goshgirlsstruggle - Tumblr blog

[goshgirlsstruggle]

Everyone is different. No one has the same nose, hair, skin, body. No one has the same personality. Everyone is different. Fuck normal.

goshgirlsstruggle

[goshgirlsstruggle]

Morning Routine Bullshit

I can’t be the only one who watched endless morning routine videos taking notes and copying everything I saw in them. You did it too right? Morning routines are great as they get you ready for the day ahead. They can bring you a little bit of peace before the stress of the day seeps in. Your brain craves routine, something that is set in stone that you don’t really need to think about before doing. This is why morning routines are great. 

This being said, the media around us is selling us something that isn’t really realistic. Now don’t get me wrong, the thought of waking up at 5:00am and making a matcha then doing sunrise yoga every morning does sound amazing and may be realistic to some people. However, this is not realistic for me. I am NOT a morning person whatsoever. I hate waking up early, I find it really difficult to get out of bed and Its just not fun. This makes me start my day already tired and annoyed. Not fun. I did lots of research into what makes a successful morning routine and have implemented these things that I am about to share that have made a positive impact on myself and my mental health. 

Here is how to make a morning routine for YOU:

1. Set a time that you are going to wake up each morning. Its unrealistic for me to tell you that you should wake up at the same time everyday, I don’t, certainly not on the weekends. However, it is helpful to wake up relatively close to the same time every day. You need to also keep in mind that you need enough time to get yourself ready without rushing. Rushing=stress. I wake up at 7:00 on weekdays before school/work, and aim for 8:00 on weekends. (not every weekend) 

2. Pick one thing you like doing and implement it in the morning. For example, I love listening to classical music when I get ready (i know im boring its ok). This makes me feel like I’m in a movie and I absolutely love it. I hum along whilst doing my hair or scincare and it brings me a little bit of joy that lingers throughout the day. This doesn't have to be music, it can be playing one round of toads factory on Mario-cart or singing karaoke. Who care! Whatever makes you happy. Whatever floats your boat ;) 

3. Set yourself 10-15 minutes for selfcare. I know this is cliche, but selfcare is important. self hygeine is also important. I was that kid in year 5 with the stanky BO. No longer my friends, I now smell like coconut :) Giving yourself this time to wash your face, put on some lotion, brush/do your hair, put on deodorant, whatever it may be, do it in these 15 minutes. 

4. Put on an outfit that is COMFORTABLE. Im on study leave right now. Am i wearing my pajamas whilst writing this....ya. Is it ok?......ya, why the fuck not? However, have I been productive and gotten any studying done.....no. When i make the extra effort to get dressed into something other than my pajamas I instantly feel more put together. Even if you change out of your pajamas into another pair of pajamas....i promise you it’ll make a difference. 

5. PHONES. Ok..don’t hate me. Please. I know how tempting it is to grab your phone when you get up and check the notifications you missed the night before, but stop right there. Give yourself at least 30 minutes before you check your phone. Be present with yourself. Listen to the sound your face wash makes as you pump the bottle. Listen to the sound your pillows make as your make your bed. Be present. It wounds boring, but if i could pick one thing from this list for you to take away. it is this. 

This list doesn’t tell you how to structure your morning because its your life, so it is your morning. You decide how it goes and what works for you. These are just some things ive implemented that have made me start my day with a little less anxiety and a little more will to thrive. 

[goshgirlsstruggle]

Food Struggles TW: ED

Being 10 years old in year 6 and having a fear of looking fat was not a fun time in my life. Whenever I was down I turned to food as my comfort. From year 6 to year 12 food was my comfort. This negatively impacted my physical and mental health. I never was overweight or underweight. I was always normal, a normal weight, a normal size, a normal appearance. However, I didn't feel normal. I felt huge, like I wasnt worthy of food anymore. Countless packets of ramen, flaming hots, chocolate chips, everything bagels, bacon, pasta.....lots of pasta all filled my stomach until I felt sick and unable to eat any longer. Gorging myself on these delicious foods till the brink of throwing up was how I forgot about me feeling dumb and turned it to me feeling fat. It worked, it got my mind off of my learning dissabilities and turned it onto controlling my food. I didnt tell anyone this until this year, 2022. 6 years of suffering silently, waiting for someone to notice and help.

TW: Toxic food thoughts in next 5 paragraphs. 

