Text
stop trying to suck me off i'm not done telling jokes
10K notes
·
View notes
Text
guy who does his damnest to look like he doesn't care, shocked and upset when people think he doesn't care
173 notes
·
View notes
Text
i think bunnies came to earth because they're searching for something. for someone, perhaps
7K notes
·
View notes
Text
i’m so genuinely lucky to be dumb as hammers. the simplest things bring me joy. i’ve had several fits of passionate laughing out loud today because i can���t stop thinking of the phrase “one william dollars”
63K notes
·
View notes
Text
I do wholeheartedly believe Wes Anderson is a sick sick freak. I like his movies but I definitely think this guy has like a hidden room in his spacious french apartment that he slips into quietly each night and it is just filled with tiny little doll replicas of all the actors he's ever used in any of his movies and he puppets them around and mimicks their voices and shit. and sometimes he'll text Owen Wilson pictures of his little doll with a comb or something from an untraceable number and pair it with like "see how I take care of you Owen?" and then the following day Owen Wilson will find him at the service table and go, "Geez Wes look at this," and Wes will pretend to be all concerned and horrified but there is this calculating almost eager look in his eyes that unsettles Owen Wilson. and the next time Wes is having a little soiree with all his actors, his beloved beloved actors, maybe Owen Wilson will accidentally get lost on his way to the beautiful bathroom and find that little room and see all those dolls and his throat will hitch with horror. And before he can call Bill Murray or Adrian Brody to look a dark silhouette will appear in the doorway and Wes looks sort of resigned when he says, "I see you finally found my secret, Owen," and Owen Wilson will try and pretend that he's fine with it but they both know better. and Wes will go (the look in his eyes back again) "We both know this can't get out, right?" and he'll grin very suddenly and Owen Wilson will laugh along very nervously and leave the room and eat some brioche and when the evening is over he will rush over to his Prius and frantically click his keys but over the cobbles on the beautiful beautiful street there is the sound of footsteps. and tears are running down Owen Wilson's cheeks but he can't say a word and Wes, emerging from the shadows, will gently touch him on the shoulder and say, "look, I'll drive you to the airport, huh?" and Owen Wilson will try to refuse but they both know it's futile. and, halfway through the drive, Wes Anderson will smile and say, "I'll miss working with you" and then perfectly jump and roll out of the car, wiping off his corduroy pants, while Owen Wilson's Prius swerves into a local patisserie, bursting into flames
113K notes
·
View notes
Text
i went to your childhood and all the memories missed you
4K notes
·
View notes
Text
we are not reviving the r slur. if you hear someone say it tell them to cut that shit out. it’s not funny or edgy and we need to make people embarrassed and uncomfortable saying it
22K notes
·
View notes
Text
nobody who has ever made me feel small and unwanted has possessed a heart or a life that i admired
10K notes
·
View notes
Text
missing my gf... glum abt it.....
#strange to be saying that#who will see this. on my vast and empty tumblr.. who are the eyes that view this.. inchresting. well#pari.txt#will not be seeing her for another WEEK 👍
1 note
·
View note
Text


Some of my favorite watercolor blueberries 🫐
3K notes
·
View notes