greasedharper-blog - Tumblr blog

greasedharper-blog · 7 years

Text

Something Starting

TAGGING → Santana Lopez and Dani Harper.

TIME → Friday Night, Feb 17

LOCATION → The Bus Stop and Gilbert Residence.

NOTES → Dani needs stress relief. Santana walks in.

WARNINGS → Sex, angst, sex.

Dani had still been struggling with everything. On the outside she seemed to be handling everything like a pro, but on the inside she was getting worse. She was self-destructing and nothing was going to stop her. She'd been smoking too much pot and drinking too much booze, and more importantly she was skipping too many classes. She had plenty of detentions and warnings, but it still surprised her when she had gotten kicked off the track team. Even though she hadn't been giving it her best focus she still loved being on the team. She loved running the track as fast as she could -- like she was going somewhere. When it was taken away from her she didn't know what to do. Other than punish herself. It had been a night of good fighting. In Dani's eyes a good fight was one that she actually had to work for. Even if she always won in the end, she wanted her opponent to at least make it interesting. After the fights Dani was feeling good, and her adrenaline was still racing. She spent time with a couple of friends smoking up behind the Stop, and then wandered through the usual swarm of girls that always waited to fawn over the fighters. Dani liked that part a lot, because those girls were always a sure thing. And it was just what she needed. Eventually Dani found herself in one of the darkened old offices, sitting on the ancient and wobbly desk, with a cute girl's face between her thighs. Her head hung back, eyes closed, as she moaned with pleasure and locked her fingers into the girl's hair tightly. It was exactly what she needed.

Santana was free. With a simple confirmation from her legally appointed attorney, Sebastian's threat of jail was gone. The charges had been dropped. The Latina should have been ecstatic and filled with the desire to celebrate with a few drinks and a night of debauchery at the Stop, yet every smile was forced as the crowd became a suffocating mass that she needed to flee from. She just needed... out. She needed to push everything out of her mind for a while and she knew exactly who could help her with just that. "You seen Dani?" She questioned the first guy that stumbled her way. He appeared uncertain for a moment, his eyes scanning the crowd and giving her a chance to look him over. Bruises were blooming along his jaw and cheekbone, reminding her of just how far people were willing to go for a little cash and a chance to release some tension. "I think she went that way." Santana's gaze followed his hand as he pointed her further into the Stop. Not exactly the help she was looking for but she'd take it. Without another word she left him standing where he was and swiftly made her way through the building, checking doors along the way. A move that she quickly regretted when she stumbled across the second pair of people going at it. As much as she understood the thrill of the fight and just how arousing it could be, she wasn't exactly in the mood to watch and knowing that it was always the same girls made it even worse. With the way that they went through fighters and appointment at the clinic needed to follow every encounter. Still reeling from the last door she opened, she didn't bother to take note of the sounds coming from within the next office before swinging the door open, "Dan --" It took her a moment to truly process what she was seeing before everything came to a screeching halt. A part of her was screaming for her to turn and run, to get out of there as soon as possible but her feet remained rooted to the ground. She could feel the anger building within her at the sight of Dani with skank #5. "Hiya, Trix, didn't realize you went for pussy, thought you were all but gagging for a cock, but hey, sometimes you gotta change it up, right?" she addressed the girl between Dani's legs, her gaze refusing to shift towards the other girl. When the little skank decided to open her mouth to correct Santana, as though she would actually care what the girl's name actually was, she was quick to shut her down. "I don't care." Hadn't she and Dani been through enough of this? She could have sworn that they had an understanding even if, though she loathed to admit it, this was her fault for daring to come down this way. "Don't mind me, you can go back to what you do best, Trix." Only when she was backing out of the office did she dare glance up at Dani, eyes hard and accusing before slamming the door behind her.

Dani wasn't too aware of what was going on around her aside from her own pleasure. True, it wasn't the best, but it wasn't bad either. She bit her lip to keep from trying to tell the girl how to do it better, and that's when she heard Santana's voice. It shot an ice cold chill down her back and she tensed. The other girl's face was the last one she wanted to see at that moment in her position. Her breathing was heavy and she met Santana's hard gaze. She knew, somehow, she had fucked up. The slamming of the door made her and her companion jump and Dani felt the mood die instantly. "Where were-" The girl started to push back down against Dani, but Dani pulled away. "Forget it," she sighed. She shoved the girl away and got up to pull her pants back up. Her eyes were glued to the door where Santana had been. She felt guilty, but in the next second she felt confused. Who was Santana to give her that kind of look? Like Dani had done something wrong? She was allowed to do as she pleased, just as the other girl did as she pleased. It was all a part of their arrangement. How many times had Santana slapped Dani in the face with that argument? It all ticked the younger girl off enough to finally pull on her shirt and storm out of the room after Santana. She saw the older girl's back and quickly caught up with her. "You kinda killed the mood back there," she called out. "Thanks. I mean...fuck, I was close." She knew her words were dangerous, but she could just never help pressing when she shouldn't. Of course the girl between her legs would have been Santana if Dani had the choice, but it just hadn't happened that way. "You're gonna have to make it up to me."

Santana 's back stiffened at the sound of Dani's voice and with those words her anger brightened. It was heating her veins and making her hands curl into fists. What did she have to make up for? How was it her fault that Harper was stupid enough to leave the door unlocked? How was it her fault that she decided to run after her rather than enjoy that nameless groupie? As far as the Latina was concerned, this was all on Dani. Coming to an abrupt halt, Lopez spun around to face the other girl and closed the distance between them. The anger displayed on her face soon faded, replaced with a mask of cool indifference. It was something that time and experience had trained her to perfect but she'd never needed to use it against Dani. She never used to care who got a taste of her either, but here she was still reeling from the entire thing. "You want me to make it up to you?" Moving closer still, she dipped in, her cheek brushing along Dani's and her breath hot on the other girl's ear. Her hand moved down Harper's torso and lower still until she could cup the girl through her jeans, applying just the right amount of pressure as she rubbed against the rough denim. "This what you want? Want me to make you come?" She purred though it felt all wrong. The movement of her hand continued as she nipped at the other girl's ear a little rougher than necessary. "You wanna get off then go find your whore." With that, she ripped herself away as though burned by the heat of Dani's body against hers. "If you think I'm going there now, after what I saw then you greatly mistaken. Not gonna play your bitch tonight, sweetheart, so run along." Her chest ached as the words left her lips, the entire moment a painful reminder of the rough time that they'd barely managed to make it through.

Dani gasped when Santana pressed close. Usually her hormones would be going wild right then, but despite the small burn of desire, it wasn't the same. She could feel the chill and it quickly cooled off the annoyance that had burned through her. Dani let Santana say what she needed to say. Usually she would have fought back and tried to be more cruel, but they had already been down that road a few times. Besides, Dani had been finding that her usual quick reflex to anger hadn't been quite as sharp as of recent. She had started to care less about everything. She let out a sigh and swept her hair back before she nodded. "I deserved that," she said quietly. "I'm sorry." She didn't really know what else to say. Apologies weren't her forte. She still felt a flicker of emotion that Santana had looked at her like she had been doing something wrong just moments before, but she had to let it go. She didn't have the energy for another argument. Her shoulders lifted and fell. "Bad joke," she explained weakly. "She wasn't gettin' anywhere fast so...whatever." Dani's eyes were on the floor as she hoped that she wouldn't meet more of Santana's angry words. She realized then that she didn't even know why she had come after the other girl, so she scratched the back of her neck as she turned to go back. Maybe she could still salvage her night.

Santana felt her rage dim as she watched the younger girl. Truth be told, she expected anger and harsh words. She expected a fight and the sight of Dani being so... docile unnerved her. The girl before her wasn't the Dani that she knew and a pang of guilt at the knowledge that she hadn't realized that something was wrong until now. Full lips parting, the Latina made a move to speak yet no words came to her. What could she say that would change the course of their conversation, that would somehow get them back where they needed to be? When Dani turned away, Santana's first instinct was to go after her but she held herself back and clung to whatever was left of her anger. She had no reason to be chasing the girl around. The night was still young and they both had their opportunities to end the night on a good note. Still, the Latina couldn't help but cave a little, taking a few steps forward. "That's it?" she called out, hands rising in aspiration before dropping to her side. "You're just going to walk away. Just like that?" Santana was moving again before she could fully register what was happening and soon she was gripping at Dani's jacket and spinning her around. "What the hell is wrong with you?" She hissed, hands rising to give the girl a small push. "Where's the fire, the fight?" Why was she so desperate to see it? She didn't know but something within her craved it, needed to see that emotion that showed her that Dani gave a damn. She wanted to have Dani there, fighting with her instead of allowing her to go back to her little plaything. "Killer in the ring but now that you're faced with me you're going to cower? Man the hell up. Fight me. Tell me I'm wrong for doing what I did. Tell me I should leave you alone." As she spoke her hands continued to push and prod as though she could somehow provoke a reaction from Dani with a slight display of violence. "Do something. Anything!"

