gayofgaymark2

[gayofgaymark2]

[gayofgaymark2]

never forget the universal rule of the order of things: People Will Not Read It

[gayofgaymark2]

I really, really hate how awful I am in regards to keeping in contact with others. I want healthy and fulfilling relationships with my friends, but it’s very hard for me to wholly invest myself. I want to talk to you, but it’s difficult for me to muster the energy to do so sometimes. I want to hang out with you, but isolation also sounds nice right now. I’ll read your texts, but I’m not necessarily in the mood to reply at the moment. Then I feel anxious attempting to reach out when I do have the energy and I am in a good mood because I feel like I pushed you away and you dislike me now, so I usually remain isolated. I feel selfish because of it. And I feel like a bad friend.

[gayofgaymark2]

[gayofgaymark2]

The Myklebust Ship, believed to be the largest Viking ship ever discovered, stands as a testament to the ingenuity of Norse craftsmanship. At 30 meters (98 feet) long, this extraordinary vessel was uncovered in Nordfjordeid, Norway, within a cremation burial mound dating back over 1,000 years. Likely belonging to King Audbjørn of the Fjords, it symbolizes the power and prestige of Viking royalty.

Today, the ship is reborn at the Sagastad Viking Center, where a full-scale replica invites visitors to step into the world of the Vikings. Completed in 2019 using traditional techniques, the replica is not just for show—it’s fully seaworthy and occasionally launched on the fjord. The remains of 7,000 rivets and 44 shield bosses tell a story of strength and status, connecting us to a time when these ships ruled the seas.

🎥: @sagastad_official

[gayofgaymark2]

@vansharssandbox

Real

[gayofgaymark2]

"Hey, what do you want for Ch-"

I don't know, as soon as you started the question, I somehow momentarily was struck with such a lack of desire for any material goods that there's now a school of thought in Buddhism who reveres my ADHD riddled brain as a potential speedrun to enlightment.

[gayofgaymark2]

Having your main anxiety response be Avoidance is crazy cause you'll think you're chillin and then one day you're like waitttt I've been paralyzed with fear this whole time. Damn

[gayofgaymark2]

As an autistic person, the implications of "if they really cared I wouldn't have to say it" culture are really scary. Because I want to know what hurts your feelings, what crosses your boundaries, where the line between teasing and being mean is at for you, what you need, and how to make you feel loved. And the implication that if my disability makes me unable to figure out these things through intuition alone, then I'm just not worth having around, is genuinely heartbreaking

[gayofgaymark2]

Also ignoring anxiety can cause it to escalate to more drastic symptoms that are more commonly attributed to these other illnesses. Hell, when my dad ignores how overstimulated he is he goes blind. If the usual channels of communication don't work the brain will start flipping random switches until the problem is addressed.

there is a very real tendency of teenagers with anxiety disorders self diagnosing with considerably more stigmatized and impairing mental illnesses (e.g. schizophrenia, DID, personality disorders), but the best response to that isn't to get angry with them for "appropriating" lol. instead you show them coping resources for the problems they're actually having and deemphasize diagnostic categories in general. if an 18 year old is claiming to have alzheimer's, they're probably making an innocent mistake and are in genuine distress. be kind.

[gayofgaymark2]

Hey btw, here's a piece of life advice:

If you know what you'd have to do to solve a problem, but you just don't want to do it, your main problem isn't the problem itself. Your problem is figuring out how to get yourself to do the solution.

If your problem is not eating enough vegetables, the problem you should be solving is "how do I make vegetables stop being yucky". If your problem is not getting enough exercise, the problem you should be solving is "how do I make exercise stop sucking ass". You're not supposed to just be doing things that are awful and suck all the time forever, you're supposed to figure out how to make it stop being so awful all the time.

I used to hate wearing sunscreen because it's sticky and slimy and disgusting and it feels bad and it smells bad, so I neglected to wear it even if I needed to. Then I found one that isn't like that, and doesn't smell and feel gross. Problem solved.

There is no correct way to live that's just supposed to suck and feel bad all the time. You're allowed to figure out how to make it not suck so bad.

[gayofgaymark2]

Grumble grumble…

[gayofgaymark2]

I saw this book entitled "Plants Have So Much to Give Us, All We Have to Do is Ask" by Mary Siisip Genuisz and i thought oh I HAVE to read that. The author is Anishinaabe and the book is all about Anishinaabe teachings of the ways of the plants.

Going from the idiotic, Eurocentric, doomerist colonialism apologia of that "Cambridge companion to the anthropocene" book, to the clarity and reasonableness of THIS book, is giving me whiplash just about.

I read like 130 pages without even realizing, I couldn't stop! What a treasure trove of knowledge of the ways of the plants!

