godvilletimes-blog

[godvilletimes-blog]

Issue #2471

WEEKEND GODVILLE

Day 2715   g.e.

• Made up on the spot • Wrong on so many levels • No copy-paste allowed •

Daily Forecast

• Daily News Analysts have foretold a new financial crisis, which has caused impressionable boss-monsters to carry more gold than usual today.

• Skill training shops in towns are closed for today, since all personal coaches went into the astral plane.

Front Page

Voice of god

The words of the Almighty can sometimes echo in the hero's heart. Deities can encourage heroes to pray, to sacrifice, to speed up quests or return to a nearby town, to dig for treasure, and many other things which have yet to be discovered.

Bingo

hea abl len tab der

atio sti ape ial ant

col ver box tim oll

Yesterday's Results

1. Ringpeace (60) 2. God Nischal (58) 3. Brihtnoth (53) 4. Kaitou (51)5. Chesusaurus Rex (50) 6. Dan Maku (50) 7. Weathermatt (48)8. Gwedopang (47) 9. Darth Threepio (47) 10. Sparkoflife (47) 11. Marcus the Merciful (46) 12. Deep Thought (43) 13. Ypchua (42) 14. Kalyt (41)15. Trickiter (40) 16. Rosu (40) 17. Jayo23696 (40) 18. Goodgod less (39)19. Katja die Grosse (38) 20. God Of Boogers (38) 21. ISNULL (36)22. CCCC4 (36) 23. S624 (35) 24. Fairy Wogdog (35) 25. Josetann (35)26. Fumanchu888 (35) 27. Kvailai (34) 28. Ramona Pilgrim (33) 29. My Preciousss (33) 30. Ttam the Mighty (33) 31. Eville111 (33) 32. Exekutor (32)33. OMNITONY (32) 34. Dsnymom (32) 35. Jeffsceu (32) 36. Carmentis (31)37. Kabilonus (31) 38. The Great Kuvira (31) 39. Holy Dodo (31)40. Joeseidon (31) 41. Tamea (31) 42. Phexides (31) 43. Elizabethena (31)44. Parthenogenesis (31) 45. Kel-Sin (31) 46. Riyria (31) 47. SourceRunner (31)48. Hairplug4men (31) 49. Skatoc (30) 50. Rainbow Queen (30) 51. Fake Me (30) 52. Infamous Second Son (30) 53. HtoO (30) 54. Bastienne (30)55. Fluffalupagus (30) 56. Medemia (30) 57. Sigefrith (30) 58. Vertibraker (30)59. TheLibrarian (29) 60. EarlyMaster (29) 61. HighDef (29) 62. Chimaere (28)63. Colastie (28) 64. Puck the Majestic (28) 65. The Able King (28)66. Kerenmel (28) 67. Wahoowa (28) 68. Sheila almighty (27) 69. Zsut (27)70. Traktor (27) 71. Vinamra (27) 72. Fionnbar (26) 73. Lord BlitheCrescent (26) 74. Jequirity (26) 75. MrAtomic (26) 76. Silent Gallows (26)77. Divine Isis (26) 78. Infinitecircle (26) 79. Elynae (25) 80. WardPhoenix (25)81. Syrocco (25) 82. Zaphyre (25) 83. Nooooo Good GOOODD (25)84. Robbo76 (25) 85. Icaria (25) 86. Tsarczar (25) 87. Ooshiro (25)88. Anyaanka (25) 89. Gerrypsu80 (25) 90. Kaerran (24) 91. Sgt Jackrum (24)92. Nuketroll (24) 93. Nimloth (24) 94. Juanalmighty (24) 95. Queen Me (24)96. Mihaela (24) 97. Hangya (24) 98. Eminet (24) 99. Justin Carpenter (23)100. Razield (23)

Ideabox News

• 67 ideas were enhanced yesterday.

• Enzuna says that yes, her ER correction skills are innate reflexes, and no, she will not autograph the reporter's t-shirt.

• The goddess A Black Rockis said to have no end of new ideas. This is someone to keep an eye on, claim Godville police.

Famous Heroes of Godville

Serenity 888 - 96th-level adventurer, member of the “Blue Feather” guild, with the motto “When one must, one can.”, stands at the 57th position in thepantheon of gratitude under the vigilant supervision of the god Stansia. She was known to distribute counterfeit Godville invites during her youth.