Dani closed her eyes while Santana pushed her, and she tried to figure out what to do. She didn't want to fight the other girl. She didn't want to let her anger out because she wasn't sure she could keep it reigned in enough. She took push after push. She was tired of everything in life being so frustrating, and Santana was a huge part of that. Why couldn't she just leave Dani alone? Why couldn't they find that easy place they had been in? In a swift and fast move Dani grabbed Santana's wrists to keep herself from being pushed again. She didn't hold the girl too tightly, but she made sure to stop her. Dani's eyes opened and she looked at Santana. She couldn't come up with anything to say as her own brown eyes stared into even darker eyes. It would have been easier to push back, to yell, but she couldn't. Instead she let go of the wrists she held and wrapped her arms around herself. "I...really want a hot shower," she said quietly. "You can come sleep over if you want." It wasn't much, but it was the best she could offer at the moment. It was actually how she wanted to spend her evening more so than getting laid by some girl she didn't even know. She hadn't been sleeping well and she missed how good sleep had felt on those nights that Santana had crawled into her bed. When they didn't have to talk, or argue, or try to make sense of anything. "We can fight tomorrow if you really want it," she added lightly.

Santana tensed at the sudden pressure wrapped around her slender wrists, stilling the motion of her hands. Pulse quickening, the Latina hesitantly let her gaze travel from the hands on her to the familiar features of the girl before her. When she met Dani's eyes the flame of her fury extinguished. The moment seemed to drag on, bringing forth emotions that Santana wasn't prepared to deal with. The instant that her wrists were released, she pulled her hands away and eased back a step. Cold. That was the only way she could think of to describe the feeling within her. That fire, passion, that had always been between them was gone and a part of her felt hollow with the loss of it. In that moment, with startling clarity, the Latina realized just how much she'd been dependent on that heat between them, on that connection that they had developed. With it gone, Santana didn't know how to handle this situation but she did know one thing. She couldn't leave Dani alone. Not now. Not after how strong she had been for Santana. "Let's get you home." Her voice came out in a low whisper, hand automatically reaching for the other girl's, lacing their fingers together the moment that their palms touched. She said nothing more as she began to guide them back to where the party continued to rage on and then through the crowd. She didn't think to slow their pace until the sound of voices and laughter began to fade into the distance. "Are you going to tell me?" she questioned, wanting nothing more than to get to the root of all of this because she needed to find a way to fix this. She needed her friend back.

Dani felt relief with her hand enclosed in Santana's and she went along with the other girl as she led. Everything did feel different between them, but mostly Dani felt as though it were herself. She felt an energy around her -- or maybe a lack of it -- that kept Santana at arm's reach. She gripped onto her friend's hand. She wasn't used to needing support but she wasn't sure she would get home without leaning on her. She heard Santana's question and she could feel it's presence bouncing around in her mind. What could she say? She knew Santana would do something rash if Dani told her what she had been holding inside. If she told the other girl that it had been Sebastian that ruined her life....she would only cause trouble. Santana had had enough trouble. Letting out a sigh Dani let their clasped hands hang between them and she leaned on Santana more. "It's....just hard," she said softly. "All of it..." Dani knew she hadn't dealt with any of it properly. She knew she hadn't gone through some of the emotions she needed to let out. But how could she get so weak? How could she let him win by making her cry? Dani inhaled the scent of the girl beside her and she felt a shadow of something pulse through her veins. The ache of missing her friend. The ache of having found someone she could hold onto when she needed it. If she kept holding back from Santana, how long would the rest of it really last? Dani took a moment and let out another long sigh. "When we get home," she agreed finally. If she was going to do it, she needed the semi-comfort of her newfound room. It was the only place she had that felt close enough to home. "We'll talk."

Santana knew hard. Being born in the Southside guaranteed that nothing in their lives would ever be easy. The unstoppable determination of Socs only made it that much more difficult. Still, she said nothing, only nodding to assure Dani that she'd been heard. Tightening her grip on the other girl's hand, she wondered idly when it was that she'd let her friend down. Had she been so self-involved that she was blinded to what was happening to others beyond her own little bubble of a world? The thought had guilt blossoming in her chest, weighing her down with a sense of disappointment. Her only comfort came with the knowledge that she'd be told, that she'd be allowed in, even for the briefest of moments. When the Gilbert residence came into view her hand loosened its grip though she kept their hands laced together, unwilling, or unable, to let go just yet. Habit almost had her going for the spare key -- no matter how many times Elliott tried to hide it, she always managed to find its new location -- but a quick reminder that Dani now lived here had her going straight for the front door. She wouldn't be able to explain why she moved in closer as she waited for Dani to open the door, why she pressed a soft kiss to the other girl's temple, her cheek and whispered, "I'm sorry." But it felt like a start, a chance to somehow make some of this right.

Dani fumbled through her pocket for her key once they arrived on the front stoop, but she paused when she felt Santana lean in close, and the feel of the other girl's lips on Dani's skin felt like shocks to her system. She hadn't felt that kind of gentleness in a long time. A bit of the awkwardness eased from her shoulders and she cleared her throat while unlocking the door. She didn't quite know what to say, but mostly she didn't feel safe speaking until they made it into her bedroom. She easily led Santana through the darkened house to her room where she turned on a soft lamp and closed the door. She really did want to take a shower -- to wash the grime of her day away and maybe a layer of hardness as well. First though, she turned to Santana and reached out to brush her cheek gently. "I'm sorry, too," she finally replied. "I..." her hand fell. "I wanna take that shower first..." She walked to her closet and pulled out two pairs of warm pajamas. "I won't be long, I promise. You can change...find a snack...light up..." She shrugged a single shoulder. "I'll be right back." She set one pair of pajamas down on the bed for Santana and escaped her room for the bathroom. Once she peeled off her dirty, sweaty clothes and climbed under the warm spray, she knew she could stand there forever. The water beat down on her and she could feel it washing everything away. She added soap and shampoo to the mix to help out, but the hot water was just what she needed. She ducked her whole head and face under the stream and mentally took deep breaths to further relax herself. She was eventually able to pull herself from the shower and dry off before pulling the pajamas on. She stared at herself in the mirror for a few minutes, checking out her new bruises and cuts, and she tugged her wet hair back into a tie. Opening up? That had never been something Dani was good at. In the back of her mind it went hand in hand with being weak, being a pussy, but a part of her knew it would also keep her on her own for a very long time. And the fact was that no matter what she and Santana were, she wanted to the girl to truly be in her life. She had to give some for that. Dani headed back to her room and knocked softly on the door to alert her presence before slipping inside. "I'm...back," she announced, awkwardly due to the fact that it was clear she was. She hovered there by the door unsure of what to do next.

Santana was fine. She was. Really. She could do vulnerable and have a heart to heart, she had to. But it was that moment of solitude that made her determination begin to waver. The Latina and emotions never really went well together. Past experiences have shown that she handled the spectrum of emotions in one of two ways: anger or sex. At that moment, neither were a viable option. Which left her hesitating, gaze fixed on the pajamas left out for her. Unwilling to allow herself to lose her nerve now that they were finally in the safety of Dani's new home, Santana peeled her jacket off. She moved methodically, without giving herself a moment to truly ponder over the fact that she was doing this, she was stripping herself of her clothes and pulling on Dani's. By the time the knock on the door captured Santana's attention, she'd tossed her clothes to the side and had slipped into bed, covers draped over her legs. It was that awkwardness from Dani that had something within Santana unravel, reminding her that this wasn't about her own hang-ups. This was about the other girl and what she was going through. Mustering a small smile, the Latina pulled the covers down on the other side of the bed. "C'mon." Her smile slowly faded after she spoke with the dawning realization that the moment that Dani took a seat it was time for that talk. Dropping her gaze to her lap, she watched as her fingers toyed with the edge of the blanket. It was now or never. "What happened to you?" Santana could have kicked herself for the almost accusatory tone with which she questioned the other girl. "Sorry. It's just --" Too much? Too different? Too much of a reminder of how selfish Santana has been? Maybe a combination of all of the above. "Why didn't you come to me?" This time her voice was soft, a gentle murmur that she hoped would make up for the previous question. "You could have come to me. "

