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giathefangirl · 3 years ago

Note

can you do a fic where gideon is spencer’s dad and he abandoned him as a kid and morgan is reid’s half brother?

“He is not going to live with you” Derek tells Gideon, looking him directly into the eyes,

“It’s not your decision to make.”

“Yours neither.” Derek argues and looks over to Spencer sitting on the couch in the conference room, wearing his headphones while reading a book, “You have no idea how to help him, he is not going to stay with you, I am not going to let that happen.”

“He doesn’t need help anymore.” Gideon insists, “It will just be until he has enough money saved up to live alone.”

“If you really think that, then you are even more unqualified than I thought. He will stay with me and he is going to get the help he needs and I will have a long chat with him, if this is the right place for him to work at.”

“He made this decision.”

“To be close to his father!” Derek yells, “He is terrified of many people, he hates anything blood related, he is frightened of guns and what he hates most is traveling so please tell me how the hell you think this is a decision we should let him have.”

///

Fran remembers the day better than any other day. The day she flew down to Vegas not even ten hours after her husband's passing. She would have never been fine with someone else telling Hank’s son, that he had with another woman while they were on a break, what had happened over the phone.

She loves the kid, he often has been around. He would spend his holidays with them and his breaks with his half-sisters. She can’t deny that even though in the beginning, she had felt so much betrayal, she started to love the kid like her own.

So when she saw the living conditions the boy was in, her heart melted. Especially when she saw the toddler walking around with his brown curly hair and his hazel eyes staring up at her. Of course she knew about Spencer. Derek would talk about him all day long when he would visit her.

“I need to ask you something.” Derek had come into her room, late in the night of the funeral.

“What is it, sweetheart?” He had crawled on her bed and she had immediately covered him with her thick blanket, keeping him warm, “You can ask me anything.”

“I heard you talking to aunt Jess.”

“Oh honey-” Jessica is a lawyer, she had pulled her aside at the funeral to discuss options, she had a feeling that bringing Derek back to Vegas is not what she should do to a child. She had no doubt Diana loves the boys, she had witnessed that, but she knew from Hank that she is sick, that with her new husband on the verge of leaving the boys would be alone with her.

“If you are going to take me from my mom-”

“I would have never done this behind your back-”

“I just need you to take Spencer too.” He had interrupted her, “Spencer is sick and needs help. And I don’t want to live with my mom anymore, she is sick too and she scares me. She sometimes locks us into the kitchen closet and sometimes she acts like everything is okay. And Spencer’s dad is never there, he is working, I am sure he wouldn’t mind.”

“I am not sure if that is possible.”

“Can you try? I am not going to leave Spencer with Mom.”

“I will try my best, okay? We will call Aunt Jess in the morning and you tell her what you told me.”

“What would happen to Mom?”

“She just needs help from doctors. She is not in any trouble, okay? We will find something that she likes for her.”

///

The moment Jason Gideon handed her, his son, she didn’t know what to feel.

She had prepared for a long legal battle but instead the man just signed everything and with Diana now being hospitalized, she had no way to take Spencer either.

“I will call.” Gideon had dryly stated and then left, no further information, Derek told her he probably doesn’t know either.

///

“I want to talk to you about something.” Fran had told Derek one afternoon, “I know you are worried about Spencer.” She started.

“Because of his- episodes.”

“I want you to know that I did tons of research and that I saw a few doctors with him-”

“What does he have?”

“We are not sure yet. Doctors say different things but I want you to know that I give my best to fight for him okay? He is not a bad kid, I know you love him a lot and no matter how many of these meltdowns he has, I will be there.”

“Did my Mom make him like this?”

“No, no she did the best she could. She loves you two so much.”

///

“I am sorry, Spencer.” Fran had tried comforting him, kneeling on the floor with him as he is crying, protecting Spencer’s head by pulling him against her chest, “I am sorry”

Gideon had called and delayed another visit, he had promised after the last time to not do this again, “I am so sorry, honey.”

The kid was biting down on his hand as he cried hysterically, he was still not speaking more than a few words even when he just had his sixth birthday.

“Did he not come again?”

“No” Fran told Derek when he stepped in, who kneeled down beside them and rubbed Spencer’s back,

“I am sorry, Spencer.”

///

When Derek first stood in front of Gideon at the BAU, he could read the shock in the man’s face, “You have met.” Hotch had hesitantly stated.

“He is the father of my half-brother.”

“So you already know his downsides.” Hotch had jokes and patted Gideon’s shoulder before passing by and leaving them alone,

“You have come a long way.”

“I have”

“It’s good to have you on the team.” Gideon had told him with a smile, before leaving him standing in the hallway. Derek had so many things he wanted to tell him, but then in that moment, his brain was empty.

///

“Stop talking about him please.” Derek had one evening on the jet interrupted Gideon who was showing off with Spencer’s various degrees,

“Morgan-” JJ had looked at him in surprise, “He never talks about his personal life, let us have some insights.”

“He can talk about his birds. I don’t care. But not about Spencer.”

“Morgan-” Hotch tried stepping in.

