smut, Manga Yayınlanma Durumu: Tamamlandı Çeviri Durumu: Tamamlandı

Kıyafetleri çıkarılmış çıplak teninin altında gizli bir arzu yatıyor… Kötü bir ilk izlenim bırakan bir adamla beklenmedik bir ilişki mi…? Elit bir ofis çalışanı olan Kudou, katıldığı karma buluşmada, bir marangoz olan Satou'nun delici bakışlarını anlamsız bulur. Sakin biri gibi görünmesine ve kadınlar arasında popüler olmasına rağmen yalnız kaldıklarında Kudou'ya “Senin tipin miyim?” diye sorar ve Kudou'nun eşcinsel olduğu düşündüğünü açıkça ifade eder. Bu saygısız tavırlarına rağmen Kudou, Satou'nun farkındadır. Gecenin sonunda beklenmedik şekilde sarhoş olan Kuduo kendini bir otel odasında bulur! Aralarındaki mesafeyi kapatan Satou'dan kaçamayan Kudou kendini daha fazla saklayamaz. Satou sanki onun içini görüyormuş gibi ona fısıldar: “İstediğin zaman gidebilirdin ama gitmedin. Seni nasıl sarmalayacağımı merak etmiyor musun?“ ⚡ İNDİR | OKU (Jpg) 🌈 ONLINE : LunaScans  ♥︎  Mangadex  ♥︎  Manga-ay ⚠️ Dikkat! Bu içerik yetişkin (18+) kitlelere yöneliktir. Cinsel temalar ve/ya küfürlü dil içermektedir. ☠️ Bu seri, Yaoiflix tarafından çalınmıştır.

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random acts of psychedelia, tele plasm, 2017

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Where do I always find enough courage for one last hope? I am the enemy of this indestructible, pitiless hope which prolongs and intensifies all my pain. I would like to lay hold of hope and strangle it once and for all.

Anna Kavan

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Where do I always find enough courage for one last hope? I am the enemy of this indestructible, pitiless hope which prolongs and intensifies all my pain. I would like to lay hold of hope and strangle it once and for all.

Anna Kavan

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Books That Will Ruin Your Life

(trigger warnings under the cut)

A Little Life, by Hanya Yanagihara

This book, which is about 800 pages long, is one of the best pieces of literature I have ever read. It follows four friends after they move to New York City and pursue their goals, but most of the story focuses on one of the men: Jude St. Francis, who has a mysterious past that has wrecked him emotionally and physically. But despite the darkness of the subject matter (and it gets DARK) the acts of love and kindness and friendship from the people in Jude’s life will bring you to tears. It’s a gorgeous study of trauma, human relationships, and the marriage of joy and pain that inevitably comes with living. I read it two months ago and have thought about it every day since. It’s one of those books you want everyone to read and no one to read. (DEFINITELY check out the trigger warnings for this one.)

The Traitor Baru Cormorant, by Seth Dickinson

This book is a sprawling political fantasy, packed with detail and diversity and some of the best, most complex worldbuilding I’ve ever seen. Baru grows up under the shadow of imperialism and eventually joins a rebellion to break free of the empire that has begun to take over the world. She’s also a lesbian, which is forbidden in the new empire, but against herself is drawn to the enigmatic Duchess Tain Hu. There are devastating twists, loves, and heartbreaks that will break your heart along with Baru’s. To say anything else would be a spoiler, but if you like complex, morally ambiguous fantasy, check this one out.

As Meat Loves Salt, by Maria McCan

This book follows a man named Jacob as he slowly falls in love with a fellow soldier during the seventeenth century English Revolution. After the war, they attempt to establish a utopian farming commune and keep their relationship together. This book is a really interesting foray into 17th century England, but it is ultimately a dark, passionate tale of obsession and vindication that will leave you as sick with the actions of the protagonist as he is with himself.

The People in the Trees, by Hanya Yanagihara

This book is written as a memoir of a disgraced scientist, who discovers a hidden tribe in a small Pacific island that he believes holds the key to a longer (and even immortal) life. You almost forget that the events of the book are fiction and not a real memoir–everything described seems meticulously researched and vividly real. As always, Yanagihara’s writing is gorgeous, absorbing, and well-paced. It’s a haunting tale of how science, hubris, and greed can lead to someone’s personal downfall, as well as colonialism and cultural genocide.