El Jimmer - 99th-level adventurer, member of the “Raven Tail” guild, with the motto “Why not Zoidberg?”, stands at the 199th position in the pantheon of arkeology under the vigilant supervision of the god El Jimmer. Rumor has it that a local Grammatical Terror has learned to show the hero proper respect for some reason.

Wanted

The Grammatical Terror is today's prize monster. Hunters hope that the Grammatical Terror will not have seen this notice.

Caught today: 2 pcs.

Today, the head of the Biological Nightmare can be exchanged for one newly poured golden brick and a free pass to a public bathhouse.

Caught today: 3 pcs.

Breaking News

• It has been calculated that if every hero was to collect pollen for the hive mind, the ambient temperature of Godville would decrease by 7 kelvin.

• “Please, I’m begging for your help. It’s been three days and I still have no idea how to find out if a phoenix will resurrect in a barrel of wine. What shall I do?”, asks Ethel Pearl.

• For its extremely original name the “Emoticonz” guild was awarded with an honorable mention in the form of this newspaper notice.

Buy and Sell

Buying an alternate reality cheque at five times the normal cost! Godville's one and only “Bricks and Mortar” shop. Just ask for Crippler.

Found today: 3 pcs.

An urgent recall had been issued on any absolute vacuum cleaner sold since 1200 g.e. A reward for their return is being offered to prevent any further deaths.

Market Quotes

1 golden brick

3101 gold coins -2.5%

1 Godville invite

978 gold coins 6.6%

Ads

“Bad Omen LLC” - we can make your life interesting again.

Are your golden bricks stacked up in a useless pile? We’ll put your gold to work! Herowin, “The Field of Wonders”.

Want to know how to resist the powerful glare of a Hypno-Toad or teach a Hamster-Berserker to fetch your slippers? Learn how in our new book “Me and my Furry Delight”.

Crossword

Across: 4. Skill. 6. Bold Artifact. 7. Monster. 8. Strong Monster. 9. Equipment. Down: 1. Monster. 2. Equipment. 3. Equipment. 5. Bold Artifact.

1. Alee67 2. Darth Threepio 3. Pearlcaster 4. Goddygoddy 5. I Am Henry6. Xelos27 7. Varalica 8. Braulio005 9. Alice A 10. Mihaela 11. Kaerran12. RazorNate 13. The Great Jimsky 14. Damitt 15. Syvsover 16. Doct0r17. Laskljffj 18. Consus 19. Cowabungallow 20. Riyria 21. Talissa 22. The Omnipotent Fred 23. KamiNappa 24. Infinitecircle 25. The Almighty Wiz26. Kazehime 27. Makaze 28. Al-laat 29. Rosu 30. Doomy Nytress 31. Noobishly32. Spadon 33. Summer Queen 34. Dan Maku 35. Melandre 36. Ratphour 37. Io the eyeless 38. Loreleir 39. Tukang Cendol 40. Vince- 41. Carmentis 42. Sheila almighty 43. Devourer Of Doughnuts 44. Gamzeemak 45. Djojomojo46. MrWiggles 47. Yoedude 48. Luudche 49. KheirFerrum 50. XJEEGx 51. Dragon Lord Dortarat 52. WhatANegan 53. Red Shirt Crew 54. Buggaroon

Don't believe everything you read. Content may include actual facts. Printed in surround sound. 100% fact-free product. Hard copy actually quite soft.

[godvilletimes-blog]

Issue #2470

Weekend Godville 

Day 2714 g.e.

• Occasionally correct • Consistently on the wrong side • It’s hard to be a god •

Daily Forecast

• A strong magnetic cloud above the arena pulls in free trophies and greatly improves teleportation efficiency - today sending a hero to the arena takes only 25% godpower.

• Unexpected noise levels in the upper layers of atmosphere could decrease godvoice hearing conditions on the surface.

Front Page

Pet Personalities

A few levels after a hero tames a pet, it gains a personality. That description appears near the pet's name. The personality of a pet changes every few levels as the pet becomes more useful to its owner.

