gh0vlz

[gh0vlz]

⌑ So I’m following the map that leads to you… ⌑

Minor swearing, Mafia Dazai and Chuuya, slight ooc for personality and perspective’s sake, angst.

The world was silent, the black void of sky twinkling with tiny lights, gleaming playfully in the young of night. The world was dead, quiet from the usual sounds of the day.

Two figures sat on the grass, unmoving, not speaking, silent. That was how it usually was, silent that is, basking in the presence of the other, relaxing and winding down from the stresses of daily life. One could even call it calming if they squinted.

But nothing could ever be considered peaceful, not in the city of Yokohama, where crime ran rampant. Not in the mafia. Chaos was always around the bend, death a constant in their lives and the lives of many others.

Dazai’s world had always been bleak, empty and devoid of life. He saw everything in black and white, though the concepts of good and evil never seemed to matter much to him, he didn’t care what was black and what was white.

His world was dim and boring, having no purpose to keep moving forward. At least, not until Chuuya came crashing into his life, filling his black and white world with fiery shades of red and orange.

It had all happened so suddenly as Chuuya had, quite literally, crashed into his life. Though Dazai couldn’t lie to himself and say it was entirely unexpected, he had carefully calculated everything.

What hadn’t been anticipated were the feelings that came with being around Chuuya.

Life now, at least, felt a little more interesting to him, exciting even. Maybe just one more reason to haul himself out of bed in the morning, one more reason to continue on living, all just to see the only person he could care for. His companion, his partner, his friend.

—

“Oi! Shitty Mackerel!”

Chuuya’s voice cut through his thoughts like a searing blade, hot and burning through his mind, leaving his mind so sweetly empty, forcing him back into reality. He turned his head, eyes focusing on blazing orange hair.

“Well fuck, finally! Thought maybe you finally died while sitting there, dumbass.”

A smile formed on Dazai’s lips, short lived, but an evident enough reaction. To anyone else, Chuuya’s words would have been biting and cruel, offensive. But Dazai could see through it, straight through his Chibi. He was worried.

“Ah~ such a shame, really. Too bad it didn’t really happen, what I wouldn’t give to die!”

Dazai’s voice was filled with feigned disappointment, exhaling a heavy sigh to drive his act home, garnering only a frustrated huff from his counterpart and angered words.

“Why you-!”

A harsh retort on Chuuya’s lips was quickly and abruptly cut off, his mouth hanging open for a few moments before his jaw audibly snapped shut, turning to look away. Anywhere but at Dazai.

Normally, Chuuya was so upfront with him, expressing his frustrations clearly even if usually through actions rather than words. But the sudden change in the other’s demeanor had caught Dazai’s attention. His Chibi had something on his mind.

A terrifying notion.

“Hmm? What is my dog thinking about? Dogs really shouldn’t think, you know. They should be down on the ground licking their master’s fee-“

Words cut off by a sharp smack upside the head, Chuuya glaring at him, though the actions held no real malice or anger, Dazai knew better than to believe otherwise.

“Ahhh, I hate pain!! Chibi is so mean!”

Dazai complained loudly, screeching and pouting dejectedly at Chuuya, who no longer looked so upset as much as he did annoyed by Dazai’s loud squawking.

Once his complaining ceased, the world fell silent once more, no longer filled by their bickering, just silent. Everything felt more tense than it had before, an air of worry seeming to hang over the both of them, though both for entirely different reasons.

It had been no longer than a few moments, but it had felt like an eternity.

“…I’m not actually human, you know. Why do you still stick around someone- no, someTHING like me?”

Insecurity and vulnerability, Dazai couldn’t say he was an expert in dealing with either, bottling is own up until he could no longer feel them. If he couldn’t feel them, they didn’t exist. His feelings didn’t matter as long as he kept them to himself. That was his philosophy at least.

But this was about Chuuya. Something felt so close and intimate about the whole thing, the person closest to him showing a side of him that was so raw and unfiltered that Dazai almost found himself wanting to see more. To study this side of Chuuya that was so utterly him and no one else.

But he didn’t.

“It’s not a matter of why. I do what I want simply because I can.”

The words felt foreign on his tongue, the act of comforting another completely alien to him. He had never worried much about calming someone down or soothing their worries, but, for Chuuya, he would try.

“After all, how could strings of code posses enough humanity to have such a personality that I detest as passionately as yours?”

The remark sounded snide and playful, light and airy as he spoke them, but it seemed to be exactly what Chuuya needed to hear. Smiles bloomed on each of their faces, basking in the quiet once more.

Of course, Dazai always knew what Chuuya needed, whether he had the ability to provide it or not, he always knew. They were partners after all.

“Stupid Mackerel.”

An insult surely, but it was spoken with such fondness and appreciation, even sounding sentimental, concepts that Dazai knew Chuuya couldn’t express openly to him, nor could he in return. Insults were all they had, but it worked for them.

There was nothing left to say, not when they understood each other so well.

—

Shitty Dazai had actually left the mafia, leaving everyone behind without so much as a word, just disappearing without a trace. Left Chuuya with a wrecked car, ruined pride, and a broken heart.

He opened a bottle of his finest wine that night, drinking his pains and sorrows away, drowning his memories with the bastard. He went from pouring glass after glass to drinking straight from the bottle.

Chuuya didn’t care that Dazai had left the mafia, maybe that was for the best, it wasn’t that. It was the fact that Dazai didn’t see him as important at enough to at least say goodbye… to offer to bring him with.

He would’ve followed him to the ends of the earth, walked beside him. He would’ve done it all in an instant.

But Dazai didn’t care for Chuuya anymore, leaving him questioning if he ever had in the first place. At least, this was the conclusion his impaired mind, drunken body, and broken heart had all come to.

The night passed in a blur of heavy intoxication and broken furniture. And if Chuuya cried, well, there was no one around to know.

[gh0vlz]

「 Something in the way… 」

-My name is Zain for all intents and purposes.

- I am 18 years old and go by they/it.

- I post my writing, mainly focused on BSD if not always focused on BSD.

- My Twitter is: GH0VLZ_