Dani gazed at Santana for a moment and couldn't help but admire how pretty she looked. More than usual. A lump rose in Dani's throat and she tried swallowing it down with an attempt at a smile. She walked over and sat beside Santana and watched the girl play with the blanket. The question made fear and anxiety spike the back of her neck. Her head was suddenly clouded with words that she couldn't sort through. A soup with letters floating around and never forming completely into real words. The softness of Santana's last words flew around Dani, and she could feel them take a vice grip to her heart. To know someone wanted to be there and regret that they couldn't...what was she supposed to make of that? Especially in a friendship that was so fiery and confusing. Her head nodded slowly in agreement. She could have tried to go to Santana, but she hadn't. Maybe she didn't think Santana would want to hear her, maybe Dani didn't know how to do it...but they missed that moment. Dani reached under her bed for her small box of papers and weed. "I-I...you've been busy..." She said weakly as she began to roll. "You've had your own shit.." Even though she knew that wasn't an excuse. And her words weren't accusatory in it; just truthful. She licked the paper and picked up her lighter. She needed a moment longer so she took the time to take a couple deep drags before holding it out to the girl beside her. "It's just...shitty, you know? Not being...home." She scratched her arm and stared at a spot in the distance of the room. "She won't see me, or...talk to me...it's hard." But that was something she had been dealing with for awhile by that point. It was the rest added on that had truly brought her down. And she knew once she told Santana, the part she hadn't told anyone yet, that it would be that much more real. She'd be pity. "He...said it was my fault," she all but whispered, still staring at nothing. "He was right though. I should've hid it better...him knowing my weakness..." She let out a snort. "You never show your weakness in a fight. That's basically rule one." Her head shook and she took the joint to hit it again, hard. "...Sebastian outted me to my mom," she said airily. "Because he knew I was with you that night."

Santana nearly flinched as the words came like a quiet confirmation that, for a while, the world revolved around the Latina, making her blind to those around her. Pushing back her rising guilt, brown hues swept towards the other girl, watching her intently. When Dani offered her the joint, Santana didn't hesitate to take it and take a deep drag. They both seemed to need it, the other girl most of all. Keeping her eyes trained on the younger girl, the Latina leaned back against the headboard and listened. She took in every word, waiting for that one thing that would explain it all, that would tell her just what went wrong. After all, she was aware of how hard it had been for Dani to be thrown out of her home, had been there when the girl was left on the streets. It didn't begin to make sense until the whisper. Unaware, the muscles in her body began to tense. This was it. "Sebastian." She repeated the name, letting her head drop back with a muted thud. Of course, it was Smythe. Somehow it always went back to him. Huffing out a humorless laugh, Santana rolled her head to the side and faced the other girl. "The snake knows how to bite deep enough that his venom will linger. But you're not alone." A part of her wanted to admit to everything. To tell Dani that she had been right before, that she had let Sebastian take advantage of her in the back of his limo. That he'd been the driving force behind Santana putting their little Marley on that stage to be humiliated in front of everyone. She needed Dani to see that she wasn't the only one, that she didn't have to carry the burden alone but she couldn't. She couldn't spit it all out. It wouldn't change the damage that had been done. "I should never have let you come with me, but I wasn't thinking. I was so angry and... I knew that you'd hate him as much as I did." With a sigh, Santana turned away from Dani to look ahead and frowned. "What I don't get is, why are you letting him have this power over you? I know that it hurt you -- still hurts you -- but you're one of the strongest people I know."

Dani couldn't look at Santana even when she felt the girl's eyes on her. The drug wrapped a calming blanket around her. It helped, but not enough. She still felt too bare. You're not alone The words circled Dani around and around, and she wanted to swat them away. Of course she was alone. Sure, she had solid friendships, but she didn't always believe in them. And family, well... Dani licked her lips and finally looked up. "I'm not giving him power..." Her eyes fell again. She had always tried to be the best, the strongest, and the best fighter. She took pride in it. But aside from her physical activities she didn't feel strong at all. Especially not recently. "I hate him...for what he's done to people I...care about. You wouldn't have been able to stop me from going with you...I woulda done it all my own. After he did that to you..." Dani knew she went too far sometimes in protecting her friends, but it was her instinct. Her instinct that also made her go that much further for the girl sitting beside her. A small chuckle fell from Dani's lips and she tugged the blankets further up her lap as though to hide and protect herself. "I'm not...you just...see someone I'm not." Her brows furrowed together. "It's not about him...it's...me," she said simply.

Santana was not convinced. Smythe was the bane of their existence and his actions were always at the root of many of the problems that plagued the people they knew. Yet she knew better than to try and argue this point. A disagreement would get them nowhere and the last thing she wanted was for Dani to close herself off again. Slowly, her gaze returned to the other girl and was, once again, struck by the change. The distance between them was small but she felt as though Dani were miles away. It made her crave the girl's touch, made her miss the warmth against her palm as she clutched at Dani's hand. She didn't think of anything beyond that desire as she shifted closer so their legs brushed against each other under the blanket and Santana could capture the younger girl's hand in her own. "You're wrong," she stated firmly. "There's nothing wrong with you. You just... care. And it's okay. To care, to let yourself feel that pain. But you can't let your misery take control. You have to let people in." There was a brief pause, a moment of hesitation before she reached over and gently turned Dani's head towards her with a hand on her cheek. "Let me in." Unable to fully meet the girl's eyes, her gaze swept along Dani's beautiful features, bruised and cut up as they may be. That feeling was back, the one she could only come to associate with Dani (affection? But affection had never felt like this). That unnameable feeling that only intensified with the fleeting meeting of their eyes. It made her pulse jump and her eyes skitter away before Dani could see it reflected in her eyes. "I won't let you be alone." Santana promised in a whisper and knew, without a doubt, that she meant it.

Dani tensed at the sudden contact, but she didn't pull away. A part of her wanted to melt into it and cling onto Santana while another part wanted to make it all go away and turn to what they had always been best at. The older girl's words struck through Dani one by one. Each moment brought more and more ache to her chest. She didn't believe a word of it, and when Santana tried to turn Dani's face she tried to fight it at first. It was too much. Too close. But she had some kind of weakness around the other girl and she gave in to it. She studied Santana's face when the girl's brown eyes darted away, and when they returned it was Dani's turn to look away. "People get in...they don't stay..." She felt and heard a shake in her voice. She begged herself not to go to that place with her feelings and she reached up with her free hand to tug away the one on her cheek. A couple of stray tears hit her cheek where the hand had been and she closed her eyes tightly to hold it in and make it stop. She let out a breath and opened her eyes again to look at Santana with a calm stare. "We both know in a few days we'll be back to tearing each other apart," she said. She knew it was true. It seemed like the bulk of their friendship recently. She gave Santana a small, sad smile. "I'm not miserable. I just don't think before I do...and it fucks me over. That's all." It was all getting too deep, and Dani didn't know how to share herself with Santana. She wasn't sure she knew enough of herself to share. And how could she? How could she let the other girl have that much of her when she had nothing of Santana in return? A type of fight that was completely unfair -- one side knowing all the weaknesses of the other. Dani squeezed Santana's hand and leaned into her slightly. "I'm glad we're not hating each other tonight."

Santana 's chest tightened at those words, at the loss of Dani's warmth beneath her palm. The emotion that traveled within her, something akin to rejection, was suppressing everything else as though her body were slowly shutting down with the knowledge that she'd been turned away. That alone was nearly enough to have her pulling away but she couldn't bring herself to move. Not when Dani's eyes were on her. The words that followed that eerily calm stare had Santana turning away. Shame and regret warred within her, both making her stomach twist sickeningly. She couldn't even bring herself to deny the words. Fighting and fucking. Those were the two things that they seemed to do the best. Everything else was a struggle for the Latina -- from her ability to always find the wrong thing to say, to the uncontrollable emotions that welled up within her. Even now she fought to sort through every emotion that was flowing through her, trying to decipher what it all meant and discover why this was hurting her as much as was. A laugh -- flat and humorless -- left her with Dani's final words. "Yeah, not tonight." Her voice was empty and thready, making her flinch at the sound. Keeping her gaze fixed on the bedspread draped over the foot of the bed, she cleared her throat and tried again. "I don't hate you." Though she could see exactly why Dani would describe their arguments as hate fueled. "I know I can be a total bitch but I don't hate you. I -- Never did. I just have this anger, you know?" As if it hadn't been obvious before. Sighing, Santana allowed herself to lean further against Dani, fighting against everything that told her distance herself, to detach herself from the situation. No amount of preparation could have braced her against the sudden desire to make this all end when she finally allowed herself to turn and face the other girl. Rationally, the Latina knew that this would be the time for her to just talk, to allow herself to open up to someone other than Bree or Puck. But Santana was never known to think rationally. Shifting, she managed to move even closer, to lean in and allow her lips to brush over Dani's cheekbone, a featherlight touch that traveled over the other girl's skin as she moved to gently kiss along bruised skin. "It's okay. You can let me in." She whispered, free hand coming to rest over Dani's knee where it curled into a fist, clutched at the blanket making it move lower an inch. It would be so easy for her to turn her head and capture the younger girl's lips, to pull the blanket off before ridding themselves of the rest of the barriers that kept their bare skin from touching. It would be easier than this, than talking about feelings or feeling the spike of fear that Dani would, once more, reject her. But the other girl was warm beneath the press of her lips, the scent of her so fresh and clean that it made something within the Latina want to dirty her up once more. Without thinking, she finally turned her head and pressed her lips roughly to Dani's. Sucking Dani's bottom lip into her mouth, Santana rose onto her knees, already pressing closer while her hands dove into the girl's damp hair. Then, just as quickly as it all began, the latina was tearing her mouth away and moving back. The desire was there to move back in now that desire pulsed through her veins but she held herself back by reminding herself why they were here in the first place. The image of Dani looking so small and vulnerable flashing through her mind was just enough to keep her from closing the distance between them. "Sorry. I didn't mean to --" But she did. She meant to distract them both from the intensity of their conversation. "You're more than -- Jesus. I shouldn't have done that."

