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...I think you might have singlehandedly gotten me interested in Fire Emblem with this. Bravo. I can really feel the absolute passion in your words when you write these; the incredible art doesn't hurt either, of course.
Wife Goals: Edelgard von Hresvelg
Alright gang, after covering Morrigan from Dragon Age Origins last time, it's time for another RPG gal here on Wife Goals, the emotional breakdown masquerading as a series of personal essays that I swear won't go more than seven entries! I swear! It's going to be video game ladies from here on out actually, both because the interactive nature of that medium makes it REALLY easy to form these unhealthy parasocial attachments to fictional ladies, AND because it's the most socially acceptable way to project your desire for romance on made up people! Huzzah for video games! Huzzah!
I don't remember exactly why, but I was in a bad headspace when Fire Emblem: Three Houses came out. It was probably just the normal "why have I accomplished so little in my life why am I still alone oh god I've wasted my time on earth" thing that's always gnawing at my brain, IDK. What I know is that the void inside me was GNAWING and I needed to fill it, preferably with something new, because replaying my age-old favorite RPGs, while soothing, would also feel... sad. You gotta try new things to trick yourself into thinking you're going somewhere, you know?
I had played Fire Emblem Awakening, and it was pretty good! Pretty fun, it had an evil witch in it who was romanceable, and that was fun. I didn't finish it, but I sunk a good few hours into it. I had also played Fire Emblem Fates and.... I shouldn't have! It's bad! It's basically Incest: The Game! Don't play it! So, you know, I didn't exactly have full confidence in Fire Emblem: Three Houses when I picked it up, but the gnawing void needed some new content, and if it was as good as Awakening, or just less incest-y than Fates, it'd scratch the itch for a bit.
Guys... Three Houses is so much better than Awakening. My void was eating GOOD that summer.
The conceit of Fire Emblem: Three Houses is that there are three nations who send their most promising young people (i.e. mostly the rich kids) to an academy located in the monastery of the Fantasy Vatican - by that I mean it's owned by the leaders of the church that forms the primary religion in all three nations. Each nation has its own "house" in the academy - fraternities, basically - and your Player character is a mercenary who's been more or less forced to be a long term substitute teacher for said fraternities despite being about the same age as the students. You're the honor student who's forced to play teacher by a struggling school district, basically, only if said honor student was hired because of their experience in killing bandits.
Which house you choose matters immensely, as the OTHER conceit of the game is that all those friendly college-aged students of yours are destined to inherit important political roles in a war that is beginning to brew, and when that war breaks out, you and your students are going to be seeing one nation's perspective in the three-way conflict that ensues. Those perspectives, or routes as they're officially called, differ DRASTICALLY, in part because the leaders among the three groups of students you have to choose from have vastly different goals they're trying to achieve. And one of those students is Edelgard von Hresvelg, heir to the Adrestian Empire.
The first thing you need to know about Edelgard is that she is heavily villain-coded, both in general and in the Fire Emblem franchise specifically. Fire Emblem is a franchise with so many entries that it has its own recurring tropes. There are specifically archetypes that recur a lot, and one of the most common is The Big Villainous Tyrant Wearing Red. They often lead a big, villainous empire that's trying to take over the world, as you do. And Edelgard's nation... has red on their banners. Edelgard's customized school uniform includes a red cape and red tights. And the title she stands to inherit is Emperor - i.e. a title that you specifically get by owning more than one nation, and it's stated that the Adrestian Empire used to own ALL of the continent before it was fractured to its current state, which is exactly the sort of setup that led past Fire Emblem villains to start world-conquering.
She is going to grow up into an empress in red. She's the Big Bad. Maybe not right now, but if you know the genre, and specifically the Fire Emblem tropes, you KNOW she's inevitably going to be the villain. Or at least a villain - often the Big Villainous Tyrant in Red is, in normal trope terms, The Heavy, i.e. the villain you fight the most, but not the FINAL villain. The Darth Vader, if you will, with a Palpatine who reveals himself towards the end.
