goatcultleader

[goatcultleader]

its so awesome that animals are cauld fauna like. deers won. lol

[goatcultleader]

hello faggot on tumblr dot com

you know who you are

[goatcultleader]

[goatcultleader]

what the fuck makes phone apps so cocky as to send me notifications telling me to use it. my grocery list app straight up went "you havent made a list in a while! 🙂" are you out of your fucking mind. you are a program. why are you speaking to me like youre my equal. i could replace you with a pen and the back of a receipt. idiot. i kill you now

[goatcultleader]

[goatcultleader]

[goatcultleader]

i hate people who know highways. “i’m heading south on I-65” okay man. i’m moving my rook to c2

[goatcultleader]

I hear the words "bichon frise" and my brain spends an uncountably long moment frantically overturning every memory I have, desperately trying to remember what foreign luxury car brand I have to pretend to care about in order for this conversation to go favorably. After my every mote of knowledge about cars has been thoroughly ransacked and I am on the verge of failing this social interaction, a smudged sticky note flutters into view that simply says "small white dog."

[goatcultleader]

Poll: if your mom remarries when you’re 26 years old is that guy still your stepdad or is he just your mom’s husband.

[goatcultleader]

talking to people while holding a beverage is awesome because you don't have to know what to do with your hands and when you don't know what to do with your face you can just take a sip

[goatcultleader]

I hate the “open floor plan” that everyone is obsessed with in houses now. I want nooks and crannies and bizarre floor plans. I don’t need to be able to see what someone is doing on the other side of the house. I want places to hide and lurk and dwell in the shadows. I am the beast who awaits in the labyrinth

[goatcultleader]

[goatcultleader]

wish i could call in bitchy to work

[goatcultleader]

[goatcultleader]

Being on your phone in bed at home during your free time: this sucks I'm wasting my life away what am I doing

Being on your phone at work:

[goatcultleader]

[goatcultleader]

if i had absolute power i would be really chill with it actually. i would never corrupt absolutely. i would keep it real niceys. heart