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My safe space has shrunk down to my room again I hate having agoraphobia flair ups I hate it I don't like feeling unstable and insecure in my home. I feel myself actively getting drained and anxious the second I step outside of my room and I have no idea how to combat it if I try to hang out in common spaces I just shut down and I hate it
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sorry for not talking to anyone i am completely one hundred percent disconnected from this reality
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I am straight up not having a good time rn
#been unmedicated cuz pain meds and now im going through withdrawal my rat died im sad as hell going through hormone flux#plus im in pain all the time and cant do anything i want to and have no interest in doing anything and i just dont fit in anywhere#and im just a nuisance i dont belong anywhere and im miserable to be around cuz im miserable#and one of my nipples is dead snd in thr process of falling off and theres nothing i can do about it#cant even cry. i cried for like 20 minutes during diaz funeral and thats it
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Don't like my spot on the couch has been taken makes me anxious and sad but it's so petty I can't say anything. I've always had the corner and I hate I don't know where to sit anymore. I miss having the couch corner
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I am.
Very sad and very much want to isolate in my room I just feel empty and sad
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#im an asshole n i never shut up#i feel like. any progress ive made towards beinf a better person is washed away#stupid pretentious ass shut the fuck up stop being so competitve#just. be quiet whats wrong with u ur driving people away by veing insufferable#i just gonna cocoon n never come out i cabt fuckin do any social interaction right#i know!! im doing it bad !!! but i cannot stop n it feels weird to acknowledge it#fuckin stupid ass pretentious asshole just stop talking#im just! a wildly unlikeable guy!#sorry to people who have been around me recently im just garbage n should just. stop#its not important! dont be competitive! why am i so competitve !!!! stop it !!!!!!
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I was already Going Through It emotionally and having a Bad Time and Regressing and now my favourite rat is dying and I won't be able to kiss or hold her anymore after tomorrow and I STG im about to go off the fucking deep end
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Cis men b like: shut down and ignore you until you apologize and take ownership of his actions and absolve him of guilt noise
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He crossed a line, he was being unreasonable. Don't text to apologize it's not your fault
Don't reach out to apologize
Let him take ownership of his actions
It's not your fault it's not your fault it's not your fault It's not your fault it's not your fault it's not your fault It's not your fault it's not your fault it's not your faultIt's not your fault it's not your fault it's not your fault
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emotionally im doing the laminated paper wobbling sound
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Eccc is cancelled because I said I wanted to do a birthday thing. I know I'm not that important but. It's been too many times to be a coincidence
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2020 birthday:
Unknown gastrointestinal thing causing rectal bleeding at work and vomiting.
Co-workers cornered me coming out of the bathroom after calling the nurse hotline, had a panic attack
They got me chocolate cake which I fucking hate and makes me feel sick
Dad forgot
Long message from my aunt condemning my gender identity saying I'll always be her niece and I'll go to hell if I continue down this deviant sinful path
Walked to London drugs, but they didn't have what I needed so I just came home
Spent $20 on lunch I was looking forwards to and couldn't eat it because I was so nasuous
Eccc cancelled
Diaz is getting worse and her time to cross the rainbow bridge is soon, I know it so I spent my lunch looking at pet crematoriums
Every year I try to acknowledge it it gets worse, its only okay if I pretend it doesn't exist and I was never born. I should have never been born. I never should have been born. Every year I get older things get worse and worse, the signs are pretty clear
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Breaking up !!! We're breaking up!!!!! And it's my fucking fault !!!!!!!
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i am fine thank you for asking! though recently there has been a darkness growing within me
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