“It’s alright, Aaron.” Gideon stopped him, “I will stop.”

“What’s going on here?” JJ asked, irritated.

“His son is my half-brother.” Derek stated without looking up from the file in his hands.

“Really? I had no idea.”

“It’s not like I have known Jason much before unless you count getting ice cream once in fifteen years together.” With that he had closed his file and moved to the back of the jet. There was so much more he wanted to say, but he knew this wasn't the right place.

But he wanted them to know so bad, he wanted them to know about the nights Spencer cried because he didn’t understand. About the nights he learned speaking with Spencer because Gideon didn’t care enough to do so. About the nights in Vegas he had forced food down Spencer’s throat because they didn’t know what was wrong with him but going to the doctor would have been too expensive. He remembers the night when Spencer was sixteen and he took him across the country to a book reading with his first salary because Gideon had canceled for the same weekend. He did not have money for proper food for the rest of the month, eating only the leftovers from his teammates on cases and the hotel breakfast that was paid by the office while he knew Gideon must have enough money, to spoil Spencer for more than a weekend without having to give up on anything afterwards.

///

After their argument in the office about were Spencer should be staying, Gideon had left the room after telling Derek that he should carefully consider what his next moves are. And Derek understands that he is threatening his position but he couldn’t care less.

The noise Spencer’s stim toy makes catches his attention, after just concentrating on keeping his anger in. He knows he can’t afford to make a bigger scene, because he knows right now his cards are good that Hotch is on his side.

“What have you got there?” With a smile he walks over to Spencer who places the tangle he had been chewing on in Derek’s hand as well as the little ball making noises when shaking it, “Thank you for that, kid.” He tells him sarcastically when grabbing the tangle and placing it in a paper tissue in his jacket before removing Spencer’s headphones, “I need to ask you something really important.”

Spencer nods at that, “Gideon told me about you starting the academy on monday is that right?” He nods again, “You know, I am very proud of you for that.” Carefully he takes Spencer’s hands in his, “But I love you and if you don’t want to do that, I will still love you the same amount. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to do this.”

“I will do it with Dad.”

“I know and that is amazing, that is huge.” Derek assures him, “But if that is the only way he would spend time with you, he probably won’t spend much time with you after don’t you think?”

“I live with him.”

“For the time in the academy and then you will live on your own. In a big scary apartment.”

“No, I will live with him.”

“Did he tell you that?” Derek asks.

“Yes”

“But wouldn’t it be so much more fun to live with me and Clooney?”

“I lived with you when we were kids, I want to live with Dad now.”

“You do?”

“Yes!” With a wide smile he looks at him, “I will be with him all day. And then I will work with him and you at the same time.”

“That sounds amazing, buddy.” With tears in his eyes he looks at his brother, “You can of course do that, but promise me you will call me when you need something. I live not even fifteen minutes away and when something in the academy makes you uncomfortable you come to me and we can talk about that.”

“The academy sounds scary, but it’s only three months.”

“Does working at the BAU not sound scary?”

“No, then I will be with you”

/// “Why does he have a black eye?” Derek yells walking into the conference room where his team is gathered to discuss the new case,

“It was an accident at the academy.”

“Oh yeah, an accident?”

“He just got a little bit overwhelmed-” Gideon defends himself, Derek is holding Spencer by his hand, his tear filled eyes looking at his brother as he chews on his tangle again.

“A little bit? He hit his head against his desk in not even the first week.”

“He is fine.” Gideon calms him, “Right Spence?”

Anxious the man nods and when Gideon makes a gesture for him to come over he does, placing a hand on the kid’s shoulder, “It’s just the change right, buddy?”

“Yes”

“Spencer it’s not going to get better, they will talk to you about much more gruesome stuff, please.” Derek looks at his little brother,

“It’s okay, I am an adult, I can handle it.”

“You will have to hold a gun.” Derek tells him, “You will have to shoot with it in training, you will hear the loud bang many times.”

“Derek it’s enough, he can handle it.” Gideon insists and offers Spencer to sit in while they discuss the case.

///

Hotch watches Spencer and Derek from the kitchen. He had invited the team for dinner and had suggested he comes along as well. The younger man is leaning into his brother's side, showing him something in his book.

“Are you okay?” JJ asks, walking up to him.

“Yeah, sorry.”

“Derek loves him so much.” She points out, “I can’t deny how smart he is but I don’t think he will be able to cope with all of this.”

“Gideon has my hands tied-”

“I am not blaming you.”

“Morgan keeps on coming to me, suggesting ways to give Spencer a job with us, without actually giving him something in the field and something that allows him to stop the academy.”

“How did he even get in?”

“You should ask Gideon that.”

“Are you okay, Spence?” Haley asks as they are sitting at the table and the kid nervously looks back and forth between his food and Gideon.

“He is fine.” Gideon calms her, “Right, Spencer?”

“He is not” Morgan gets up from his seat and walks over to Spencer’s plate and starts to pick out the anything red in the salat,

“You don’t like red things?” Hotch asks with a warm smile and Spencer shakes his head as he waits for Derek to finish, “We will note it down for future dinners.”