Dani felt a sharp spark inside of herself at Santana's odd laugh, and she stiffened again and sat back away from the girl. Why was she always so concerned with how her words would affect the girl sitting beside her? Why was she afraid? When she felt Santana lean closer one small chip of tension broke off of Dani's back. When had she become someone who could breathe easier with just a touch? A soft touch. Usually it took beating after beating, broken skin and pain, to ease the feelings inside of the younger girl. She knew it was wrong and unhealthy, but she wasn't sure she ever had the chance to know normal responses to feelings. Not with her father having raised her for par of her life. Dani's eyes fluttered shut at the feel of Santana's lips on her cheek again and a sharp breath sucked through her lips. She had to open her eyes when she felt the other girl's breath on her lips. Those words haunted her, squeezed the air from her lungs, and she was seconds from pulling away when Santana stopped her with a fiery kiss. Before she could register it and kiss back it was over, and it left Dani feeling even more empty than before. She stared down at the blanket. Her eyes went blurry from how long and hard she stared at it. "...my dad left," she said meekly. "...his family, my cousins, turned their backs on us. Roderick and his mom are the only ones that--" She had to stop and take a deep breath before the emotions got her again. "And my mom..." Dani picked up a sweatshirt that was buried in her bedding and tugged it on, pulling the hood over her head. It helped her feel a little safer -- a little more hidden. "...you go outta your way to make me feel unwanted...hell, I'm no better to you..." She shifted and lay down on her back with her arm folded behind her head. She stared up at her ceiling to avoid looking at Santana. She could feel the clamps of reality and her own mind wrapping her up tightly from the world. From Santana. Whatever it meant, the way her insides reacted to the other girl, it wasn't enough to make her feel safe. "Not much more to me than what you see," she said in a weak lie. "...why the hell would you stay when...they didn't?" Dani's teeth clenched together tightly, and she wanted to stop before she said anything more. It was already too much. "You don't stay as it is." Her accusation was flat. A fact. She had tried to be soft with Santana in the past and it always blew up in her face. Though at the time she did it for her friend and not herself. She couldn't do it for herself. "Know one of my old man's favorite lessons?" She finally turned her head enough to be able to look up at her friend. "He'd leave me somewhere in town and tell me if I could make it home before dark we could go to McDonalds. And if I didn't he'd go without me." Her eyes remained on Santana for a moment before she felt the painful constriction in her heart of having said that out loud. She turned her gaze to the ceiling again. "That the kinda shit you wanna be 'in' on?"

Santana frowned as Dani began to speak, guilt and frustration pushed aside in favor of the sudden confusion that swept over her. Confusion swiftly turned to sympathy, heart aching in a way it never had. A spark of anger quickly followed. Anger at Dani's father for being so cold and cruel to the girl before her, anger towards Dani for being so stupid and blind. Most of all, anger towards herself for her inability to truly communicate with the girl. Her trepidation aside, Santana did want to be the one that the girl could turn to. It was... important for her to be that person, though she didn't dare think of why. When Dani's question came, Santana said nothing. What could she say in that moment that would take back the mistake she'd made, that would finally get Dani to see how much she truly wanted this. The simple fact that she was there should have been a clue. Under different circumstances, Santana would have been long gone now but, instead, she was there in the girl's pajamas, thinking about how much she wanted to be there again, right by Dani's side. God, how she was tired of thinking. Tired of trying to talk only to make things worse. There was only one thing she was good at and that was letting her body do the talking for her. Decision made, Santana drew closer, throwing a leg over the younger girl's own to straddle her before leaning forward and bracing herself on the bed. She lingered there a moment, hovering over Dani, their faces mere inches from one another while the Latina's hair fell around them like a curtain that shielded them from the outside world. There was so much that she wanted to say yet the only thing that managed to make its way past her full lips was a simple, "Yes." With a silent wish that Dani would understand what she was trying to say, she lowered herself until she was partially draped over the girl. This was the only thing she could do at that moment, use her body to show Dani that she was there, that she wasn't going to leave. Not tonight. Laying her head on Dani's shoulder, she took comfort in the solid warmth beneath her but that did nothing to ease the tension in her body as she anticipated what the girl's next move would be. Santana prayed that this could possibly be enough for now, that she wouldn't be rejected once more because if she was... The thought was pushed to the back of her mind as she actively refused to consider it.

Dani struggled to breathe when Santana enveloped her senses. She stared up at the girl above her and was taken, not for the first time, with how beautiful she was. She wanted to touch her face, run her fingers through her hair -- kiss her. But that word. That single word. It was a promise that she couldn't believe in. She didn't want to believe it, because then it would lead to be her getting let down. She could feel that it wasn't an empty promise, but that didn't mean it wouldn't be taken away. She didn't know how to even respond. Then just as quickly the older girl was settling down against Dani's body. It took a moment, but she wrapped her arms around Santana. She adjusted her hold to grip the girl tighter, and she dropped her forehead to the top of the girl's head and closed her eyes. Dani finally let out the air she had been holding in her lungs and her hand slowly rubbed up and down Santana's back. How was it that she was the one comforting the other in that moment? She found that it didn't matter. It eased her nonetheless. Her shoulders relaxed, her heart, and she inhaled the scent of the girl in her arms. "Okay," she finally whispered. How could she say anything else? She wanted Santana to be the one she could fall into. She wanted Santana to want it as well. Dani rolled to her side slowly, still holding onto Santana, and pressed closer. "I wanna be that with you," she said after a few silent beats. She pressed her lips to Santana's forehead softly. "Trust for trust."

Santana slowly began to relax with Dani's arms around her, body melting against the younger girl with that one simple word: okay. It shouldn't have meant as much to her as it did but she couldn't help the swelling warmth in her chest with the thought that the other girl was giving her, and this moment, a chance. Nuzzling into the other girl, Santana looped her arm around the girl's waist, holding onto her tightly with a silent refusal to let the moment end. Still, she knew that she needed to say something to show Dani that there was trust there. After all, Santana had trusted the girl with so much already. A multitude of things rang through her mind, there was so much to say but without her bidding words began to flow past her lips. "I had hope once," and the shame she felt at that was far more than she'd ever begin to share. "Stupid, I know, with us living in this hell hole. But it was there. For a short while I thought that, maybe, I'd get out of here. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't deluded enough to think that I'd actually make something grand of myself but... I still wanted out of Lima. Then --" Her breath hitched in her chest and she pressed her eyes closed tightly. She would not let this get the best of her. "Then my dad died. I think the only thing that kept me here was my mom and that baby. I didn't know it was possible to --" Her throat tightened around the words that she wanted to say. It was nearly enough to make her stop there but she forced herself to continue. "I didn't know that it was possible to love someone so much and hate them at the same time." With those words, there was no fighting the oncoming tears that made their way past her closed lids. "He's keeping me here. It's wrong, I know. I shouldn't blame him but he's the reason that I can't -- It's because of him that I had to start stripping and, and playing the slut online. It's because of him that there's no goddamn chance that I'll be able to get out of here. And I hate him for it, Dani. How can I -- " Gently, she pried herself off of Dani, shrugging off the arms around her and sat up. Her chest ached and her stomach churned unhappily. It was the first time that she'd said the words out loud and now she wanted nothing more than to take them all back. "Jesus, that must put me right on up there on the list of the worst people in Lima. Right under Smythe." She whispered, refusing to look back at the younger girl. "You still feel bad about yourself now? I meant it when I said you weren't alone. You're not the only one with fucked up family issues. It's not the same, I know. But --" Now they could be fucked up together? Or maybe now they could just... try and make it better. But Santana had her doubts. Something told her that the ache in her chest would never go away. It would remain with her, no matter what she did or how hard she tried to make sure that Dylan had everything he could ever need. God, when did things take such a turn? When did this become a 'woe is me' moment? Sniffling, she scrubbed roughly beneath her eyes, wiping away the tears that had managed to fall.

