gremlinqueensupreme

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“How’s that foot? You’re just kinda snorting at it… Oh my god stop sticking your toe up your nose! Stop! Stop!”

Putting pajamas on a baby is always an adventure.

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Emotionally preparing for a night of my baby farting himself awake.

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Tonight’s serenade to the God Emperor came after his bath time:

Lotioning the baby

Lotion up the baby

Because we don’t want an ashy babyyyy

If your dad had learned this

When he was a baby

Then he still would look twenty-threee

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“You know, when I graduated with a degree in math, I never thought I would be a professional Knee Wetter. But look at me now.”

- my husband, to our baby during bath time

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It’s bathtime! Which means another round of WTF Is My Husband Saying To The Baby?

Tonight’s selection is:

“I’m a professional cranny-cleaner, which is not to be confused with a granny-cleaner. One time the newspaper ran an ad and I got a lot of uncomfortable phone calls.”

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I almost scrolled past this on Twitter

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The song we currently sing to our son goes like this:

🎼Mr. Monkey Man

The cutest little guy around

Mr. Monkey Man

Using mechas to control the town

Mr. Monkey Man

A benevolent dictator

Mr. Monkey Man

All bow to the God Emperor🎶

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TIL “Inspector Gadget” and “Fartin’ in the tub” have the same number of syllables. Guess how I know. Hm? Guess.

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Corvid Christmas tree. Simple, but beautiful.

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The Husband: “Look, your highness! Tonight’s jammies are covered in elephants! Don’t worry, only one is a communist!”

I worry for our son’s future kindergarten classmates…

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This is my hub’s idea of a love note:

Yes, his pet name for me is Bloodaxe.

His current bit is that I’m spitefully litigious about the silly songs I sing to our baby, so he’s not allowed to sing them. (He can’t remember the songs, in reality.)

This note spawned an entire series of songs and stories about him and the baby aka Fuego and The Mans. There were songs. There were epic spaghetti western shootouts.

At least they brought me back coffee from this excursion.

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First of all, my husband has started referring to our son as The God Emperor, which results in texts like this.

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I need a place to record all the ridiculous things my husband says to our son on a regular basis, so that’s what this blog is now.

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“You know how Holy Water is lethal to demons? Well, Hot Dog Water does the same thing to Angels.”

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My favorite content is etymology content.

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A majestic mega raft of mustelids mesmerizingly maneuvering through the meandering kelp maze of murky waters, melding into a magnificent mosaic of motion and merriment.  

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“I want you to know that I would stick with you through thick and thin, but if you ever shit on the cats, I will have to rethink our marriage. I’m just letting you know where it boundaries are.”

-My Husband

For the record, shitting on the cats has never been something I’ve considered before he brought it up….