gavintalks - Tumblr blog

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[gavintalks]

I cut off pretty much all of my hair the other day.

So that was awesome!

And my packer is in the mail. So hopefully when I get back to college, everything will be all set for a while! :)

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This is incredible.

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Charlie and I were talking about the possibility of me ever transitioning last night.

It was really interesting, because whenever I mentioned something about it, I used the hypothetical. Like "I would ___", but when he talked about it, he used future. Like "You will ___." 

I just thought it was a really interesting, subtle difference.

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I’m obsessed with his hair.

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Object

Cicada wings, legs

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I've had a very limited time in the trans* community, but of what I've seen here, there's only one thing that's really bothered me.

Some people say Non-Op people are not really trans.

I'm sorry. If someone's gay and they choose, for whatever reason, not to have a partner, does that make them not really gay?

I didn't think so.

The same should apply.

That's all.

Thank you.

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Sorry. Charlie jacked my laptop while I was reading his essay.

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Hello everyone. This is the infamous Charlie. I just wanted to drop by, say hi, ask how everyone is doing today. I hope things are going well with everyone!   Gavin's a pretty swell guy, isn't he?

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I had a dream that I got married to this guy I have a casual crush on. And about a year into our relationship he found out that I was trans, and instead of freaking out about it, he totally supported me and told me that I should transition and that he'd help me out every step along the way.

The dream was sort of told in snapshots, but I remember distinctly there was a "scene" where I finally grew substantial stubble. And I burst into tears. He just hugged me through it and I remember feeling damn happy. I woke up after that, but it was a really nice dream to have. Definitely made that day a little better. :)

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[gavintalks]

Reblog if you want "have you ever" asks.

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I asked Dad about changing my minor. He said, "Whatever you choose, run with it and don't look back." I joked to Charlie how I could put that in a different context, and use it to mean my transition, just to see what Dad thought. Just to go through with it and then see what Dad thought.

I was joking. Charlie wasn't. 

I'm at this weird place where I really, really want to go ahead and transition, but I know that doing so will hurt so many people around me that I can't bring myself to follow through with it. Charlie seems to think that I should do what's best for myself, and not what's best for everyone else.

I'm just really torn about all of it. But it's interesting to hear the opposite opinion all the time from him.

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[gavintalks]

Pardon my petty complaining.

Today has just been a bad day for me, gender-wise. 

My hair is driving me crazy. It should all be gone by Monday, but still. Plus in class, I was really bored, so I drew myself as I'd like to be. But it was pretty distinct from how I normally draw myself. Well Charlie leaned over in the middle of class and wrote that he thought that I made a pretty hot guy in that picture. Which sorta made me jump. Because he managed to realize that I'd drawn myself even though it looks nothing like me.

And I started getting to thinking about facial hair again, and how weird and amazing it must be. But I laughed about it at Charlie, because I don't like to center everything we talk about on my transition or lack-there-of. 

It's just been nagging at me, too, because I'll be getting my packer in the mail during spring break. Which means it'll get to my dorm then. So I'll have to wait another week to get it. I'm just not looking forward to that.

Plus I just began to remember how incredibly afraid of surgery I am, and how little money I'd actually have for anything if I decided to transition at all. And how much my parents would get upset. 

Also I'm still like a DD and it's driving me crazy. I only bind at home when I get the chance to, but our roommates have been everywhere so that's sort of out of the question.

So anyway. Another silly day of Gavin not liking his body. And another post of me complaining. I know so many others have it so much worse, but I just feel a lot better when I get to vent.

[gavintalks]

TMI Tuesday, if anyone's interested.

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