gertrudethegardenia - Tumblr blog

[gertrudethegardenia]

University starts again soon, time to alternate between completely offline for months and coming back to reblog 100 posts in an hour only to leave again 😌

[gertrudethegardenia]

i forgot to post this last year so im scheduling it to post march 15th 2024 (it's march 17th 2023 rn)

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I DID ANOTHER !! I think it turned out a lot better then the first but idk :3 I’m still learning

[gertrudethegardenia]

Just saw an excellent post on how the Jedi do not have rules against revealing clothing, alcohol, sex etc and I agree with it completely, while at the same time believing very strongly that the Jedi Council have taken numerous votes to force Master Kit Fisto to put a forcedamned shirt on in the council chamber. They are yet to reach quorum on this issue, but one of these days...

[gertrudethegardenia]

Can't stop thinking of an au where Dooku decides he wants to defect and just like ??? Approaches Obi Wan when he's out somewhere all like * pssst. I've decided to defect and somehow this is your problem now * from like the seat behind to him on public transport or like. Next cubical over in some public toilets. And Obi Wan inexplicably (he's under a lot of pressure ok) agrees to this with some minor debate and then just like ??? Doesn't tell anyone???

Like he kind of agrees and sneaks Dooku in to the temple and gets him set up in Anakin's mostly abandoned room on autopilot and then when he realises what he's done he's like. 'How the fuck can I tell anyone?' This is so awkward. What have I done? He was very sleep deprived and under a lot of stress and now he's under even more stress because everyone keeps talking about how Dooku is missing when they're in meetings and Obi Wan knows he isn't missing! He knows exactly where Dooku is actually. And he knows he needs to just fess up but he keeps putting it off because honestly? He's very sure of Dookus good intentions, as is the force, so really what's the harm in him just kind of prolonging the inevitable?

Anyway eventually Obi Wan gets found out by Cody cause he isn't answering his comm when they're on coruscant and Obi Wan is needed for important war reasons, so Cody ends up going to the temple to track him down and he finds Obi Wan AND Dooku in Obi Wan's quarters. And Cody should immediately tell, right? But Obi Wan's earnt his loyalty so instead he's just like 'you've got a lot of explaining to do'. And I think from that point on, Cody is really pressuring Obi Wan to fess up, but Obi Wan still keeps putting it off so now Cody's under masses of stress too.

And then one day Rex is bitching about how Anakin is the most stress inducing c.o and Cody is like. You've got no idea. And Rex is all like 'you're kidding right. Kenobi has nothing on Anakin' and if it was anyone else he wouldn't say anything, but this is Rex and he's been under an enormous amount of pressure to keep this quiet and he just has to tell someone, because he feels like the past few weeks have been so absurd that maybe they aren't even real and he's stuck in some bizarre stress dream, so he just blurts out 'he has Dooku stashed in the temple' and as soon as he says it he's like 'shit. Forget I said anything' but obviously Rex isn't gonna do that. So Rex gets read in.

And eventually it gets to the point where Mace walks in on Dooku, Obi Wan, Cody, Rex and Anakin, one day. And Cody's all like 'we can explain!' And Mace is just getting a headache looking at them all and everyone's pointing at each other but all Mace can say is like 'I expect this kind of shit from the rest of you but Cody? You're better than this'

[gertrudethegardenia]

*screams incoherently*

[gertrudethegardenia]

A happier galaxy where the disaster lineage is somewhat less on fire constantly and senior padawan Obi-wan has developed a fixation on Mandalorians:

Sometimes Feemor regretted just how much he had given away when he had spent 5 expensive months bribing a traumatised Obi-wan to call him brother when he was 14. His dignity, for one, his access codes and shadow cloaking techniques, another. So he had a very dignified reaction when he was awoken to the shine of his younger brother's eyes in the dark at the foot of his bed. "I wou-stop screaming it's just me-I would like a Mandalorian. How do I procure one?"

"How the fuck should I know?"

Obi-wan scowled as if Feemor was being difficult, he wasn't, he wasn't quite awake enough for that yet. "You're a shadow, you're supposed to know things."

Ah, if being a shadow granted you the secrets of the universe instead of just a great many planetary governments, Feemor wouldn't spend so much time wondering what dark rituals Dooku had committed to result in Qui-gon Jinn. (He already knew what regular rituals Qui-gon had committed to result in Obi-wan)

"I know that I'm about to punt you out of my room right now."

"...My birthday is coming up, I believe I deserve compensation for all the traumas."

Obi-wan's eyes were very big now. Feemor sighed. He flopped back down into bed. He resisted the urge to pull his blankets back up and roll over. 'Oh sure when it's time to see mind healers everything's fine but now-'

"Shouldn't you be asking Master then?"

"Master would not approve of how I plan to use the Mandalorian."

He squinted at Obi-wan for a long moment. Obi-wan stared back. He did some quick mental maths and tried not to feel old. Eh. Fine. Feemor swung his legs out of bed. "You had me at 'Master wouldn't approve'."

