gooddaytoberlin

[gooddaytoberlin]

Oh boy.

Behaviours that concern me

My flatmate (one out of twelve) did not talk to me once.

She did, however, trashtalk Germany in my presence while talking to another flatmate (who is cross at me because he mistook my being nice for flirting).

She laughs very loudly and provokingly in the common area while watching videos (?) by herself.

When I am in the kitchen, she always leaves after a while by closing the door very loudly as if to make a point.

She may have placed her sauce onto my shelf in the shared fridge to see how I react.

I think I need to be weary of her.

[gooddaytoberlin]

Behaviours that concern me

My flatmate (one out of twelve) did not talk to me once.

She did, however, trashtalk Germany in my presence while talking to another flatmate (who is cross at me because he mistook my being nice for flirting).

She laughs very loudly and provokingly in the common area while watching videos (?) by herself.

When I am in the kitchen, she always leaves after a while by closing the door very loudly as if to make a point.

She may have placed her sauce onto my shelf in the shared fridge to see how I react.

I think I need to be weary of her.

[gooddaytoberlin]

4 September 2024. Reflecting on my arrival two days ago.

I cannot say Berlin did not receive me with open arms. Ridden by hubris and impatience, I travelled all the way from my now former uni town with two large and heavy suitcases, nearly impossible to steer, a travel bag, another bag containing my blanket and pillow, and a backpack. Oh, and a yoga mat. I am 1.59 m and not exactly built like Dwayne Johnson but have the misplaced confidence of a tragic Greek hero.

From getting on the ICE to stepping out of the tram that took me to my dorm, people offered me a hand. Most notably women of all ages, once a young man of colour who did not appear to speak my language. Lad low-key saved my life.

The landlady is ... a ray of sunshine, but in a way that feels a little ignorant, and willfully so. She let us (another guy waiting and me) in 15 minutes early, was very friendly and smiled the entire time, and I was even allowed to leave some of my luggage in the waiting hall while I got the rest to my room. But her smile did not drop when she informed me that my contract would likely not be continued post July 2025 as they are going to redo the floors next year. I wouldn’t have to worry; she would let us know in time. When is in time, and how long will it take me to find another residence for the remaining two semesters? Still, part of me welcomes her positivity. It is simply something that I currently need.

The room was sticky and dirty; the previous tenant did not care to remove his hair or the mysterious brown sauce he left on the desk and shelves. Or his old toilet brush. Or the crumbs in his locker in the kitchen. Or the mould in his part of the fridge.

I just had a phone call with my grandmother, who looked up the dorm on the internet and was a little mortified at the concrete floor. I was mortified too but feel much more at ease now that I wiped it. It is far from clean, but now, I am at least able to imagine the germs are gone.

Most of the dorm mates seem friendly. Earlier today, one of them helped me remove a butterfly that got trapped inside. The weather is unbearably hot. I worry about winter and heating.

We have moths and their maggots; apparently they used to be a real pest, crawling up the ceiling and falling down, and they keep returning to the apartment. I store my food in my room, following my flatmates’ advice, but if the moths get into my room ... God, I don't even want to think about it.

Got my student card yesterday and found a grocery store, fought the bathroom bacteria in a cleaning craze. Today, I found out where to dispose of trash and garbage. People here have a rough vibe, but so far, they have been really helpful and supportive. More so than in the North, where I am from.

To be honest, you can’t really hit it worse than my hometown. The coast region is not the coldest at all; it is the heart of Mecklenburg which sensitive people should avoid. In my humble opinion, that is. I once talked to a woman who had returned from Finland and was utterly shocked about how uncaring and unkind people in our area behave. She was on the verge of tears. I do not blame her. Of course, I still love my friends and family, and there are good people in this region, but the overall attitude is a nightmare. If you want to find bigoted jerks, egos blown out of proportion, whose favourite hobby it is to pity themselves without doing anything about their situation while bullying everyone they deem weak or different to feel better about their own misery, well, I got the town for you.

Someone keeps stealing mugs and cutlery. Of course, I keep mine in my room.

In 2020, I spent a semester abroad in Bergen; most of the flat consisted of German speakers, to the great frustration of the Italian, French and Dutch people. Now, in this international student village in Germany, we once again got a whole bunch of German speakers. My Lithuanian flatmate seemed exasperated, and I experienced a sense of déjà-vu.

I am scared of my studies and at the same time cannot wait. I want to network, prove my academic worth: to myself and my new professors and admittedly also some I left behind. What if I’m not enough? What if I mess up? What if I once more fall behind? What if word of my failure spreads to my old university? I already feel overwhelmed, yet want to excel so badly.

Since I can’t really prepare yet, I have been feeling stuck and stranded since I got here. Booked a 3 EUR ticket for a tour through an academic space tomorrow morning/noon. I hope I’ll find my way around.

Berlin has been kind to me, but I am still terrified and filled with rejection. It may get better once the first week has passed; this was only the third day and there is so much to do.

I just wish I could already throw myself into uni work.