This is why Edelgard's route is the only route that bifurcates - there is a crucial moment, the moment right before Edelgard proves she is very much the Fire Emblem trope you'd think she is, where you have to choose whether to stand with her or not. You can choose to side against her, and if you choose to do that, or to do either of the other two routes, then Edelgard is exactly the villain you think she is, and as such, you have to kill her before the game is done. And that's all she is - another Evil Tyrant in Red, an emperor to be slain, a villain through and through.
...but this is a game about different perspectives on a war, and wars are never black and white. They're messy, and the game is very good about showing that while most of the people in this conflict have good intentions, NONE of them have all of the facts, and none of them made completely perfect choices, in part because there were very few perfect choices to make.
We get to know Edelgard very well before the crisis moment in her route. As you'd expect of a royal heir, she has a lot of weight on her shoulders from the responsibilities that leadership will bring. But she also has weight from a lot of unexpected sources as well. She's tight-lipped at first, but it becomes clear that this young woman has some horrific trauma in her past - she keeps waking up with night terrors about rats trying to eat her, night terrors that you find out are suppressed memories.
Edelgard, it turns out, is not just a royal, but also the subject of the fantasy equivalent of horrible genetic experimentation. So were all of her brothers and sisters - the only difference is that Edelgard is the only one who survived. She spent her childhood being tortured physically and psychologically to make her stronger, all while watching the same things happen to her siblings until they died one by one. Her night terrors about rats come from the time she spent in dungeons with her dying siblings.
See, the magical fantasy world of this game has a society that buys into what is essentially fantasy eugenics - noble houses are marked as such because they bear "crests," i.e. magic powers that make them stronger and more durable than normal people, which can be passed down through familial lines. Crests are said to be gifts from the gods that the Church is devoted to, so the Church explicitly supports and provides propaganda for this eugenics-based hierarchy of nobility.
Everything Edelgard suffered as a child was because of a scheme endorsed by some nobles to put two crests in one person's body - a scheme to make an ubermensch through eugenics. If it weren't for the crest system and this idea of noble, divinely ordained bloodlines, Edelgard would not have had such a horrendous childhood.
So, rather than make a girl who embodies the ideal of this system, the people who experimented on Edelgard ensured that she knew one thing was true above all else: the crest system, and everything that supports it, needs to be burnt to the fucking ground. And hey, what do you know, she now has superpowers AND is the heir to a fucking empire. With some clever scheming, she could turn the tables on the people who planned to make her a pawn, destroy the entire hierarchy of the continent, and remake society into a place where bloodlines don't matter. It'd take a lot of work and ruthlessness, but it was possible. She could make a world where no one would suffer like her again.
And, like, she's not the only one suffering! In her house alone, you have students like Bernadetta, who has become an agoraphoric wreck as a result of her father trying to force her to marry men she doesn't know to secure their bloodline's place in the hierarchy, and Dorothea, who is a commoner that had to scrape and strive just to get to this monastery in hopes of marrying into a family that will let her live without the specter of poverty hanging over her. In the other houses you have characters like Marianne, whose family's crest is said to be cursed and feels she deserves to die because of it, or Lysithea, the youngest student at the monastery who knows she's going to die in a few years because she suffered the same experiments as Edelgard did, or Mercedes, whose father was so desperate to continue his crest's bloodline that he, uh... tried to do a Fire Emblem: Fates on her. The crest system sucks, nobility sucks, the Church created and enforced all of these systems so it sucks, ALL of this shit needs to be BURNT TO THE FUCKING GROUND!
So think about that big choice in this route again. You can look at what the tropes tell you - that Edelgard is a villain, that she is starting a war that will cost hundreds of lives, and that it would be perfectly morally defensible to stand against her. If you make that choice - that very genre savvy choice - you will become the champion of the Church, literally the organization that stands for the Status Quo above all else, crush Edelgard's rebellion, and forever brand her as the villain she so definitely is.