"Do you think I could get one by walking into little Keldabe and asking very nicely?"

As it turns out, yes he could. A few too many in fact, apparently Jedi, their ancestral enemy, in the Mando district attracted attention, who knew? Feemor knew, Feemor would have known if only he had been properly awake when this semblence of a plan was proposed. He stalked through the cantina towards Obi-wan who was leaning slightly forwards against a pillar, ah...speaking, to a Mandalorian with painted orange armour while surrounded by a larger crowd of Mandos. At least they seem mostly amused. He ignored the youngers squawk as he yanked the back of his robes so that he moved away from the Mandalorian and spun him around.

"You cannot solve centuries of animosity by batting your eyelashes."

"I'm not batting my eyelashes " Obi-wan sniffed," I'm shaking my ass, there's decidedly more effort involved."

"I miss when I was an only child." Feemor sighed deeply. He used the force to scruff the neck of Obi-wan's robes and dangle him slightly in the air. He ignored the shouting from beside him and bowed politely to the staring Mandos. "My apologies for the disturbance, this will not happ-" He considered his brother who was now yelling out his personal comm code with a wink. " Please excuse us, this very probably will happen again, we shall workshop it. May the force be with you all."

I don't have a fully planned AU but it is Codywan!!! cause I love those bitches but have some more dialogue I came up with for this AU. I'm imagining them both as like 20-23, Obi's close to knighthood. He's still a padawan for this because I think him causing Qui-gon headaches is funny. Feemor fully thinks this complicated courtship dance Obi's created is funny, he likes studying his little brother like a bug, he just wasn't prepared for him to just waltz into little kelbade and start hitting on people, though he really should have been.

Hand wavy timeline with Jaster alive but the clones are still clones, Jango was kidnapped and held in stasis or something, Jaster claimed them as Mandos. This is really just about Obi's first and biggest diplomatic achivement being friendly Jedi-Mando relations purely cause he was in his thot era. This also somehow saves the galaxy from the sith.

I like to imagine that Cody's brothers recorded that little exchange between Fee and Obi on their helmets and uploaded it online where it went viral on MandoNet before going viral galaxywide because wait holy shit is that a Jedi saying that????. Qui-gon gets called in for a very weird meeting where the council's like ok so the entire holonet has seen your padawan being horny on main but also this is like the biggest jump in our diplomatic relationship with the Mandos in centuries so like can we keep this up somehow? This results in Obi-wan being holonet famous, first through vode recordings but then he starts a space tumblr and twitter account and he's famous now. Then his friends and other jedi start accounts because wait we're allowed to do that? and those become big as well and this is literally the best PR the jedi have had in hundreds of years. the holonet loves them. the sith are fuming.

Obi-wan, scoffing: What were they gonna do? Shoot me? Feemor: Yes. Obi-wan: I don't believe in blasters. Bly: ...like as a concept...? Obi-wan: No, spiritually.

Obi-wan: I'm sure there's a nice Mandalorian we can find for you Feemor: I'm not sure those 2 words belong together Obi-wan: No of course not, we can't find a nice one, then they'd be all alone, we need to find an absolute bastard of one so that you two match :)

Obi-wan: Oh so Master gets to take in pathetic life forms but I don't? This one's already domesticated! Wolffe: Debatable. Feemor: Cody's a person! Not a stray tooka! Obi-wan: Master takes in stray people all the time! That's how he got me!

Qui-gon: How do you explain this behaviour Padawan ? Obi-wan: The force pushed me towards the Mandalorians Master, it was quite insistent on me developing better relations with them given our difficult history. Feemor: Fascinating, please do elaborate, I'd love to hear the theological implications of a force-assigned kink.

[gertrudethegardenia]

the problem with reading and writing leading to a strong vocabulary is that you tend to know the vibe of words instead of their meanings.

if I used this word in a sentence, would it make sense? absolutely. if you asked me what it meant, could I tell you? absolutely not.

[gertrudethegardenia]

My guy, smoking is really bad for you

We believe in blatant favouritism in this household, so I will just keep turning most of my Tem portrait practices into Rex until seriously motivated otherwise

[gertrudethegardenia]

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🕷️MANDA🕷️

[gertrudethegardenia]

bitches be like "I am so normal and well adjusted."

And then rotate a fictional man around in their head for 12 hours straight like he is in a microwave just to get through the day

it's me, I'm bitches

[gertrudethegardenia]

Dear gods i am NOT putting more effort into this. If you see any oopsies or mistakes, no you didnt it is 1.20 am i would like to finish my drink and go to bed.

[gertrudethegardenia]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33432256

i need more AUs where Count Dooku isn't _that_ bad (because he rly didn't fall that far) and he mightve left but is still a good grandpa for his lineage

um anyone has any recs? thank youu

[gertrudethegardenia]

The best part of waking up

[gertrudethegardenia]

If you see this you’re legally obligated to reblog and tag with the book you’re currently reading

[gertrudethegardenia]

i have so many of these akdkskkd