Bingo

ene est ons cha mon end ure all ect por igh dea ica tab icke

Yesterday's Results

1. Vertibraker (71) 2. Wahoowa (59) 3. Ooshiro (58) 4. Mursson (43)5. Elizabethena (41) 6. The Almighty Wiz (40) 7. Hakiobo (39) 8. Scotchy (39)9. Spaced (39) 10. God Nischal (38) 11. Sigefrith (38) 12. Gerrypsu80 (38)13. Neoldian- (37) 14. Lord Melkor (37) 15. Fairy Wogdog (37)16. Fiveprime (37) 17. Arblade the Confused (36) 18. Mlle Poussey (36)19. Mortis Thanatos (36) 20. Gsxrboy (36) 21. Almother (35)22. Greenheart (32) 23. Ferdinand II (32) 24. ForgottenBeast (31) 25. Lord Boom (31) 26. Abene (30) 27. Mihaela (30) 28. Infinitecircle (30) 29. Cret (30)30. Psyrock (29) 31. My Preciousss (29) 32. Vikram Dinesh (29) 33. Ttam the Mighty (29) 34. Emmuno (29) 35. Mabinogion (27) 36. S624 (27)37. Juggels (27) 38. Lady Inari (27) 39. FungalMonk (27) 40. Hairplug4men (27)41. Carmentis (26) 42. Boltyhead (26) 43. Zed001 (26) 44. Empyreia (26)45. Tsarczar (26) 46. Kevin-G93 (26) 47. Morgante (26)48. Parthenogenesis (26) 49. Blind Marie (26) 50. Jayo23696 (26)51. Anyaanka (26) 52. Drfento (25) 53. Andrele (25) 54. Klonopins (25)55. Slug-Ra (25) 56. Kalingrace (25) 57. Gargantwa (25) 58. Marcus the Merciful (25) 59. Crisismana (25) 60. Eville111 (25) 61. Spadon (24)62. Tovarovich (24) 63. Kami4fun (24) 64. The Great Jimsky (24) 65. Kalyt (24)66. Desiderio (24) 67. Shadowgun8 (24) 68. Crystal Mercy (24) 69. Relkia (24)70. Queen Me (24) 71. Jefemomo (24) 72. Vejadeux (24) 73. Wolphie (24)74. Almighty Aztaroth (23) 75. Almighty of here (23) 76. CCCC4 (23) 77. The Snarkmeister (23) 78. Sivesh (23) 79. Dakkila (23) 80. Augnoramous (23)81. The Spagetti Monster (23) 82. The-Joe (23) 83. Sparkoflife (23)84. Megabot (22) 85. Exekutor (22) 86. Dapandam (22) 87. Found Alt-self (22)88. Glorious Ragnhild (22) 89. Eviridia (22) 90. Bastienne (22)91. Tarepanda (22) 92. Ypchua (22) 93. Medemia (22) 94. Kriemhilt (22)95. LisaDreams (22) 96. Fruit the Juice (22) 97. Alee67 (22) 98. UnNamable One (21) 99. General Li (21) 100. Brihtnoth (21)

Ideabox News

• It's rumored that 109 ideas were submitted to the Ideabox and 74 ideas got into the ER. So how many ideas will get into the game?

• Enzuna brings out the best in her own ideas and those of others.

• The humble godReigninblood13 has submitted several new ideas and voted on the others. Hooray!

Famous Heroes of Godville

Juliettt - 16th-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “Look for the best way ✅”, stands at the 61st position in the pantheon of duelers under the vigilant supervision of the goddess Empress Lady. She is deeply gratified by her place in the pantheon and is not planning to give it up any time soon.

Fuyuko - 83rd-level adventurer, member of the “Blue Feather” guild, with the motto “God is now here!”, stands at the 170th position in the pantheon of taming under the vigilant supervision of the god Tarepanda. We've had many reports that an Autoparrot has been afraid to make eye contact with her since their last encounter.

Wanted

Anyone who hunts down a Firefoxtoday will receive one newly poured golden brick as a reward.

Caught today: 393 pcs.

The Panzer Dragon is on the verge of extinction! Merchants will offer a free outfit upgrade coupon for its rare hide.

Caught today: 331 pcs.

Breaking News

• Followers of “Remote Controlled Champions” are partying in Deville, all members are welcome.

• Druids are concerned about the increasing number of indecent runes carved into local trees.

• The mark of a true hero is their ability to punish a good deed on their first attempt.

Buy and Sell

Buying a book of dungeon etiquetteat five times the normal cost! Godville's one and only “Glittery Booty” shop. Just ask for Keleios.