Dani held on to Santana for as long as she could, and with every word that filled the space between them Dani began to feel more and more guilty. She shouldn't have pressed Santana to trust and share like she had. She shouldn't have pulled this emotion from the girl because it physically pained Dani to hear. When she was left alone where she lay she didn't move. She knew the older girl needed space and she wasn't about to press it. She watched Santana's back and could feel her fingers itching to reach out for the girl. Instead of that she sat up and moved closer to the edge of the bed where Santana sat. She didn't move any further until she saw the girl wiping her face dry. Dani bit her lip and reached a hand out. It hovered in the air. She was afraid of being pushed away and shut out again, but she couldn't just sit there. She gently let her hand fall down Santana's back as she spoke up quietly. "I think...it makes you amazing," she said. "Even with the resentment...I mean, that's not an abnormal feeling...but you..." She brushed the hair from Santana's ear and rested her forehead to her temple while still rubbing her back. "You aren't a horrible person, babe..." The endearment slipped from her lips without her even realizing it. Her focus was all on Santana. "Nothing could make me think that..." The words were both easy and hard to speak. It was so much to say, so much behind it, but her need to comfort her friend had the words spilling out regardless. And it left Dani terrified.

[missing]

Santana couldn't look away from Dani. Fear should have been coursing through her at the intensity of that moment, her connection to the other girl feeling complete, whole, for the first time in far too long. It was that the sense of rightness that put a halt to that voice in her mind that always made her run from anything good, from Dani. She'd needed this more than she ever realized, needed the girl above her so strongly that it stole her breath. With a gasp, she met Dani's lips, her hand moving up the length of the girl's arm to slip around her shoulders. Their lips parted on a whimper, hips rocking into Dani's hand as she chased the waves of sensation that washed over her. She was on a razor's edge and she knew that the other girl's touch would get her there. Yet she wasn't entirely ready. Not when she had her girl to take care of. The pace of her own hand quickened, thumb moving faster over Dani's clit. She could feel the pressure building, taking her higher. "So beautiful," she murmured against the girl's lips, "... so good." It didn't matter any longer what she said. It was a mixture of indecipherable words combined with her moans. But some were spoken crystal clear, words like 'beautiful,' 'good,' and Dani's name being chanted like a prayer. Last, and the most terrifying of all, was a 'my girl' that she would have come to regret were she in the right state of mind. Leaning up she pressed her lips along Dani's shoulder, kissing her way towards the girl's neck. It was her need to possess that had her toying with the idea of marking the younger girl up. Before she could follow through with those thoughts, she reached her peak, orgasm washing over her as she muffled her moans against Dani's neck, body trembling with the force of it all.

Dani felt Santana tightening against her fingers and hearing the girl's moans and words only propelled Dani closer to her own edge. Hearing those two words though made everything inside of Dani freeze, but the heat between them was still incredible. Even more so when Santana came apart for her and made Dani quickly follow. It wasn't the first time she had brought the girl to orgasm, but it felt like the most important one. Her own rocked through her without warning or sympathy and Dani dropped her head to the pillow, her lips close to Santana's ear as she moaned out lowly. She tried to slow her fingers and guide Santana through it, but she couldn't make sense of her surroundings. When both of their bodies stilled she let her body collapse against the one below her as she tried to catch her breath. The aftershocks still moved through her and she couldn't bear to move. She waited a bit to slowly remove her hand and let it fall to the bed beside them. She was still too spent to move. A part of her knew that everything between them would change momentarily, but she wasn't ready to break that wall. She lay silent where she was as she listened to how her heartbeat still pounded in her chest. It had never before been like that before; not with Santana or anyone else. Dani knew without pausing to think of the meaning of it that thing could only implode with them from there. She knew her friend far too well, and if she had felt even a little of what Dani had in those moments, it was going to be bad. Dani herself was too tired to make any trouble or start any fights. She had spent too long needing the comfort that Santana was bringing her. She would let her thoughts and emotions take control the following day, but for the rest of that night she just wanted to stay in that bubble that they had created -- even though she didn't think it would last much longer. Not when it was Santana with her.

Santana couldn't stop the faint tremor in her limbs, the wild beating of her heart that drove blood, ice cold, through her veins. She'd been stupid, there was no doubt about that. This was the reason she never allowed herself to connect to anyone; the reason why she always sought out nothing more than momentary gratification. She fucked, she didn't make love and this, between them, had been dangerously close to the latter. Too close. The voice in her head was screaming at her to push Dani off, to curse the girl for making her into this. Into someone who needed someone, if only for an instant. But her body felt heavy, lethargic with the after effects of her orgasm. And, maybe, a small part of her didn't want to move. As though out of their own volition, her hands glided over the girl's body. Her fingertips followed the dips and curves of a body that she should have never wanted to be hers to possess. But now that it was there, that she'd allowed herself to let it float to the surface, there was no hiding from it. A part of her wanted more than the occasional fuck and she couldn't handle it. Turning her head away she bit down on her lip and prayed that she could regain control. She wished for the strength and energy to hide it all away, to pull her hands off the girl and free herself. Most of all, she hoped that Dani remained unaware of how her hands trembled even as they caressed and soothed down the girl's back.

Dani felt the soft strokes on her skin lull her into a safe, calm state. She felt strange just laying there against Santana's body though. She let out a sigh and didn't let go of the girl as she rolled off of her and against her side. Eyes remained closed as she tugged the blankets further up over them. It really did feel so good to have Santana there at her side. To have peace after all the troubles they'd had as of late. She had really missed her friend so much, and though things clearly were different than they had been in the past, Dani needed them to be okay. Even if for just a night. She hadn't let herself feel much of anything recently, and what was more she hadn't yet told anyone that she knew who had messed up her life, nor had she given any indication that she had been trying over and over to get her mother's love back. It took until that moment for her to feel how completely relaxed she was. And it wasn't just from the orgasm. She felt relaxed, and she felt comfortable, and emotions surged up her throat suddenly. Eyes squeezed shut, Dani gripped on to Santana as her body started to shake, and silent tears began to take over. It was one thing she hadn't done since the moment she had walked out of her childhood home without the acceptance she had always needed. She would regret it later, but she couldn't hold back. She had been feeling so alone and lost in recent months, and at the bottom of it all she was just a child in need of parents that weren't there for her. And for some reason the only person she could come apart in front of was Santana -- and only then, in that moment.

Santana should have taken the body rolling off of her as an opportunity to pull herself away. It was a feat that proved to be more difficult when the other girl held on to her and began to shake. It was enough to have her turning her head back towards Dani. The Latina's brows furrowed in confusion, hand continuing its slow sweep along the other girl's back. She couldn't quite understand this shift, couldn't place the trembling of the girl against her. Then it hit her. Dani was crying. Her heart ached for the girl, knowing just how difficult this had to be for someone who resolutely refused to show any vulnerability. She pondered whether it would be wise to say something, but the moment she tried words failed her. What could she say in a situation such as that? It felt safer to keep quiet and allow herself to be a silent presence for Dani. She didn't dare think of the reason why she was willing to put the girl before herself. Why she fought so hard to push her own bullshit aside to be there for the girl that terrified her so much. After a brief pause, Santana rolled onto her side. She kept herself close, legs tangling with the girl's, hand coming up to brush Dani's hair back. Quietly she shushed the girl, moving as close as she could until as much of her skin touched that of the younger girl. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere," she whispered, attempting to assure the girl but it sounded too much like a promise.

Dani wanted to stop. She wanted the feeling and the tears to stop coming, but they wouldn't. She had pent it all up for far too long. She had rarely ever let anyone see her cry, and when she had it had only ever been her mother and Sam. She thought she could stop until Santana curled into her and spoke so softly to her. It shook her to her core. She kept her eyes shut and still tried to stop. She knew that there was a kindness inside the girl that was hidden beneath pain and stubbornness. She also knew that their friendship was hard. At the end of the day Santana was always there for Dani and vice-versa, but all the mess in between made that hard to remember at times. Dani had moments in the past few months of feeling that Santana -- like everyone else -- had abandoned her. She hadn't paused to consider why their fights had gotten to her in such a way. But then there Santana was. Holding and comforting her. Dani wiped her face and sniffled. She felt so exposed and open, and for a brief moment she let it happen. She opened her eyes to look at the girl beside her. She was stunned by how one look at the older girl blew her away. She had been so angry at the world, angry at the boy who had exposed her, and angry at herself for not being more secretive. She had felt rejected, alone, and unwanted. But in that moment she felt calm. She felt like maybe the world wasn't against her and that she had someone on her side. It wasn't the moment to be afraid of what she felt beneath it all. It wasn't the moment to think or evaluate. Instead Dani just focused on the fact that this girl was her friend, one of her best friends, and she wasn't really alone. She leaned in to softly kiss Santana's lips. "Thank you," she murmured. She didn't even care that she didn't believe the other girl's words. She knew it wouldn't last, but for the time being she wasn't alone and that was all that she needed.

