goose-eats-god

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horrid little cat saved me from my devil's nap by putting her paw directly into my mouth

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are we sure the only way out is through? like. are we sure we can't just. go around

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genuinely wheezing laughing at this description of dicken's awful pet with lead poisoning

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Ricky loves to stand on our servers, absorbing their abilities I assume

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stop making fun of bad people for being fat or having small dicks or being socially awkward or whatever else you seem to think is a fair target. none of that shit has anything to do with why theyre bad. i don’t care if a nazi has a stutter or a terf has thinning hair or whatever. at best youre missing the point, at worst your comments are gonna hurt vulnerable people more than they will ever affect the shitty person you’re mocking. why are you so attached to these bullshit standards anyway?

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[video by tommcgovern27. original caption: this one's going out to anyone living in a studio apartment rn]

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i fucking hate being an adult with a slowly increasing number of responsibilities its like one day you wake up and youre like aw fuck when was the last time i descaled the coffee machine

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it's the start of the week, there's still time!

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im have powers of toastiness youm cannot even begin to comprehend

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First off, click here.

The wheel just assigned you one of the Worldwide Box Office Winners from the past 35 years. (No 2024 because we don't know that winner, yet.)

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the real secret to zuko's redemption arc is the month he spent working in public food service

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the main problem with this time of year is the irresistible urge to get fully into bed at like 5:34 pm and outside is like yesss, yesss do it, it's what you deserve yesss. like is it depression or is it just november

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the front seat of the car is a type of confessional

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joe biden, you stupid fuck. listen to me. Crimes are legal for sitting presidents as long as they’re official actions. Listen: Joe. You have one chance

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Today my Advanced Clinical Pathology professor trailed off in the middle of class and said, “If I seem distracted, it’s because last night I was talking with a friend and she asked ‘Who’s that chick in Titanic?’ but all I heard was ‘Chicken Titanic,’ and ever since then I’ve been thinking about a chicken on the bow of the Titanic like Kate Winslet, wings held high. It’s all I can think about.”