greeneyedsnitch

[greeneyedsnitch]

my mom taught me the therapeutic power of cleaning. open all the windows. throw out the old. wipe down the entire house. burn some incense. roast some coffee. then rest. that way the tears from last night don’t feel as heavy. 

[greeneyedsnitch]

the real victim in Pride and Prejudice is Georgiana Darcy, bc u know her brother spent at least two weeks lying around in his Regency Jammies eating Benjamin and Jerrold’s out of ye olde carton feeling sorry for himself bc his crush not only didn’t like him back but tore him to shreds in the process and Georgie had to deal with that and then said crush shows up at their HOUSE and she has to live w both of them probably stealing lovelorn yearning glances at each other the whole damn day while knowing if she even SUGGESTS to her brother that maybe perhaps his crush doesn’t hate his entire guts anymore he’ll just be all tragic about it bc “you don’t KNOW her Georgiana she dESPISES me and i DESERVE it”

[greeneyedsnitch]

[greeneyedsnitch]

mr darcy: literally insults elizabeth’s entire family while proposing

elizabeth: you are the last man in the world whom i could ever be prevailed upon to marry

mr darcy:

[greeneyedsnitch]

[greeneyedsnitch]

So my new English professor is my uncle only he has no idea because he hasn’t talked to my mom in about 20 years so do you think is should tell him

[greeneyedsnitch]

[greeneyedsnitch]

Hayley Kiyoko and Ariana Grande at the 2018 Billboard Women in Music Awards

[greeneyedsnitch]

Allow yourself to be a beginner. No one starts off being excellent.

[greeneyedsnitch]

[greeneyedsnitch]

[greeneyedsnitch]

in this house we do grandma activities

[greeneyedsnitch]

last night at the club my friends introduced me to these guys and the guys were like “we’re 22″ and I was like cool and then a minute later they were like “we’re kidding we’re 18″ and I was like 18!!!!! 18!!!!!!!! you’re as young as my youngest siblings now I have to PROTECT you and the one guy was like 6 ft+ and he was like “no you have that wrong, I need to protect you girls” and I was like “okay yeah physically but I have to protect you emotionally” and he was like “oh okay yeah”

[greeneyedsnitch]

Why be the dancing queen when you can be the killer queen, gunpowder gelatine, dynamite with a laser beam, guaranteed to blow your mind

[greeneyedsnitch]

bite the vampire first to establish dominance

[greeneyedsnitch]

‘But not SUPER allergic’

Dedicated to every gracious host who’s had to put up with my sorry animal loving ass.

[greeneyedsnitch]