Santana was captivated by the dark, red-rimmed eyes looking back at her. She should be feeling more than this mild irritation towards the man that caused this, that had hurt her friend so badly yet she couldn't muster the strength. What was between them was so fragile and, after so much anger, new. The last thing she wanted was to break the connection but when Dani leaned in and their lips touched, her eyes fluttered closed. She sighed, more of a breath against the other girl's lips, and ran her fingers through the girl's hair. The 'thank you' was unexpected, striking -- and not for the first time -- Santana silent. Opening her eyes she just looked at Dani, trying so hard to feel nothing, to let the calm consume her but it was difficult with the beauty before her. Almost reluctantly, she removed her hand from the girl's hair, curving it along Dani's jaw, thumb ghosting over the plush bottom lip that she could never get enough of kissing. "Sleep," she whispered, hand falling away to wrap around the girl's waist while a small smile formed on her lips. It wasn't long before she closed her own eyes, moving forward enough that their noses touched. She wouldn't know when it was that sleep pulled her under but when her eyes fluttered open dim light was flowing into the room. She remained wrapped around Dani and, for an instant, she truly was at peace. Then it all came rushing back. The revelations, the sex, the stupidity of Santana for letting her mouth get the best of her. Feeling that panic slowly take hold, she unwrapped herself from the girl's sleeping form. Run. That's what every cell in her body was screaming for her to do. It was what made her gather up her clothes and hastily pull them on; what made her grab her jacket and shoes, ready to make a break for it. But then she paused, looked back at the bed, and knew she wouldn't be able to do it. She couldn't leave without a word. It took more some effort to convince herself to do something more than just wake the girl up for a quick goodbye. Dani deserved more than that. Setting her jacket and shoes back down, she climbed into bed, pressing herself against Dani's back and laid a kiss on the girl's shoulder. "Dani," She spoke in a hushed tone, nuzzling into her. "Dan, wake up."

Dani slept deeply that night, and in the morning it took her awhile to come to at Santana on her back and whispering to her. When she did she grumbled unintelligible words and rubbed her eyes. "What?" It was a huff. She didn't want to wake up, because the sleep had been so good. She had't slept like that in so long -- probably not since the last time Santana slept beside her. As she awoke further she began to remember the night before, and she groaned. Had she really cried in front of the other girl? Horrible. She rolled onto her back and looked at the girl beside her. Her eyes gazed over Santana and saw that she was dressed. "So...you're leaving?" Her tone was flat, not surprised. She didn't want Santana to go, but at the same time she felt so embarrassed and angry with herself for how lame she had been the night before. She really hoped they could forget it ever happened. Much like the sex. The sex that had bee incredible and far too close for comfort. Something had transpired there, but Dani didn't want to think about it. She couldn't get that vulnerable to anyone. She couldn't give her trust or herself. She closed her eyes for a moment and took a breath then let it out as she opened them again and stared at Santana. Her heart fluttered and she felt desire sparking up, but she ignored it all. Bad ideas.

Santana felt a spike of uncertainty at that tone. Maybe she should have left after all. Or maybe she should have stayed in that bed and let the rest of the world pass them by as it had the night before when they were too wrapped up in each other to care about anything beyond them. Once more, the opportunity to leave was being handed to her and she should have answered 'yes' to the question. She should have gotten up and tugged on her boots and jacket. She should have, but she didn't. "Not yet," she stated simply, voice steady and calm despite the swirl of emotions slowly building within her once more. And the longer she looked at the girl before her the worse it all became. Propping herself up on her elbow, Santana gazed down at Dani. Bringing her hand up she let it rest along the curve of the girl's jaw and cheek as she leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Dani's lips. "Want to stay," she whispered, unaware of how true it was until the words had left her mouth, lips brushing gently against the other's as she spoke. "Need to be home," Santana continued, determined to say her piece and then leave but she could feel her will weakening while she remained so close to the girl, breathing her in. When she went in for another kiss it was slow and deep, reminiscent of the kisses they shared last night. How was she suppose to leave this? How could she have been so stupid as to want to leave when all it took was a touch for everything to start falling away. She could lose herself in the girl so easily but she managed to pull herself back, breaking the kiss. "Should I leave?" Her tone was hushed, lips moving away from the temptation that was Dani's mouth to lay a path along her jaw to her ear. Her other hand began to travel soon after, following the column of her neck and down to where the blankets still covered Dani's bare body, almost toying with the idea of pulling it down.

Dani felt her body tense as she waited for her answer. The sun was coming up, night no longer surrounded them and kept them hidden. Because of that anything could happen. And anything was usually a bad thing between them. The kiss blurred all thought in Dani's mind and she returned it with just as much need as was given to her. Who wouldn't want to wake up to such an amazing kiss? She could kiss Santana forever. Then lips were on her neck and Dani lost any remaining sense, and when the girl spoke Dani felt any remaining tenseness deflate from her body. Her eyes sparkled and she smiled a little mischievously. She couldn't be the same girl that she was the night before, but she could still be kind. The way they used to be. She let out a hum and stretched her neck to give Santana more access to it. Should she tell her to leave? Probably. But she didn't want to. Dani bit her lip, feeling her body heat rising. The lips and hand on her neck felt wonderful. Like a teasing, flirty touch. "Hell no," she hissed out, her head suddenly spinning when she felt Santana's touch near the top of the blankets. She wanted to climb over the other girl and take charge, rock her world with meaningless sex, but Dani couldn't move. She needed every soft touch and caress being offered to her. Not that she would ever admit it. When she finally got too impatient at Santana's hand stilled on her chest, Dani tugged the blankets down to waist on her own. An offering. "Please stay," she said quietly, hardly loud enough to hear. She never begged, and she never would beg, but her voice was thick with desperation to not be alone. She took hold of Santana's hand and gently guided it down to her breast. "Stay," she said again, her eyes closed.

Santana could feel the temperature rising between them, the bare skin on display was tantalizing. An undeniable draw. Cupping Dani's breast, she ran her thumb along the girl's nipple, a light tease. Her mouth traveled lower, lips ghosting over smooth skin. Gaze fixed upon the girl's face, Santana wrapped her lips around the small bud of Dani's nipple, tongue and teeth gently playing and coaxing it into hardness. Gone were all thoughts of leaving, of fear, of anything other than the warmth beneath her lips and fingertips as her hand drifted away from the soft mound of Dani's breast. Lower it traveled, underneath the blanket and bypassing where they both knew Dani needed it most to tease with gentle touches along her inner thigh. Then she was pulling away, abandoning her exploration of the younger girl's body in favor of peeling her shirt off of her body. The soft fabric of the shirt fell carelessly on the ground and her jeans soon joined them to leave her bare, exposed. "Not going anywhere," she promised, knowing that leaving was no longer an option. She could deal with the repercussions later. Later when she wasn't peeling the blanket back, eyes greedily taking Dani in. When she wasn't laying herself down, pressing herself against the girl's side, sighing softly when they were pressed skin to skin. "Can never get enough of this," she whispered moments before capturing Dani's lips in a deep, passionate kiss. She was moving even as her lips devoured the other's until she was straddling the girl's thigh and her hands were seeking Dani's, her body weighing the other girl down. She intertwined their fingers the instant that their hands were palm to palm, moving their united hands up to rest by Dani's head.

Dani kept her eyes on Santana's as she gasped softly. Goosebumps spread across her skin and her heartbeat picked up speed. The attention paid to her breast alone had Dani craving for more, and the action already had her wet. Her fingers reached out to brush through the older girl's hair and she pushed it back so she could better see the beautiful face against her chest. It was harder to feel the things she had been feeling the night before, and her free hand started to tremble with how nervous those feelings made her. She balled it up at her side. If this wasn't scaring Santana away, she wasn't going to let it scare her either. It was sex. Just sex. She repeated that like a mantra in her head while watching Santana's hand descend lower. When the touch bypassed the place she wanted it, she let out a long groan. "Fuckin' tease," she whined. Her complaint was soon followed though as she watched Santana get up and remove her clothing. Gorgeous. The girl was gorgeous and it made the younger girl wonder how she got so lucky. She smiled softly when she felt the girl's body press back against her. "Me t-" She couldn't even respond before they were kissing. Both of Dani's hands moved around her, one in her hair and one down her back, and she pulled Santana closer when she settled in. She released the dark hair in her hand to instead let it be intertwined with the smaller, softer hand. The kiss was more hungry, more needy than they had been the night before. Dani nipped at Santana's lips and sucked at her tongue. The messier the kiss the better, because then it didn't mean as much. Her thigh flexed between the girl's legs before she started to push it up, groaning at the wetness she felt. Her hand on Santana's back moved up and down and she let her nails dig in slightly.