“I can do it” Gideon offers and wants to take the fork from Morgan but the man just shakes his head at him, “Come on, he needs to learn that he can depend on me.”

“You gotta do a little more than prepping his dinner to do so.” Derek answers and continues what he was doing before Spencer leans his head against his arm for a second as a thank you, “No problem, kid”

///

“Mom” Surprised Derek looks at Fran standing in front of his door, “What are you doing here?”

“I- the house is so empty without Spence and I needed to talk to you.”

“So you flew down here.” He asks surprised,

“Yes” She smiles at him apologetically, “Let me hug you first.”

“Of course” Still confused he pulls her into his arms, “I missed you”

“You have no idea.” She tells him and moves inside the house, “You have it very comfortable.”

“Thank you, if I knew you would be coming, I would have cleaned-”

“Who are you kidding?” Knowingly she raises one eyebrow,

“Sit down, I will make us some coffee.”

“Thank you.” She sits down at the dining table, telling her step son about her flight here and how she came so early but wanted to be here for Spencer's graduation and how she can’t stand the empty house without having to take care of Spencer and finally she asks the question, “How is my baby? I promised myself I would put trust in him but I haven’t heard from him in weeks.”

“He didn’t call or text?”

“You know he would never do that”

“Well he is doing better than I thought.” Derek tells her with a forced smile.

“But?”

“It doesn’t mean he is doing great.” He admits, “I try to be with him as much as possible, but Jason won’t let that happen.”

“He has got his son wrapped around his fingers. It has always been that way, he would take him for a weekend and when he would come back to me, I was the bad guy.”

“He loves you.”

“No I know. I just- I just had imagined him coming home after two weeks.”

///

Spencer squeals in excitement when he sees Fran at the graduation, hugging her with a huge smile on her face, ignoring his new teammates around him.

“Congratulations” She exclaims and Spencer proudly shows her his badge while leaning against her, “This is amazing, I am so proud of you.”

“And I am too, let me hug you.” Derek chimes in and Spencer practically jumps into his arms, enjoying the tight hug Derek always gives him, “You did so good, you are amazing”

Spencer squeals again, flapping his hands as far as that is possible in Derek’s hold, “Where is Jason?” He hears Fran asksing, “Couldn’t bother show up?”

“He is taking a phone call.” JJ excuses him, “He will be here in a second.”

“Let me check your badge” Derek jokes, wanting to give Spencer a chance to show it off before he takes notice of the trouble around Gideon, “And you did not fake this?”

“No” Spencer tells him while giggling, “I guess you can arrest me now too.”

“I am sorry Spencer, I had to take this.” Gideon exclaims as he walks back into the round, “Congratulations buddy”

///

“Can’t he move in with me now?” Derek asks with a stern expression at the celebration they are holding for Spencer at his house, “He stayed with you during the academy, you got what you wanted.”

“He can decide that on his own.”

“No he can’t.” Derek inists, “I want him to live with me, we both know you don’t have the patience.”

“We have been fine for the last few weeks.”

“He can’t stay alone overnight-”

“He did perfectly with that. You need to let him grow up.”

///

“What is it?” Derek asks when Spencer anxiously tugs at his sleeve after everyone gets up from the table to leave for their first case together, “Don’t cry, don’t cry;” Soothing he takes his hands up to Spencer’s face while Hotch eyes them worried, “Was that too fast?”

Spencer shakes his head at that, “Okay, let’s sit down, we can talk about what’s going on, it’s okay.”

“Los Angeles”

“What?”

“Los Angeles.” He repeats before begging with his eyes for Morgan to understand what he is so scared off,

“That’s where we are going.”

“That’s where we are going.” Spencer repeats.

“Yes, we will fly there.” He tells him, “You will get used to our routine, it's okay.”

Bravely Spencer nods as Derek wipes the tears away, “I will be with you this whole time okay?”

“Okay”

“Alright, kid” With a soft smile he looks at him while Spencer stops his tears, “Did Gideon not tell you what would happen?” “No”

“Do you want to know? Then I will tell you on the ride over.” Confident Spencer nods and carefully writes down in his notebook every step he needs while Hotch listens to them from the backseat.

“You can sit down here.” Derek offers when they board the plane but he walks through to sit with Gideon, showing him the plan he made with Morgan and makes adjustments with him but it doesn’t take long until Spencer’s fear of planes sets in and he gets more and more withdrawn, rocking back and forth in his seat before he starts biting down on his hand,

“Spencer don’t.” Gideon reaches for his wrist while tears form in the agent's eyes again, he tries biting down on them hard enough but it won’t help, “Look what I’ve got here, don’t use your hand for that.”

When he tries pulling at it, Spencer rips his arm away and sinks off the seat and under the table from where a muffled sob fills the plane. “What's wrong?” Hotch asks in a stern voice directed at Gideon who doesn’t pay attention, his focus is only on his son.