The Goldfinch, by Donna Tartt

You might have already heard of this one, but I had to put it on the list anyway! After a traumatic accident kills Theo Decker’s mother, his life is thrown into turbulence and eventual crime, all stemming from a stolen painting. The story is tense, beautifully written, and will make you root for yet another morally gray narrator. For fans of dark thrillers, art history, homoerotic friendship, and/or coming-of-age stories, this one is for you.

Daytripper, by Fàbio Moon and Gabriel Bà

Although Daytripper is a graphic novel, it deserves a spot on this list. It follows Bràs, a Brazilian writer, and his journey through specific turning points in his life, each represented as a “death.” The art is gorgeous and the story flows impeccably, capturing the beautiful mundanities and joys of life. This book will leave you touched, inspired, and deeply affected.

The Vintner’s Luck, by Elizabeth Knox

After a vintner saves his life, an angel named Xas visits him every year for a single night. As the vintner grows, so does their relationship, just like a fine vintage. It’s difficult to say too much about the plot without spoiling the story, but I can say that this book explores the nuances of human relationships and the love we feel for each other, as well as the hate and fear that can pervade those relationships.

Beloved, by Toni Morrison

Toni Morrison is one of the greatest American novelists and Beloved is my favorite of her works. The book follows Sethe, an ex-slave, and her daughter Denver as they reckon with a ghost from Sethe’s past that begins to haunt them more literally than metaphorically. The story is both captivating and difficult to read, but Morrison’s writing is gorgeous and the characters come to life on the page. It superbly explores the depth of trauma and motherhood, as well as depicting the horrors of slavery in a way that doesn’t feel cartoonish or exploitative.

Everything I Never Told You, by Celeste Ng

Celeste Ng’s work has gotten a lot of hype recently, and for good reason. This book follows a family after the middle child, Lydia, drowns. We see the buildup to Lydia’s death and its brutal aftermath, as relationships are challenged within the family. It’s a brilliant look at familial dysfunction, generational curses, and interracial marriage in 1970s America, and a deeply haunting portrayal of how these issues can tear apart a family.

Keep reading

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BOOK RECS

R F Kuang asking the right questions here 💆🏾‍♀️ here's some good recs from the replies that I added to my own tbr:

The buried giant, kazuo ishiguro (subversive arthurian tale with dreamlike prose. everyone's memory is in flux so details shift and waver. intergenerational trauma and historiography but has a melancholical and anchored character story).

Lancelot (the arthurian tales series), giles kristian

The mabinogian tetralogy, evangeline walton (retelling of welsh mythology. weird, eerie, beautiful and just gorgeously written)

The traitor son cycle, miles cameron

The dragon and the unicorn, aa attanasio (very weird arthurian prose. merlin is an astral shark demon made of electricity. creepy, dark, and dramatic).

Sistersong, lucy holland

Book of the new sun, gene wolfe (like walking through a black Magic the Gathering Card, or if Pere La Chaise stretched endlessly, in every direction, throught time).

The dragon waiting, john m. ford

The wolf and the woodsman, ava reid

City of saints and madmen (ambergris series), jeff vandermeer (like slowly unearthing a strange and unfathomable artifact that you gradually piece together into an incomplete picture).

Silver in the wood (the greenhollow duology), emily tesh (chaotic, lush and haunting and canonically promises the m/m energy that feels promised but not guaranteed by the green knight trailer)

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1. sharks in the time of saviors by kawai strong washburn / 2. khalil gibran / 3. pedro covo / 4. samantha french / 5. the sea is calling by the temper trap / 6. @beingqaali / 7. obit by victoria chang / 8. alexander diaz / 9. ghazal: by the sea by rafael campo

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blue weekend

Blue Night.

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Who is the real subject of most love poems? Not the beloved. It is the hole. When I desire you, a part of me is gone: my want of you partakes of me. So reasons the lover at the edge of eros. The presence of want awakens in him nostalgia for wholeness. His thoughts turn toward questions of personal identity: he must recover and reincorporate what is gone if he is to be a complete person. […] Most people find something disturbingly lucid and true in Aristophanes’ image of lovers as people cut in half. All desire is for a part of oneself gone missing, or so it feels to the person in love.

Anne Carson, Eros the Bittersweet: An Essay.