Found today: 54 pcs.

Exotic artifact collectors offer handsome monetary rewards to heroes who bring them a final countdown clock.

Market Quotes

1 golden brick

3181 gold coins -0.7%

1 Godville invite

918 gold coins -6.7%

Ads

Will treat all illnesses in exchange for grammar lessons. Royal Leeches.

Wanted: Web Designer for Spider Inc. Visit our main office in Torech Ungol and ask Shelob for a job interview.

Visit any of the six Happy Harpy Accupuncture Shoppes for a jab well done!

Crossword

Across: 1. Equipment. 6. Skill. 7. Skill. 8. Artifact. 9. Bold Artifact. Down: 1. Skill. 2. Artifact. 3. Skill. 4. Strong Monster. 5. Monster.

1. Varalica 2. Kevin-g93 3. Tsarczar 4. Alee67 5. Kazehime 6. Mihaela 7. Makaze8. Darth Threepio 9. Pearlcaster 10. Aeterni 11. The Almighty Wiz12. Goddygoddy 13. Rosu 14. Kaerran 15. Marcusanka 16. I Am Henry17. Cowabungallow 18. Xelos27 19. Hakiobo 20. The Omnipotent Fred21. Braulio005 22. Alice A 23. Doct0r 24. Talissa 25. Infinitecircle 26. RazorNate27. Spadon 28. Melandre 29. WhatANegan 30. Red Shirt Crew 31. Noobishly32. Summer Queen 33. Boltyhead 34. Delta493 35. Jynxxius 36. Tukang Cendol37. Kalyt 38. Riyria 39. Punk-in-d 40. MrWiggles 41. Buggaroon 42. Ratphour43. Carmentis 44. KamiNappa 45. Loreleir 46. Ikkarin 47. Devourer Of Doughnuts48. God Nischal 49. Troyboi Heartnet 50. Consus 51. Snorlax321 52. Nakor the Blue Rider

Fine print actually quite coarse. Any resemblance to gods living or dead is wishful thinking. Recycled entirely from sustainable dupes. Please don’t smoke in the closet. Reading before bed may cause nightmares, but will definitely cause sleep.

[godvilletimes-blog]

Issue #2462

GODVILLE TIMES

Day 2706  g.e.

• We sell seashells on the seashore • Consistently on the wrong side • Made up as we go •

Daily Forecast

• Prophets reported the successful cleaning of the ether channels, which is rumored to increase the efficiency of all temple prayers for today.

• Astrologers proclaimed The Global Day of Good Health. Traders truly believed in the forecast and decided to stop selling healing potions for today.

Front Page

Tradeburg

The bustling port city of Tradeburg is located in the center of several trade routes, making it an ideal melting pot of cultures from different lands. Merchants from this town often travel widely, seeking exotic items to sell to their varied clientèle.

