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I just love sleep so much ……. like u just close ur eyes and ur gone bitch ………… brain logged the fuck off ……… powerful

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people say “if you don’t lower your standards, you’re gonna end up spending your whole life alone!” like being a healthy, happy, financially independent single adult is actually worse than being stuck in an abusive and/or emotionally unfulfilling relationship with someone who isn’t willing/able to meet your needs. like no offense, but I think I’m gonna choose to be happy rather than throwing myself into a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. 

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im a person who wants to do lots of things trapped inside a body that wants to SLEEP at all times

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my dad got really cocky and brought home a 24-strong bunch of bananas 2 days ago and…..no one has eaten a single banana yet. he can’t go 15 minutes without saying “haha well, don’t forget to eat a banana” and it’s become a running joke & so obviously it’s very amusing for me to say “no. you have to face your consequences” and then we both laugh like it’s funny but there’s this panicked, high-strung edge to his laughter and i really just want to see how it all plays out when he finally snaps

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i have some issues with my past self but she was young and i forgive her my real beef is with present me what is she doing im embarrassed to even look

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i’m tired™

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Anna Kovalyova at the 1998 Goodwill Games. This routine has everything: a difficult mount, perfect leap form, a front tumbling acro series, weird connections… 

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I’ll take a chupacabra sandwich with extra mustard, please.

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don’t worry, you’re still in the “early life” part of your wikipedia page

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Can you give us your reaction to this reaction image?

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this cold open is a masterpiece

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concept: a game called “john mulaney or cecil palmer?” where you have to guess if a quote was said by popular stand-up comedian john mulaney or fictional radio host cecil gershwin palmer

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People often say they hope their deceased pet dog is chasing squirrels in doggy heaven… what did all of those squirrels do to deserve an afterlife of torment?

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