gibberish--ty-blog

[gibberish--ty-blog]

Elle

2/10/19    10:00 am

This morning I woke up from a dream that I shouldn’t have had, and now my head is churning because the dream makes sense but shouldn’t have happened now. That sentence barely makes sense but you see what I mean...churning...like homemade ice cream. It was all too real and frankly may exist in another dimension because it’s THAT fitting. 

Elle. From what I can recall from the dream, Elle and I spent time together in a car and drove everywhere. It was endless. Just me and her driving.  Sunrise to Sunset. At some point in the dream, I remember her telling me that she loved me and I said it back. The dream changed scenes, and I was watching her on top of me like a spectator. There was no kissing, no sex, but eye contact, smiles, and laughs between the two of them. She would look around as if what was happening was a secret, and adorably laughed it off. We started to touch each other outside our clothes and--

Eyes Open. Semi-Wet Bottoms.

The reason why I said this dream makes sense because here, in real life and not dreamland, Elle and I click. We both enjoy the outdoors, work in healthcare, engage in thoughtful conversation, love to cook, understand Asian culture, and possess the want to help those in need. We’ve always been good friends since meeting a year and a half ago, but that was it. No moments of locking eyes, epiphanies, or a-ha moments. No visible electricity flowing between us. I just really enjoy her company more than anything. 

About two and a half weeks ago, she drove 5 hours to visit me and our mutual friends for the weekend. We all hiked, experienced the big city, and caught up like we always do. But there were moments where I caught myself next to her and distant from others. We hike a bit faster than the others so we’d end up ahead together. We’d walk the freezing city sidewalks together linking arms for warmth and comfort. We sat next to the each other in the return ubers and she rested her head on my shoulder. Nothing too out of the ordinary here, but all of it could’ve churned something in my head. 

Now. Keeping in contact with her, we text and snap and I must admit I anticipate her responses and look forward to them differently than before. ‘What’s wrong with that?’ -you. We’re both dating someone. I’ve been dating someone for the last two years and she’s been dating someone for about a year. We’re both very happy with our significant others, but there’s an internal connection I have with her that I can’t exactly pinpoint and haven’t found with anyone else. I absolutely have no idea if she shares the same thoughts but nonetheless, my thinking has manifested itself in a dream that was bittersweet. Perhaps elsewhere in the universe, Elle and I share a life together in a different dimension trying to find away into my head. Or lets just hope they’re out for ice cream. 

[gibberish--ty-blog]

RIP ~ too young & too talented

[gibberish--ty-blog]

26

At 25, I was told that from here on out... it’s downhill. That the age of ‘prime’ was over and things would change for the slower...more tired...even boring...and lets not forget old. 

Here, having just turned 26, I’m thinking about if my outlook on 25 has carried on. Am I just on a rollercoaster about to move after it’s been stuck at the top for 25 years, heading to plain? Or am I about to ascend up the tracks trying to accomplish unhindered by age. I guess it’s how you see 26. It has to be how you perceive 26 and all of it’s ‘restrictions’. Do my values now change? Are the things I have to think about now, not the things I’ve been thinking about? Should I buy another suit? How do you get free healthcare? Kids...no way...

This blog is personal, and thoughtful but thoughtless simultaneously. Contradiction will be no stranger as it happens quite frequently in my head.