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God, I need you now.

God I know you have a plan for me. I know this is all going to amount to something in the end nut for now I am really a bit stressed. Yesterday me and Will had a slight “show down” and I was foolish to think that I could win. All in all I got sent home early and Kim basically let me know indirectly that they could give a rats ass if I quit. So I am staying, just to spite them, and I am filing a legal claim against them just to see how far I can take this. I know I care too much but I really feel wronged and that is not okay with me. I will keep you posted.

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I am turning into quite the little white girl lately, and I am okay with that for the first time in a while. Loving myself has always been the key to loving others and finding true happiness. I just never really wanted to admit to myself a lot of my faults and wanted to continue on trying to be someone that would really prevail in society today. Unfortunately what that means is not a positive thing. Todays society is filled with negativity, hate, and one upping one another. Being mean is in and love is out. Every girl wants to be the biggest, baddest, bitch. Well at least that was me, and until admitting that what I am is definitely not that I was not able to see my true beauty. God is doing amazing things to me and eventually will be doing amazing things through Me. I capitalize ‘me’ because we are all God, we are all piece of Him, and the more He works through me, the more I will become like Him, I won’t become Him, He will become Me.

~sincere white girl, out~

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and something new is what I got

it seems as though the high entities of thrift town have heard my plea. They must have caught wind of my negative review and ever so sweetly decided that if I was so unhappy there that they should do me a favor and cut my hours down to almost nothing. Yeah, upon all the rest of all the sillyness of that day, a new schedule was released, and my usual 30 hour work week was reduced to half at 15 total hours. Yikes. I mean everything was sort of headed to a negative climax that day anyway, but this I did not expect. The worse part? Andrew ( the one who works the least hardest ) had 25 hours. This is still a cut, but my oh so tactful supervisor walks by and states very matter-of-fact-ly that the cuts were based on work performance. I was enraged. I had been working my butt of for this company for months when I first started. I quickly learned that hard work meant nothing to the, apparently as it had all gone unnoticed. No worries, I get it, the whole being thanked for what you are supposed to be doing thing, but the thing is that we all get paid minimum wage no matter how hard we work, so why should I put in the extra effort? I realize now this was not a good choice and yeah after everything this wil go down as lessons, but there is more to it. Andrew as I had stated before does abosolutely nothing all day and gets away with it. I did nothing for a month or two and they went in on me hard. The thing is though that I had decided a few weeks ago that I was going to work hard. I did not only decide this because of moral factors, but also because if I dont work hard I would die of boredom extremely quickly. Well as I said hard work goes completely unnoticed around there. Well, at least mine did. Literally, I could do nothing right for them. I was accused of so many things instead of being thanked for the extra steps I was taking. Will, the supervisor, undermined every single little thing with a negative context. If I was on register and paying mad attention to detail and doing everything right, I was just going too slow. If I was going fast I would not be paying enough attention and come up short at the end of the night. One day I was the primary register but I noticed that another employee was hanging around and taking on customer unnecessarily. I had decided that because of this it was a waste of time for both of us to be up there and completely unproductive. So, I left my register, grabbed some go-backs, and I made my way to womens front to put them back. I quickly get harassed by Ill-Will (as I shall call him, Im actually quite pleased with that) saying that I need to get back on register for I was only taking those go-backs as an opportunity to chat with Andrew. TO be honest, I knew Andrew was in that section but I really had no intention of chopping it up. HE PRANCED UP TO ME. Yet still, I catch all the blame. I can do nothing right. So, this hour cut is supposedly out of their control yet they can assure me that it has to do with work performance? Bite me, which is it, huh? I can now see this place is not only negative but under appreciative and it seems I am in a hole I cannot climb out of for their vision is fixed. Like I said, I got 16 hours and Andrew got 25. I actually try and Andrew does nothing. I actually am productive and Andrew talks all day with Adrien(who is a manager). I actually deserve 25 hours at least and Andrew should get 15. He is my friend nonetheless but I cannot help harboring slight resentment on this whole thing. All in all, I need a new job, and maybe this whole things is just the push I needed to get out of there. I have been there 6 months and I have been miserable for most of them. I have been frustrated and ill-treated. I truely believe that to survive there you must be a savage (not in a good way), petty, and two-faced. I do not belong there. I need love. I need positivity. I need Salvation. 