Most of them are not my plants, since it is a different ecosystem entirely (which gives me a really strikingly lonely feeling? I didn't know I had developed such a kinship with my plants!) but the knowledge of symbiosis as permeating all things including humans—similar to what Weeds, Guardians of the Soil called "Nature's Togetherness Law"—is exactly what we need more of, exactly what we need to teach and promote to others, exactly what we need to heal our planet.

She has a lot of really interesting information on how knowledge is created and passed down in cultures that use oral tradition. The stories and teachings she includes are a mix of those directly passed down by her teacher through a very old heritage of knowledge holders, stories with a newer origin, and a couple that have an unknown origin and (I think?) may not even be "authentically" Native American at all, but that she found to be truthful or useful in some way. She likes many "introduced" plants and is fascinated by their stories and how they came here. (She even says that Kudzu would not be invasive if we understood its virtues and used it the way the Chinese always have, which is exactly what I've been saying!!!)

She seems a bit on the chaotic end of the spectrum in regards to tradition, even though she takes tradition very seriously—she says the way the knowledge of medicinal and otherwise useful plants has been built, is that a medicine person's responsibility is not simply to pass along teachings, but to test and elaborate upon the existing ones. It is a lot similar to the scientific method, I would call it a scientific method. Her way of seeing it really made me understand the aliveness of tradition and how there is opportunity, even necessity, for new traditions based upon new ecological relationships and new cultural connections to the land.

I was gut punched on page 15 when she says that we have to be careful to take care of the Earth and all its creatures, because if human civilization destroys the biosphere the rocks and winds will be left all alone to grieve for us.

What a striking contrast to the sad, cruel ideas in the Cambridge companion of the Anthropocene, where humans are some kind of disease upon the Earth that oppresses and "colonizes" everything else...!...The Earth would GRIEVE for us!

We are not separate from every other thing. We have to learn this. If I can pass along these ideas to y'all through my silly little posts, I will have lived well.

[gayofgaymark2]

i keep thinking about this NPR piece i listened to years ago about an adult autistic woman who had always had trouble reading social cues. and the example she used was that at summer camp as a kid, she saw a boy and a girl getting into a sailboat and trying to get the sails set up properly, only neither of them seemed to be doing a super fantastic job of it or getting it done quickly, so she asked if they wanted her to do it (since she had just learned how the other day) and they looked at her like she had three heads, and she was never able to figure out why. her entire life was like that: people treating her like an alien because of some missed cue that she was powerless to infer.

and then one day, decades later, she goes in for an experimental treatment where doctors blast her brain with magnets. and instantly, she thinks back to the boy and the girl on the sailboat and realizes that oh my god, they were on a date, that's why they looked at her like that, they were enjoying each other's company and not focused on efficiency. and it was like that with every event in her life: she could suddenly see behind the curtain, see what everyone else had been seeing the whole time.

and then 48 hours later it was gone. she could remember the conclusions she drew, but the thought process that led her there was totally alien. and of course she went back to the doctors to try the treatment again, and of course it didn't work.

she had gotten the fruit of knowledge beamed directly into her skull for two beautiful days and had to live with the aftertaste for the rest of her life. i think about her a lot.

[gayofgaymark2]

Friendly reminder to not punish yourself for creating. 

[gayofgaymark2]

not vibing with the depiction of rsd etc as being rooted solely in being "punished" for being different, with the emphasis on active abuse. like. i don't know why we're so reluctant to acknowledge this but everyone wants to be liked and accepted because we have literally evolved that trait. it's a survival trait. your brain makes you feel bad because not being part of the group means you'll fucking die for 99.9% of the entire history of the species. accumulating endless rejections during your developmental years is by itself enough to make you oversensitive to the possibility of more. by itself it's enough to make the latest one feel like physical pain, because your fucking survival needs brain shit is being set off. you fucked up and you're going to die. the other monkeys hate you and you don't get to eat and you're not safe. like. i do not get why acknowledging that the desire to be liked and accepted is not only not pathetic but literally just. the reflex of evolutionary selection. you want to feel liked and useful and accepted for the same reason that you don't want to touch a hot stove. for the same reason your brain gives you Happy Chemical if you do something like drink water when you're thirsty. "Ah, I have Completed Survival Task".

& tbh if your brain is stingy with the "Completed Task" chemical, i can only see that being fucking worse. exclusion = death never gets fully appeased. you don't have to have a history of people assaulting you for being weird for rejection to qualify as an existential threat in your brain because it is evolutionarily an existential threat!

[gayofgaymark2]

what are some of the most impactful/life-changing self-help books youve read? (using self-help very loosely here)

These books provided a foundation to much of my life and work. Thanks for the great question.