grayson-stevens-blog

[grayson-stevens-blog]

I wish cis people realized how often they encounter trans folks in their daily lives. I hear so many folks say things like, “We don’t have trans people here,” and, “This is such a niche issue,” and, “I’ve never met a trans person.” However, just because something isn’t visible or apparent to you doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. Trans people are everywhere that cis people are. We are behind you in line at Target buying toilet paper. We are sitting next to you in the dentist office waiting room. We are at the garage getting our car fixed. We are delivering your pizza and grooming your dog and teaching your kids. So next time you hear concerns about trans people in bathrooms or locker rooms or sports or homeless shelters, remember that we are not hypotheticals. We are already here. And the world still spins just fine.

[grayson-stevens-blog]

Can we just take a moment to show some gratitude and respect for trans, nonbinary, and gender nonconforming people over the age of 30? There is a common misconception that being gender variant is some new Gen Z trend, but that is just not true. Seeing adults like me gives me hope. Seeing y’all alive and out living your lives makes me feel safer and more confident navigating the world. You all helped pave the way for my generations and those younger than me. Thank you. You are seen. You are appreciated. Please, for all of our sakes, keep doing what you’re doing. 💕

[grayson-stevens-blog]

As trans people (or really part of any marginalized group), there will be times that interacting with politics/ news/ current events will feel overwhelming. While many of us feel compelled (and even morally obligated) to stay engaged, active, and involved in these happenings, please know that it is also okay to step away. Self-preservation and self-care must come first. Sometimes that means turning off the news. Sometimes that means logging out of social media. Sometimes that means spending time with only like-minded individuals or other marginalized people in saf(er) spaces. There is nothing wrong with that. If you feel yourself growing tired, hopeless, frustrated, or sad with everything going on, be gentle with yourself. Making the world a better place can start with being kind to yourself.

[grayson-stevens-blog]

It’s okay if you don’t want others to know that you are trans. You’re allowed to identify as just a man or just a woman. Your transness is your business and your prerogative to share or keep private. Granted, there are some situations where disclosing your trans status may be important (i.e. healthcare), but in everyday life, it is not by any means a requirement. Some people opt for language like “a [binary gender] with a trans history” to communicate their experiences. Going stealth is not a crime if that’s what you want to do either. However you express (or don’t express) your transness is 100% okay. Don’t let anyone try to tell you differently.

[grayson-stevens-blog]

Do other trans/ queer people also struggle to decide what occupation they want to have someday? I find myself wanting to be and do so many different things, specifically so I can help to support other trans/ queer people while filling those positions. I want to be someone’s trans/ queer _______ because even now, I find myself longing for more people like me in those roles. Doctor, teacher, therapist, cashier, babysitter, lawyer, DMV employee, photographer... Literally, you name it. I’ve wanted to be it. Anyone else feel this? Is this trans culture?

[grayson-stevens-blog]

Shoutout to trans people who have had to endure transphobia and violence in everyday settings that others might take for granted... Going to the bank, the doctor’s office, the DMV, a coffee shop, the car dealership, the classroom, the police station, the grocery store, a relative’s house, a restaurant, a therapist’s office, the hairdresser... The list goes on and on. I know it gets exhausting, but keep pushing forward. Your anxieties, your fears, any emotional impacts you have from those traumas are valid. You’re a badass for all you go through. Don’t let other people’s prejudices and ignorance dull how brightly you shine. ✨

[grayson-stevens-blog]

Things that need to be left in 2018, specifically by trans folks...

- Applying narratives that we individually identify with to the trans community as a whole (i.e. “all trans people _____”)

- Invalidating and excluding nonbinary people from the trans community

- Misogyny in the trans-masculine community

- Refusing to acknowledge the prejudices that exist within our community, especially racism and ableism

- Fighting amongst ourselves when we have bigger issues facing us

(Again, feel free to add others in the comments!)

[grayson-stevens-blog]

Things to be left in 2018...