“Spencer?” The youngest is shaking his head, still sobbing from behind his hand but when Derek’s hands come into his sight, he flinges himself forward, crying into Derek’s shoulder,

“I am here” Derek soothes him, “I’ve got you”

“Mom” He sobs, his hand gripping the back of Derek’s shirt, “Mom”

“Mom isn’t here right now, but if you calm down a little bit we can call her.” He keeps on holding him in his arms, rocking him from side to side until he starts feeling along Derek’s cargo pants to find his phone, “Come on we will call Fran, alright?”

Spencer nods, his hand now holding his tangle as he leans against Derek’s chest, listening to Derek greet their adopted mother before he interrupts him, “Mom”

“Hey honey, it’s good to hear your voice.”

“I am on a plane.”

“Oh, that sounds exciting. Where are you going?”

“California”

“So you have a long flight ahead, did you pack a book?” “Yes”

“Good job, maybe you will be able to read it.” Spencer looks up to Derek, waiting for permission,

“Well, where is it?”

“Bag”

“Do you want to sit back down and read it?” Derek offers and Spencer nods and starts reading but not without Derek sitting down next to him on the couch, “Say goodbye to mom” “Goodbye mom”

“Goodbye, I love you two”

“Love you too, mom”

///

“He is going into a room with me, you have done enough.” Agitated Derek takes the roomkey from Hotch before walking over to Spencer who claps his hands in excitement at that.

“Morgan is not going to go any easier on you, if you don’t give him a chance to see how Spencer is doing in all of this and especially not when you take him away from him.” Hotch tells Gideon when the older man glares at him, “I am not getting between any of you.”

“I am just trying to make up with him.”

“And Spencer loves it but if my father would have come back all of the sudden and would have started to make up with Sean, I would have been careful too. Whatever happened in their childhoods, Morgan was there for every step, you weren’t. He deserves to have some suspicions about your intentions.”

“My only intention is to care for him.” “You will care for him by letting him have some space with Morgan.”

///

Giggling Spencer looks up to Derek as he tugs him in, Gideon had suggested that Spencer stays over at Morgan’s for the night and Spencer had been over the moon.

They had made pizza together and played some cards before Spencer started to get tired and Derek helped him get ready for bed.

“Don’t let Clooney squish you to death.” Derek tells him as he watches the dog laying down on the bed next to him, “I will be one room away, you can call for me if you need me, okay?”

“Okay”

“Alright, goodnight kid.”

“Goodnight” With a grin Spencer looks up to him from underneath his pile of blankets before using his hand to cover Clooney in one too, “Can you leave the door open?”

“Of course.”

///

“He is so tiny” Spencer exclaims as he stands next to Hotch at the hospital, looking down on Jack,

“You were this tiny too.” Derek tells him. “The nurse said you were the tiniest baby she had ever seen.”

“Really?”

“Really.” In awe Spencer looks back down on the baby,

“Can I hold his hand?”

“Of course.” With a soft smile Hotch watches Spencer stick his hand through the small whole on the glass box, “He has a strong grip already.”

“He feels so soft.” Spencer brings out, just before he squeaks in excitement, “Can I hold him? Can I hold him?”

“When we brought him home, you can.” Hotch tells him, “For now he needs to be inside this.”

“Oh” His face saddens at that.

“It’s okay.” Derek comforts him, “When Jack is home, we will visit but for now we need to get going, we need to build his crip.”

“Thank you for doing this.” Hotchs says again, “With all the work, it just slipped my mind.”

“Of course”

“Will you be there for Jack when he grows up?” Spencer asks suddenly.

“As much as I can.”

“More than dad?”

“Spencer, it’s not nice to even question that.” Derek steps in, placing a hand on his shoulder,

“I will be there every free minute I have.” Hotch tells Spencer,

“But that means never being there. Dad always had to work, Dad was never there.” Spencer states, his hands tapping nervously against his leg,

“I will still be there plenty of time.” Hotch states with a frown.

“No, you said you would be there when you don’t work. Dad said he would be there when he doesn’t work. But he was never there.”

“Spencer, I will explain in the car okay?” Derek offers, gently grabbing his hand, “Come on, we say goodbye to Jack and Hotch.”

“No, I want to know now”

“Okay” Derek sights and turns him around, “It’s right, your dad worked a lot and probably also more than Hotch does now. But your Dad was not with us when he had free time. When Hotch gets home, he is with his wife and baby, because he lives with them and they live near the office. But when Gideon went home, you were still far away, so that is already less time. And adding on, I know he never took any off days, this man has more vacation days piled up than anyone else. Hotch wants to take days off for Jack, Hotch uses his vacation to be with his wife. Gideon did not. He did not put an effort into being with you and he did not spend his vacation with you.”

“You are lying, Mom said he had to work all the time.”

“And that’s right, he worked so much but not all the time, sometimes he just didn’t show, no explanation.” With tears in their eyes, Hotch and Derek look at Spencer, “I am sorry, kid”

///

“Do you love me?” Spencer asks a few weeks later, sitting at the dining table while Gideon prepares him dinner.

“Of course.”

“Are you sure?” He presses.

“I have never been more sure of something my entire life.”

“But you didn’t love me when I was a baby.”