...OR
You can see her point, and stand with the woman you took as your pupil. You can make the choice to allow yourself to be branded a villain by history if it means fighting for the possibility of a better world - and that very well could happen, because one of the secrets of this game is that you're villain-coded too. The default player character name is Byleth, after all - and that's not just any name, it's one of the fucking arch demons in the Lesser Key of fucking Solomon! You're a mercenary dressed all in black with the name of a fucking demon who just spent half the game tutoring a Tyrant in Red. If Edelgard fails, it will not be hard for history to smear your name alongside hers!
But you can be brave and do it anyways. You can say fuck it, let me be the villain, because this system needs to burn.
Edelgard makes some horrendous and evil choices in the other routes, but one of the great things about this game is that playing all the different sides allows you to make sense of the actions of other characters, and that's SO important to Edelgard's route. You are, in many ways, the crucial component Edelgard's plan needs for success. She has, until meeting you, been more or less on her own - I mean, yes, she has Hubert, her loyal minion who acts and dresses like a Dracula, but Hubert's flaw is that he is slavishly loyal, to the point that he is unwilling to tell Edelgard she's wrong. You, however, are an ally that does not treat Edelgard as a superior, but as an equal - you provide her counsel that's willing to contradict her, and as such provide insight that allows he to find better solutions to problems.
With you on her side, Edelgard never gets so desperate as to take the more drastic and cruel choices she does in the other routes. She's able to stick to her ideals without risking survival, she's able to be her best self, to offer mercy and reduce casualties as much as possible.
And it's not a one-way relationship, either. Byleth, your player character, was also a sufferer of magical genetic experimentation - Rhea, the head of the Church, basically tried to make her dead mother (who's also the main god of the church, it's a whole thing) reincarnate by implanting her crest stone into Byleth as a baby, an act that killed Byleth's mother in childbirth and resulted in Byleth always feeling half-dead as a person. In the other routes, Byleth ascends into a sort of demigod, absorbing those godly energies but never fully manifesting as the old goddess reborn.
But in Edelgard's route? You kill Rhea, and in doing so, that crest stone in your body vanishes, and your heart beats for the first time in your life. Protecting the status quo makes you a demigod - but burning it down let's you finally be yourself. Your mortal, human, living self, with a heart that's you're own, not something someone forced into you.
Edelgard does not remain emperor long when she wins - she keeps the throne long enough to put all her reforms in motion and make sure anyone who'd bring the old crest system back is dead as dirt, then appoints a successor and retires. She lives a normal life, with you if you choose to romance her, content to have made sure that the horrors she and others witnessed under that hierarchy never happen again. That was her goal, her big villainous scheme.
I don't know about you, but I think that's fucking rare in fiction - to have character look at the systems in place, think, "this shit needs to burn," and, in at least one version of the tale, be 100% right on the fucking money. God, I love her so much.
(Also, if you need additional convincing: Rhea, the leader of the church and basically Edelgard's archenemy, is a green-haired milf with a dumptruck ass who turns into a dragon, and I still chose Edelgard over her. Do you know how hard that is for me, specifically? She's got an enormous butt and turns into a dragon and I still said "No thanks, it's the albino for me!" instead. That's how much Edelgard fucking rules!)
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How do these guys interact with 'true' yetis, if you don't mind my asking?
Nyalmo
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“Ulvenwald Bear” © Wizards of the Coast, by Jason Engle. Accessed at the artist’s deviantArt here
[Commissioned by @abominationimperatrix. The nyalmo is a type of yeti, which goes to show how far the cryptozoological yeti has moved from its folkloric roots. A twenty foot sapient bear is not an eight foot ape-man, no matter how hard you try. The information here comes from Ghosts, Monsters and Demons of India. Mechanically, this is built around the chassis of a dire bear with the giant template for the ability scores, and I tied them to the similar sapient bipedal bears the urskans through their language.]
Nyalmo CR 10 N Magical Beast This creature resembles an enormous bear, except that it seems more comfortable walking on its hind legs. Its arms are long and end in great claws.