Which Sparks and idea. Maybe I should hop on over to Salvation Army and see if they need help. They actually help people and Thrift Town has seemed to be a placid pool of greed and negative control and to stay there woud be certain career death. So out of the four days off I have this week I am happy to find another job. I so badly want to walk out on them, when they need me most just to show them that if they can’t appreciate me I guess they won’t mind if I am gone. 

God Help Thrift Town.

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hey, so I feel I am on the verge of change.

     Today marks the start of something good, I hope. I used to have an online journal @Livejournal.com but I guess that place is dead ( SO I HEAR ) and this place is supposed to be the bees knees. Well we will surely see, won’t we? My name is Lauren and at the moment my life is a bit (and I mean just “a bit” because really things could be so much worse, like MUCH WORSE) miserable. I am currently working full time at a thrift store in The Mission District, San Francisco, called “Thrit Town”. Now, trust me, it is not at all anything that you would think. Well actually, yes it is, it is a two story thrift store with tons of selection. Internally, within the staffing I mean, is where the sadness lies. At this moment in space and time the only people that seem to thrive and have positions of power in that place are seemingly miserable chaps. The kind of miserable chaps that only seem to have negative things to say about their fellow co-workers. I guess here in, just by writing that statement, I am one of them. For the sake of this entry I suppose I will succumb to that, and participate in the “suck”. Well anyway, almost everything seems sad and miserable there, and almost no positivity thrives. The only time you receive any sort of comment from the “elders” is when you are attracting their attention to something negative! It is always a “do this” and “do that” atmosphere, never a “good job team” “lets give it all we got this time, and if that doesnt work then at least we can say we tried” type of gig, and I am growing sorely tired of it. SO ya, I look forward to my numero dos days off. Unfortunately, the past two sets of 24-hour periods I have had off have been miserable as well. The first day was filled with racing around in misery trying to find a dentist to take care of my past-due rotten tooth problem, and with no avail. I was in pain since my Friday night and the only salvation I had was from mass amounts of ibuprofen. Thankfully that settled the pain, but even now I can still feel some swelling and soreness. The ER and the Oral Surgeon could not help me out in one bit. They honestly did not even seem to care all that much, especially the ER. Now, just when my pain was at bay and I was feeling OK, not only looking forward to a nice pain free day but a productive one at that, I get hit with some sort of stomach bug on day two. UGH. I woke up from the excruciatingly bright light in my room with an ugly headache accompanied by an sour stomach. Instantly miserable from the start. I downed some water and some more pills, unsure if the pills were to blame at all and tried to carry on. I only ended up throwing up once thankfully and I slept until 7pm that evening. The only good things to come out of it so far is this pleasant and peaceful morning I am embarking on before the stress of Thrift Town later on, and a more open mind to things I need to take care of in the near future. I stayed up all night watching “New Girl” and then finished my spree on Netflix by watching “Minimalism”. Minimalism was a great eye opening confirmation of greater truths I had already suspected. So as the the misleading title of this little excerpt of my life so wonderfully suggests... I do feel good things are to come. Thanks you God for your mysterious yet perfect ways, and thank YOU GOD for the Proverbs reading I partook in right before diving into this mess. It feels good to practice your TRUTHS. It also feels real swell to be writing again, the actions of striking a keyboard with my God Given hands that are responding to electricity sent by my GOD GIVEN brain and in turn forming these words for you( the reader) to intercept and absorb and make of what you will with you GOD GIVEN EYES AND BRAIN is a luxury. Not because this writing is so great, but because we are alive and able to take pleasure in such intellect. I feel like that in just little time I will be restored. I already know how far He has take me, and I certainly have an idea of how far He is going to take me. Aright now, my morning calls for more productive activities. Thank you and have a blessed day all !

With love and light, 

lauren A.

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we think your a joke so go where it don’t shine, shove it. 

Shove It - Santigold