“I love you since the day I knew you would be born.” With that he turns around and puts the dinner on Spencer’s table, “Why are you asking?”

“Derek said mom lied, he said you weren’t always at work when I was a child.”

“I was there as much as I could.”

“Why were you not with me every free day, like Hotch is with Jack?”

“I tried to.”

“But you weren’t there.”

“Just because I wasn't there, doesn’t mean I didn’t love you. I missed you every single day.”

///

“I will miss you” With a smile Derek had looked down on Spencer. Gideon had driven him and Elle to the airport for their vacation, before he and Spencer drove up to the cabin to spend the weekend with Sarah. The second week they will meet in Vegas. At least that was the plan.

“Okay” Spencer states, screwing with his eyes against the overwhelming airport lights,

“We will see each other in vegas.”

“Be careful”

“You too.” Derek hugs him loosely, not sure if his brother appreciates the touch right now before leaving with Elle to get through security while Gideon waits with Spencer until they are out of sight.

“I am sorry he isn’t coming with us, I know how much it would have meant to you.” Elle prompts,

“He is not the guy for this anyways.”

“No way, a non partying Spencer, who would have thought.” She jokes but when Elle gets arrested and everything goes sideways, he couldn’t have been more thankful for Spencer not being there.

“Thank god you are okay” With strength he pulls Spencer into a hug when the team lands,

“I am scared.”

“I know, I am sorry. I am so sorry this is happening.” Unsure what to do he cups his face, looking at his tired eyes for a moment, “You are with me now, nothing is going to happen.”

“He came to the cabin, Sarah and I had to hide in the bedroom.”

“I am sorry that happened.”

“She was nice, she told me that she trusts me to protect us.”

“Damn right you can.” He is still not fond of the idea of Spencer carrying a firearm. “Come on, we need your brain at the hotel.”

///

“He was safe with me.” Gideon promises Derek as he watches him sitting on the plane, his leg moving up and down while he looks at Spencer who is leaning against Elle that he had covered with his blanket.

“I know”

“He would have never got to him.”

“He is terrified.”

“He was but now he is okay.”

“He is not, this is too much, he shouldn’t be working here and he especially shouldn’t be working like this! If anything happens to him, ever, it will be your fault, you knew he is not the right person for this job, you talked him into this, you knew he would take this opportunity because all he always wanted was to spend time with you and if he gets hurt, if one day we have to rush him to the hospital, if one day this gets to much to handle and Mom goes back to driving him to therapy every morning and sleeping on the floor next to him it will be your fault.”

///

“Mommy” Derek’s head snaps up, he hasn’t heard Spencer saying it in a really long time. He started calling Fran, Mom not long after moving in with her but Mommy was still reserved for their biological mom, who is standing in the door to their conference room, looking distraught at the room in front of her.

“What are you doing here?” Derek asks unsure.

“Spencer figured out that the unsub must have been inpatient with her, out of Spencer’s letters he gathered the information about us.” Garcia tells him while Derek looks at her in shock. He hasn’t seen her in a long time and almost never without Spencer.

“Why did they have to bring me here?” Diana exclaims, “You know I hate planes.”

“Mom” Derek speaks up and walks over to her,

“No, I want to go home, not with these government people-”

“Spencer told them to get you because it will be safer here. We need your help with something.”

“Help from me? You are getting nothing from me. Letting your little brother work in a place like this, what are you thinking?” She scolds him as he guides her over to a chair. Ever since Spencer had started working at the BAU, Derek had gotten letters about how he would waste his pure soul, how he would ruin his innocent way of thinking. He never answered to any one of them. When he started working here, she had just told him it wasn’t a surprise after his father already worked for law enforcement.

Maybe he even was a little bit jealous when he got the first letter, that she would put so much effort into protecting Spencer but never did fight him one bit when he told her he got the job.

“Mom please, there are lives at stake.”

“Spencer’s is too, so stop with the whole nonsense and bring me home.”

“I can’t do that.” Derek sits down next to her, gripping her hand, “I am sorry mom, but this is important, please. We think he is holding a girl.”

“Mommy please” Spencer whispers, nervously chewing on his lips, “You are not helping the government you are helping the little girl.”

///

“That was stupid!” Derek yells after getting Spencer out of the house, seconds before it burns down,

“Sorry” He whispers, “Sorry, sorry”

“You could have gotten more hurt, there was a bomb, you can’t hide those things from us.”

“Sorry”

“Sorry wouldn’t have brought you back if you died in there. Do you understand how dangerours and stupid that was?” Derek his holding the front of Spencer’s shirt, leaning over him, “Hey look at me for once in your life!”

“I am-I am sorry” “Derek he needs help” Hotch steps in, rushing over with two paramedics, who crouch down next to Spencer, overwhelming him with questions until he presses his hands over his ears and presses his eyes shut and starts calling for his mom, while the female paramedic tries soothing him,

“Your friends are here, would you like one of them to come along?”

“Mommy”

“I am sorry, hon. How about your friend? I am sure he will come with you. It won’t be as bad as you think.”

“Derek”

“You want Derek?” She asked.