The nyalmo are enormous sapient bears that live in the high mountains. They often descend to lower elevations in search of food; although a nyalmo can persist on moss, lichens and insects, they much prefer fresh meat, particularly brains and other fatty tissue. They have little concept of private property, so do not understand that the livestock owned by ranchers belongs to someone else; to a nyalmo, it is merely a convenient depot of food. This raiding may bring nyalmo into conflict with humanoids, a fight that the nyalmo’s great size and strength typically makes an uneven contest. Nyalmo rarely have complicated strategies—tear prey apart with claws and teeth, grab them and break their bones. They flee from enemies that are able to keep their distance, and rarely attack a fortified position.
Nyalmo live in small matriarchal groups, led by the oldest female. Nyalmo have little material culture, but do have culture nonetheless. They are in tune with their surroundings, and read portents in the position of the stars, the movement of birds, and the spilling of entrails. The latter of these portents have supernatural significance, and many nyalmo have had their life saved by some augury they saw in this ritual. During celestial configurations such as the first appearance of a constellation or a solstice, nyalmo gather under the open sky to drum and sing. A few nyalmo have even been known to abduct a humanoid and keep them as something between a pet and a tutor, trying to learn from them the secrets of human language, fire, or ironworking. They care quite a bit for these captives, but will eat their captives if they cross the nyalmo one too many times.
A nyalmo stands between fifteen and twenty feet tall—nyalmo women are taller than the men. They have a garlicky odor, and their dens are typically quite pungent.
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#bears#monsters#fantastic fauna#yeti#mythology#thecreaturecodex#aesthetic inspiration#tabletop gaming#dungeons & dragons#pathfinder
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Trosepen
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“The Las Vegas Monster” © Richard Svennson. Accessed at his deviantArt page here
[Poor Pete Peterson. In a more just world, he would be as famous a stop motion animator as Willis O’Brian and Ray Harryhausen. Unfortunately, his original projects, “The Las Vegas Monster” and “The Beetlemen” never got picked up, and he died young from complications of kidney cancer. The closest the Las Vegas Monster ever got to the screen was serving as the armature for the Great God Porno in Flesh Gordon.
The name, incidentally, is an anagram of “Peterson”. Most fantasy worlds don’t have a Las Vegas, after all]
Trosepen CR 10 N Magical Beast This enormous creature looks something like a hairless reptilian baboon. It moves on all fours, but its forearms are long and end in three-fingered hands. Two robust tentacles grow from its nose, twitching and probing the air.
Trosepens are enormous heat-loving horrors. They typically live deep below the surface in volcanic caves, basking in the heat from lava chambers, but can and do emerge on the surface in deserts on the hottest days of the year. Trosepens are carnivorous and feed mostly on giant vermin, but will eagerly add humanoids to their diet if they are present. They are found only in the warmest environments, and they will retreat back into their volcanic caves if surface temperatures are anything less than scorching.
Most trosepens live solitary lives, but in productive Darklands environments they can associate with each other in troupes. A trosepen troupe is organized in a strict hierarchy, determined by non-lethal fights and contests of throwing strength and accuracy. Trosepens are experts at hurling both rocks and smaller creatures, although they lack the intelligence needed to craft throwing weapons or to carry a payload of ammunition. Its sensory tentacles are prehensile, acting something like the trunk of an elephant to help it carry small objects or handle prey.
In combat, a trosepen will typically attempt to soften up prey at a distance with hurled rocks before closing to melee. Its long arms and nimble muscles allow it to batter opponents that attempt to close with it, and it can turn a charge into a farce by snatching up a horse and rider and then throwing them at the second rank. A trosepen is courageous to the point of suicidal in melee combat, but will flee if confronted with foes wielding magical cold.
A trosepen grows to twenty-five feet tall and weighs five to six tons.
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#stop motion#monsters#fantastic fauna#aesthetic inspiration#thecreaturecodex#pathfinder#dungeons & dragons#tabletop gaming#pete peterson
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I actually have seen this movie - the whole thing is available for free here. I kind of consider it the third in the 'trilogy' of Doug McClure lost world movies; while it's not based on any Burroughs works, it very much nails the vibe of it. It also helps that the set work is incredible; out of the three films' fantastical worlds, the caverns of Warlords are definitely the most alien-feeling of them all.