Santana whimpered at the movement between her legs, unconsciously pushing into the pressure in slow, rocking grinds of her hips. The need was there -- and rising -- to chase her orgasm. To bring herself and the girl beneath her off fast and hard. Make quick work of it as she'd done plenty of times in the past when her desire was tinged with desperation or they were short on time. Yet she wanted something else more. She wanted Dani moaning and moving against her as she had last night. Last night when everything was terrifyingly intense and -- No. She wasn't going to think about that. She would rather focus on the sparks of pleasure shooting through her with each rock of her hips. When she parted their lips her head was spinning with the heady taste of Dani and the need for air. The girl was going to be the death of her and she knew it. Dropping her forehead to Dani's, a whine escaped her, hips moving harder against the thigh between her legs to provide herself with just the right amount of friction to bring her to a fever pitch. Just as quickly as she picked up the pace of her hips, she forced herself to slow down. As Santana met Dani's lips with hers once more, she made an effort to keep the kiss slow though deep. Her free hand followed the lines of Dani's body, the body that she knew so well, with intent. When her hand slipped between Dani's legs there was no more teasing, fingers moving through her slick folds to delve inside of her slowly as though they had all the time in the world. She curled her fingers to seek out that spot she knew would have Dani keening and writhing against her while her thumb circled her clit.

Dani let out a long groan and dropped her head back as her hips pushed up into the touch. She would never understand how Santana's touch felt better than any other. It felt like her touch was made to fit Dani's body perfectly. Her hand moved through Santana's hair to the back of her neck which she held tightly and guided the girl closer for a kiss. She whimpered into the older girl's mouth and spread her legs more. She sloppily kissed the girl above her while getting lost in the sensations, and when she felt herself rise and rise closer to that release Dani broke the kiss and panted hotly. "B-baby.." she gasped softly, again unaware of the name slipping from her lips. Her orgasm crashed over her hard and she gripped the hair in her hand tightly. Her body melted back into the mattress as she came down, and her eyes were closed. Aftershocks rippled through her and she ran slow hands up and down Santana's sides. She couldn't speak. Didn't know what to say. As scared as Dani was of what was happening in that room she also didn't want it to end. Once she had regained herself she lifted her head enough to kiss Santana's shoulder. She was quiet for a moment, knowing she had to choose her words carefully, and finally she looked up at the girl. "I think...if we're gonna do this all day...we're gonna need some donuts."

Santana moaned at the name that slipped through Dani's lips, making warmth blossom within her. When the girl reached her peak, Santana was entranced by it all -- the sounds she made, the way she moved. Her own orgasm was forgotten in that moment, her hand leaving the apex of the girl's thighs as she simply gazed down on Dani. The kiss to her shoulder made Santana smile, the small gesture allowing her to remain in the warm little bubble that they'd built. With a chuckle, she rolled off of the girl. "Don't know if you'll be able to keep up, Harper," she teased, sitting up on the edge of the bed and reaching for her clothing. "I can't promise donuts, but I could raid the fridge," it sounded like an offer but already she was standing and pulling her clothes on, shoving her feet into her shoes. Her jacket was tossed onto the bed like a silent assurance that she wasn't going to leave, that she would be back. "Now you just stay here, beautiful, and I'll bring you something to eat." Leaning down, she pressed a kiss to Dani's lips. "Need to keep your energy up if we're going to be at it all day," she murmured against the girl's lips before kissing her one more time and making her way out of the room. It was when she was rummaging through the fridge that it struck her just how oddly domestic this was becoming -- sharing innocent kisses and Santana looking to prepare some kind of breakfast. They didn't do breakfast. Not after sex. It felt too much like a relationship... And here came the panic that she'd fought to keep at bay earlier. What the hell was she doing? Closing the fridge, she thought for a moment of what she could say and how she could excuse herself after all of that but the thought of going back in for her jacket was unappealing. Respite came in the form of Elliott's little sister who chose that moment to venture into the kitchen. Even as they began to speak, her eyes ventured towards Dani's room. A voice in the back of her mind nagged at her, told her that she shouldn't keep the girl waiting for long but she still wasn't ready and made herself comfortable by hopping onto the counter. She remained there even after Angel had left, thinking about what this all meant. What she wanted it to mean and what would be happening from that point on.

Dani watched Santana leave the room with a smile on her lips. She curled up on her side, tugged the blankets up over her body, and stroked the wrinkles on her bottom sheet mindlessly. She felt warm and content, and she couldn't wait for the girl to return to her. In an instant though her smile faded and her fingers paused. Content? Since when was that ever a feeling she felt? She ran the previous few minutes back through her mind and frowned. Why had it all felt so...right? And nice? She felt her heart start to pound faster and she sat up. Yeah, she liked the peace between them, but did she really want it to be that peaceful? It was as though she was letting Santana in, right? Her hands came up to rub the sleep from her face and she sighed before leaning back to her headboard. Maybe it didn't mean that. Maybe it was just what friends who had sex felt like without the angry fights. Did it have to mean anything? Dani knew that if she let Santana in, something she wasn't even sure she wanted, that the girl would leave and hurt her. That was just how things went. But could they do what they were doing while still being friends? It was too complicated so Dani pushed it from her mind. She decided if that's how their friendship would be then that's how it would be. It didn't have to mean anything. Not if they didn't let it. Dark eyes glanced over to Santana's jacket and Dani finally realized that the girl had been gone for awhile. Would she have really left without her jacket? Dani jumped out of the bed and pulled on sweats and a t-shirt then walked out of her room in search of her friend. She was certain she'd been left, and familiar anger started to creep in for self-preservation. Dani slowly stepped into the kitchen and saw Santana sitting there. The older girl looked lost in thought so Dani let her be and busied herself in making coffee. She kept her back to Santana; scared that anything she said would ruin everything. Her palms spread against the top of the counter and she watched as the coffee started to drip into the carafe. She didn't know if she wanted to out-stubborn the other girl and refuse to be the first to talk, or if she wanted to interrupt her thoughts and speak up. She knew what the girl with anger in her eyes, fight in her fists, and fear in her heart would have done -- but she wasn't that girl when they were alone. She took a deep breath, licked her dry lips, and turned around. Leaning back against the counter and crossing her arms, Dani looked at Santana across from her. Did she make a joke? Say something serious? She'd be damned if she was going to talk about her feelings. Her mouth opened before she was ready and it hung there quietly for a moment. She closed it. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore. She wanted her lazy day in with her friend without everything blowing up. "Today doesn't have to mean anything if we don't want it to," she said in a timid voice. "Just...doing whatever...hanging out." She had wanted her words to sound stronger, but she was scared of the let down she was sure she was about to face. She wasn't ready to be left alone again so soon.

Santana tensed when Dani entered the kitchen. Her eyes were lowered, looking at the ground beneath her rather than the girl that moved around her. The silence only made that uncertainty coiling around her lungs, making it difficult to breathe, kick up a notch. What could Dani be thinking? Why was she not saying a word? The need to break the silence was there but Santana feared the words that would come flowing from her tongue should she dare open her mouth to speak. Dani's voice should have been a comfort, a relief from the unbearable silence but it wasn't. Today didn't have to mean anything. Those words made something in her chest tighten and her heart ache. It was too late for that. There was something here, something within Santana that felt... that just felt something. So long she'd tried to keep herself at a distance from everyone. In a neighborhood like theirs, it was necessary. Still, a few had managed to worm their way through the walls she'd built but this was different. Dani was different. She wasn't like Puck who Santana could sleep with, hang out with, and feel nothing but friendship. Why couldn't it be the same as with Puck? If she were honest, she'd admit that it had never been that. Dani had meant something different from the start. But she'd never be that honest. Not with herself. Slowly her gaze lifted and she silently looked on, knowing that the other girl needed some kind of response, that she deserved a response. What she needed, though, was to figure out what it was about all of this that scared her so much. Hopping off of the counter, Santana made her way over to Dani with a sense of determination to make it all some kind of fluke. That now, out of the bedroom, things could be different. Laying her hands on Dani's waist, she leaned in and pressed a kiss to the girl's lips. It was too soft, too sweet, and the warmth spreading through her chest told her far too much. When she pulled back, her hands dropped away from the girl. "What if it does?" The question was out before she could stop it and she inched backward, preparing herself to feel that sting of rejection that she'd felt last night. "What if it does mean something and neither of us can stop it?" her voice was pitched low, sounding weak even to her ears. "What if last night --" Her eyes dropped away then, that simple reminder of the night the emotional night they shared making fear grip her tight. It was too late to go back though. "Maybe it meant something."