“Yes”

“I am here, kid.”

“Scared”

“I am here, they will just need to take care of your burns okay?”

“No”

“It’s alright, I am here, you are okay.”

///

“Spencer!” Gideon exclaims as he rushes into the ER, “Are you okay?”

“Look” Excited Spencer shows him the jello he got from on of the nurses, “She said it is only for people who have to stay here but Derek told her how much I like it and then she said she will make an exception.”

“That’s great, buddy.” Worried, he looks down on Spencer’s legs that are partly bandaged, “How bad is it?”

“I will hurt for some time and maybe scar a little bit but apart from that, he is fine.” Derek tells him, “I would love for him to fly back with me and mom.”

“Of course.” Gideon looks at his son for a moment, watching him eat his jello with pure joy, “He will want you later around later, can’t imagine the bomb being easy on him.”

“We will fly her back, sleep a night in a hotel and then he gets all the rest he needs.”

Two days later, Spencer is fast asleep in his room in Gideon’s apartment, Derek sleeping on the couch while Gideon leaves for work after picking them up from the airport in the morning and he feels honest regret about not having this image sooner in his life, to not step by on long weekends to take Spencer to a park or library. To not get to know Derek as a child but instead being annoyed when Spencer would beg for him to take Derek as well.

///

“Stop annoying me!” Derek snaps, pushing Spencer’s hand away. “You will stop touching me right now alright?”

Disappointed Spencer lets his shoulders slump and goes back to biting on his tangle, holding it with both of his hands.

“Are you two alright?” Emily questions, she doesn’t know them long but she thought she knew enough to read a very loving and gentle relationship between them.

“Just a headache.”

“A headache?” She raises one eyebrow at him and Derek knows she caught the lie. It didn’t take long after the woman had joined the team for them to click, Derek enjoys her present and the friendly teasing between them. Unlike the others, he had the feeling from the beginning that she will stay a while and will be someone they can rely on. “Why don’t Spencer and I grab a coffee? So you can do something against that headache of yours.”

Against Derek’s wishes, Spencer reaches over and tries to put his hand on his forehead, just like Derek does to press a cold washcloth against it when he has a migraine, “I said don’t touch me!” He snaps again and grabs Spencer’s wrist, who starts whimpering immediately,

“Alright, stop” Emily steps in and gently tugs at Spencer’s arm, “Come on, Morgan needs some time to himself, we will take our lunch break now.”

“Our mom is getting worse.” Derek tells her when she comes over in the evening. When Spencer and Emily came back to the conference room, Hotch told them Derek had driven home, needing the afternoon off because he felt unwell, “I mean our biological, she is calling multiple times a day and she is driving me crazy, she tells me about Spencer being poisoned by the government and drawing up the worst scenarios of how he could die and I can’t handle it anymore.”

“I am- I am sorry.” Tired Derek leans his head into his hands, “Did you- is she getting help?”

“She is in a facility, all I have to do is call them to ask them to take her phone away but I can’t do it.” He admits, the tears in his eyes shining from the little light coming from the kitchen, “I can’t cut her out like this.”

“She is hurting you”

“But I- I should be able to handle this, I know it will get better, I know she will stop calling and what if there is something really important and she can’t call me anymore?”

“Then a nurse will call you.” Emily assures him just before his telephone rings again,

“Derek Morgan”

“This is Diana, I need to know if Spencer is okay?” The woman on the other end of the line asks.

“He is in perfectly good health, mom.” Derek tells her tiredly, “Why aren’t you asleep?”

“Can you wake him up? I need to speak to him.”

“He is very tired, I just put him to sleep but he is breathing and I can feel his pulse.” He lies, knowing the truth, that Spencer is staying the night at Gideon’s, won’t help. “Goodnight mom.”

“No no no! Don’t hang up on me!”

“It’s really late, mom. I am tired.”

“No! I need to know that he is okay.”

“He is okay, I brought him to bed and I can feel his heartbeat.” Derek repeats, “He could not be more healthy.”

“I don’t believe you!”

“Mom-”

“I need to speak to him!” She feels agitated, “You are just hiding him from me! You are the one staling him from me!”

“Mom, I am not stealing him-”

“You never- never let me speak to him!”

“It’s late, he needs to sleep, we worked all day.”

“He is too sick to be working, you should care for him-” She yells while Derek hears nurses coming in in the background and feels himself relaxing,

“I am going to hang up now, Mom”

“I hate you!” Is the last thing he hears before hanging up, if it was directed at him or the nurses, he will never know.

///

“Mommy is getting sicker and I need you to be really strong now okay?”

“I am strong, I am an Agent now.” Spencer had told him, beaming at him while showing his gun.

That was this afternoon, now he is missing, being in the hands of an unsub.

Derek is sitting on a chair, his leg moving up and down in rapid paste while he begins more and more to shake, the words of his mother repeating in his hand. He knows Spencer is strong and smart and he knows that the kid is trained but he can’t stop thinking about the pleads from his mother, both mothers actually to take Spencer off the job, to do his best to protect him and now he is somewhere out there.