Zaarg
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Image accessed at Club Des Monstres here
[I have not seen Warlords of Atlantis, but it looks very strange. It’s basically a bootleg version of the Doug McClure Edgar Rice Burroughs adaptations, like At the Earth’s Core or Land that Time Forgot. Different studio, no source novel, but similar lost-world-with-monsters vibe. And Warlords of Atlantis has got lots of monsters! A plesiosaur, a giant octopus, killer coelocanths, and two wholly original critters, of which the zaargs are one.]
Zaarg CR 10 N Magical Beast This wide, heavy set creature looks like an immense turtle made of stone. It has a tail ending in a spiked ball, and has large tusks protruding from the corners of its mouth.
Zaargs are enormous creatures bearing a resemblance to great, rock-shelled turtles. They are slow and steady, and difficult to deter once they have made up their mind on a course of attack. A zaarg can climb even sheer surfaces with ease, and they use this ability to scale vertical cliffs and walls in pursuit of prey. Zaargs are nomadic creatures, and may visit the same castle as a part of its foraging route, climbing up to eat a defender or two like a bear raiding a beehive. Zaargs do not bother with stealth, and can be surprisingly noisy. They yowl like wild cats.
A zaarg is an omnivore, but they prefer meat if they can get it. They often grind up rocks and swallow them, incorporating bits of stone into their shells, claws, teeth and even digestive tract. They are irritable between each other, but have difficulty in actually doing any permanent physical damage; thus fights between zaargs are more prolonged wrestling contests that end with one party retreating rather than battles to the death.
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#movies#monsters#fantastic fauna#warlords of atlantis#thecreaturecodex#aesthetic inspiration#tabletop gaming#pathfinder#dungeons & dragons
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Always good to see some more jungle monsters in tabletops! For how diverse those biomes are IRL, there's a surprising dearth of monsters found in those spots compared to, say, mountains or deserts.
Bekkah
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"Alien Cat, step 2" © Cary Narveson, accessed at their ArtStation page here
[The bekkah seems to only appear in the Creature Catalogue, not having come from a Basic D&D adventure nor being reprinted in the Mystara Monstrous Compendium later on in AD&D. It's also not entirely clear what it looks like; the text just refers to it being black, but there's a picture of a sabertooth lynx with the Big Cat entry that might be it, or might just be the giant lynx. The third eye is unique to the art I'm using, but it fits in well with me giving it greensight, inspired by the medieval bestiary lynx being able to see through solid objects. As is often the case for big cat monsters, the damage is high for a creature of its CR; I compensated by bringing down the AC.]
Bekkah CR 11 LN Magical Beast This great black cat is the size of a bear, with a short tail, long ears and oversized paws. It has eerie gray eyes, a third of which sits in the center of its forehead.
The bekkahs are supernatural black-furred felines native to the deepest jungles. They are apex predators, and do not brook intrusion into their territories by other large carnivores. Humanoid hunters are tolerated as long as they do not overhunt, and they pay the bekkah proper deference. This deference is usually in the forms of offerings of meat, although especially desperate or evil societies may do so through humanoid sacrifice. Bekkahs do not go out of their way to hunt humanoids, but are willing to consider them prey.
A bekkah’s combat style does not differ much from those of mundane big cats. They stalk prey and attack from ambush, grabbing their foes in their enormous paws and tearing with claws and teeth. The special offense of the bekkah is in its roar, which carries supernatural fear. A creature that hears a bekkah may be rooted to the spot, unable to flee and thus singled out for a brutal pounce. Bekkahs do not kill needlessly, and if attacked by a party may kill one as a warning to the rest and then retreat with the body to feed.
A bekkah is rarely found unless it wants to be; they are very difficult to track and have magical defenses against divinations. They usually lair in the densest vegetation, which they can pass through without difficulty, anywhere from tangles of roots to the canopies of large trees. Their territories are demarcated with scent marking, deep grooves carved in tree trunks, and oversized paw prints left on trails. Bekkahs are solitary, with males leaving their territories every several years in order to find a mate. Females are good mothers, raising one or two cubs for three years before they leave to find their own territories.
