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Why are you still single?

A harmless question meant to suss out what eccentricities, past failures, or otherwise hidden qualities a person might possess that would prevent them from finding a partner. Right?

Sure, in the right context. But more often than not, to me, the question implies two things:

There is something wrong with the person who is being asked; there must be something wrong with you if you don’t have a partner.

You should not be single.

As a person who is single, and has been for a long time, I cringe just a little when I hear this question. It reinforces all the negative thoughts in my head telling me there is something wrong or unattractive or just plain weird about who I am. That if I could change who I am, then I could find a relationship. That I am unlovable. Ugh.

I know all these things are untrue. I certainly can’t (and wouldn’t want to) change who I inherently am. All the same, I have to acknowledge those self-defeating feelings in order to move past them.

It is perfectly normal to want to be in a relationship. I want to be in a relationship. (Not that my desire for something makes it normal. Also, what is normal?) But not everyone does. Plenty of people are single by choice.

I feel in some ways we are taught to disparage single people. That a single person is to be pitied or is somehow “missing out.” I realize this is far more complicated than I have capacity to write about here, and we could talk for hours about feminism and biology and evolution and how my sex drive is really just my body telling me to make a baby and propagate the species….

BUT I digress.

Seeking companionship and intimacy is natural; it’s what humans have done FOREVER. But it’s the assumption that being single is somehow unnatural, something that must be explained, that really irks me.

I hope we can be more accepting of each other no matter our relationship status. Maybe not assume being coupled is the “correct” way to go through life. Or that there is a “correct” way to go through life, period. Each person’s journey is unique.

So if the topic comes up, try asking your single friend about what she wants from her life instead of assuming she wants a relationship. Ask your single friend about his #careergoals instead of his #relationshipgoals. 

We are all multifaceted humans. There is more to each of us than our relationship status. 

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So sleepy

Katherine in repose with Wookiee, 2016. @griddlecake

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Hi

It's been awhile, Tumblr.

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(Katie Nixon) I got bored and recorded an Adele cover this morning!

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I wrote a song for Matt Berninger today. Quick & dirty.

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Photo break: This sheep ran away and escaped 6 years of shearing. 

Have a nice weekend! 

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OOOOOO! My show got reviewed! Thanks, Oona!

Rehner & Nixon Present: Ladies Night - Review

By Oona O’Leary

Read More

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leftonlisa has, by my wholly scientific calculation, has 1,133 books!

Hello my lovely followers!

My friends have recently commented that I have a book buying problem (something my father has been telling me since I was about 10 years old). Now I don’t think I have a problem, but suddenly I do have a desperate need to discover just how many books I actually own. So…

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Sometimes I get emotionally overwhelmed because I remember I'm in a city I love doing what I love to do with the most talented people I have ever met. And that is everything.

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Girl Fight

Got it here.

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We’re official!

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Remember that time I got a little tipsy and listened to Arcade Fire all night and decided to attempt artsy selfies? Yeah.

It's my birthday! I can do what I want!

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are we just born knowing the lyrics to mr. brightside

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*opens bag of freshly roasted French Roast coffee*

*inhales deeply*

*makes uncontrollable orgasm moan*

*immediately seals bag*

Oooh, that's good.