17 years old. 17 pounds gone in 7 weeks. 2.8 pounds lost each week. I went from 150 pounds to 133. One of my biggest achievements so far. Amazing results. Wow, I did great......at least I think i did great. I did great right guys? I lost 17 pounds thats good right? I can stop now. Wait can i stop now? Am i done yet? I don't feel done yet....i dont feel like i've done enough. Have I done enough? But theres still so much more I can lose. I told myself I would get to 135 and then stop and i'd be happy, but im not happy yet......just 10 more pounds......please......no one will notice, just 10 more then you'll be happy, I promise......10 more won't hurt. Maybe 10 will take off the double chin or make you have more of a jaw line.....I know you've always wanted a jaw line. Come on Miriam toughen up, you can do it. 10 pounds...hmm....how can we do that in the shortest amount of time possible? Think, think, THINK. Are you STUPID? JUST THINK. Oh my God you stupid fuck just don't eat, its that easy, it wont hurt you like it did last time, just be careful and drink lots of liquids. Nothing too high in calories though.

Okay, you are going to download MyFitnessPal and take note of all the foods you are eating ok? OK, I will. Breakfast: Coffee with oat milk 72 calories Lunch: .......0 calories Dinner: Rice, Veggies, Meat.320 calories Snacks: ......0 calories Total daily caloric intake: 392 WARNING: IF YOU KEEP EATING THIS MANY CALORIES YOU WILL REACH 123 IN 2 WEEKS. STOP NOW!Wow! 123 in 2 weeks, that sounds like a dream, LETS DO IT!:) 

stop no i'm gonna fainti'm gonna die i can't stand up please, i have no energy, i cant wake up but i cant fall asleep. my stomach keeps making noises in class its so embarrassing, help. stop.

No, you just need some self dicipline, your ok, this is your anxiety, you’re not going to faint. Just go to the gym, 1 hour of weight lifting will not do anything bad, it'll only make you lose the weight faster! OK, I will try. Oh look....i love that the gym has a scale, how many pounds am I today? 135....what?.....how?......omg im gonna cry.....what the fuck.....how did i gain weight? I havent eaten anything in days....how is this possible......I am a failure. The one thing I can control, I can't anymore. 

Its easy to feel like you are alone in your thoughts. Whether they include thoughts about food or anything you feel like you need to control, its easy to place hate on yourself. I know...ive been there, im still there, but writing to you right now is already helping. So thank you for reading.

I can't tell you how to manage eating disorders. I dont know either. I dont know how to stop these thoughts I know that so many people have. It feels impossible. The thought will always be there. It comes down to your actions that can make the change. Recently, ive been doing alot better. It never gets easier, but it gets more managable the more you kick it. The more you practice kickboxing, the easier it gets and the stronger you get. I am seeing a dietician now. Shes helping me understand what I can do for my body. The feeling that we need to control something is because the rest of our lives feels out of control so having this ED to hold onto and control was the only way I felt ok. It was my outlet. It is my outlet. Body dismorphia is a huge thing. Everyone goes through it at some point. Looking at yourself and seeing someone bigger or smaller than you actually are, is painful. I know. But keep reminding yourself, its not real. Here are some methods that I am now using to help me in my recovery:

Look at yourself in the mirror. Make strong eye contact and touch everything you hate. Each time you touch something you hate say "i love you, you make me safe, you make me function, you make me live". Recognizing your body for functionality, instead of aesthetics really helps take the weight off as you realize that you were not placed in this earth to be beautiful. You were placed on this earth to live, to smile, to help others and to thrive.

Find foods you love. My favorite food was chips. Any kind of crisp really made my day. I am allowed to eat crisps. Who the hell said I couldnt? Having self control is huge. A few years ago I would finish a whole family sized bag of crisps in one sitting. Now I portion it out. If i want more, I'll fucking get more. But if i am full i will put them away. Self-control.

Eat with someone. Often when I eat alone i dont eat as much as I should/could. I eat until im not hungry anymore, no where close to full though. So when i eat with someone I can pace myself with them. eat the amount they eat and notice that they are not gaining weight becasue the are eating until they are satisfied.

Its okay not to be okay. Do not try to push your struggles down or sweep them underneath a carpet. Live them, tell them, breath them. “During a hurricane open your front door and your back door. The wind will come in one door but will always leave, no matter how much damage it has created. Once its gone, then you can start cleaning up the mess it’s made”. Because one day you are going to look back and say to yourself “wow I wasted a hell of alot of time thinking about things that don’t matter anymore”. Don’t waste the life you have. Live it. Manage it. Breath it. Its okay not to be okay.