Bekkahs speak Sylvan, but have little to say except to fey creatures and to each other.
Bekkah CR 11 XP 12,800 LN Large magical beast Init +8; Senses darkvision 60 ft., greensight 60 ft., low-light vision, Perception +17, scent
Defense AC 23, touch 13, flat-footed 19 (-1 size, +4 Dex, +10 natural) hp 138 (12d10+72) Fort +13, Ref +12, Will +9 DR 10/magic; Immune fear, paralysis; SR 27 vs. divinations Defensive Abilities elusive
Offense Speed 50 ft. Melee 2 claws + 19 (1d10+8 plus grab), bite +19 (2d8+8) Space 10 ft.; Reach 5 ft. Special Attacks pounce, rake (2 claws +19, 1d10+8), roar
Statistics Str 27, Dex 19, Con 21, Int 6, Wis 16, Cha 16 Base Atk +12; CMB +21 (+25 grapple); CMD 35 (39 vs. trip) Feats Ability Focus (roar), Improved Critical (bite), Improved Initiative, Iron Will, Skill Focus (Stealth), Toughness Skills Acrobatics +14 (+22 when jumping), Climb +18, Perception +17, Stealth +13 (+25 in forests); Racial Modifiers +4 Acrobatics, +4 Climb, +8 Perception, +4 Stealth (+12 in forested environments) Languages Sylvan SQ woodland stride
Ecology Environment warm forests Organization solitary or pair Treasure incidental
Special Abilities Elusive (Su) A bekkah gains a +20 bonus to the DC to follow its tracks, and is treated as being under the effects of a nondetection spell as a supernatural ability. Roar (Su) As a standard action once every 1d4 rounds, a bekkah can unleash a terrible roar. All creatures within 120 feet must succeed a DC 21 Will save or be shaken and unable to move from its current space for 2d4 rounds. A creature that succeeds this save is immune to the roar of that bekkah for the next 24 hours. This is a mind-influencing fear effect, and the save DC is Charisma based. Woodland Stride (Su) A bekkah’s movement is not impeded by natural vegetation.
#thecreaturecodex#medieval bestiaries#monsters#pathfinder#dungeons & dragons#tabletop gaming#fantastic fauna
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Illustration by Maurice Wilson 
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I woke up at 6am and wrote an obituary for the two old guys in the muppets
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https://english.radio.cz/beavers-build-planned-dams-protected-landscape-area-while-local-officials-still-8841536
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A beaver colony in the Brdy region has gained overnight fame by building several dams in the Brdy protected landscape area, creating a natural wetland exactly where it was needed. It saved the local authorities 30 million crowns, and has the public cracking jokes about public administration and red tape.
The administration of the Brdy protected landscape area, which had gained approval for the 30 million crown project, was dealing with red tape and seeking the respective building permits from the Vltava River Basin authorities when the dam project was completed almost overnight by a local colony of beavers.
They could not have chosen their location better –erecting the dams on a bypass gully that was built by soldiers in the former military base years ago, so as to drain the area. The revitalization project drafted by environmentalists was supposed to remedy this. Bohumil Fišer, head of the Brdy Protected Landscape Area Administration says Nature took its course and the beavers created the necessary biotope conditions practically overnight.
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Translation: “I am fucking tired of the soviet car industry” *the standard effect of touching a soviet car* *laughs in russian*
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cant forgive one of my coworkers because our advisor came into the office and was giving us a very sad speech that he had to make us work more hours and he was very upset about this fact and we all had to be very somber listening to him when to my right this guys computer flashes into sleep mode which happens to reveal this image that i then had to look at and not lose my shit over even a little bit
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btw while people continue to fight the system don't forget about Undue Medical Debt (formerly RIP Medical Debt), a charity that buys and forgives medical debt. on average a donation of $10 will forgive $1,000 of medical debt.
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I don't think they're supposed to do that
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