“I need you to take a deep breath, kid” Gideon’s voice appears in front of him, he hadn’t noticed that he stopped to breath,

“Spencer”

“We will bring him back, it’s okay.”

“He is too young.”

“I know” Derek sobs and Hotch gets the others out of the room, giving them some privacy, “There is every officer in this city looking for Spencer right now.”

“Not enough.”

“If I could, I would have the entire FBI looking for him, but right now, the best we can do to help him is by keeping working on profiling him. Spencer is smart and he is a brave kid, I know he will get through this.”

///

Terrified Spencer looks at the screen, where Derek leans closer into the camera, “If you hear this, kid. I need you to hang on in there okay? Whatever he does, whatever you do, it is not your fault, none of this is your fault. I love you so much and I will bring you home. Your dad is doing everything in his power to get you help, he loves you more than anyone ever could. He want you to know that you are not responsible for this, he can not break you.”

///

Petrified Spencer is kneeling next to his own grave, looking at the agents approaching him, whimpering at the sounds they make, “Spencer” Derek puts his gun away, drops his flashlight and wraps him into a hug that Spencer starts flighting the moment he touches him, trashing in his hold, screaming at him while his lips are pressed together, “It’s me, I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”

He ignores the way Spencer fights against him, how he tries to make him let go, “Don’t look at him, just look at me, I am here, you are safe.” Terrified Spencer looks up to him, shaking his head while Derek keeps his hand on the back of it, “You are safe, I promise you he is not going to hurt you anymore.”

///

“How is he?” Worried, Hotch asks Gideon who steps out of the hospital room where Derek is distracting Spencer so the medics can at least get some work done after he had fought them the whole way here.

“They will need to run some tests before they can say anything.”

Inside, Derek is holding both of Spencer’s wrists, drawing soothing circles with the pet of his thumb on them as Spencer is laying on his side trying to shield himself as much as possible, “When we get home, what do you say we take a long trip to mom?”

“Work”

“We can take a break from that” With tears in his eyes he watches Spencer press his eyes shut, trying to pull himself together while the doctor checks his feet for injuries, “You are doing so good, kid.”

“Mom”

“I will get you to mom okay?”

“Mommy”

“Whoever you want to go to, okay? I will come with you, it’s okay. It will be just the three of us for however long you wan,t okay? Just us. Everything will be okay.”

///

Derek had underestimated how much it would be just the three of them. Ever since Hankle, Morgan can’t leave the room for long until he is screaming for him to come back. Every second without him nearby, Fran has to do her best to keep him calm.

It reminds her of when they first lived with her. Spencer wouldn’t speak, would only communicate with Derek who somehow always understood the broken words, noises and clumsy gestures. If there was a chance, Derek would protectively hold the little boy's hand and even though she had enough room for each of them to have their own, it took months for them to sleep in separate ones. When there was trouble in the house, both boys would hide in Fran’s closet, where they could be sure no one would come looking for them. Often, late at night, she would find them asleep in there but when she would come checking on them over the day, she could hear Derek reading to Spencer. They had their unique way of dealing with things. With all things. Often she had not known how to handle it, especially when she walked in on them sitting in the kitchen with Spencer having a fork in his hand and Derek a knife because Diana had told them that when they can hear a thunder, they know that the bad men will get them, if they don’t fight for their life.

“Did he eat?” Fran asks when she sees Derek coming out of the kitchen,

“No” Tiredly he grabs his cup of coffee, “I stuffed him with a bag of gummy bears last night, I know you don’t like that but he didn’t eat anything, I just needed to get something into him.”

“You are not a kid anymore, I trust you to make those decisions on you own.” She comforts him, “Go try to catch some sleep, I will watch over him.”

“He won’t like that.”

“He didn’t like it as a kid either.” When Derek had gotten older, she eventually had drawn the line. She wanted him to have a joyful youth, to not be constantly reminded of what he did not have in his childhood. She wanted him to develop freely and without always having to deal with Spencer so she made them sleep in separate rooms. That was the start and Derek had cried and Spencer had cried and screamed and Derek cried the second and third night but on the fourth he realized he could watch an action movie that would have been too scary for Spencer and Spencer continued to cry and scream until even he found his rhythm. Enjoying how Fran would take time only for him. Their special time together where they would play a game of chess before bed and then he was allowed to draw a card with the number of pages she would read to him and she would read until his eyes slip close and then she would get up from the bed, kiss him goodnight on the cheek and when he wakes up, he would climb into her bed, sometimes she would already be awake but that didn’t matter, he would curl up there anyways until she would get him.

“Derek is going to catch up on some sleep while we two are going to bake some cookies.” She announces as she steps into the kitchen where Spencer is chewing on his tangle, rocking back and forth as he anxiously studies her, “We will make his favorite, you can surprise him with that, how good sounds that?”

He shakes his head and points at the door through which Derek had left the room, “He needs to sleep, you will have to spend some time with me now.” He shakes his head at that, whining as he does, “I know, honey. You can spend time with him in three hours.” She tells him and grabs the timer from near the stove, “When this rings, you can wake him up okay?”