Dani 's lips were still buzzing from the kiss as Santana spoke, and she tried to keep up. She brought her gaze up to Santana's face and studied the girl. Never before had Dani seen her so...nervous. Uncertain. She was shocked at the words she heard, and it left her speechless. Meant something. Maybe it meant something. She wasn't a good enough liar to fool even herself when she thought how it was all nothing, but that didn't mean she wanted it to be something. She had to be in control of what happened to her. No. No, it hadn't meant anything other than they were really good at what they did together. And maybe she did care about Santana, but that still didn't mean much. Dani realized Santana was still waiting and she ran her fingers back through her hair. "...I don't know," she admitted. She didn't want it to, but she didn't want it to end either. "Do we...have to know right now?" She reached out to take Santana's wrist and gently pull her closer. "I don't want you to go yet," she admitted. Even those words were hard enough to get out. She looked down at Santana's hand held in her own. "We start talking and...everything always gets worse. Just...stay? Please?" She hated how childish and desperate her voice sounded, but she hadn't felt so good in so long, and Santana was the only one who could seemingly bring it out in her. "And we'll see?"

Santana allowed herself to be pulled closer, eyes slowly following the line of Dani's arms as the girl spoke. Her brows furrowed in slight confusion. Things get worse when they talk? Was that really how it worked? The more she considered it, the more she knew it was true. Somehow, some way, things managed to end badly. Typically with one of them running off. Much like how she wanted to do at that moment. Better to run than to get hurt but Dani -- Santana was weak when it came to that girl and she knew she was going to stay. The question was, would she be able to handle it? Could she sit there and pretend that they weren't on the brink of... something? She would have loved for that to be an option but, now that she'd been made aware of just how strongly she felt, she was unable to push it all away. Unable to go on as though she didn't feel the connection that was there between them. Pulse racing, Santana moved in closer until they were breathing the same air, until she could feel the heat radiation off of Dani's body. Her eyes moved over the girl, taking her in as though it could be the last time she'd see those beautiful features. No. Waiting to see what would happen was simply not an option. "I like you," she whispered, voice trembling and betraying the calm exterior that she was attempting to project. "I don't know when it happened but last night... I just can't pretend I didn't say anything. I can't pretend that I don't feel... like this. So now what am I suppose to do?"

Dani couldn't keep her gaze on Santana's face and it fell somewhere between them. At their hands. She let one of her own thread between the small, fragile fingers she held and gulped at each word she heard. Everything that she had been trying to ignore for -- she wasn't sure how long -- was out there in reality, and her mind went wild. She thought of how terrifying it was for someone to want something more of her, for someone to freely care about her and like her, and the fear that it left all the power on her. Her shoulders felt heavy and she struggled in keeping them up. She felt truth rising inside of herself that she just couldn't push back down. She wanted to hear those words from Santana. She wanted them to be true. Why did she have to want that? She could hear her father's words in the back of her head telling her that no one liked a pussy; that no one would want her if she were weak. It hammered in her heart. She could feel how much Santana meant to her -- the full effect of it. It was too much. She wasn't ready for it. Dani looked up, ready to say something untrue, but when she saw Santana's face her words froze on her lips. She felt pain at the idea of the older girl walking away after Dani had ruined it all. She was amazed by what it must have taken Santana to say what she said, because Dani knew they weren't words easy for the other girl either. Maybe that meant Dani was weaker. "..don't pretend," she finally said, her voice quiet and strained. Her eyes flickered away again. "Last night was-" She chewed on her lip as she worked hard to get each word out. "I..." Wasn't it what she had always craved? For someone to want her and care about her? She had spent so long being tough and hard, but she had felt so soft since the moment she climbed into bed with Santana the night before. Getting off and liking the look of girls was one thing, but if it became something more then Dani could truly never lie and suppress it in order to go home were she ever allowed. Dani took a deep breath and raised her head again. "It was different last night." Her voice was still strained with the struggle she had in speaking what she felt. She found it was all she could say, and she was sure that meant that Santana would leave her. Her face crumpled slightly. She held in the rising emotions and shook her head. "Don't...go," she begged, her voice cracking. She couldn't look up. Not when she felt moisture pooling in her eyes. She didn't want to be weak. She didn't want to be a pussy. But it was all too hard. Her eyes squeezed shut, forcing out the tears, but she did her best to shut the rest down and keep them inside.

Santana could feel the growing panic building within her, making it difficult for her to simply stand there and wait. The longer the silence drew on, the more Santana began to think about how long it would take for her to get her jacket and go. Or maybe she could leave her jacket behind. Ell could easily get it back to her. She wouldn't have to -- Santana shook those thoughts out of her mind at Dani's voice. Slowly the weight on her chest began to lift with the revelation that Dani was just as out of her element as Santana felt. This wasn't a rejection, she reminded herself. It wasn't. But why did her heart still hurt? It didn't take her long to realize just why that pang of pain wasn't dissipating. She wanted to hear those words back. She wanted to know that Dani cared about her just as much but she wouldn't be getting that. Not today. Emotions warred within her, leaving her torn. Her instinct was to run, to hide in the face of these new emotions but it was that part of her, the one that had grown to care about the girl, that made her want to stay. The plea was heartbreaking, reminding her of just how vulnerable Dani had been the night before. She didn't think twice before closing the distance between them, her arms wrapping around the other girl. "I'm here. I'm not..." she inhaled deeply, an attempt to gain her bearings. But the scent of the younger girl only made her feel more out of control, made that pain in her chest flare. "I'm not going anywhere," she finished in a whisper. "I'm not leaving." She wouldn't be going back on her word, no matter how much a part of her still longed to be able to walk out of that door. She let the embrace linger for a few moments before she gently began to pull away, pausing for a second to press a soft kiss to the girl's temple. Santana tried for a smile as she brought her hand up to push back a lock of Dani's hair. "Let's..." her eyes fluttered away briefly, "Let's get your coffee and we can camp out on the couch. What do you say?" She questioned, hoping against all hope that somehow this could be the point where the tension could break and she could attempt to put her pain aside in favor of trying to put a smile on Dani's face.

Dani nestled her face into Santana's neck and breathed her in slowly. She couldn't deny the way her insides calmed or the weight lifted from her shoulders. Those words were just what she wanted to hear most. She looked at Santana and smiled softly. She was more than glad that Santana wasn't pushing it or running away from her. The suggestion made her nod. She couldn't think of anything better to do at the moment. Well, except pulling the beautiful girl into her room and having her way with her again -- but that could happen later. Dani could see something of a shadow in Santana's eyes and she felt guilty. The girl had opened up to her, and Dani hadn't been able to do the same. She stepped off the counter and gently cupped Santana's cheeks before leaning in to kiss her tenderly. She kissed the girl with whatever it was she had in her heart for her, and hoped that Santana would understand that she would get there. She pulled back and ran her thumb against Santana's cheek. "I say yes." She tried to push away everything in her head and smiled with an evil gleam in her eye. "And then back to my room so I can have you for breakfast."

Santana swayed into Dani at that kiss. A kiss so sweet that it made the tendrils of pain around her heart loosen their hold, making it bearable for the time being. When it ended, she nearly whimpered at the loss. Leaning into Dani's warm touch, a small smile formed on her lips, the words that were spoken making it widen into a grin. Hands slipping under Dani's shirt, Santana leaned in and nuzzled their noses together. "Keep talking like that and I may not let you have any coffee." Later she would realize her mistake in allowing herself to go along with all of this, allowing herself to pretend that it all could possibly be okay. Later it would hurt her to remember how good things were and know that she was still unsure of how Dani felt. That was later, though. Right in that moment she simply wrapped her hand around the worn cotton of the other girl's shirt and pulled her away from the counter. "Actually, you can have your coffee later, if you still want it. I know a better way to wake you up." she purred, playfully nipping the girl's full bottom lip before guiding them both out of the kitchen. "We have the house to ourselves for a while," she informed Dani, almost too casually, "Let's find out just how loud you can be, yeah?" At the bedroom door, she paused long enough for their lips to meet, hungrily, before pulling Dani into the room. For a few blissful hours, Santana found herself wrapped up in Dani, never allowing herself to go long without touching the girl, without kissing her. It was more than she could have ever expected and it gave her some semblance of hope. Hope that, maybe, one day the girl will finally say those words that she longed to hear. One day. All she needed to do was be patient and learn to revel in the small moments such as these.

0 notes