- Targeting trans folks in public restrooms

- Expecting trans people to educate you

- Violence against trans women, especially trans women of color. This includes trans-exclusionary “feminism”

- Monolithic, inaccurate, or simply absent representation in the media

- Lack of legal protections for trans people in areas like housing, healthcare, and employment

- Making transphobic jokes and using slurs

- Outing trans people without their permission

(Feel free to add more in the comments!)

[grayson-stevens-blog]

Stranger I just met: “I love that name!”

Don’t say it.

Don’t say it.

Don’t say it.

Don’t say it.

Don’t say it.

Don’t say it.

Me: “Thanks! I picked it myself.”

[grayson-stevens-blog]

It is okay for trans-masculine people to carry children. It’s okay for trans-masculine people to postpone going on testosterone, go off testosterone temporarily, or even not go on testosterone ever so that they can get pregnant. Wanting to carry children does not make someone a woman. Having the capability to carry children does not make someone a woman. Bearing children is not inherently feminine, nor is wanting to be a good parent. 🍼🧸❤️

[grayson-stevens-blog]

I know a lot of cis people say these things in good faith when someone says they’re transgender, but please know that the following statements are not compliments:

“Really? You look like a regular guy/ girl to me.”

“I never would have guessed that you’re trans!”

“Wow! You pass really well!”

[grayson-stevens-blog]

PSA:

You can be trans and Christian.

You can be trans and Jewish.

You can be trans and Muslim.

You can be trans and Buddhist.

You can be trans and Hindu.

You can be trans and Pagan.

You can be trans and religious/ spiritual.

You can be trans and not religious/ spiritual.

Whatever you are, and whatever others are, that’s okay. Don’t let people pressure you into leaving any part of yourself hidden, and resist pressuring others in a similar way. Our identities are what shape us into the amazing, unique beings that we are. It’d be a shame to squander that.

[grayson-stevens-blog]

Transphobic Jokes That Are Overused And Not Funny:

1. “Did you just assume my gender?”

2. “I identify as [inanimate object].”

3. “Only 2 genders.”

Feel free to list others below to save a sad, ignorant transphobe some time down the line.

[grayson-stevens-blog]

I think it’s worth noting that the only people who say things like, “Did you just assume my gender?” are cis people trying to be edgy, ironic, and offensive. Trans and nonbinary folks do not say this, nor do we freak out when people accidentally misgender us. We can’t afford to do that. At most, we’d politely correct someone, but most times, we don’t say anything. Getting frustrated or even remotely aggressive can get us assaulted and harassed, if not killed. Hell, that’s a possibility for us even when we completely mind our own business. Why on earth would we risk our safety any more than we need to?

[grayson-stevens-blog]

Sometimes people message me, worried because their parents aren’t supportive. Then, when I ask how long ago they came out, they’ll say something like “yesterday” or “last week.”

Personally, I think it’s a bit unrealistic to expect parents to fully understand your trans identity, gender you correctly, and be on board with the idea of medical transition immediately after coming out. Sure, it would be ideal if you could, and hopefully one day that’ll be the norm in our world. However, it is a lot of information to take in all at once. Come out, provide resources for them, and then have some patience with them as they learn and progress. You likely had months and even years to process and come to terms with this. It’s only fair to give them a similar timeframe to be completely accepting and trans-friendly. First reactions can be negative and even hurtful, but more often than not, they’re out of fear and concern rather than prejudice or bigotry. Stay patient.

[grayson-stevens-blog]

Happy Father’s Day

This day isn’t always easy or happy for people. In fact, it can be a struggle and painful at times, so shoutout to:

- Single moms and two-mom couples, who deserve to be recognized on this day just as much as any father.

- Trans and nonbinary parents who don’t necessarily fit the label of “father.”

- People whose father has passed away.

- People whose father may be living, but who feel abandoned or fatherless (especially LGBTQ kids who have been disowned, kicked out, or isolated by their parents.)

I see you all, and it’s okay to not enjoy this day or have the same relationship with it as everyone else.

[grayson-stevens-blog]

To all the cisgender people who follow this account:

Hey there! I just wanted to take a moment and say thank you. The trans community needs cis people to ally with us. We always have, and we always will. Your support is so important, and I assure you it does not go unrecognized or unappreciated. 💗