“Okay” He whispers and takes it in his hand,

“If you manipulate it, you don’t get to wake him up, understand? It will take longer.”

“Okay”

“Alright, I know you can do it.” She lets her hand run through his hair for a moment, ignoring the cut at the side of his head, “What do you say we make the cookies?”

///

“How is Spencer?” Hotch asks Derek when he calls in the evening.

“Not good.” Derek admits and lets his hand run over his face as he watches Spencer curled up on the couch with his book, he had managed it for nearly an hour before he started to hit the timer against the table and was yelling at Fran to let him to Derek who by that time was already awake, trying to get him to calm down but it ended like it often did as a kid, having to hold him down so he can’t hurt himself or Fran. Begging him to stop.

“Are you planning on staying?”

“There is no one that can help him more than mom.”

“Maybe someone can-'' Hotch starts and knows that he is not saying what Derek wants to hear, “I could not agree with you more, Spencer should have never been anywhere near the possibility of getting hurt, he was not cut out for this and that is on Gideon but he is missing him and they two, if you want to hear it or not, got along good the last years. Maybe someone who can relate to what Spencer is going through right now would be more help.”

“The only possibility he is getting his hands near this is by getting him set up with the best therapist he can find inside the berau.”

“I already did that, the moment you come back, there will be someone expecting you two.”

///

“Thank you for agreeing to see us.” Derek thanks the woman Hotch had referred them to, he is holding Spencer’s hand who is shyly hiding behind him, “He is a little bit skittish.”

“That is not a problem, may name is Annalise, can you tell me yours?” She asks with a gentle voice, Derek knows she probably used this on multiple victims before and when it annoyed him in the past, that people speak to his little brother like that, now he just wants anything to work. Anything to help.

Spencer stays quiet behind his back, so he answers for him, “This is Spencer:”

“It’s very nice to meet you, why don’t you two sit down.” When Spencer hesitates again, Derek draws what he knows is his last options,

“Come on, we will try doing this and then we will walk by your dad's office on the way back okay?” He suggests and Spencer agrees, sitting down next to Derek and even if it does not go nearly as smoothly as planned, Derek knows Spencer tried.

///

“Can you tell us where Gideon us?” Derek asks as he leans into Hotch’s office, “Someone did a really good job at his first therapy session.” Proudly he pulls Spencer inside who beams at his superiors after hearing the praise.

“I am glad to hear that, why don’t you tell JJ that real quick? She will love to hear about your time in chicago.” Hotch suggests nervously and for a moment Derek isn’t sure if his nervousness will go by unnoticed by Spencer but the younger man is quick to agree before hurrying him out of the round to do what Hotch told him.

“What’s going on?”

“Gideon hasn’t shown up for work after you two left, so yesterday I drove up to his cabin. He left a letter, it was addressed to Spencer but I needed to make sure that it is not-” He stops himself, “He left the city, we don’t know where he is. I am sorry. I am so sorry.”

///

“Come on, come on, come on, Penelope is waiting.” Jonah stresses him as they get out of his car, “I will pick you up exactly here, okay?”

“Okay, okay, okay.” Spencer tells him.

“You will do good.”

“I know, I worked here before.” Spencer tells his aid with a grin, “Dad said I was the best profiler he had ever worked with.”

“I bet you are, have a great first day back and your first day with your new position.” With that Spencer walks off into the building.

After Gideon left, the first thing Derek was was making sure Spencer is relieved of his duties before taking time off himself, to have time to move him in completely, getting a routine, getting Spencer through therapy and himself into therapy, visiting they mom a couple of times, having their sisters over for a long weekend and eventually having found the perfect aids for Spencer. A duo that works with four more people over the city and Hotch had long before this already drafted a plan on how to make it possible to not take Spencer’s job away completely but to make it safe for him and with the aids being hired, it was no longer a problem for him to consult while being with Garcia and not traveling with Morgan. Working a few hours a day before Jonah picks him up and drives him home. Helping him to plan his day and to do some things. At least for the time that Derek is not there because when he is, Jonah is long forgotten in Spencer’s mind.

“Come here.” With open arms Derek greets him in the hallway near Garcia’s office, pulling him into a tight hug, “I am so proud of you.”

“I am an FBI Agent again.”

“You really are, huh?”

“But not with you.”

“You are still on my team.” He reminds him, “Come on, we get you set up at Garcia’s.”

“Not with you?”

“Not with me, we worked on that, it’s okay. Garcia will be there for you and you know how she is, if there is anything that bothers you, you tell her and she will do everything in her power to help you.”

“Really?”

“More than I ever could, I promise you she will take care of you.” With that he leans closer again, whispering into his ears, “I heard she has the new Doctor who season on DVD and waits to watch it with someone at her apartment on friday.”

“Can we go? Can we go?” Spencer’s face lights up.

“Go on, ask her.”

When Derek comes home from a case a few weeks later and sees her jacket in the living room and finds her sleeping in the bed next to Spencer, he has a safer feeling in his chest as he ever did when Gideon was around.

#fangirlmoon #glowingspence

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