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Pleasure in Sex Ed

Sex Education needs to include discussion beyond abstinence-only. It even needs to include more than safe sex information. It needs to include pleasure.

Why? 

Because it is discriminatory to non-heterosexual subjects whose sex is merely for pleasure and not procreation. And what’s so wrong with that?

Because penetration is not the only kind of sex. For subjects of all sexual orientations this is true.

Because it’s discriminatory to women. 

Discussing sex without discussing pleasure teaches women that their pleasure is not as important as men’s.

Because women grow up thinking that sex for them is supposed to be tolerated and not enthusiastically sought out and enjoyed.

Because means to sex is all too often thought of by men as something to be coerced.

Because affirmative consent needs to be taught, and affirmative consent involves desire and pleasure.

Source: Yes Means Yes! Visions of Female Sexual Power & a World Without Rape, Eds. Friedman & Valenti.    Berkely, CA: Seal Press, 2008.  ISBN:978-1-58005-257-3.

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University of Maryland’s 2nd Annual Slutwalk!!! It was a beautiful day to fight rape culture.

“We have the power, we have the might, we have the voices, take back the night!”

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Sexual Scripts in Greek Life

Being a member of greek life, it is so easy to see the way that our organizations exhibit gendered sexual scripts every day. Social greek life organizations are rooted in tradition, but many of these groups have not shifted to a modern day approach to sex.

For instance, in many sorority houses, men are not allowed into bedrooms for overnight visits. This perpetuates a heteronormative approach to keeping these women “pure” and “chaste.” However, there is no policy against having a female outside of the sorority stay overnight in a member’s room. A woman who is a part of the LGBTQIA+ community would be able to have a non-male partner stay in their room and engage in sexual activities.

Fraternity men are also seen as dominant over sorority women. Many fraternities have formal weekends, where their dates (who are usually in sororities) are expected to sand, prime, paint, seal, and stock a cooler for the man who invited them. This is all in exchange for the woman to come with him that weekend and have sex.

This kind of behavior is also seen at fraternity parties and in greek life hookup culture in general. Men are expected to be allowed to “sleep around” or “not put a label on things.” The party culture and the ranking system creates a competitive environment in which these groups of men want to come on top: who can sleep with the most/hottest girls, who throws the best parties, who got the best cooler, and who is the most athletic. 

Sorority party culture is dependent on the dominance of fraternities as well. Their “tier” is based on who is the hottest, who mixes with the best fraternities, and who is the most involved with the philanthropies of the top fraternities. Sororities who aren’t “top” end up not having a high retention rate and ultimately fail, as girls don’t want to join the “bottom” sorority. 

Greek life has shifted too far from its original purpose, from sisterhood and brotherhood to who can be the best on campus. The high importance of sex in the culture has permeated the values of organizations who were founded on wholesome values. Sororities are still supposed to be seen as hyper-pure, when that’s unrealistic for such large groups of modern women and fraternities are seen as hyper-sexual, when masculinity should not the most important quality in the character of chosen brothers.

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A JMU Student reported an incident of sexual assault to OSARP, and although the assailant even admitted that she had said “no” to his sexual advances twice before he continued and assaulted her, he was found “not guilty.” 

“No” does not mean “try harder” and it does not mean a woman is playing hard to get. It is not consent in any way. And JMU failed to provide justice to this young woman. JMU has failed to protect us. I am saddened by this news and tremendously disappointed in JMU.

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Yes. To all the reasons.

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My choosing to have sex with someone is not me “giving myself up too easily.”  It wasn’t a lack of self control or a lost battle.

I wasn’t “just giving him what he wanted,” because I wanted it too.

I didn’t lose anything;  I just gained an orgasm. 

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Note: Women can (and should) masturbate too! It seems that men are much more comfortable discussing it, and sometimes even doing it, than women, but there should be no shame in gettin’ down with yourself no matter what your gender is!

Masturbation!

Believe it or not, masturbation is an important part of everybody’s sex life. Not only does it have actual health benefits like improving sleep, reducing stress, and boosting good hormones like endorphins, but it also helps to improve your sex life with others. 

It is important to know what works for your body: faster, slower, little pressure, more pressure, vibration or stroking. Knowing these things allows yourself to feel pleasure by yourself, but also gives you important information about what you like in sex. 

If you don’t even know what you like, how can you expect anyone else to figure it out? So get comfy and get to know yourself!

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Check Yourself / Ask Others

What can you do on an individual level?

Well, one thing is to check yourself on the things you are assuming about other people. Some self-education will help with that, but also asking people and opening up the discussion to allow individuals to describe their own experiences and identities without intrusion or impositions. Be a good listener and be respectful. 

Ask people what their gender identity is, and ask people what their pronouns are. Even if you think it is obvious -- you may not be correct. Ask people what their sexual orientation is. Do not assume heteronormativity. There is a whole spectrum of sexual identities out there, and anyone could identify in any way. Even if they are in a relationship or mention a particular attraction they have. They may have multiple attractions!

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I made some posters for the Women’s Center SlutWalk we had on campus today. It may not have been perfect but it was nice to see and be apart of.

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iconic

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• Several states and major cities have supported transgender people’s bathroom access for years. • Fears about male predators have not been borne out in those places • Police and school officials say they haven’t seen it either • The nation’s leading organizations dedicated to stopping violence against women signed a letter saying that this argument is a myth • Sexual assault remains a crime no matter why someone claims they entered a women’s space • Some of the arguments about bathrooms are just a cloak for prejudice • Studies show transgender people are more likely to be victims.

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Some Monrovia parents upset after Planned Parenthood attends school resource fair

Source

Despite it being proven that comprehensive sexual education is effective and abstinence-only education/relying on parents to educate their children about sex is more harmful than helpful, parents still had an issue with Planned Parenthood providing students with “information on puberty, healthy relationships, birth control and STD prevention.” When we stigmatize the things that planned parenthood was teaching we hurt children, but mainly girls. Girls and women are already treated unfairly when it comes to sex, but when you include lack of sex ed girls are the ones that suffer. We refuse to give young girls sex ed, then we refuse to give support to teenage mothers, then we demonize abortions and make safe abortions as hard to get as possible. Many people are against Planned Parenthood for the sole reason that they provide women with safe abortions. But before abortion was legal, women still got them (and many died from them) because of the stigma around teenage pregnancy/pregnancy out of wedlock. By allowing the lack of sex ed and fighting the work Planned Parenthood does, we harm women.