Bingo

chi ted card oth

pro ord tick min

com ast fla atio

por ove tter ator

Yesterday's Results

1. Isles Erik (54) 2. Philomath (51) 3. Corran Horn (47) 4. Cret (47) 5. Jows Pilla (46) 6. The Almighty Wiz (46) 7. Herogodias (45) 8. Queen Me (43)9. Ramona Pilgrim (42) 10. Petealmighty (42) 11. Gerrypsu80 (41)12. Artsonian (40) 13. Rainbow Queen (39) 14. Tamea (39) 15. Slug-Ra (39)16. My Preciousss (38) 17. Brihtnoth (38) 18. WWRR (37) 19. UnNamable One (37) 20. Fairy Wogdog (37) 21. Ravas (34) 22. Nimloth (34) 23. Richard Noggin (34) 24. Jim the Magnificent (34) 25. Hairplug4men (34) 26. Goodgod less (33) 27. Cotzbalam (33) 28. CCCC4 (33) 29. General Li (33) 30. Stansia (33)31. Eternaliss (32) 32. Chimaere (32) 33. Junglecat (32) 34. Goddina (32)35. Kel-Sin (32) 36. Gwedopang (32) 37. Traktor (32) 38. Kerenmel (32)39. Fluffalupagus (31) 40. Ereid (31) 41. Kvailai (30) 42. Pearlcaster (30)43. Jollytuna (30) 44. Hexrt (30) 45. Times (30) 46. Morgante (30) 47. Kirig2 (30)48. Blarblegarb (30) 49. Jayo23696 (30) 50. Bust It Baby (30)51. RazorNate (29) 52. Zsut (29) 53. Ypchua (29) 54. Zerbey (29)55. PaulScully (28) 56. GandalfTheBrown (28) 57. The BioGod (28)58. Tsarczar (28) 59. Parthenogenesis (28) 60. Shadovvblade (27) 61. Thats nayisti (27) 62. Tlazolteteo (27) 63. OMNITONY (27) 64. Tarepanda (27)65. Xiaomei (27) 66. Baker Of All Things (26) 67. Cyrilito (26) 68. Aieie (26)69. TunaMan (26) 70. Morpheusclaw (26) 71. Juanalmighty (26)72. FungalMonk (26) 73. Wahoowa (26) 74. Alisto (26) 75. Vertibraker (26)76. Mavicar (25) 77. Doolittle3 (25) 78. Eviridia (25) 79. HtoO (25) 80. Missy The Master (25) 81. Almother (25) 82. Chesusaurus Rex (25) 83. Kevin-G93 (25)84. Weathermatt (25) 85. Kaerran (24) 86. Gazimandy (24) 87. Patti Levin (24)88. Beef Eater (24) 89. VonBlade (24) 90. Mad Tanzy (24) 91. Meeps (24)92. Mrdexterito (23) 93. Skatoc (23) 94. Nyron1 (23) 95. Empress Daisy (23)96. The Mighty Freak (23) 97. Strega Fiamma (23) 98. Syrocco (23)99. Dogdamnit (23) 100. XXXxShan (23)

Ideabox News

• 92 ideas were submitted yesterday.

• Cotzbalam brings out the best in his own ideas and those of others.

• Having lost his limbo stick,Nemani Nadolo is making the most of his imagination.

Famous Heroes of Godville

BS Johnson - 114th-level adventurer, member of the “Ankh-Morpork City Watch”guild, with the motto “My cat steals tater tots.”, stands at the 34th position in the pantheon of might under the vigilant supervision of the god DArgo Sun-Cohen. He was known to distribute counterfeit Godville invites during his youth.

Honeybeee - 108th-level adventurer, member of the “Gods of Creation” guild, with the motto “For Godville!”, stands at the 136th position in the pantheon of savings under the vigilant supervision of the goddess Wai Ying Soh. All she ever wanted was a little love and affection.

Wanted

The Enforcement Droid 209 has illegally gotten into the newspaper! The Godville Times offers a free outfit upgrade coupon in exchange for an interview with the vile creature.

Caught today: 7 pcs.

The Full Metal Jackrabbit is wanted for removing mattress tags. Reward - one newly poured golden brick.

Caught today: 8 pcs.

Breaking News

• The mark of a true hero is their ability to poke a sleeping dragon in the eye and run away on their first attempt.

• Mad scientists have discovered that heroes actually choose the blue pill in 50 percent of cases. But since they don’t remember anything afterwards, they never record it in their diaries.

• Farmers from the city of Bumchester are filing complaints about heroes destroying their scarecrows. Authorities promise to deal with the perpetrators.

Buy and Sell

Buying a small hadron collider at five times the normal cost! Godville's one and only “Glittery Booty” shop. Just ask for Keleios.

Found today: 3 pcs.

The hide of a chain reactor can be used to make durable, high quality adventuring gear. Bearers of this valuable hide may exchange it for some cash at any local equipment store.

Market Quotes

1 golden brick

3251 gold coins 0.3%

1 Godville invite

973 gold coins 0.9%

Ads

Want to catch that elusive Guest User? 'Traps and Contraptions' boasts the largest selection of ambushing devices in Godville. Effective yet so simple that even heroes can safely handle them.

A Cat Herder is wanted for replacing all the cheap beer in Monsterdam with high quality wine.

Godville’s Chamber of Commerce is looking for enthusiastic new traders. Successful candidates should have: eloquence > 130, bartering > 140, demands < 5.

Crossword

Across: 3. Monster. 5. Artifact. 6. Strong Monster. 7. Artifact. 8. Monster. Down: 1. Equipment. 2. Equipment. 4. Artifact.

Beware, poisonous ink. Printed under duress. Don't read too much into this. Dictated but not read. Criticism is not welcome.