garmdorf

[garmdorf]

I just want it all to be eeeeasyyyy and feel so gooood

[garmdorf]

How to Deal with Insecurity in a Relationship

1. Take control of your thought life and focus on the truth. A lot of people become insecure because they imagine things falling apart. Stop imaging your partner being untrue to you, or becoming interested in someone else. Don’t let your fears create a false reality.

2. Let the relationship follow its own course. Allow yourself and your partner to simply be themselves, and to only commit what each is ready to commit. A good relationship is based on understanding and respect.

3. Don’t give into the urge to snoop around. Don’t start being sneaky, or acting in ways that make you seem suspicious or lacking in trust. That will only undermine your relationship.

4. Focus on being positive. Instead of using up your energy on feeling insecure – or in putting yourself down, or thinking of “what ifs”, try and think about the happy, good experiences you’ve shared.

5. Don’t compare yourself with others. We all have different strengths, personalities and gifts. Be proud of who you are – you are special and unique.

6. Don’t compare this relationship to previous relationships. Even where things have gone wrong in a past relationship, it doesn’t mean this partner is going to treat you badly. It’s a new chapter now – give your partner a fair chance.

[garmdorf]

“Being alone never felt right. Sometimes it felt good, but it never felt right.”

— Charles Bukowski

[garmdorf]

“Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being excited about what could go right.”

— Zig Ziglar

[garmdorf]

Some Signs that Life is Demanding Your Attention

1. The same themes and patterns (which are usually self-defeating) keep reappearing, or repeating themselves.

2. Unresolved issues and heatache from your past, are stopping you from living and enjoying your life now. These are triggered more frequently and easily today.

3. You have trouble coping with powerful emotions – like overwhelming anger or excessive crying.

4. You feel anxious, restless and dissatisfied, and feel as if something needs to change in your life.

5. You feel dazed or shocked by something that has happened, and can’t pick up the pieces and “be normal” again.

6. You keep pushing down your feelings, and denying your emotions, but they keep resurfacing – and just won’t go away.

7. You make superficial changes as you’re scared of digging deeper. - but that doesn’t work for long as the real problem’s still there.

8. You can’t let go of something that meant a lot to you – a disappointment, or a failure, or a past relationship.

[garmdorf]

“Instead of saying ‘I’m damaged, I’m broken, I have trust issues’ say ‘I’m healing, I’m rediscovering myself, I’m starting over.’ Positive self-talk.”

— Horation James

[garmdorf]

“Life is messy. Be brave.”

— Unknown

[garmdorf]

I'm sorry I made such a mess of everything because i was just comparing my life to everyone else's. If we're going to spend the rest of our lives together, we have the REST of our LIVES. Everything that you're doing is to make our future together better.

I didn't even realize it until i was thinking about it today, but my mom didn't have my sister until she was 32 and me at 34. I don't know how i forgot that, i just got so caught up in everybody else's life plans that i didn't truly think about my own.

If you need to move for med school, we can move. There's always the chance to move back. And even if not, if we have to move for your future job, we'll make it work. As much as i would want to raise kids near my parents, neither of my parents stayed in their hometowns either... they would understand. Yes, it would be scary and hard. But life is long and i can't keep being scared to take the next steps.

When your lease ends, i think you should move in. That next step would feel so much more official and would be better for our relationship.

I'm sorry for how much i hurt you yesterday. I've been living in the past for too long, not taking care of my own needs and not taking care of our relationship. You're my world. Please forgive me.

[garmdorf]

He STILL talks to his ex

I'm feeling so stupid right now

[garmdorf]

Relationships are hard.

Relationships with sociopaths are confusing.

Two days ago we had sort of a fight (not exactly, but idk what else to call it). I told him i felt insecure (about myself... basically i can't stop comparing myself to his exes who are super hot), and he pretty much said he didn't understand why I'm with him if he makes me feel so bad. Then i backtracked and said it's my personal shit that I'm putting on him, which is true. My anxiety has me constantly second guessing whether or not he likes me, even though he constantly reassures me.

But the confusing part was when he almost broke up with me, saying that insecurity was the problem that caused his last relationship to fail and that the same thing is going to happen if we let this go on.

We moved past that in conversation and made up, but the thing that's still on my mind is...had he thought about us breaking up already? He seemed so immediately "done". Idk if this is just a foreshadowing or what. We had such a big talk after that, about our timelines and life plans. I'm just left feeling confused, it came out of nowhere. I guess if it happens again I'll just have to let go. I hope not, but look at my relationship history... I'm a fixer. I really don't want to have to get back into the dating world with herpes, too. Fucking stupid. I feel like I'm going to have to be super attractive for men to want to be with me with herpes. Either way i hope we can just make this relationship work. I love how we feel together, and yes i really love the sex lol.

I'm glad I'm not with my ex anymore but man dating and relationships are scary.

[garmdorf]

he called to apologize. He woke me up but I'm glad we talked. We're good. It feels weird but i think it's ok right now.

[garmdorf]

you've got to be fucking kidding me

You say you're coming over tonight

At 2 pm(ish) You say we should go to the burger place. I agree but then i say i also reeeally want to go to trivia at 7 since its the last one for a while, you ignore my text for 2 hours, lie and say you "forgot about your phone" (but you didn't forget to like my Instagram post so apparently not). You say "hopefully we can make it in time" and i already know you don't want to go but since you won't say it, I'm acting like everything is fine then.

At 530 you say you're getting ready.

At 630 you say you have to put air in your tire before you go.

You finally fucking get here at 730, i ask where we're going. You say it's up to me. I say i really want to go to trivia since its the last one.

The whole car ride you ignore me and look at your phone. We get to dutch's and it's closed. I list a bunch of fast food nearby and you won't make a choice. I want potbelly, you hate sandwiches. You say that i should get something and you'll just get something else another place. I say we should just eat at the same place to save time. You won't compromise. You say you don't need anything and you're not that hungry. That's a lie. I tell you that you need to eat something or you'll be in a bad mood. You finally agree to eat something from the McDonald's next to potbelly.

You continue to not talk to me the whole way home.

We get here and you tell me you're only going to stay for a little bit. I'm irritated. Then you say you're just going to go home. I'm pissed. You say you just don't feel good. Whatever.

Basically you made me go buy food to sit alone and eat while missing trivia. If i had known you were going to ignore me while we drove around for 45 minutes and then leave me here alone, i would have just gone to trivia instead.

Stop fucking moping about your ex. You gave a girlfriend who loves you and gives you the attention you need. What the fuck more can i do?

[garmdorf]

You know how hard it is for me to talk about my feelings, and you're usually so understanding. So when i was getting all worked up and anxious about this, i thought "I'll just tell him how I've been feeling, he'll make me feel better." So it really sucks because i was really nervous to tell you because i know what a sensitive subject it is, and it really doesn't feel good that you reacted by walking away. Our relationship is really important to me and i was just trying to be open with you.

[garmdorf]

I can't fucking sleep, i feel like shit. The worst part (one of them at least) is that i can't even. cry. I'm so anxious right now. I'm afraid that i fucked everything up.

He's all that matters to me right now and i feel shitty that i made him feel bad. Part of me wishes i hadn't said anything. Part of me thinks i did it all wrong and should have just asked questions.

How often do you talk and text with her?

Have you asked her what she came back for?

Am i still your top priority?

But part of me, a big part, just wanted you to say "I'm sorry that it's been making you feel that way. It's just been really hard for me. You're still the one that i want and i want you to know that YOU are the most important thing to me right now. I don't want you to worry about her."

That's the important part - i want to know if i have something to be worried about.

I felt so bad when you said you just wouldn't tell me anything anymore. That's not what i want at all. You can tell me absolutely anything, but while I'm reassuring you that everything is okay, i need you to do the same for me because sometimes i am scared that in the end I'll just have comforted you back into a relationship with her. I really don't have any issue being your shoulder to cry on, but in times like right now, i need you to do the same for me.

[garmdorf]

If there is one thing I'm worried about, it's losing you to your ex. Ii wish she would stop talking to you. I wish you would stop responding to her. I know that the past hurts but you're the one always reminding me to live in the present.

Yes, i feel threatened by her. She's the only person that i think you would leave me for. I don't want anyone but you.

[garmdorf]

I want my future man to have this kind of energy

[garmdorf]

I can't tell if i have anxiety or if he just isn't into me now